Chapter 11

brOOKE

We drive in silence, but I know where he's heading. It's the one place in the world he would call ours. The dock. My body is exhausted, and mentally, I'm drained. He knows exactly what I need. That's the thing about Chase, we have had a turbulent relationship over the last few weeks for sure, but he always knows exactly what I need before I do. I needed him to take me to that place so every wall I had built in my head would fall and crumble. I was hiding from the pain, from my own guilt.

If I hadn't let Nate see me with Chase before I had a chance to talk to him, he wouldn't have stormed off. I wouldn't have gone out in the dark thinking he had returned, and he wouldn't have needed to save me. It's my fault my best friend died.

Asher, Jax, and especially Chase didn't want any of us involved. I know now why Chase was so cruel to me, why he repeatedly tried to push me away. He was willing to sacrifice his own happiness so Nate and I could live. But the night we finally were honest with each other changed everything for us and everyone involved.

I had been selfish. I was so wrapped up in being happy that the man I had loved, the man who loved me back, that for a moment, I forgot about Nate. I had forgotten about the argument we had, forgotten about his relationship with Chase and how he would feel seeing us together. I was just happy, pure and simple and I had been blind to how it would affect others. That selfishness continues to this day. Instead of being here for Chase, who had lost his brother, I pushed him away, and I left Harper alone, who had to deal with the pain of losing her friend.

Tears start to fall down my cheeks again silently. I'm the one to blame for everything. I wipe them away gently as I feel the change in the ground as the car bumps over the dirt path that takes us to our location. I don't know if I'm prepared for this, but we need to talk finally, and not just about us.

I don't regret a single second of killing those guys, but I wasn't exactly smart about it, and I need the guys' help moving forward. I feel awful for what I said to Asher yesterday. He's right—this wasn't just about Nate, and I went in as if his sister wasn't the first victim that started all of this.I don't think I can ever forgive myself for hurting Asher in that way.

Chase pulls into the dirt road and parks before turning my head with his fingers on my cheek to him. "If you're not ready, baby, it's okay. We don't have to do this now."

I smile a sad smile at him. "We need this. I need this." He nods in agreement with me. I unclip my seatbelt and open the car door as he jumps out. He pulls his leather jacket out of the backseat, draping it over my shoulders so I don't get cold as the end of summer draws to its close. I shrug my arms through the sleeves, pulling it around me as it swamps me, not only in fabric but his scent.

"Looks good on you." A smirk dances over his lips.

I nudge him with my elbow. "Shush you." I laugh lightly.

His arm goes around my shoulders, leaning down briefly and kissing my forehead as we walk down to the dock. We walk the rest of the way in silence, neither of us really wanting to start this conversation, even though we both really need it. My high heels clack on the dock as he shakes his head at me, grinning.

We take a seat at the edge, letting our legs dangle but not letting our feet touch the still-dark water beneath us.

"So…" he says, trailing off.

I look up at him and respond. "So…"

"How was your summer?" he says cheekily, and I can't help but smile.

"I'm sorry for the way I've been treating you." My voice cracks. "I was so angry and hurt, and I haven't been there for you. You lost your brother."

His arm pulls me closer so I can rest my head on his shoulder.

"It's okay, Brooke, I get it. We all deal with grief in our own ways." I can feel his chest rising as he stops himself from laughing. "I mean, I might not have gone out and killed four random guys that could have killed me, but…"

"I know it was stupid," I say, cutting him off.

He pulls away and tilts my chin so I look up at him.

"It was, but I'm not here to tell you off for reacting the way you did. I just need you to include me in the future. I thought you had been taken, that what happened to Ellie had happened to you. Brooke, I can't lose you." He leans down, kissing me desperately. My arms go around him, pulling closer as I cling to him, understanding that feeling. By the time the kiss is over, we're both breathless.

His fingers caress my face, the touch of him against my skin so warm and comforting.

"Baby, you need to know that what happened to Nate wasn't your fault. It wasn't anyone's. He got shot protecting the one person he cared about more than anything in this world. That was his choice. Not yours, not mine. You need to deal with these feelings you have and realize that."

"But I…"

"No baby, no. That guilt you're feeling, it's not real. It's not your fault. Say it out loud."

"I can't."

"Brooke," his hands cup my face gently. "The only people to blame are those bastards. Not you. They hurt and kill people, and me and the guys are going to stop them and make them pay, but I need to hear you say it."

"It's not my fault," I whisper.

It sounds strange on my lips, like it's someone else speaking.

"Say it again, Brooke."

"It's not my fault," I repeat, still sounding like someone else's voice because, ultimately, it's not true. There is always someone to blame in any circumstance. Some accountability has to be taken, and I have to take it. I am responsible for my best friend's death. Another tear falls, but I wipe it away with the leather sleeve.

"It's okay if you don't believe it yet, but I want you to tell yourself every day till you accept it." He sighs. "If you truly want in, I'm not going to stop you, Princess, but this world is dark and violent. You will see me and the guys differently, and I can't shield you from that. I want you to be safe, so you have to do what we say, when we say it. I don't want to hold you back, but that's the deal on the table."

"Okay, I get it. I promise I'll do what you say."

"Good. That's all I can ask of you, Brooke," he sighs before kissing my forehead again. "We'll go see the guys tomorrow and figure out our next move, but until then, I don't want you without me. Stay with me tonight? I need you in my arms for one night."

I smile because I need that too. "You just want to fuck me again…"

"Well, I wouldn't say no to that, Princess." He pushes me down on my back. "You are looking very appetizing in that dress with my jacket on." His hand pushes my thighs apart, "And the fact I know you don't have your underwear on." His fingers caress between the lips of my pussy, and I gasp. "It's very, very tempting."

I smirk up at him. "Then what are you waiting for, gorgeous?"

He groans, "You're a fucking siren, Brooke. If it was up to me, I would always be inside of you."

"I have zero problems with that," I say, grinning. "So…"

He chuckles as he slips his finger inside my aching pussy. "Tell me you want me, Brooke. I need to hear it. I need to know you want to be mine again, not just for one night but for life. This is it. Me and you."

"I am yours, Chase, I've always been yours, and I always will be."

"Mmm, then marry me, baby."

I giggle. "Chase, I'm nineteen." His finger slips from me and runs up my body before he touches my lips, and I taste both him and me on it.

"I'm not saying now, I'm not saying next week. But one day, promise me you'll be my wife. I will give you everything you need and want; we can travel the world and see everything and anything. But one day, Brooke, be my wife."

I bite my lip. Do I want to marry him…? One day…sure, but him asking me now, like this? I don't know. Maybe this is how it should be. He told me weeks ago he wanted to marry me, and hell, I told him years ago we would.

"Yes. One day, I'll marry you." He smiles, kissing me slowly, sensually. I can feel his warm skin against my fingers as they caress his cheek.

"You're my goddess, Brooke, and I'm going to show you that every single day, baby. We can live the life you want, and I'll be the happiest man that ever lived."

His kisses move to my neck and then my collarbone as I sigh in pleasure. My mind goes numb as he overwhelms me again. "I love you, Brooke."

I smile as I pull his face to mine. "I love you too, Chase Anderson. But no more skanks on your lap, okay?" He laughs as he lies down beside me, looking up into the night sky.

"About that, I was trying to make you jealous. That skank is actually Jax's sister. She was in on that plan." I swear my face goes bright red as I remember how I acted.

"Oh my god, I… I told Jax… I said… Well, not nice things about her."

He laughs. "I know. Jax found it funny." I put my hands over my face, dying of embarrassment. He pulls them away, kissing each hand individually before letting them fall.

"You, Princess, are adorable. She's actually really nice, I think you'll like her." I scowl at him. "Hey, hey, I've never dated her nor fucked her. She's a friend, I promise."

I sigh, nodding, knowing he's being honest with me. I turn my head to look up at the stars like we used too. I point up at one. "Tell me about that constellation."

He smiles, following my finger. "Ah, you picked an interesting one. See that one? Well, there was an innocent girl who turned into the sexiest hellcat you've ever seen. She defeated all the bad guys and then lived happily ever after with the man of her dreams, traveling the universe and making all her dreams come true."

I can't help but giggle. "You're turning into a soppy bastard, you know:"

He kisses my hand gently. "It's what you do to me, Princess."

We lie there for hours under the stars, just letting go of the pain and heartache of the last couple of weeks, telling stories about the stars. Just letting us be us for a while without everything dragging us back to reality. We laugh and he hugs me, playing with my hair, kissing me. I know at this moment this is who we are meant to be, and nothing but death will ever tear us apart again.