Chapter 6

CHAPTER SIX

HARPER

I wake up to the smell of bacon and a note on the bed.

There’s clothes for you on the desk. Take your time and join me for breakfast when you’re ready.

I walk over to the desk and see bags. I open them up and inside is an assortment of clothes, makeup, and toiletries. I grab the stuff before heading to the bathroom. He’s literally got me everything I use, even down to the makeup brands. I’m not sure how he even knew this.

I stare at myself in the mirror, not sure if I recognize the girl in front of me. It’s like a stranger is staring back at me. I start brushing my teeth when I freeze.

I look down and see the handprint of the man I was with on the second day around my neck. He liked choking me, making me feel like I was going to die—he liked that control over me. Every time he did it, I thought it would finally lead to my death. But just before I passed out, he would let go, making me gasp and splutter for air. I can still feel that, like my air is running out and I’m just gasping for breath. I tried to fight him off, I did but he was too strong. His face was always right up close to mine. I could smell the stench of his breath, and I remember thinking that would be the last thing I smell. What’s funny is I still smell it. It’s in me now, that stench; it’s infected every part of me, and I wonder if I’ll ever forget it.

I spit the toothpaste from my mouth and into the sink. Nate saved me from the final guy. He didn’t do anything to me, not yet. Each man was worse and I’m glad he came before I knew what he was capable of. Nate… I feel numb even thinking about him being alive. I’m so thankful he is, but a little part of me hates him for leaving us. I mourned him, I grieved him. I cried when they put his coffin in the ground…his empty fucking coffin. I bonded with Kyle over his death, and a part of what happened to me was his fault. Betrayal is everywhere around me. It lies heavy in the air like poison. My two best friends betrayed me. They lied to me, and it was me who paid the price.

Why was it me who had to pay?

I look at the stranger in the mirror and analyze every bruise, every cut that I see. This is the price I paid for everyone lying to me and part of me knows I don’t think I will ever be able to forgive them for that.

And then there’s Ash. I would have done anything for him to notice me for years and then one day he did. I’ll always remember the night I puked on his shoes, but what I’ll always regret is the next morning.

I wake up in a strange bed, glancing around, my heart pounding, trying to figure out where I am. I look down and see a note on the pillow.

Don’t panic.

You’re okay.

This is Asher. We bumped into each other last night and you were too wasted to remember your address. You slept in the bed on your own, nothing happened. You undressed yourself and put on my sweatshirt to sleep. I didn’t peek. I slept on the couch and checked on you a couple of times throughout the night.

There’s pills on the side as well as a bottle of water for that headache I’m sure you have. Your clothes are in the dryer—you kinda puked over them and me. Thanks for that, by the way. Your phone and bag are on the side table.

When you feel ready, I’ll be waiting for you. Come find me.

Last night comes rushing back. The guy I crushed on hard saved me from the rain. I partied a little too hard on my birthday, and oh god, I puked on his shoes. I cringe before leaning over and gratefully taking the pills and taking a swig of water before standing up. I catch an open door and walk over, and see it’s an ensuite. I grab some of Asher’s mouthwash, swirling it around before spitting it out and looking at myself in the mirror. Oh god, I look awful. I quickly try to repair some of the damage, wiping away last night’s mascara that litters my cheeks, using my fingers to comb through my hair before I realize that’s about the best I can do before wandering out of his room to find him. I spot him on the balcony that seems to wrap around the entire back of the house. I open the glass door, clearing my throat.

“Hey…” I say awkwardly.

He turns around, smiling.

“Hey, there’s that sleeping angel. I wondered when you were gonna wake up.” He smiles at me, and I blush hard.

“I’m so embarrassed.”

He laughs and the sound of it rushes through me. You don’t hear him laugh, ever. In actual fact, he always looks so serious, but right now, the guy in front of me seems so at ease.

“We all party a little too hard sometimes. If anyone knows that, it’s me.”

“I puked on you…”

“You did. I have to say I’ve never had that before. You like making an impression, don’t you?”

I laugh. “Yep, that’s me… I love to embarrass myself in front of a hot guy.”

He quirks his eyebrow up, smirking. “You think I’m hot?”

Foot, mouth, Harper , I think. “Well, you’re not bad. You got this whole kinda bad boy rockstar vibe going on. It’s attractive to some girls.”

He takes a step forward. “Some girls?”

“Yeah…”

“Are you one of those girls, Angel?”

“I uh… I mean…”

He laughs again.

“Normally, I’m a lot smoother than this, but considering I just woke up in your bed and I’m hungover as fuck. I look like shit and I’m currently standing in front of you in only your sweatshirt and my lingerie, soooooooo,” I laugh.

He takes another step forward, his fingers going to my hair, tucking a loose strand behind my ear. He holds me there like that as he looks into my eyes and my breath catches.

“Well, I dunno about that, Harper. You’re beautiful and standing in just my sweatshirt and your lingerie is so fucking sexy. It’s taking everything in me not to do anything about it.”

His eyes drop to my lips, and I watch his tongue dart out to wet his. He leans in and I think he’s going to kiss me, but instead, he whispers in my ear.

“You are an angel, Harper, sent to me from heaven to give me something beautiful and trust me when I say this—I want nothing more than to defile you right now. And turn that angel into my own little demon.”

He pulls back, smirking, dropping his hand from my face. “But you need to eat, and I should probably drive you home. I doubt your parents are happy with you staying out all night.”

If only he knew my parents don’t give a shit about me, they’re too busy with their charity functions and pretending to be people they’re not. He brushes past me, walking into the kitchen. “I grabbed a breakfast wrap for you from Kezzie’s earlier. You might want to stick it in the microwave to heat it up, though.”

I’m still standing there, my whole fucking body frozen. Erm, what just happened? Did he just say what I think he just said?

I walk into the kitchen behind him, heading over to the wrap on the side, too stunned to say anything. I throw it in the microwave as he grabs a soda from the fridge. He leans over me, his whole body pressing into mine clearly on purpose, as he puts the can in front of me.

I tip my head up to look at him. “Uh, thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

We stay like that, pressed against the cabinet, listening to the microwave hum, my back against his chest.

“Harper…” he says, his voice is husky.

“Ash…”

“Would you hate me if I kissed you right now?”

I shake my head a little. “No, in fact, I wish you would.”

His hand comes from behind, wrapping around my neck, lightly pulling it back to look at him before he kisses me. You know, in movies, when there’s fireworks and everything, I used to think that was bullshit, but when he kisses me, that’s how it feels. His body presses against me. I’m trapped between him and the kitchen cabinet as he suddenly pulls back, spinning me in his arms and picking me up. He kisses me again, walking over to the island and sitting me on top of that. He deepens the kiss, his hands sliding up his sweatshirt that I’m wearing, caressing my bare skin. I moan into the kiss, just as hungry for him as he is for me. My legs wrap around him as I feel him pull the sweatshirt up and over my head, tossing it to the side. He pauses for a moment.

“You’re fucking breathtaking, Harper.”

I blush because what else can a girl do when a gorgeous guy is saying that to you?

He leans in, kissing me again, his hands cupping my breasts, his thumb running over my nipple as I moan needily for him. His kisses move to my neck as I feel him leave love bites hungrily over it. Fuck this is really happening. “I want you,” I whisper, holding his neck to keep him to me. I feel him freeze before he pulls himself away forcefully, looking away from me.

“Ash…”

“Get your stuff and go, Harper.”

“Wait, what?”

He turns back to me, grabbing his sweatshirt from the ground and tossing it to me.

“You need to leave,” he growls.

I hold his shirt to me, covering myself up.

“What the fuck is this?”

He shakes his head. “This is me ending whatever the fuck that was.”

I feel sick to my stomach.

“Did I do something wrong?” I ask meekly, suddenly ashamed of myself.

He sighs. “No, I did. Your clothes are on the table,” he says coldly. He then walks off to the balcony again, lighting a joint that he pulls from his pocket.

I grab my clothes from last night and run back into his room, grabbing my bag and pulling my dress on before walking back into the kitchen. He’s still there on the balcony. “You’re a bastard, you know that.”

He doesn’t respond, doesn’t even turn around. So I leave the house, embarrassed and ashamed of myself, wondering what the hell just happened as I walk back to my house.

That morning plays over in my mind a lot. Wondering what happened, how we went from nearly fucking to me being kicked out of his house. The last nine months between us have been tense at best—a lot of pushing and pulling between us. Asher’s mood swings give me whiplash. He’s there to protect me, he looks at me like I’m his, but then he fucks other girls, parading them in my face every chance he gets. We constantly argue, yet here I am with him saving me. Leaving me notes to wake up to again.

A week ago, I was done. I had made up my mind I wasn’t doing this anymore, but the truth is Ash is magnetic, I’m always pulled back to him. I hate it. I know I deserve better than this, yet I keep crawling back to him wishing one day it will be different. I must really hate myself to put myself through this.

I rummage through the bag, grab a hairbrush and pull it through my hair. I don’t bother with makeup. My face is so fucking bruised it’s pointless anyway. I pull on lingerie, a pair of jeans, and a sweater, new with the tags on. When did he get all of this?

I look at myself in the mirror one final time. This is the best I can do. I walk out to the kitchen and it’s like history is repeating. I see him on the balcony. Today will be different, though. It’s not the same and I’m not the same girl anymore. I don’t know who I am, but that girl is gone. They may not have physically ended my life, but they definitely killed something inside of me. I’m trying to figure out who I am now, but it’s hard with Asher invading my senses, reminding me of how I felt that morning. Since then, I’ve really tried with him, and now, well, I guess I know the true meaning of pain, and I don’t have any more room for more of it.

“Hey,” I say lightly, opening the sliding door wider.

He turns around, smiling at me, but I can see in his eyes that he remembers that morning as his face falls.

“Thank you for the clothes and stuff.”

He nods curtly. “You’re welcome. I had Chase and Brooke go pick some things up for you at the mall. I didn’t want to leave you alone.”

“They’re here?”

He shakes his head, “They left a couple of hours ago. They’re on their way to one of the safe houses.”

“Oh.”

“We should have left too, but I didn’t want to wake you.”

I nod, not really knowing what to say. He takes a step forward. “I know we’re not really in a good place, Harps, but I need you with me. I need to know you’re safe.”

“I…”

He cuts me off, taking another step forward and taking my hand in his. “Harper, please, I know I haven’t made your life easy. I know it’s my fault this happened to you. I know I have no right to ask you anything, but I am. I need you—I don’t know what I’ll do if I can’t see you, not knowing what you’re doing or where you are.”

“You think I’m going to kill myself, like your sister.”

He shakes his head. “No, I don’t think that. I think you’re strong. I think if what you went through happened to anyone else, they wouldn’t leave that room. You’re here, you’re standing and if I’m honest, I need a little bit of your strength because I’m barely keeping myself together right now.”

His confession is raw, a little overwhelming honestly, because it shows underneath all the drama, every hateful thing he’s said, a part of him cares about me.

“Why?” I say, whispering because I need to know. “Why are you falling apart?”

He goes silent, it’s just another game.

“Asher, I’m not your responsibility. I’m not a burden. I get that you feel guilty about what happened, but being with you, I don’t have room for what that means. For everything I feel, I don’t have the emotional capacity to try and ease your guilt.”

His thumb begins to stroke the back of my hand as he holds it. It’s a soothing, gentle touch and not at all what I’m used to, not now. Weirdly, I don’t find myself pulling away or flinching.

“This isn’t about that, Angel. Yes, I feel guilt. I was responsible, and it is my fault and nothing you could say would change that and I don’t want you to even try. I will hold that in my heart until the day I die and maybe even after. There are a thousand things I want to say to you, a hundred feelings I have about us and what’s happened this year. It won’t help and neither of us can deal with that right now.

“Harper, I need you with me because you’re the only thing that is stopping me from finding those bastards that did this to you. You’re the only reason that’s stopping me from being reckless and stupid and I know if I did that, Chase and Jax would hunt me down and would likely die in the process.

“Right now, I’m focused on you because that’s what we both need. If you weren’t here, my mind would race and I would leave and never come back because either I would spend my pitiful life looking for them or I would be six feet underground.

“I know what I’m asking isn’t fair, Harps. I know you’re uncomfortable with me. Hell, you might even hate me, but I need you and I’m hoping you will give me a second chance to show you who I really am, even if I’m still trying to figure it out.”

My breath is heavy. I always saw Asher—I saw the guy who has the weight of the world on his shoulders. I saw the loss in his eyes, the grief, the horror. I knew he had strayed from the path and right now, I’m feeling that too, and maybe this is the right place to be. Maybe we can help each other heal.

“Okay, I’ll stay with you.”

He breathes a sigh of relief and smiles again.

“Thank you.”

“I have one condition, though.”

“Say it.”

“I know you will find them; I know you won’t stop, and when you do, I want to be there. I want to be the one that makes them pay for what they did to me.” I feel my voice quiver and feel the tear on my cheek. I need this.

He pulls me into his arms, kissing the top of my head. My arms wrap around him and as I stand in his arms, there’s a moment of peace I feel and something about that frightens me more than I thought it would. Because if the only thing that brings me peace is Asher then after this is all over, I don’t think I’ll ever find peace again.