Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE

ASHER

“ E llie, no. No, Ellie, please.” I can hear my voice pleading desperately.

Her blood soaks my shirt as I try to lift her out of the bath. There’s so much blood.

“Please, please, Ellie. Ellie, you have to wake up, please.”

She’s so cold against the bath; bloody water pours at my feet as I keep trying to get her out, but it’s no use. I collapse to the floor, screaming her name over and over again and howling as if anyone could hear me and save me. I back myself to the wall, crawling through the water as it soaks through my pants.

The room is still, except for the sound of my heart beating. It feels like hours I sit there staring at her arm hanging over the tub. Time ceases to exist. The cut through her wrist is so deep I can see bone. I feel so cold. Maybe I’ll die here with her. I can’t live without my sister. My mom and dad don’t care about me. They’re not even here to help me, to help her. Why, why did she do this? The water surrounding me is red with her blood. The tap continues to run, the bathtub overflowing but I don’t move. I can’t. She’s in there.

Then her finger twitches—I’m seeing things now, I must be; she’s long since gone, but then her finger twitches again, and another one.

“Ellie?” I call out quietly. I hear a breath that’s not mine. I slowly move.

“Ellie?” Standing up on two feet, I force myself to take another step.

“Els?”

She doesn’t respond but the breathing continues. I get closer, one foot in front of the other, until I’m standing over the tub.

The water splashes as she stands up, but it’s not Ellie.

Her hand goes to my throat, squeezing tightly. I try to fight her, push her off but she’s too strong.

“Harper…” I manage to get out.

“You couldn’t save your sister, Asher, just like you can’t save me.”

I claw at her hand as I look into her blue eyes, the brightness gone. They’re glazed over with a pale white. My girl is gone.

“You didn’t save me, Asher. Why didn’t you save me?”

I can’t breathe, I can’t talk. I can’t answer her because she’s right; I couldn’t save her.

“Why did you let me die?”

I try to speak, but nothing comes out.

“You killed me, Asher, and now it’s time for you to pay.”

And then I feel her hand twist and every bone in my neck breaks.

I gasp, waking up, sweat running down my chest as I push the covers back. I’ve had the same dream for three nights running. Usually, Ellie haunts my dreams, blaming me for not saving her, but now…

I reach over to my drawer, pull out a joint and light it, taking a deep drag. It’s the only thing that helps me. The guys don’t understand. It’s the only thing that helps to keep my dreams away, or at least it used to. I exhale a large cloud of smoke filling my room.

She’s been gone for four days now. She’s meant to be returned to me in two more days, but every day I don’t find her is a day closer to me losing her forever. Maybe I already have. Who knows what state she will be in? I know she won’t be untouched.

This is my fault.

He’s hurting her to punish me.

I tortured and killed six men this week trying to find her. I let them bleed for hours; none of them had quick deaths, but they didn’t know anything. I knew within minutes they were useless, yet I wanted them to suffer. Deacon is moving her every day and only he and his trusted few know where.

I climb from the bed, drenched in my sweat, tossing the sheets to the side. Walking through my room out to the balcony that overlooks the woods, I take another inhale, feeling my heart slow down. This is all my fault. I stare at the blunt in my hand, stubbing it out against the patio before tossing it to the yard below. My maid doesn’t say anything when she cleans up after me. Truthfully, she’s more like family than my parents, and even though she disapproves, she’s been with me long enough to know I wouldn’t listen.

The stillness of the night is interrupted by banging on my door. My feet are padding against the wooden flooring as I head down the stairs. Please don’t let this be someone telling me they found her body. I don’t know if she could hang on. Ellie couldn’t. She wasn’t strong enough and part of me, a selfish part, will always blame her for that. Could a small part of me hate Harper if she took the easy way out? I don’t think I could bear hating her.

The banging continues. “I’m coming,” I shout out. I open the door to find Nate staring back at me. Fuck, if he’s here, it’s bad. The last time I saw him was the day before he went undercover. Exactly one week before B returned.

She hasn’t spoken to us since she found out we lied about Nate other than to see if we found Harper yet. She chooses to spend her time with Levi, training, fighting, and punching the pain out. She’s blocked everything else except for her hate for us. She lost both of her friends because of us, and the fact we lied to her only makes it worse.

“Is she…”

“She’s in the car, I found her. But Asher…”

I run past him to his car, swinging the door open to see her asleep, resting in the corner. Her blonde hair fell over her face. She looks okay like this, peaceful. An angel, my angel. I climb in to brush her hair from her face, attempting to wake her up and call her back to me. To tell her how I really feel and that I’m sorry, but then I see past the relief of having her back. Her dress is torn in places and dirty like she’s been rolling in filth. She’s barefoot, and I can see bruises up her legs and cuts on the soles of her feet.

I back out of the car slowly. Taking a deep breath as if that will help the pain I’m feeling for her.

“I had to drug her. She wouldn’t let me near her—she kept screaming I was dead and I was a ghost.”

“What did you give her?”

“Just a sedative. She’ll be out for about another hour.”

I nod slowly, reality setting in. Imagining what she was going through is one thing, but seeing her like this is another.

“Where was she?”

“At a guy’s house. His name was Tywin. He’s dead.”

“What did he do to her?”

“I don’t know, but…” He trails off.

“But what?”

“When I was tracking her down, I heard stories of who she’d been with. Asher, the things she’s gone through, I don’t think she’s going to be able to come back from that.”

I turn around, swinging for him, but he jumps back.

“Don’t fucking say that Nate, she’s gonna be fine, she’ll be back to normal in no time. She has me.”

His hands go up.

“Woah, okay. I just mean…”

“I know what you meant,” I snap at him. “Is your cover broken?”

He shakes his head, “I don’t think so.”

“Then get the fuck out of here and keep your head down. I want Deacon. Find him.”

“Do you want help getting her in?”

“No, I can manage. Just fuck off, okay.”

He steps back as I ease into the back seat, slipping my hands under her carefully and picking her up. She doesn’t stir at all. I pull her close, walking into my house, not taking a second to look behind me.

I bring her into my living room before laying her gently on the sofa. I don’t look at her. Instead, I walk away and strip my bed down, replacing the linens, not letting anything stop the mode I’m going in. When I’m done, I go back to my angel, pick her up and head up the stairs, laying her on the bed. I brush the hair from her head and look at how damaged she really is.

I feel the bile rising in my throat, threatening to come out, but I swallow it down. My girl is black and blue. Bruises litter her skin, neck, face, and arms. Scratches and cuts on her arms and legs. Her lip is split open as if she’s been punched in the face. One of her dress straps is torn and around her thighs, it looks like it’s been ripped apart.

A memory of Ellie returning home from her party flashes through my mind. I was only a kid—I didn’t understand. I thought maybe she had fallen over like I used to fall off my bike. I used to think if only I had been grown up, I would have known it was something worse and I could have saved her, but as I stare down at Harper, I wonder if that is true after all, and Harper is in a worse condition than Ellie.

I walk to my en suite, jumping in the shower, turning the hot water on to wake me from the nightmare I’m in. Harper doesn’t need me to be out of it. She needs me to be strong for her. So, I’m going to get cleaned up. Get coffee in me and then I’m going to help my girl. Whatever she needs from me, she will get it.

The hot water almost burns my skin, but I don’t care. I scrub myself raw to feel anything other than the weed in my system. When I get out, I throw on gray sweats and a plain white tee. My hair is still damp as I plod through to the kitchen to make myself a coffee.

I return, sitting in the seat opposite my bed in the corner and wait for my girl to return to me.

She’s not Ellie. She’s strong, she’s a fighter, and if not, then I’ll be strong enough for the both of us.

I hear her mumbling in her sleep, begging someone to stop. I jump up from my chair and sit on the edge of the bed, and run my fingers gently over her jaw. Fuck there’s barely any part of her not bruised in some way.

“It’s okay, Angel, come back to me. You’re safe now.”

Her eyes flutter.

“That’s it, Harper, come back to me, baby.”

Her eyes open and for a few moments, they are foggy as she tries to push her way through the drug haze from being sedated.

“You’re dead too?” she whispers.

“No baby, I’m not and you’re not either.”

I watch tears fall from her eyes.

“I have to be. I saw Nate. He saved me.”

“No, Harps, it’s a long story, but you’re okay now, I promise.”

She carries on fighting her way through the drugs and then it’s like something in her snaps. She rolls herself off the bed and crawls to the corner of the room.

“Please don’t hurt me…please.”

I get off the bed and walk around to follow her. I watch her flinch as she sobs.

“Please, don’t,” she begs me.

I stop crouching down on the floor, showing her my hands to try and calm her, convince her I’m not going to hurt her.

“Hey, hey, it’s me, Harps, it’s Ash.”

She shakes her head. “No, no, it’s the drugs, you’re not Asher.” She sobs, pulling her knees up to her chest.

My eyes glance down at her legs. She has rope marks around her ankles. I swallow hard as I imagine what happened to her. She sees this and starts pulling on the hem of the dress to cover her exposed skin.

“No, I… Harps, I’m not gonna hurt you.”

She just sobs and what’s left of my cold dead heart shatters around me. I inch toward her slowly, but as I reach out to touch her, she recoils at just the thought of my hand on her skin. Is it fear? Disgust? I back off immediately, sitting down on the floor in front of her, crossing my legs, and making sure my hands are where she can see them at all times.

“You’re safe now,” I say softly, hating the fact she wasn’t safe before. Her eyes look to mine, and they’re filled with tears and pure, unfiltered fear. I take a moment to look over her again because I can’t face the pain in her eyes. It’s gut-wrenching, and I think I might vomit right here if I keep looking at her. What the fuck happened to her? She has marks around her neck like she was strangled, her face is a mix of black and blue, and that cut on her lip needs tending to before the swelling gets too bad, but I don’t know how to help her if she won’t let me touch her,

“Baby, I really need to get that cut cleaned up,” I nod to her lip, “and clean these cuts on your legs and feet.”

She shakes her head vehemently as she scoots further away, pushing herself into the gap between the wall and the desk. Her back against the wall as I watch the tears fall. She keeps pulling on the hem of her dress to cover herself up. I see the bruises on her wrists and the last part of me crumbles. She’s never going to be the same—that much is clear.

I pull down the blanket on the bed, reaching it out to her, making sure she can grab it without touching me, she does and pulls it over her. I stand up slowly, backing away, careful not to make any sudden moves. I take a seat on the bed opposite her. I pull my phone out and dial a number. I hear it ring once, twice, three times. They go to speak, but I cut them off.

“She’s at the house. She needs you.” I hang up as I look at my girl—my angel—wondering if there’s any part of her left to come back to me.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” I whisper. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t protect you.”