21 Thoughtful Gestures and Music Reborn

Thoughtful Gestures and Music Reborn

Savannah

Manila, The Philippines

A few days later

I T WAS OUR LAST NIGHT IN THE P HILIPPINES. T HIS HAD BEEN THE MOST emotional and difficult country on our trip. I was still raw from my talk with Tala, but my determination had held strong. I knew I wouldn't waver from what I wanted from my life. I was going to be a doctor. I was steadfast in that ambition.

It didn't mean I wasn't emotionally rocked by meeting the children who were sick and those who were dying. From talking to Tala about her final days and what came afterward.

I'd meant what I'd said. I would look for her in the stars the same way I did Poppy. And the way I now looked for Cillian.

Tonight, we were in Manila. Tomorrow, we would fly to Japan. Mia and Leo had told us last night where our final country would be. I was breathless when they'd revealed that. Because it was the beginning of spring. And in Japan, that meant one thing—cherry blossoms would be blooming.

Poppy had always wanted to see Japan and the cherry blossoms. It wasn't lost on me that I would be ending my trip to healing among the flowers she had so loved.

"Are you ready?" I turned my head to the doorway of my hotel room. Cael stood there, in a long-sleeve button-up shirt, the top few buttons undone, and smart black pants. His hair had been styled—free of his beanie. His stubbled cheeks were cleanly shaved, and I could smell his sea-salt and fresh snow scent from where I sat. I swallowed at just how truly handsome he was.

"Cael," I said. "You look stunning." I felt my cheeks blaze. That was one thing I knew I would never shed—my easy embarrassment.

Cael's array of tattoos stood proudly off his sun-kissed skin. A small spattering of freckles decorated his nose, making his silver nose ring and lip ring stand out even more.

His arms were crossed over his torso as he leaned against the door, but his silver-blue gaze was soft as it landed upon me. I stood from the vanity seat and ran my hands down the pale-blue summer dress I wore. My hair was down in soft waves, and I had kitten-heel sandals upon my feet. Golden stud earrings were in my ears, and I'd even applied a small layer of makeup to my face.

I went to lift my head, to ask how I looked, but before I could, Cael's arms wrapped around me, pulling me into his strong embrace. With his mouth at my ear, he said, "Shit, Peaches, you look incredible." My cheeks blazed, but a wide smile pulled on my mouth.

Cael reared back and pushed my hair from my face. He searched each of my features and rasped, "I'll never understand how the hell you took a chance on me. But I'll never stop being grateful."

"Baby," I murmured as he kissed my forehead, each of my cheeks, and finally, my lips. He didn't even seem to mind the lip gloss that I had applied. He kissed me deeply, thoroughly, his gentle tongue meeting with mine. Cael's hands wrapped into my hair, and he kept me flush against his chest. He treasured me in every way possible.

If there was one thing I now knew in this world, it was how it felt to be loved. To be adored. To be held in both your weakest and strongest moments.

I knew what a soulmate truly was.

When Cael stepped back, he threaded our hands together. He studied me for so long, I grew goose bumps along the nape of my neck. "I hope you know how much I love you," he whispered. My heart bloomed like a flower in spring, but there was a hint of sadness in my soul that mirrored the sorrow that remained in Cael's raspy voice, in his gait.

His shoulders weren't as straight as usual, his wide smiles had disappeared, and his laughter had become nonexistent. He'd been working tirelessly with Leo for the past few days. But the fact of the matter was, Cael had been set back some by his exposure therapy. No , not set back; put on the right path. But it was immensely difficult for him, and I wished every day that I could take his pain away.

I breathed slightly easier now. Cael's breaths were labored. I had watched him last night when we were with our friends and felt myself panicking. He'd been so reserved, so distant that I knew the others noticed it too. He had never been very talkative, but lately, he was mostly silent and withdrawn. The past few days it felt like we were in different places with our grief. I saw that in the group too. Five of us were changing—healthier mentally, emotionally. Cael had fallen behind, and it was the hardest thing to witness.

"Are you okay?" I said, gently tracing my finger over his lip ring. I loved the feel of it against my own lips when we kissed. Cael's light gaze fell to the ground. When he looked back up at me, his eyes were racked with pain.

"I'm just sad, Peaches," he said quietly. "I'm just …" He exhaled a long breath. "I'm just really fucking sad."

"I know," I said and wrapped my arms around him. I thought I felt a tear fall on my shoulder, but when Cael lifted his head, his eyes were wiped clean. "Are you able to go to this meal tonight?" I asked. Mia and Leo had set up dinner at a local restaurant. A rare night away from the heavy counseling this leg of the trip had provided.

A chance for us all to catch our breath before our flight tomorrow.

Cael nodded, and a tug of a smirk pulled on his right lip. "I am."

"What?" I asked, suspicious at his smirk.

"I might have something planned for us later."

Butterflies accosted my stomach. "You do?"

"Yeah," he said, but I saw a flicker of concern. "I just … I just hope it's okay."

"It will be," I said and kissed the back of his hand. "I know it will be."

Cael led me out of the room, only to meet Travis and Dylan in the hallway. "Whew!" Dylan said. "Don't you two scrub up well!" I laughed, then admired Dylan and Travis. Dressed in nice button-up shirts and slacks too, they looked so handsome. It was nice to dress up a little after all these many, many weeks dressed so casually.

"Y'all look lovely," I said and kissed Dylan and Travis on their cheeks.

"Well, thank you, ma'am," Travis said and smiled widely. He looked to Cael. "You okay, man?"

Cael nodded despondently, then pressed the button for the elevator. I could see Travis and Dylan were worried for him. But they wouldn't say anything to upset him. We all wanted Cael to heal. He had all our strength behind him.

We met Mia, Leo, Lili, and Jade in reception and took the short walk under Manila's city lights to a restaurant. The air was balmy and the breeze light. It felt like the night was kissing our skin. In the restaurant, Cael sat beside me to my right, Dylan to my left. It was a circle table in a private room, and we could see everyone in our group.

Leo tapped his glass with his knife and held up his glass of water. We all followed suit. "To Japan," he said and took a drink.

"To Japan," we echoed and drank too.

When we all lowered our glasses, Mia said, "As you know, our time here in the Philippines was about exposure." She gave a proud but cautious smile. "I know how difficult this part was for all of you. It's the same with every new group we have. It's the part that truly rocks us. But it's also the one that can help us most."

Cael's hand tightened on my thigh. I reached down and wrapped my fingers around his. I felt his tight muscles relax a little at my touch.

Leo cleared his throat. "In Japan, we will reach the final stage: acceptance." Shivers ran down my spine at his announcement. The table was quiet, and when I met Dylan's eyes, Travis's, Lili's, and Jade's, I felt overcome with emotion. We had made it.

I clutched tightly to Cael and looked at him too. His eyes were staring off outside the window. I wanted to hold him tightly and take him away from all his pain. But I couldn't, so I simply laid my head on his shoulder and sighed when he dropped a soft kiss on my head.

"Japan is a stunning country, and what we have planned for you there will both inspire you and push you just that little bit farther."

Leo nodded to Mia and she said, "I'm so proud of you all. And I hope as we embark on one more country, you are proud of yourselves too." She paused, then said, "All of you." I caught her subtle glance at Cael. Because he should be proud of himself. He had shed himself of the anger toward his brother that held him captive and had opened his heart to healing.

I was prouder of him than I was myself.

The meal was delicious, and the mood around the table was light. Relief that we were leaving the hardest part of our journey behind hung in the air, and laughter was shared.

When the meal was done, Mia got to her feet. "Travis, Dylan, Lili, Jade, you guys are with me." Our friends stood and, with goodnights shared, followed Mia from the restaurant.

Leo stood too. "I'll wait for you both outside."

My eyebrows pulled down in confusion. "What—" I went to say, but then I remembered Cael said he'd had something planned. I turned to him, smiling. Worry etched his face. My smile quickly fell. "Cael—"

"I wanted to do something for you," he blurted, rushing the words from his mouth. "But I don't know if I've gone too far."

"What is it?" I said, heart beating fast in anticipation.

Cael shifted in his seat and squeezed my hand. He stared at me, as if trying to read my face for the answer to a question he hadn't yet asked. "A while ago, you told me that you could no longer listen to live orchestras or even classical music because Poppy played cello and wanted to be a professional cellist." I felt myself growing hotter, my pulse fluttering in my neck and wrists. I nodded, lost for words. He ran his tongue along his bottom lip, then said, "I found out a professional orchestra was playing just down the street—is that what you call them?" he asked, adorably nervous.

"A symphony orchestra?" I asked, breathless.

"Yeah," he said, bowing his head. "I asked Leo if I could get tickets and take you." He looked up at me again. "I'm not pushing you to see it, and if you still find it too difficult to hear that kind of music, Leo will take us to meet the others in the park that has other music playing." He inhaled, then exhaled measuredly. "I just wanted to do this for you."

His long, dark lashes kissed his cheek as he closed his eyes. "You've been there for me through so much. You've held me up these past few days when I have been cut open and in pain." My lip trembled. This boy … this boy was so kind, so thoughtful. I loved him so much.

"You've given me so much, Savannah, and I don't think you understand how much that means to me." Cael's voice cut out and I pressed my forehead to his, just feeling him, breathing him in. "I just wanted to give you something back … give you back a part of Poppy."

"Cael," I said, and my voice cracked with a small cry.

Cael's eyes flew to mine, and I saw the panic written on his face. He cradled my face. "It's fine, Savannah. I promise. We won't go." He shook his head. "I shouldn't have pushed you. I should've let you do this yourself, when you were ready. I … God, I'm so sorry—"

"No," I said and held on to his wrists. Cael's unsure gaze darted to mine. "You misunderstand," I said and smiled even through my tears. "It's beautiful." I dropped my head to meet his once more. "It's the kindest, most thoughtful gift I've ever received."

Cael's relieved exhale spoke volumes.

I sat back, never releasing him. "I would be honored to go with you."

He searched my face for any doubt. There was only truth. Poppy's biggest passion in life was music. Was her cello. I wanted to hear the music she loved playing again. I wanted to feel her memory wrap around me as the bow danced over familiar-sounding strings.

I wanted to break down this final barrier. And I wanted to do this with Cael by my side. I leaned in and kissed him. Then I rose from the table and Cael came too. "You sure?" he asked.

"I've never been surer."

Cael led us outside, and to Leo, who would be accompanying us. Leo led the way down the street, until we entered a large building. People milled about in the foyer, and Cael handed in our tickets. Leo would be seated away from us to give us this moment alone.

As we were led to the main theater, I breathed it all in. The familiarity of seeing an orchestra pit. We had never missed a performance by Poppy. We were always there, watching her play. I used to sit, mesmerized as she'd played, eyes closed and a smile upon her pretty face. She had become lost to the notes, swaying to the melodies, hand delicate as though she performed an intricate ballet with her bow.

I had loved it. Every time.

As we sat in our seats, I held tightly to the program we'd been given. There was a fissure of nerves cracking in my chest. I felt Cael watching me. "She practiced all day long," I said, and Cael's hand moved to rest on my thigh. I stayed staring at the drawn curtain that hid the orchestra from view. "I used to curl up on the window seat in our living room and read as Poppy practiced in the background." I smiled at the memory. And when I did, there was no pain. A dull ache, perhaps, but the memory no longer sliced me open. It felt … nice , to remember her this way.

"Of course, she played in concerts. She was amazing. She was part of many orchestras. Always first seat, because she was that talented. But my mind still takes me back to those lazy, rainy days as I read in our living room, Poppy playing beside me, Ida on the floor playing with her dolls." I could feel Cael smiling at that.

Tears sprang to my eyes. "The house has been too quiet for quite some time now." I blinked away the blurriness from my eyes. "Near the end, she could no longer play. She became too weak to hold the bow. But there was still classical music playing all the time, at home."

Cael squeezed my leg again. I looked to him, to see his eyes shining with tears too. "After she left us, the music left too." I thought about reading in my window nook again when I returned home. "Maybe when I'm home, I'll play it again. For her," I said, then smiled. "And for me."

"I think she'd like that, Peaches," Cael said, and I lay my head against him, closing my eyes as he kissed my hair. Suddenly, applause broke out and the curtain lifted, showcasing the orchestra. My eyes immediately sought out the cellists.

I watched them with rapt attention as they sat down, and the conductor took to the stage. The crowd grew silent, the air pausing around us too. The conductor gave instruction, and the orchestra broke to life.

I smiled when Vivaldi's Four Seasons began to fill the room. I smiled because "Spring" was one of Poppy's favorite parts. And when it began, I could see her. I could see her up on that stage once more, playing with her eyes closed, a smile on her face, white bow in her hair and swaying to the music.

I closed my eyes too. I closed my eyes and only saw Poppy. Giving me one last performance. Just her on the stage, playing to me from the beyond. None more so when her favorite piece of all time began. "The Swan" from The Carnival of Animals .

I let tears stream down my face as the cellist took the lead. I let the notes sink into my heart. Let the melody fill up every inch of my soul. And I let Poppy play for me in my mind. Let my sister give me this. Give me the gift of her favorite music back to me.

Cael's hand was trembling in mine as he gripped me tightly. Even he could feel the heightened beauty of this moment. A moment he had given me. A cherished gift he had given me back.

As the final note quivered on the string, vibrating into the body of the theater, it drifted over my head. I opened my eyes when the audience clapped in rapturous applause. I clapped too, but I struggled to stand. My eyes were wide, and my chest was raw. But it was from getting this part of me back, of my sister, my family. It wasn't in sadness. It was in love and joy and hope.

It was Poppy.

I turned to Cael as the orchestra took their bows and began leaving the stage. We stood, and I lifted to my toes and kissed him. I sank against him and whispered, "Thank you. Thank you so much."

I knew he'd heard me, even over the applause, because he brought his mouth to my ear and whispered, "I'd do anything to make you happy, Peaches."

This boy had my entire heart.

Leo hugged me as we came out of the theater to find him waiting for us. Even his eyes showed the remnants of tears, proving how moving music and the arts could be.

Cael and I walked back to the hotel hand in hand. I glanced up at the stars. Fewer were visible in the city, but there were some still shining through. "The stars," I said, and Cael looked up too. I pressed my cheek to his bicep. "They're both up there, you know. Watching and smiling down at us."

Cael's breathing hitched, but then he said, "I really hope they are."

Leo saw us to our bedrooms, and we each went inside. I only waited ten minutes before sneaking from my room and knocking on Cael's. When he opened the door, I took my place against him, arms immediately circling his waist. And I held on. Nowhere would ever feel safer to me than in Cael's arms.

As I leaned back, he kissed me. I kissed him back, not wanting to waste a single second by his side. My stomach fell when I thought of Japan being our last country. I couldn't bear the thought of being torn away from this boy, the one I was so hopelessly in love with. But we still had time. There was still time left.

I kissed him one more time and said my reluctant goodnight. Tonight, Cael Woods had given me the greatest gift. He was so selfless and beautiful, and right now he was broken. But he was mine, and I was his.

Forever.

And ever.

And I would fight to make him whole too. In whatever way I could.