Prologue

Savannah

Age thirteen

Blossom Grove, Georgia

I COULDN'T HEAR ANYTHING BUT THE DEAFENING BEATING OF MY HEART. Too fast in rhythm, thundering like the destructive summer storms that ripped through Georgia when the heat soared.

My breathing grew labored as my lungs began to slowly cease to function. The air that was in my chest hardened into granite boulders, pushing down on me so hard that I was frozen in place. Frozen looking at Poppy fading away in the bed. Seeing my parents clutching on to one another like they were dying too. Their baby, their first daughter losing her fight with cancer before our very eyes, death hovering beside her like an ominous shadow, readying to take her away. Aunt DeeDee stood with her arms wrapped around her waist as though it was the only thing keeping her standing.

I felt Ida squeezing my hand so hard she could have broken bones. I felt my younger sister's slight body trembling, no doubt with fear or pain or complete disbelief that this could actually be real.

That this was actually happening.

My face was soaked with the tears that fell in rapids from my eyes.

"Savannah? Ida?" my mama said softly. I blinked through the watery haze until I saw my mama before us. I began to shake my head, my body seeming to jerk back to life from its numbed, catatonic state.

"No …" I whispered, feeling Ida's terrified gaze fix onto me. "Please …" I added, my near silent plea drifting into vapor in the stagnant air around us.

Mama bent down and ran her trembling hand down my cheek. "You need to say goodbye, baby." Her voice wobbled—hoarse and exhausted. She looked over her shoulder, to where Rune was sitting on the bed, laying kiss after kiss on my older sister's hands, her fingers, her face, looking at his Poppymin like he always had—like she had been designed solely for him. A choked cry escaped my lips as I watched them.

It wasn't real. This couldn't be real. She couldn't leave him. She couldn't leave us …

"Girls," Mama pushed again, urgency in her tone. My heart fractured when Mama's bottom lip began to tremble. "She …" Mama closed her eyes, trying to gather some kind of composure, cutting off whatever she was going to say. I didn't know how she did it. I couldn't. I couldn't face this. I couldn't do this.

"Sav," Ida said from beside me. I turned to look at my little sister. At her dark hair, green eyes, and deep-set dimples, her skin, which was red from crying. At her sweet, heartbroken face. "We have to." Her voice was shaking. But she nodded her head at me in encouragement. Right now, Ida had more strength than I could muster.

Ida stood, never loosening her iron-tight grip on my hand as she guided me up. When I was on my feet, I glanced down at our clasped hands. Soon, this is how it would forever be. Just our two hands, no third to hold, to guide us.

I followed behind Ida, each step feeling like I was wading through molasses as we approached the bed. It was positioned to look out of the window. So Poppy could see outside. Falling pink and white cherry blossom petals drifted by on the breeze, scattering onto the ground as they dropped from the trees. Rune looked up as we approached, but I couldn't meet his eyes. I wasn't strong enough to see him at that moment. The moment we had all been dreading. The one, deep down, I never really believed would arrive.

As I took as deep a breath as I could, Ida and I rounded the bed. The first thing I heard was Poppy's breathing. It had changed. It was deep and rattly, and I could see the exhaustion, the struggle on her pretty face …

The effort it was taking her to simply hold on for just a few minutes more. To remain with us for as long as she could. Yet, despite it all, she widened her smile when she saw us. Her sisters. Her best friends.

Our Poppy … the best person I had ever known.

Lifting her thin, frail hands, Poppy held one out for each of us to hold. I closed my eyes when I felt how cold she was, how weak her grip was now.

"I love you, Poppy," Ida whispered. I opened my eyes and fought not to fall to the floor as Ida laid her head on Poppy's chest and held her tightly. Poppy closed her eyes and pressed the ghost of a kiss on Ida's head.

"I love … you too … Ida," she replied, holding on to our younger sister like she would never let her go. Ida was Poppy's double in every way—her personality, her looks, her always-positive outlook on life. Poppy's fingers ran through Ida's dark hair. "Never change," she murmured as Ida lifted her head. Poppy placed her weakening hand on Ida's cheek.

"I won't," Ida said, her voice breaking as she stood back, reluctantly letting her hand fall from Poppy's. I focused on that release. I didn't know why, but I wanted Ida to hold on to our sister. Maybe if we just held on to her, together, Poppy wouldn't have to go, maybe we could keep her here where she was safe …

"Sav …" Poppy whispered, her eyes shining as I met her gaze.

I crumbled, my face falling as I began to sob. "Poppy …" I said, taking hold of her hand and holding it to me. I was shaking my head, over and over, silently begging God, the universe, anyone to stop this, to bless us with a miracle and keep her here with us, even if it was for just a bit longer.

"I'm … okay …" Poppy said, cutting through my silent pleas. Her hand was trembling, I brought it to my lips, to press a kiss to her cold skin. But when I did, I saw that Poppy's hand was steady and the trembling was mine. Tears tumbled down my cheeks. "Savannah," Poppy said, "I am … ready … to go …"

"No," I said, shaking my head. I felt a hand land on my back and an arm thread around my waist. I knew it was Mama and Ida keeping me upright. "I'm not ready … I need you … You're my older sister … I need you, Poppy." My chest ached to the point of pain, and I knew it was my heart splintering into tiny fragmented pieces.

"I'll … always be … with … you," Poppy said, and I noticed a sallowness to her skin, heard the terrifying rattle in her breathing deepen and grow more erratic. No … no, no, no … "We will …" Poppy sucked in a faint breath, a fading gasp of air, "meet again …"

"Poppy …" I managed to say, before racking sobs took hold of me. I lowered my head to Poppy's chest and felt her weak arms encase me. She may have been losing strength, but that hold felt like a secure blanket around me. I didn't want to let go.

"I … love you … Savannah. So … much," Poppy said, fighting her slowing breath to speak. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying in vain to hold on. Poppy pressed a kiss to my hair.

"Savannah." Mama's voice sailed into my ears. "Baby …" she murmured. I lifted my head and met Poppy's weak smile.

"I love you, Pops," I said. "You've been the best big sister I could ever ask for." Poppy swallowed and her eyes shimmered with tears. I studied her face. She was so close to leaving us. I memorized the green of her eyes, the natural streaks of warmth in her dark hair. She was pale now, but I held on to the memory of the peach tone of her soft skin. I held on to the memory of her sweet scent wrapping around me, to her face full of laughter and life.

I didn't want to let go of her hand, I didn't know if I ever would be able to, but as Mama squeezed my shoulders, I did, refusing to disconnect from her gaze until Mama and Daddy moved beside the bed and blocked her from my view.

I stumbled back, shock settling in. Ida gripped my hand and curled into my chest. I watched, almost dissociated, as Mama and Daddy kissed and held Poppy and said their goodbyes. White noise filled my ears as Mama and Daddy moved back and Rune approached the bed. I stayed, transfixed, Ida breaking down against my chest, Aunt DeeDee, Mama, and Daddy falling apart to the side of the room as Rune said something to Poppy, then leaned down and kissed her on her lips …

I held my breath as, seconds later, he slowly reared back. And I watched it. I watched Rune's face and saw in his shattered expression that she had gone. That Poppy had left us …

Rune's head was shaking as my heart was impossibly, cracking even more. Then he bolted from the room, and as he did, I slammed back into the here and now with a deafening crash. The sound of agonized crying was the first thing that greeted me, the devastating noises slicing my soul in half. I looked at Mama, then Daddy. Mama had fallen to the floor, Daddy trying to keep her in his arms. Aunt DeeDee was turned against the wall that was propping her up, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Sav," Ida cried, gripping tighter on to my waist. I held Ida close. Held her as I stared at the bed. Stared at Poppy's hand. Her hand that lay unmoving on the bed. Her empty , still hand. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion, like some camera trick used in the movies.

But this was real life. This was our house. And that was my beloved sister on the bed. On the bed with no one beside her.

Mama reached for Ida. My little sister fell into our parents' embrace, but I was moving forward like a magnet was drawing me close to Poppy. Like some invisible force, some transparent thread, was beckoning me to where she lay.

On a stuttered breath, I rounded the bed. And I stilled. I stilled as I stared down at Poppy. No breath came from her mouth. There was no rise of her chest, no flush to her cheeks. Yet, she was as beautiful in death as she was in life. Then my gaze dropped to her empty hand again. It was upturned, like it wanted to be held, just one last time.

So I sat on the edge of the bed and wrapped my hand in hers. And as I sat there, I felt something in me change. In that moment, I lost something in my soul that I knew I would never get back. I brought Poppy's cooling fingers to my lips and pressed a kiss to her soft skin. Then I lowered our entwined hands to my lap. And I didn't let go. I wouldn't let go.

I wasn't sure I ever could.