Chapter 91

Ellery

I focusedon keeping my mother safe as I lifted my chin and kept my shoulders back. After everything she'd done for me, this sacrifice was the least I could do for her.

His eyes surveyed me; he looked calm, but his body tensed as if he expected a blow. "What is it, Ellery?"

I took a deep breath and blurted out the first words that came to me. "I did some thinking while you were gone and have decided we shouldn't see each other anymore."

Something flickered across his features. "And why is that?"

"It's too difficult, too much, and we're far too different. Our lives… they're not… they're not compatible."

"Says who?"

I glanced past him as I suddenly regretted not letting the letter do the talking for me. "Me."

The word came out higher pitched than I'd anticipated, but this had to end. The longer it lasted, the better my chances of completely falling apart were, and I couldn't let that happen.

Stay strong. Stay strong.

"That doesn't matter to me," he said.

"It matters to me! This is over, Ryker. It was never going to last forever, and it's better if we end it sooner rather than later."

When he lowered his arms and stepped toward me, panic shot my heart straight into my throat. If he touched me, I'd crumble, and I couldn't afford that.

"Don't!" I nearly shrieked. "Just leave. I've said everything I have to say. I don't want to see you anymore. Please respect my wishes and go."

Before he could respond, I shut and locked the door. I stood there for a minute, my chest heaving as my heart shattered, and I tried not to completely fall apart. My legs gave out, and I slid down the door with my back against it.

Lowering my head into my hands, tears rolled down my face as I listened to his steps coming closer instead of going away. I should have let him read the letter while pretending I wasn't here, but it was too late now, and this was another one of my bad choices.

I felt him on the other side of the door. The magnetic pull between us tugged at me as tears streamed down my face, and it took everything I had not to stand up, open the door, and fall sobbing into his arms.

"Ellery…."

The sorrow in his voice wrenched more tears from me, and I buried my face in my hands to stifle the sounds of my sobs. This is all wrong.

That was true, but I'd dug myself too deep to fix it. Between my lies and the duke, the best thing for everyone was if it all went back to the way it was before Ryker stole my heart.

But things can never go back.

And that truth was a stark reality I couldn't avoid. The bubble had popped, the fantasy was over, and now the best I could do was try to protect my mother.

It was also easier for Ryker for it to end without him knowing the truth. If he cared for me even a fraction of how much I cared for him, then this would hurt him, but at least he wouldn't learn about all my lies, and he wouldn't feel betrayed and used by another immortal in his life.

Lifting my head, I ignored the part of me screaming to open the door and end this as my tears blurred my vision, soaked my face, and dripped off my chin. I could still feel him out there, just beyond the door… waiting for me.

I didn't know how much time passed before he turned away and his boots thudded against the porch as he left. A few seconds later, his whistle sounded, and Xanthus's hooves pounded across the earth.

Once I knew he was gone, I let it all go. Large, wrenching sobs shook me as my heart shattered and my world fell apart. I'd known I'd be nothing more than another disappointment to him, but I hadn't expected how much my self-hatred would grow because of it.

The truth was, everything between us was built on lies that started to crumble weeks ago, but his father had left everything in ashes that I'd swept away… like I'd been commanded to do.

I hated myself more than I loathed Ryker's father, but I wouldn't have hesitated to kill the man if he were standing before me. I should have brought a lightning bolt down on the duke's head, except, no matter how much Ryker hated the man, killing his father wouldn't have endeared me to him.

Plus, if I'd revealed I was a lightning bearer, my life would have spiraled further out of control once Ryker learned about it. And things would be worse.

No, it was done. I'd chosen this course of action, and no matter what happened, I would have to live with it… even if it meant a lifetime of misery.