Chapter 36

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

Ellery

The reminder of the anguish that stabbed me when I discovered him gone helped to ground me again. I didn’t pull my hand away, but my head was much clearer when he led me deeper into the darkness.

When Ryker stopped, I nearly walked into his back before catching myself. Ahead, something rustled and then clicked. A second later, hinges creaked, and light shone through the edges of a doorway no taller than five feet tall.

Ryker released my hand and stepped to the side. He kept his eyes on the pathway behind me as he ushered me forward.

I ducked to enter the doorway and rose on the other side. Bent over, Ryker barely cleared the frame when he followed me through. The door hinges creaked again, and the lock clicked as he closed it.

I discovered myself in a small area, enclosed by twelve-foot-tall hedges and a single bench in the center. The bench sat beside a small pool of water that reflected the beams of the three visible moons.

No torches lit this remote spot, but the moons, in their various stages of fullness, cast a silvery glow over the hidden alcove and danced across the snow spiraling around us. It was beautiful, peaceful, and ours .

“How did you know this existed?” I whispered.

I repressed a shudder when Ryker stepped closer. His heat warmed my skin as his enticing scent filled the air.

“This isn’t my first party here. I’ve spent a lot of time wandering these gardens and trying to find somewhere to hide.”

“And how many other women have you brought here?”

I glanced over my shoulder at him. He’d risen back to his full, towering height and now leaned against the closed door as he surveyed me with his arms crossed over his chest.

“We all have a past, Ellery.”

“I don’t… not really.”

“So, there is something with Callan.”

His voice took on a harder edge, but lightning didn’t flash in his eyes. He was annoyed but not out of control.

I shrugged. “We kissed once when I was fifteen. He was my first kiss; it was awkward and never happened again. Despite what you think, we are just friends.”

“A friend you kicked me in the nuts over.”

“I didn’t kick you in the nuts. I kneed you in them.”

“What’s the difference?”

“One involves a foot . The other involves a kneeeee .”

Ryker glowered at me. “They both fucking hurt.”

“Well, that’s what you get for acting like an overbearing oaf over someone who is a friend!”

“I know when a man wants to fuck a woman,” he growled.

I hadn’t come here to argue further with him, but it seemed inevitable since we’d gotten stuck in this awful pattern. “Of course you do. But that doesn’t mean I want to sleep with him . Why don’t my wants count for anything anymore?”

His face softened as some of the tension in his body eased. “Ellery?—”

“No, I’m so sick of all this back-and-forth between us. I’m sick of crying and of big, powerful men ordering me around, taking my mother, and trashing my house. I’m?—”

“What do you mean, trashing your house?” he interrupted sharply.

“The sheriff stopped by yesterday with a couple dozen guards to search for evidence to prove we were part of the robbery. Thankfully, they didn’t find anything, but they destroyed everything they got their hands on.”

His eyes darkened, but he kept his lightning suppressed. “He shouldn’t have done that.”

“No, he shouldn’t have, but he can, and that’s why he did . That’s why all of them did. I brought it on us, but I never expected the amount of destruction they unleashed.”

“That wasn’t your fault.”

“Wasn’t it? I was in on the robbery too, and my home wasn’t the only one ransacked.”

When he stretched a hand toward me, I stepped away from it. I’d come here to talk to him, but I wasn’t sure we could fix this. Sadness flashed through Ryker’s eyes before he lowered his hand.

“Your father shouldn’t have done everything he has either, but he can, and so can Ivan… and you . You command me around, throw my mistakes in my face, and constantly run hot and cold. I’m so tired of it all.

“This is my life, and while I have very little control over it, I’m the one who decides who I share my body with. I can’t keep my mother safe from your father or leave this realm, but I have that much control still… unless they take that from me too.”

A vein throbbed in his temple as lightning flashed through his eyes before he buried it again. “You will always have control over that, and I’ll kill anyone who tries to take it from you.”

I believed he would, but… “That’s not something you can promise, Ryker, not anymore. Not with everything happening here.”

He stepped closer to me, and when I lifted my chin, he grasped it gently with his fingers. “That is something I can promise. I will also promise you this: I’ll die to defend you, Ellery. I’ll give my life to ensure you stay safe. While I draw breath, no one will harm you.”

I gulped at his words and the intensity with which he spoke them. The possibility of him dying tore at my heart. “I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

His thumb stroked my chin as he bent to kiss my forehead. “You won’t lose me. I’m not going anywhere.”

“You say that now, but then you’ll remember everything I kept from you and hate me again. I can’t live like this anymore. Yes, what I did was horrible, and I know you think I was laughing at you, but I never did. Not once did I think it was funny or that I was besting you in some way.

“I hated myself, and guilt ate at me every day. There were numerous times when I told myself that I should end this, but you were the only happiness I still had in this realm, and I couldn’t let you go… until your father came to me.

“He made me realize how selfish and cruel I was being. My happiness didn’t matter anymore; you, my mother, Scarlet, and her family were all a part of it too, whether I liked it or not, and that was what mattered. I had to try to keep everyone safe.”

Tears burned my eyes as words kept tumbling from my lips. “I failed, but I believed I was doing the right thing. Letting you go was the toughest thing I’ve ever done, and I knew you’d hate me for it and could never forgive me?—”

“I have forgiven you, Ellery.”