37. Make Excuses

"When are you going to talk to Knox?" Trace asked her on Saturday when Sage was visiting her brother and his wife.

"No clue," she said. "I'm not making the first step. There is no reason for me to. I didn't do anything wrong. I've been hearing it for a year that I didn't do anything wrong in terms of Henry and yet the one person I thought would stand in my corner told me the opposite."

It felt as if any man she got close to her in her life didn't back her.

How could she have such shitty luck when it came to men?

"I'm so pissed off," Trace said. "He had no right to say what he did to you."

Sage couldn't hide how upset she was the next day at work and Violet was the first to come talk to her. Thankfully, her sister-in-law kept everyone away. She stayed in her office and worked and then went home.

But she wasn't surprised that Violet told Trace. She was expecting a call from her mother next.

"No," she said. "He didn't. I understand."

"Don't do that," Violet said. "Don't make excuses for him."

"Oh," she said. "I'm not. He has to apologize to me. He has to come to me this time. I'm done with always making all the moves with him first. I'll say I'm sorry for not telling him, but I told him the reason that I didn't. I was embarrassed and I knew his history with his mother and didn't want him to think exactly what he did. That was my fault."

"If you'd told him in the beginning," Trace said. "Then maybe it wouldn't have felt as if you were keeping it from him."

"Like you're one to talk," she said. "You didn't tell Violet why you were here years ago."

"She has you there," Violet said. "But I had my own secret. And your brother did tell me. I didn't find out from anyone else. He came clean because the guilt was getting to him. I was upset but realized that he was protecting Kate at the same time and had to make a choice."

"It's not easy making a choice," she said. "I've made so many of them in the past year and it feels like for every good one there is a bad one. Why?"

"Because that is life," Trace said. "I'll be back."

"Where is he going?" Sage asked.

"No clue. He always does that. Just leaves and walks or drives. It's how he works. You know that."

"It doesn't bother you he just walks out with no explanation?"

"No," Violet said. "I trust him and understand how his mind works. I guess that comes with loving someone."

"Yeah," she said. "I trust Knox and know how his mind works. That is why I didn't tell him everything. I was right and he reacted the exact way I thought that he would. No, that is wrong. I didn't think he'd be that harsh."

"We can't plan these things out," Violet said. "You know that. Do you want to see the baby's room?"

"I do," she said. "No name yet for my niece?"

"Nope," Violet said. "We can't agree on anything just yet. Neither of us has come up with a name we are so in love with that we need to push for it."

Sage grinned. "No flower?"

"No," Violet said. "Not happening."

The two of them went up the stairs to check out the baby's room. "I love the color," she said.

It was done in a light purple and she shouldn't have been surprised considering her sister-in-law's name. "My parents sent the furniture last week. I couldn't tell them no."

"It's beautiful," she said.

She was positive the white furniture cost more than most people's living room and dining room sets combined.

"My father said he made sure it's sturdy enough to pass down for many more kids."

Sage laughed. "I can't wait until she is here and I can babysit her. Who knows, but by the looks of it, I'll have a lot of time on my hands."

"Don't be so sure," Violet said, smirking.

They went back downstairs and had a cup of coffee and a cookie. She just wanted to visit and take her mind off of her man troubles.

She didn't get that chance though when Trace walked back in the door followed by Knox.

Now she could guess why Violet was smirking.

"What's so funny?"

"I tried to warn you. That when you love someone, you know what they are going to do and trust them. Trace didn't have to tell me where he was going. I'd figured it out."

"Can we talk?" Knox asked her.

"Trace and I are going upstairs," Violet said. "Right, Trace?"

"I guess," Trace said. "I got him here and that is good enough. Don't make me regret this."

"I won't," Knox said.

Sage looked at him and crossed her arms.

She was still mad at him but then upset too.

"What do you have to say?" she asked.

"I'm sorry. That is first and foremost. I shouldn't have said any of what I did. And I sure the hell shouldn't have walked out the door the way I did."

"Nope," she said. "You shouldn't have."

"I want to explain why. It won't make a difference. It doesn't take it back in the least, but I owe you the reason why."

"You do," she said.

"My father never got mad. Never got upset. When he realized Blaze wasn't his kid and all those rumors he'd heard were true, he told my mother to leave. There was no talking. No explanations. Nothing. My mother screamed and yelled at him and he did nothing. Just walked out the door and said he expected her to be gone when he returned."

"He had his reasons even if I feel that is cold. The truth is, I feel for him."

"Because you know what it's like," he said. "Those words hit me square in the chest. Before I even made it to my truck I had a light bulb moment of why I did what I had."

"What is that?"

"I reacted the way I thought my father should have. I saw my mother's face on your body trying to explain something that made no sense. It was like my father didn't care in the least. He'd been shut off for years. Almost like he'd been waiting for a reason to kick her out."

That was the last thing she wanted to hear. "That doesn't make me feel any better," she said, going to get a tissue and blowing her nose.

"I didn't say it for you to feel bad. I said it as my reason for reacting that way. Not an excuse either. Just what caused me to do and say what I had. It's wrong every day of the week and I know it completely. I can own up to it when I'm wrong."

"I'm glad to know that," she said. "I didn't do anything wrong. Everyone spent months, a year even, telling me that. They still tell me. The one person I thought would have my back didn't. And, as we know, that was only half of the issue going on."

"I'm sorry for that too," he said, pulling her closer to him and hugging her.

She didn't want to let him at the same time she probably needed it as much as him.

"I'm sorry my emotions are all over the place."

"Don't be. I got drunk last night. That is my version of crying."

She let out a not so funny laugh. "Would you have sought me out if Trace didn't go get you?"

"I did seek you out. I texted Trace this morning and told him I messed up and asked if he had any advice on how to fix it. I knew this had to be my step and I took it."

She wanted to grind her teeth and pushed out of his arms. "He didn't tell me that."

"He wasn't so happy with me, but I figured he knew anyway."

"He did," she said. "I looked like I'd been crying all night Thursday, and Friday at work it was obvious."

"I know why you didn't tell me about Henry," he said.

"Which was wrong of me. I should have done it right away. I told you, I was embarrassed. I was played. I don't even know what possessed him to even reach out again. Maybe guilt, but that is his problem and not mine."

"Could be he was hoping to rekindle something," he said. "But that'd be over my dead body."

She laughed. "It'd never happen. I don't want to be with anyone else other than you. You're the one I need in my life. I know people have ups and downs. They fight too. Henry and I? We never fought. And looking back, that was a sign too."

"Forget everything I said two days ago. I don't even know why half of those words came out. It was like an out of body dialogue."

"They came out because they are locked inside you from your parents. No one talked to you about anything. You only knew what you saw or heard and that was it. You still feel guilt over not being able to get the relationship with your father to the place you wanted before he died because you believed things your mother said when you wished you hadn't."

"I do feel that way," he said. "That was another reason I couldn't go another day without talking to you. I don't want that on my shoulders again. I don't want to be that stupid."

"Stop," she said. "You weren't stupid and didn't do anything stupid back then. You were a kid who believed what you were told. Just like I believed what I was told. Sometimes we want something so much in life that we don't open our eyes to other possibilities. The difference is you were a kid and I was an adult."

"I was an adult too," he argued. "It's when I was older that I started to realize things more and just lost my chance. I don't want to lose any more chances. You're trying to make me feel better rather than letting me apologize for hurting you."

"Maybe because I don't want to lose any chances either and I'm just so happy that when it counted, you took that step. Henry is in my past. One of those things you learn from, and boy, did I ever. I've learned that I'm stronger than I ever give myself credit for. And that means waiting for you to come to me too."

He laughed and kissed her on the forehead. "You did tell me I'd have to beg."

"I'd never make you do that," she said, shaking her head. "Ever. Words in anger. We both had them."

"Just like mine were too. Are we good now? Can you get your brother and make sure he doesn't bring a gun down with him?"

"I'll get him and he won't," she said. "Violet wouldn't let him."

She ran up the stairs and saw them in their room. Trace was on his computer and Violet was watching TV.

"Everything good?" Trace asked.

"It's great," she said. "You could have told me that Knox reached out to you asking for advice with me."

"I could have, but it's not up to me to say it. I went and got him. That's the best I could do. He has to figure out his own relationship. Just like I do too with the look my wife is giving me."

"Why didn't you tell me that Knox texted you?" Violet asked.

"Because we needed to stay out of it. No one wants another person to fix their relationship for them. They had to talk it out themselves. I'm assuming you did?"

"We did. He apologized. No reason to hate him for how he made me cry."

She was smiling when she said it, but Trace had a frown on his face. "We'll see," Trace said.

The three of them went downstairs and Knox was standing there looking out the window. He looked so alone to her and it broke her heart.

It reminded her of when he was a kid and just wanted to fit in and struggled to.

"I'm hungry," Sage said. "Why don't we all go get some lunch?"

"My treat," Knox said. "It's the least I can do for Trace letting me know you were here."

"I would have talked to you if you reached out to me," she said, nudging his arm.

"I know," he said. "But maybe I worried I'd need backup. I'm glad that I didn't."

"Just don't do that shit again," Trace said. "You weren't there and didn't see what Sage went through."

"Trace, it's fine. No need to hash it out," she said.

"As your older brother, I get to say my part. Knox, I understand what you went through as a kid or as an adult. We all have things in our past that shape us, for good or bad. But Sage was devastated. It hurt her and knocked her self-esteem down. It made her doubt everything she did in her life."

"You're exaggerating, Trace," she said, letting out a big sigh.

"I'm not and you know it. But you're not that person anymore. And I'm only saying what I am because I believe Knox has helped you get back to who you used to be. The little sister I remembered from years ago who had dreams and goals and wasn't afraid to make them happen. If I didn't think those things then Knox would be afraid to walk onto my property."

"He's joking," she said. "Look at his grin."

"Your brother isn't joking," Knox said. "But I think I needed to hear what he said on more than one level. And I'm glad I played a part in your happiness and feel like shit I played a part in your sorrow too."

He pulled her into his arm and kissed her on the forehead. "The sorrow was brief. The happiness is longer and has returned. Let's just focus on that and get some lunch."

"Yes," Violet said. "Baby is hungry."

They all laughed and she thought, finally, things might be back on track.