33. Taken UnawareSurprised

The minute Sage had opened her door to him and Knox smelled the cookies baking, he'd had a flashback to the last time he was here working in the building and knocked on her door.

If she hadn't offered up a quickie, he would have done it.

Just like when he realized who she was months ago and would have loved nothing more than to have done what he had.

One of those fantasies that never left a man's mind.

"What was it you wanted to talk about?" he asked as he watched her butter up four pieces of bread while a pan was heating on the stovetop.

She pulled out two different kinds of sliced cheese and he went to get chips out of her pantry.

"You," she said.

"I figured as much," he said. He wasn't sure where she was going with this.

He didn't think there was anything wrong with their relationship, but he'd been known to be clueless in the past.

"I don't want you to think I'm jealous or anything," she said.

"I don't think that. I wouldn't."

"Good. When I reminded you I was on birth control you said you always loved it. It led me to believe I'm not the only one and I think you're the type to only do that when you were in a committed relationship."

"So you want to know who it was with that I did that?" he asked. "You know I've dated."

"I know you dated. You said that before, but because I know your history and your trust issues, I'd think that for you to have sex without a condom, you had to feel something for that person. I'm just curious what happened."

Knox let out a sigh. He should have known at some point this would come up and had to figure out what he was going to say.

He didn't like lying and wasn't going to. He just wouldn't admit to everything.

"Her name was Savannah," he said. "We dated for about seven months."

"How long ago?" she asked. "I told you about Henry."

"You did," he said. "I wasn't sure why, but I understand."

"I think we are at a point where it's nice to know more things about each other. We love each other. No reason to have one of us be taken unaware or surprised."

He didn't like hearing that.

"No," he said. "There isn't much to say. It was about five or six years ago. I was dating her when my father was alive and then after he'd passed."

"I'm sorry," she said. "Was she not there for you?"

He'd never told Savannah about his father's wealth. When it came to him he hadn't either, but she'd found out because she was nosy and saw the paperwork on his desk.

"She was," he said. "But things just changed."

"Changed how?" she asked.

She had the grilled cheese going and he opened the bag of chips and stuck his hand in for something to put in his mouth.

He had to weigh his words and hated that.

He trusted Sage. He really did.

But there was too much in his life that made him step back from fully letting everything be known.

"She wanted me to be someone I wasn't. She wanted to go out and do things that I didn't care for."

"Like?" she asked.

"Vacations to exotic islands. Go to shows and plays."

She started to laugh. "That's funny and nothing like you at all. I'd think she'd know those things in the beginning."

"She did," he said. "But the longer we were together, the more demanding she became. She'd use my father as an excuse to do it. Saying it would help me grieve."

"Which would piss you off," she said.

Knox hated that Savannah had used his father's death to her advantage to go places and do things. That he needed a break and it'd be good for him to get away.

It went from caring to greed.

"It did," he said. "We went on one trip. Just a long weekend. It didn't help me any, though she had a good time."

He was too busy feeling guilty for everything he'd lost with his father and then what he'd gained by the death.

He was dealing with trying to find out how his father died and coping with it being an accident.

It wasn't as if Savannah talked to him about things.

She didn't get him to open up about his feelings.

Not like Sage had done more than once.

"She wasn't going through what you were," she said. "A change of scenery can help but not if the underlying problem isn't addressed. I know that."

"Because in your words you ran here?" he asked. He didn't believe it was running and had said that to her.

"Yes," she said. "But I also knew that I had to accept what happened to me there and that things wouldn't change if I stayed in that job. I came here and started over. I was lucky enough to have coworkers and bosses that accepted me. They helped me believe in myself when I had some doubts."

"We all have doubts in life, Sage."

He was pretty sure he had a lot more than she ever would.

"We do," she said. "My point is, Savannah should have been there for you in your time of need and wasn't. Henry should have for me too and wasn't. I guess when it comes down to it, we both had the same things happen in a way."

He didn't believe that completely, but if he argued that point she'd want to know why.

"Do you have what you wanted to know?" he asked.

"Enough," she said, smiling. She put his sandwich on a plate and handed it over.

The two of them sat down to eat.

He was trying to figure out what to say next. The silence was heavy in the room and he wasn't sure if he was the one holding the weights or her.

Something still felt off, but since he wasn't saying it all either, it could be his own guilt that were the barbells he was carrying.

"I should be done working by four," he said. "The homeowners are back by then and would like us all gone."

"I can't believe they are living there through this," she said.

"They didn't have anywhere else to stay for a month. They said staying in a hotel would be no different than staying in the condo as they'd be without a kitchen in both places. It's just the two of them. They are having both bathrooms done too but one at a time after the kitchen remodel."

"I suppose it could work if they don't mind the mess and dust," she said.

"It wasn't that bad for me. I hired someone to do the whole upstairs so most of the dust and mess was out of sight. I did everything else downstairs other than installing new countertops. That was just one day."

He did it in stages. There was part of him that wanted to make the place his and the other part that didn't want to change what his father had left to him.

"I've never lived anywhere that had work done to it. I've never done much more than paint a few rooms, and even then, not much. I didn't touch anything here. It's all up to date and modern and I like the colors. I only put some decor around."

He liked her place. The walls were a neutral tone, but there were pops of color in the decor and furnishings.

Sometimes he wondered how his place would look if it had a woman's touch added to it.

But he wasn't sure she was there just yet.

He knew he could be but then asked himself how that was possible if he couldn't tell her everything.

Then he wondered…the longer he held off saying it, how much harder it would be.