8. Talia

There was less than an hour to go until the wedding, and Talia was nowhere near ready.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit," she murmured to herself in the toilet stall, rifling through the changing bag like a thief in a jewellery shop. She'd been lucky with breastfeeding—there had been no major mishaps. In the early days after Felix's birth, it had taken her a few weeks to set a pumping schedule.

But now that she was attempting to wean him, her son and her breasts had ganged up on her, and they were creating havoc.

She was leaking through breast pads like there was no tomorrow. She'd rushed into the toilets as soon as she'd noticed, stuffing toilet paper down her bra like she was a thirteen-year-old girl.

I'm going to have two wet spots over my breasts in the wedding photographs.

The door into the toilets squeaked open, and she held her breath.

"Talia," Quinn's voice came. A rush of relief swept over her. "You all good in there?"

She threw the lock. By the time it had finished echoing, she had Quinn in her sights. He'd stayed in New York after she'd left, giving her regular updates on whether Jay had returned to the club.

He hadn't.

But a few months ago he'd come to London to do a master's degree, and she had been ecstatic to see her old friend on her home turf.

Dad had invited him as a guest, but she knew he'd rather be here as her date. Sometimes, she'd catch his eyes wandering down to her lips. Or he'd be smiling at her when he thought she wasn't looking. Talia hadn't forgotten their kiss at Lux, or the groan he'd made.

He wanted her. She knew he wanted her, but he hadn't pushed it. She respected him for that, for waiting until she was ready.

But when she thought about Jay, Talia didn't know if she'd ever be ready.

It'll only ever be second best, a voice in her mind whispered.

Today, Quinn was heart-throbbingly handsome in a grey suit, paired with a blue tie and matching handkerchief. His hair was shorter than it had been when they'd met, but his eyes seemed to have become even darker in the months since.

She cupped her breasts to iron out any uneven edges in the toilet paper.

Quinn noted the movement, and his eyebrow raised quizzically. He looked tired—he'd been revising for an exam for his master's degree for days, plus they'd had an impromptu movie marathon last night.

"I'm leaking breast milk all over myself. If it stains the fabric it is literally never coming out. I'll be walking down the aisle with two big stains over my breasts."

"The wonders of motherhood," he drawled, picking up the changing bag on the sink and holding it away from his body as though he was scared it was going to bite him. "Damn, Talia. What have you got in this?" Quinn held it out to her, full to the brim with nappies and toys and ice packs and expressed milk. "It weighs a ton."

She slung it over her shoulder, hoping the toilet paper wouldn't let her down. "Literally everything under the sun. Ready?"

Quinn gave her a wry grin and held the door open for her. "Ladies first."

The country house was jam-packed with wedding guests, and Talia smiled to them as she hurried past, itching to get back to her little boy. She knew nearly all of the attendees on their side of the family, although some of them she hadn't seen for years.

Quite a few had asked whether she'd qualified as a doctor yet, and then she'd had to awkwardly explain how much her life had changed over the past few months, even though that yearning feeling inside still pushed her to make her mark on the world, to find what it was she was going to do with her life.

Most of them were nice about it, but she'd noticed one or two disapproving stares coming from elderly relatives.

Others assumed that Quinn was the father, seeing as he was always by her side. Not that he was doing much to dissuade them of the idea. The moment people expressed a hint of disapproval, Quinn was there to back her up and stare them down, to dare them into voicing their criticism.

Even then, it didn't take a genius to see the truth. Felix's eyes were the brilliant sapphire of his father, whereas hers were hazel—and Quinn's were as black as night.

Not long after arriving back at Heathrow, Dad had asked her about the baby's father. She hadn't wanted to admit the truth, even to him. Especially to him.

"He doesn't want to be involved," she'd said, hoping he wouldn't realise she was lying through her teeth. "But he's sent me some money for the baby."

She'd killed two birds with one stone. One: explain why the baby's father wouldn't materialise. Two: explain how she suddenly had more than a million pounds in her bank, and was buying a flat for her and Felix to live in.

Thankfully, Dad had never questioned it.

He never knew how often she dwelt on that night at Lux, worrying at it like an open wound, refusing to let it heal. It evoked a kind of primal sadness in her, both because she thought she and Jay had had a connection and because Felix would never know his father.

In those first few weeks after the auction, Talia messaged Quinn daily to ask if Jay had returned to Lux, and her heart had broken a little more every time he hadn't shown up. She pretended her heartbreak was all for Felix…

But, if she was being honest with herself, she was heartbroken for herself too.

How could she miss a man she'd spent a single night with?

Did he ever think of her? What would he think of Felix?

Talia knew the day would come when she would have to explain to Felix who his father was, and she was dreading it already.

Sometimes, she was so melancholy about being abandoned that it felt like a hole in her chest; other times, she wanted to rage at him for leaving her, for not even bothering to discover they had a son together.

It was a relief when she finally entered the bridal party room.

Chaos reigned before her, and Talia caught sight of Alison sitting in her wedding dress. Before the day was over, she would be Talia's new stepmother. A hair stylist was behind her, applying the finishing touches to her hair. A half-empty glass of champagne stood on the table next to them, alongside an army of hairclips.

Bridesmaids flittered about. Most looked like they were ready, but a couple were still having their hair and make-up done, chatting amiably. Talia had met them all at the hen do, but she didn't know them well. As far as she knew, she and Darcy were the only bridesmaids from the Llewellyn side of the family.

The majority of the noise came from the corner of the room, where the chattering of babies filled the air.

Talia weaved through the room's occupants, and her little boy appeared.

"I know, sweetheart," Kate was saying. She faced away from Talia, her hair scooped into an elegant updo and a large muslin thrown over her shoulder, protecting the bridesmaid dress beneath. "Your mummy will be back soon."

Felix saw her first, letting out an excitable squeal, his grumbling forgotten.

"Hey cyw," Talia exclaimed, letting the changing bag slide off her exhausted shoulder and land on the ground with an audible thump, but her arms weren't empty for long. She took Felix from Kate, her heart fit to burst when he clutched at her neck. She giggled, breathing in his familiar scent. "I'm sorry," she whispered to him, brushing his dark hair back. He was wearing a smart outfit for the wedding, and his pale blue tie matched the one that Dad would be wearing. "Mummy left the changing bag in the car, didn't she?"

Quinn cleared his throat, with his usual supportive touch on her waist as he passed, before leaning against the window next to them.

"Was he all right?"

Kate nodded, giving her a gentle smile. "As good as gold."

Talia stroked under Felix's chin. "Quite loud gold, judging by the racket he was making a moment ago."

"He just missed his mum. Lucie Loo has been making most of the noise," she nodded at Warren, who rocked their red-faced daughter in his muscular arms, the green of her eyes startling against the colour of her cheeks. The same green as Warren. "Felix is always good for Auntie Kate."

Talia smiled. "Thank you for looking after him."

Of all the bridesmaids, she had the most in common with Kate. Alison had begun to plan her hen party more than a year ago—and Talia had been thrilled to meet another pregnant woman her own age. In those early days after giving birth, Kate had been a lifesaver.

"Of course," Kate waved a hand. "Darcy has been here most of the time as well. She's just popped out to the loo."

Panic flared into her eyes as she remembered the ticking time bomb in her bra. "I do need help, as it happens."

"What's up?" Kate asked.

Talia didn't hesitate. Kate had seen her in the disposable mesh underwear the hospital had given her; they'd crossed the barrier of dignity a long time ago. "My breasts have soaked through all the pads I packed," she whispered. "I don't suppose you have any on you?"

She knew Kate's daughter Lucie had never latched, but it didn't hurt to ask.

Kate shook her head. "I don't, I'm sorry. But… nappies would work, right?"

"Nappies?" Talia tilted her head.

"We cut them into boob shapes or, worse case scenario, we just fold them inside out and stuff them in your bra. You stay here with Felix," Kate patted her shoulder as she passed. "I'll hunt some scissors down."

Whilst Kate was gone, her partner Warren settled his broad frame in the armchair Quinn stood behind. Warren and Kate's daughter Lucie lay on his chest, her chubby cheek resting on his shoulder, her lashes clinging together with tears. Lucie's dress was the same pale blue as Felix's tie, her bare toes poking out from beneath the hem.

Warren smiled at her, his emerald eyes peeking out beneath his dark hair. If she didn't already know he'd spent a decade in prison, she never would have guessed; he looked as respectable as any other man here. He raised his voice to be heard. "Everything okay?"

Talia nodded. She hoped Kate knew how lucky she was to have a partner like Warren. If Kate had seen Talia at her most vulnerable moments, well, Warren wasn't far behind.

When she'd attempted to put on her Big Girl Pants and put Felix's cot together herself, only to end up crying on the floor in a heap, her pregnant belly enormous, surrounded by screws and a row of slats on the wrong side of the wood, it had been Kate she'd vented to.

And half an hour later, Warren had knocked on her door with a toolbox in hand.

She didn't have a crush on Warren by any means—although fuck that man was gorgeous, with his dark smiles and the soft looks he only bestowed upon his wife and daughter—but Talia envied the dynamic between Kate and Warren. The way one could take over for the other, and the way they supported each other. They'd loved each other since they were children, so of course they'd be in sync. Of course they had an unshakeable bond between them.

Even if Kate's father had been the one responsible for Warren's imprisonment.

Still, Talia didn't like to impose too much on her father or Darcy, and Quinn was always busy with his master's degree.

When it came down to raising Felix, everything was on her shoulders.

"Weaning troubles," Talia said gently, rubbing her hand on Felix's back. He'd calmed down now, his breathing soft and even. Poor Lucie was still coughing out cries. "On my end, not hi—" She blinked as a pair of scissors was brandished in her face.

"Ta-dah," Kate said, plonking her arse down next to Talia and rifling through her own baby bag. Darcy appeared behind her, taking a seat on Talia's other side. "I don't think we've got long left until the ceremony. Have some of my extra ones; we're staying overnight so I packed enough for an army."

"Thank you so much," Talia said gratefully, passing a snoozing Felix to Darcy's eager arms, taking over the cutting until she'd de-winged enough nappies to last her the day, and sneaking away to the changing room.

The changing room was empty, thankfully, and she locked the door behind her. The last thing she needed was for a member of Alison's family to walk in and see her stuffing nappies into her dress.

She did a last minute check of her appearance. Her curls—thank god—had complied today. She'd moved her wash day to last night, crossing her fingers and hoping for the best.

Her risk had paid off in the form of bouncy red curls full of life instead of the snarled mess she'd been dreading.

Five minutes later, she exited the changing room, but the hubbub had only grown—including Lucie's cries. Alison was talking to the registrar, filling out paperwork with a quick hand. The bridesmaids from Alison's side of the family were crowded round her, almost drowning out the roar of a motorbike outside.

Over by the window, Daisy chatted to Quinn, rocking Felix in her arms. Warren and Kate, on the other hand, were still trying to console their little girl. She made her way over, feeling much more secure with her nappy-padded breasts. Secure, but ridiculous.

"Was that the last pack?" Kate was saying, shouting to be heard over Lucie's bawling. "The teething gel should be in the pocket with the zip."

"That was from the pocket with the zip," Warren replied, grimacing at a thick gel on his hand, the open changing bag before him. "It's gone bloody everywhere."

"Go and wash it off," Kate pressed the back of her hand to her forehead, shifting from foot to foot and rocking Lucie.

Silently, Talia headed for her own changing bag, rustling through until she found what she needed. "Here," she approached Kate, holding out the tube. "I have some."

Kate's eyes lit up with relief. "Oh thank god. I've never loved anyone more."

Laughing, Talia spurted a healthy dose onto her finger and applied it to Lucie's gums. "Don't let Warren hear you say that."

"I think he'd agree with me, to be honest."

Wiping her hands clean with a wet wipe, Talia pulled out one of the ice packs she used to keep her breast milk cool, wrapping it in a bit of muslin. "She can't chew this, but you can hold it against her cheek."

"You're a lifesaver. Doesn't Felix need any of the teething gel?"

"Oh it's not for him, it was for me. My wisdom tooth was playing up a few weeks ago. Do you want me to take her for a little bit? You look stressed."

"Would you? I'm busting for a wee."

Talia hefted a grumbling Lucie into her arms, the poor little bub still hyperventilating. "There we go, come and sit with Auntie Talia for a bit." She held the muslin-covered ice pack to Lucie's cheek, wiping away her tears. "Tooth pain is horrible, isn't it cyw?"

After settling on the armchair, Lucie quietened significantly, interrupted by little hiccups as the minutes went by, until her eyes began to close, slumped against Talia's shoulder.

Talia slowly stroked up and down Lucie's back in calming waves, her mind a million miles away.

Until someone kissed the top of her head, swiftly followed by a, "Hello, gorgeous."

Before she could register what had happened, a man walked around to the front of the armchair, stopping short when he caught sight of her face. "Oh," he said, clearly as bewildered as she was.

Talia raised an eyebrow tartly. "Was I not as gorgeous as you hoped?"

If anyone was gorgeous, it was him. His hair was neatly coiffed, but his bright amber eyes were full of mischief.

He grinned. "My apologies. I thought you were Kate, what with Lucie and everything."

"Kate?" Talia's eyebrow quirked incredulously. "My hair is a completely different colour."

"Hair dye is a thing."

"Fair enough," she stroked Lucie's back. "I'll forgive you. I'm one of Euan's daughters. Talia."

His amused smile grew as he sank into the armchair opposite, stretching out his long limbs. "It's lovely to meet you, step-sister. I'm Rhys."

"Oh!" she smirked, understanding the joke. "You're one of Alison's sons." Darcy had mentioned meeting them at Alison's birthday party when Talia was in New York.

"The better looking one."

That wasn't difficult to believe.

"Better tempered as well, come to think of it," Rhys said, pulling out his phone, "but don't tell him I said anything."

Talia leant her head against Lucie's with a smile. "My lips are sealed." She looked up as Quinn came to sit on the arm of the chair she was in, "Everything okay?"

"Just came to see if you needed anything," Quinn murmured, his rich aftershave washing over her.

"Actually, could you get me my phone? It's in my changing bag over there."

He fetched it for her, coming back to rest on the arm of the chair.

Talia thanked him, unlocked it, and handed it back. "Can you just write a note that Lucie had the teething gel at quarter to eleven? She can only have so much in a single day."

"Sure," he nodded, typing it out. "You have a text from Mia too."

Her tenant. With the money from Jay, she'd bought two flats in Covent Garden; the one she lived in, and another to rent out. She'd had an influx of tenant applications after putting the second one on the market—mostly from working professionals. But after trudging through the applications, she'd settled on a young couple expecting their first baby, and in the months since Mia had become one of her closest friends.

Although not so much her partner.

"What does she say?"

"‘Good luck with bridesmaiding today,'" Quinn answered, but then he stared at the phone quizzically. "The one above it says Reggie had a blowout last night. Isn't Reggie her baby? How did he have a—?"

"Don't worry about it. It doesn't mean what you think it means," she grinned to herself. Poor, innocent Quinn. Talia wondered what it was like never having changed a nappy. Life must be so simple.

"Holy shit," Warren entered their little sitting area, his hands washed clean of exploded teething gel. "You finally got her to calm down."

"I don't blame her," Talia said, carefully transferring Lucie to Warren's arms. "When my wisdom tooth was playing up I wanted to rip the bloody thing out myself. I can't imagine all of my teeth being that painful. She must be exhausted."

"I know. Thank you for helping, Talia. My poor princess," he whispered in Lucie's ear, as Talia strategically placed the flat ice pack between his shoulder and Lucie's cheek. "After the ceremony I'll drive down to the nearest chemist to stock up on teething gel."

Rhys and Warren struck up a conversation about their business, so Talia left them to it. By the looks of the rest of the room, everyone was ready to go.

She joined Darcy in the corner and brought her up to speed on the breast pad leakage, surreptitiously checking for any signs of dampness. "Do you think I'm leaking?" she whispered, feeling Quinn shadowing her footsteps.

"There's nothing, you're good," Darcy replied, her voice equally quiet. "And we can leave the changing bag and nappies in here, so we don't have to lug it around with us."

"Perfect," Talia said, chucking Felix under his chin. "You need to be fed soon, cyw."

From behind, the head bridesmaid called them over, sweeping them into an orderly line with Alison at the helm. Non-bridesmaids were ushered out, and Talia gave Quinn a smile as he departed. Warren too was given his marching orders, Lucie still snoozing in his arms, but stopped off to take Felix from Darcy in his spare hand. "Go and see Bampi for a bit, Felix," Talia said, waving him off.

Kate turned around. "Who's Bampi?"

"Bampi is Welsh for granddad," Darcy replied.

Weighed down with infants, Rhys gave Warren a double take at the door. "Where did that one come from?" he asked, pointing at Felix.

Talia lifted her hand. "He's mine."

Rhys nodded, frowning slightly at Felix.

Music came from the room next to them, gradual, gentle, and serene. Pachbel's Canon, Talia knew, because she and Darcy had helped Alison select from a seemingly infinite number of songs to walk down the aisle to.

Up ahead, Rhys offered Alison his arm, and Talia couldn't help wondering where Alison's other son was. "Ready, Mum?"

Talia didn't catch her response, but their little trail of ducklings moved, so she assumed it had been a yes.