Chapter 21

HARRISON

Entering statistics, I'm still not entirely sure what I'm going to do. It's hard to believe that it's been a whole week since I've seen Benny, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss him.

What happened is so far out of my normal life, and now I'm supposed to get over it and move on.

Hell, he has.

My teeth snap at the thought of him being with someone else, but I haven't given him reason to think there's still anything between us, so I can't blame him. It's a shitty situation the whole way around.

Which is why, when I see his face a few rows up, I falter. I want to go up there, want to sit with him and try to talk. Because I really do want to put this whole thing behind us, but I just don't know how.

But then our eyes meet, and my heart sinks.

It's not Benny.

It's his brother.

We watch each other for a moment before I change my mind about going up there and duck into the row beside where I'm standing instead. I can still feel his unfamiliar gaze on the back of my head.

"Hey," I say vaguely to the guy I've sat beside.

He flicks me a wave and goes back to his laptop.

I glance back, but Emmett has his laptop out as well now and is concentrating hard on the screen, so I try to do the same. The whole time I'm waiting for Professor Brooks to start, I keep picturing what would happen if I went back there. If I confronted him. Benny says he trusts his brother, but I don't know him. I'm not so sure I know Benny either, and the thought that the guy I really fucking like isn't who I thought is too much for me to handle.

But his brother … his brother I could corner. Could make talk.

"Everything okay?" the guy beside me asks.

"What?"

He chuckles awkwardly, like he's not sure I am okay. "You keep looking around."

"Oh. That. Yeah … nothing. Just, umm, avoiding someone."

His smile lights up his sweet face. "That sounds like a fun story."

Urg. Fun. I wish. "Just your standard straight boy falls for his first-ever guy crush and then finds out guy crush is actually a twin, and straight boy doesn't know who the fuck he's been seeing."

The guy laughs and holds out his hand. "Jordan."

Judging by his FU Kings baseball hat, I'm guessing he's on the team. "Harrison."

He adjusts the cap, still smiling, still cute, and a very evil side of me hopes that Emmett is watching. That maybe he goes home and tells Benny I was talking to a cute guy. Two can play at that game. "Now I've heard all that, my girlfriend issues don't feel so bad. A twin?"

I rub my face. "The whole thing is stupid."

"Sounds like a melodrama to me, man. I mean, does it matter that he's a twin? That's not something he can help."

There's a whole lot more context I'd need to give him for him to understand, but as much as I'm annoyed, I'm not going to rat them out for cheating. "Let's just say I know both of them, but I didn't realize they were two different people. I feel like a fucking idiot."

"Wow. Low move that they didn't tell you."

If Benny's to be believed, I can understand why they didn't. Doesn't make me happy about it, but it definitely makes me less mad. "Maybe I should have stuck to women …" I mutter.

"Trust me, they're no easier."

I shoot a quick look his way. "You've dated both?"

"Uh, no. I have two dads, and they've told me enough stories to know that whether you're straight or queer, dating is a pain in the ass."

"This is why I never date."

"You weren't dating the twin?"

Him saying it like that makes my head throb. "Who fucking knows? I'd been planning to take things slow and see where it ended up, but we fell in with each other fast, and now we've had some distance … I don't like it."

"You said he's the first guy you've …"

"Yeah." It's weird saying the next part out loud. "My roommate thinks I'm pansexual. Makes sense since I don't really care what's between someone's legs. I've never been that interested in dating so I've never pushed myself for a label much, but with him, it's different. Which doesn't make any sense when we're nothing alike."

"My dads are nothing alike either. Sorry, I don't have any advice for you. My sexuality is sort of up in the air, too, so I'm not exactly bursting with advice." He tears a strip of paper from his small notepad and scribbles something down. "Happy to talk about it though. Or you can use that to give me updates."

"Updates?" I take the scrap of paper with his number on it. "Such a nosy bugger."

Jordan's laugh is half-embarrassed and very cute. Look at that. I do find other guys attractive. He's not Benny though.

We're quiet during class and even though I've just spilled my guts to him, I don't ask for his help. It's not until we're packing up that a presence catches my notice. I look up into the familiar face, thrown at it being Benny-not-Benny.

"Yeah?"

Emmett shifts to his other foot. "You got a minute?"

"Nope. We're grabbing something to eat."

And in the worst cover-up in history, Jordan has my back. "Ah, yeah. Food. We're going now."

Don't laugh don't laugh don't laugh.

"A second, then," Emmett says dryly, sounding a whole lot more like my Benny. I hate it.

Jordan looks to me for what I want to do.

The thing is, I'm curious, but this is between me and Benny. Not us and his brother. Emmett has had enough of a role, but other than being the guy who sits next to me in class, he doesn't owe me anything.

"You're not who I want to talk to."

"Good." He plants his hands on his hips. "If you want to talk to him, then do it."

"Yeah, but I get the feeling he has no interest in talking to me."

"Was it the multiple obsessive messages that gave you that impression?"

I snort, because that actually gave me hope. "No, it was him sleeping with some other guy that gave me that impression."

Emmett slumps. "Did he tell you that?"

"Yes."

"I'm gonna kill him. My brother is a dumbass, but I'm assuming you know that already since you've spent more than five seconds with him. He said that to hurt you because he's hurting, and he has no idea how to be a normal person and deal with his shit properly."

Jordan's still eagerly listening in, and I don't blame him. We exchange another look.

"You ghosted him!" Emmett snaps. "He just wanted your attention."

"That's ridiculous."

"From where I'm standing, you're both ridiculous."

Jordan tries to hide his snicker. "I'm getting that impression too."

I narrow a glare his way. "Jumped ship fast over there."

"I'm entertained. Sue me."

Emmett turns his glare on Jordan instead. "You shouldn't even be here. Bowser isn't going to use your number because he's perfect for my brother, and my brother is perfect for him."

"Whoa." Jordan throws his hands up. "I wasn't hitting on him. I don't even like guys like that, and I have a girlfriend, or at least I do for right now."

Emmett takes another few seconds before his glare lets up. "In that case … umm, sorry?"

"You're okay," Jordan assures him.

Emmett shakes his head and turns to me. "No, sorry to you. I texted Benny. He's waiting outside, and he's kinda pissed."

"Jesus fucking Christ."

"I said sorry! But I thought you were moving on, so I freaked out. I've never heard him talk about someone the way he talks about you. It's so cute."

My heart does this weird little stutter thing. "It might be cute, but telling me he was getting a BJ from someone else isn't okay."

"Yeah. That was a dick move."

I glance over at Jordan. "What do you say? Want to help me teach my maybe future boyfriend a lesson?"

Emmett bounces on the spot. "Boyfriend?"

"You keep quiet. I'm still unsure what to make of you."

He mimes locking his lips, and I turn to Jordan.

"Help?"

"I'm invested now."

"Good." I pack my stuff up and sling my bag over my shoulder, then place a hand on Emmett's shoulder. It's creepy how he feels exactly like Benny. "You stay here for a minute before you give us away."

"You have sixty seconds, then I'm coming out there."

"Deal."

I lead Jordan down and outside. Since Benny thinks he's coming here because I've been all flirty with some guy in class, I'm going to let his imagination do the talking. No need to be holding hands or playing it up. I'm unsure whether to believe that Benny didn't actually hook up with someone, but thinking he did made me feel like shit, and maybe I want to give him that one tiny moment of what I felt as well.

Benny isn't right outside like Emmett said, but once we step out of the science building, I immediately spot him. He's under a tree a few feet away, arms crossed and looking murderous. The second he spots me, he beelines right for us.

"Don't do it" are the first words out of his mouth.

"Sorry, do what? Get my dick sucked? I thought that was what we do these days."

Jordan makes a choking sound beside me.

"If you want someone to suck your cock, I've been begging for weeks. He can't even breathe without choking. Can you imagine him trying to deep-throat?"

"Oh my god." Jordan smothers his laugh, and okay, maybe dragging him into this wasn't the smartest choice.

I step toward Benny and tug him away a few steps. "You can hook up with someone else, but I can't?"

"I—"

I wait him out, eyebrows raised. "You what?"

His jaw clenches, and I can't stop from reaching up, taking his chin, and forcing him to meet my eyes.

"You better finish that sentence, or Jordan and I are going to have some fun."

He glares.

I wait him out.

"I didn't hook up with anyone. I can't. You're the only one I can fucking think of, and I hate it. Happy now?"

I thought I would be. I thought it would be this huge relief, but it's … not. My thumb smooths over his jaw. "I miss you, Benny."

"Yeah." His voice goes small. "I broke my phone."

"You broke your phone? Why?"

"Because it didn't have any messages from you on it. Apparently, glass screens don't like being thrown."

Fucking hell. "That's insane. You know that, right?"

"I know." The anger drains from him. "But I can't stop thinking about you. Which is also insane because we hooked up twice, and sure, we were friends, but I shouldn't be this upset about you wanting nothing to do with me."

"It's not …" I drop my hands so I'm not touching him and turn to Jordan. "Sorry. It was cool of you to have my back, but I think we need some privacy."

"Not going to lie, it was getting kind of awkward." He backs up. "Text me, yeah?"

"I will."

I swear, Benny growls.

"That's enough from you," I tell him, pulling him away. "It's not that I didn't want anything to do with you, but imagine if I told you that I'm not Harrison. I'm some other guy. You'd probably need a minute to adjust, wouldn't you?"

His confused frown makes it obvious that's not the right question.

"Never mind. You're used to the twin thing. But it's sort of a big deal for me to suddenly find out that there's two of the dude I like. I needed time."

"You didn't text me back though. At all."

"Yeah, that's what needing time is."

"Okay, so …"

"So …" I'm still not all the way there, but it's obvious I still feel something for him. "I want to give this another go, but we're going to have to talk about some things. The cheating in class … It's uncomfortable. And I need to know that you and Emmett aren't going to be switching things up on me or lie about anything."

"I wouldn't lie to you."

"Except about getting your dick sucked."

His face falls. "Shit. Yeah. That."

"You also omitted a pretty big thing."

"Fine, so my track record isn't great. I get it. But I want to try. I …" He sucks in a long breath. "I like you a lot, and I don't want to push things. I don't know where you're at with men, and maybe you do want to sleep around and try out this new side of you, but I want to date you. For real. So, if that's something you want …"

I lean in and press my lips to his, the connection making everything inside of me full again. "I want. I want it so fucking much."

He holds my face gently. "Good. Because I really didn't want to have to kill that guy back there."

"You're so stabby and cute. Not going to lie, jealous Benny is a real turn-on."

"Good, because I'm not used to dating, so I get the feeling he's going to come out a lot."

I don't hate that anywhere near as much as I probably should. "Then I guess we need to clear some things up."