Chapter 10

BENNY

Me:

Dude, we're watching a show, and they just called the other person a "wanker." Made me think of you.

Harrison:

Naw, you're so obsessed. It's kinda cute really.

Me:

Calm down, big guy, it just sounded so dumb and British, who else was I supposed to think of?

Harrison:

"Big guy"? And now you're hitting on me. My ego is inflating at such a rapid pace, I might need to develop a degradation kink to bring it down a little.

Me:

And now you're talking kinks. Remind me of who is hitting on who? You know I'm skilled at insulting people.

I lock my phone and set it aside, sure that if he messages back, I'll be glued to my phone all night. The second I see his name on my screen, I'm a fucking mess of excitement over seeing what he's texted. I need it constantly. Maybe he's right that I'm a little obsessed?

Fucking crushes.

It's gotten so bad that I actually considered going to my statistics class tomorrow just to hang out with him, but thankfully, I haven't reached that level of desperation yet.

"Hey, Em?"

My brother glances over from where he's swinging on my desk chair.

"Remember how we have that ‘no talking to people in class' rule?"

He gives me a funny look. "Yeah, why?"

"I'm just worried that tomorrow, Harrison will try to sit with you, and that could get awkward."

Emmett shakes his head and turns back to the screen. "I've got it covered. Don't worry about it."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'll sneak in right before doors lock and wear my hoodie up."

"Won't it be too hot for that?"

"Nah, the room has AC. We're good."

While I completely trust him to handle it, I also know how quickly Harrison pounced on me that day we met, so I wouldn't put it past him to be watching out for me either. Would he do that? Sure, we're friends, but I'm assuming he has other people he knows in that class.

Emmett suddenly reaches forward to pause the movie we're watching. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Are you seriously trying to play the nothing card with me? Me?"

He's right. We know each other way too well for that. Back to front, inside and out. We've never kept a secret from each other because it's not who we are. "Fine. I'm just worried. Harrison's turning out to be a really good friend, and I don't want to put you in the position of having to act like me one-on-one."

"There's, like, three hundred students in the class, Benny. We'll be okay. If some strange guy sits next to me and starts talking like I know him, I'll play sick and leave."

I suppose that could work. "Are you sure you still want to do this though? I'm not exactly giving you anything back at the moment. Maybe you should?—"

He cuts me off. "Don't bring up San Diego State again. It's fine. I want to do this for you. If you don't pass this course, there goes your chance at being a sports journalist, and your reasons for wanting that are good. I'm going to help you however I can. Plus, you are giving me something. You're letting me stay here and haven't spilled the beans to Asher and West."

Emmett knows I'll take his secrets to the grave; help him carry them there and bury them if I have to. It's pissing me off that he's keeping our older brothers in the dark though. "When are you going to tell them?"

"When I have a plan for what's next. You know what West is like. If I go to him and say I've been kicked out of school, his dad voice will come out, and then he'll start freaking out about not being able to fix it. Then Jas will lay down the guilt trip and make me move back and enroll at CU. I'm not doing that."

Just the thought of Em on the other side of the country makes my chest get all tight. "FU is still an option."

"You've said." He drops his voice to a grumble. "About a million times."

"Don't get snarky with me."

"You're starting to sound like West."

"Fuck off, I'd never be that uptight."

He gives me a look. A look I'm known for giving. "Then why are you starting now?"

"Because I love you, you … wanker." See? Even fighting with Em, I'm thinking about Harrison. "This is stressful as fuck. In high school, it wasn't so bad because people expected to see both of us around, and we were trading from the get-go. Wanting to separate once we got here, and now living together, it's a lot. Plus, the whole Harrison thing …" I let out a huff of air, realizing Em is right. "Fuck. I do sound like West. When the fuck did that happen?"

He laughs and throws a pen at me. "Exactly. So shut up."

I love West, but there's no way I can live with his state of worry all the time. He didn't always use to be like that, apparently, but after our parents died and he had to retire from the NHL to play dad to us kids, it changed him.

It changed Asher, too, but in different ways. West felt too much. Asher shut that shit down.

It's a skill of his I've tried to follow because the less you feel, the less people can hurt you. Walking around all vulnerable all the time is a good way to be trodden on. Em's my weakness though. He's so open to everything that I'm constantly worried about him.

"Fine." I kick back on his mattress and tuck my hands behind my head. "Nothing changes. If you see him, you play sick and leave, then we'll go from there. The last thing he's going to assume is that I have a twin running around."

"Exactly. Gotta say it, though, you're kinda cute about this one."

"Shut up. He's straight."

"Yeah, that sucks. Do you really think being friends is smart?"

"I don't see why not." I try to shrug, but it's awkward. "He's a fun guy to hang out with, and once my stupid dick catches up and knows he doesn't equal playtime, it'll be easier. Just gotta wait until then."

"Is it bad I'm kind of hoping he does sit next to me just so I can check him out?"

That doesn't surprise me at all. It'd be killing him that he doesn't know who this guy is. He's already tried to bully me into online stalking him, but I can't remember what the fuck Harrison's last name is. Something that starts with D. I could ask him, but also, there's a small part of me that doesn't want Em to know. If he sees Harrison and agrees with me that he's hot as fuck and validates the horny feelings I'm having, it'll be so much harder to tamp down this interest.

Maybe one day, they'll meet. Far, far away from here.

But the more likely option is that our friendship will fizzle out, and I'll never have to face the awkward conversation of why I'd never mentioned my twin to him.

"No talking to people rule, remember?"

"Who said anything about talking? I said I want to check him out."

"Check him out all you like," I answer. "It won't change his sexuality."

"Hmm … maybe we should go out soon. It's been forever since I've hooked up, and I'm starting to get antsy. There was a really cute guy at the party you had, but I obviously passed. Hardest decision I ever made."

While we have no issues with playing fast and loose with our grades, we won't hook up with someone as the other person. It's way too fucking weird and gives me the ick to think about men thinking they've slept with me and haven't. Neither of us likes the idea, and it blurs all kinds of consent lines anyway.

So yeah, with Em having been here for almost a month, I bet he's getting the urge.

It might help calm down this want for Harrison too.

"We'll do something soon. That bar in Encinitas?" We've been out together a couple of times and found a gay bar we both like where no college students hang out.

"Sounds good to me. Now, can we get back to this movie, or do you want to giggle over your not-boyfriend some more?"

I fling the pen back at him and completely miss his head. "Fuck you. Put it on."

But the second it starts playing, my attention goes right back to my phone. To the burning knowledge that I probably have a message waiting. Can I ignore it until the next scene break? And then the next? Nerves amp up in my gut, and I figure enough is enough. It's just a goddamn text.

Harrison:

I guess not having parents means you didn't learn it's not okay to call people names.

Me:

Hey, fuck you. Only I get to joke about my dead parents.

Harrison:

Shit, sorry! I'm so, so sorry. That was insensitive as hell, I wasn't thinking.

Me:

You are too fucking easy. **kissy emoji**

Harrison:

I officially hate you.

Me:

Yay! Does that mean I get out of manual labor this weekend?

Harrison:

Nope, it just means I hate you so much, I'm going to get extreme satisfaction over watching you do it all solo.

I knowI shouldn't reply with what I'm already typing out, but he makes it too easy.

Me:

Oh, yeah? You enjoy watching hot, sweaty men "do it solo"?

Harrison:

**skull emoji** Your ability to turn everything dirty is a real skill.

Me:

Thank you.

Harrison:

Was it a compliment?

Me:

Depends. Are we still on for this weekend?

Harrison:

Sure are.

Me:

Then it was definitely a compliment. Geez, Harry, stop hitting on me.

Harrison:

You'd love that, wouldn't you?

The line isflirty enough to give me pause, but then he follows it up with a winky face. A winky face. The international sign of "oh, yeah, I'm definitely flirting." My jaw is somewhere around my balls when I finally type back.

Me:

As fun as this conversation is, I'm really not looking forward to this weekend.

Harrison:

Relaaaax. I'll even give you half my earnings.

Me:

No fucking way, man. You need that money. I'm freeloading off my rich big bros.

Harrison:

Fine. What if I promise to make it fun?

Me:

I'd say you're a big, fat liar.

Harrison:

Oh, yeah? Wanna bet on it?

Me:

That's an easy one to make. Mowing lawns is the devil's work.

Harrison:

Maybe.

There'sno reply for a second.

Harrison:

But what if I promise to do it shirtless?

Fuck me.Suddenly sounds like a whole lot more fun.

Emmett's laugh breaks through the images of Harrison with his shirt off, and he starts singing, "Benny is fucked … Benny-boy is fuuuucked."

Brothers are the fucking worst.