CHAPTER 8

Philip knew that his estate business needed his attention. He could see the paper work piling up in front of him on his office desk, but it was very challenging for him to concentrate on any of it. Lady Verity was still on his mind. How was it possible that Lady Verity was still on his mind?

Her eyes were such a piercing blue that he truly could not forget them. It felt like they pierced right in to his soul when they talked. Like she could see parts of him he did not normally show another person. Her presence had left an indelible mark on him. He found himself replaying their conversation in his mind, the way her voice had quivered with vulnerability, the determination in her eyes when she spoke.

It was rare for anyone to affect him so deeply, especially after just a single meeting.

But Lady Verity was unlike anyone he had ever met.

Philip leaned back in his chair, staring at the ceiling. He had responsibilities, duties that he could not neglect. The estate required his leadership, his attention to detail. Yet, all he could think about was how he might see her again…

Knock, knock.

The sound startled him. Philip sat up a little straighter as Mr. Jameson entered the room. "Lord Thomas Grayson is here."

"Ah, perfect. I will join him in the parlor. Can you ensure that we have drinks?"

Mr. Jameson nodded. "Of course."

Philip found himself stepping a little lighter as he went to see his friend. This was the much-needed distraction he needed from his work. His thoughts also. Although he could not imagine that Lady Verity would be far from his thoughts.

"Thomas, good to see you again," he greeted warmly. "I hope you are well."

"I am rather well, thank you very much," Thomas agreed. "And how are you?"

"I am… well, business as usual."

Thomas cocked his head to one side as one of the maids poured them drinks. Philip felt like he was being studied by his friend in a way that was bound to make him open up.

"So, what is going on with you?" Thomas asked once they were alone once more. "You have something on your mind, I can sense it."

Philip's initial instinct was to disagree with this so he did not need to dive deep in to his troubles, but he also knew that he needed to get this off his chest. If there was anyone who would be able to understand him, it was Thomas.

"Recently, I met a woman who has had a very unexpected impact on me."

"Oh!" Thomas's brows rose high. "I see. A woman, you say?"

"Lady Verity Sinclair. She is… quite unlike anyone else that I have ever met."

Thomas smiled. "Tell me more."

"We only spoke briefly," Philip confessed. "But she immediately struck me as intelligent and very warm. I thoroughly enjoyed talking with her."

"You did?"

Philip nodded slowly, actually wishing that he had told Thomas all of this the last time he saw him.

"Yes. We shared a lot. We shared a rapport instantly, and this sparked an instant connection."

"Interesting," Thomas mused. "It sounds to me like this chance encounter might be a sign that your heart might be ready to open up once more."

"Open up to what?"

"To the possibility of love, of course," Thomas chuckled. "I know you have had a hard time over the last few years, but no one would want you to be miserable forever."

It was the same thing that his mother had said to him.

The same thing that Thomas had said before.

But that did not make Philip feel any better about it. He could not shake off the guilt that flowed through his veins at the thought of moving on.

"The ghosts of the past are still dancing on your face," Thomas commented. "And I know it must be challenging for you to envision any other life, because you were so settled with Julianna. I am sure that you would have had a wonderful marriage forever. But that is not what can happen now, and I remember you telling me that she wants you to find someone else. She would not like to see you in this way. You are like a shell of your former self. If there is a spark out there in the world to be explored, then I suggest you explore it."

"Thomas, you make it sound so easy."

Thomas offered him a one shouldered shrug. "I just don't think that we need to overcomplicate things."

Philip parted his lips, about to say something back, but before he could get a word out, his mother came barging in to the parlor without knocking.

Why was she like this? Why did she not seem to have any respect for his privacy at all? She could see that he was having a talk with his old friend, so her presence was most certainly not required at the moment. But Adelaide did not seem to even notice that.

"Philip, you will not believe what has happened," she cried out, her eyes shining joyfully. "It's wonderful news. I have arranged a private dinner with Lady Rosalind Fitzwilliam and her family, and we have just received their acceptance."

It was clear that she wanted a reaction from Philip, but he did not feel a thing so remained stoic as he stared at her. This matchmaking was truly irritating. He needed her to back away from it, so Philip could live his life the way that he wanted to.

"Oh, Philip, you need to show more enthusiasm. I am making so much effort here, and I feel like you are giving me nothing back. Thomas, dear, do you think you might be able to talk some sense in to my son? Lady Rosalind Fitzwilliam would be the perfect match for him, and I am truly struggling to make him see that."

Philip curled his hands up in to fists as he struggled to contain his frustration.

There was no point in saying a thing because any argument he gave would only fall on deaf ears. She did not wish to hear anything that he had to say.

Thomas, sensing the tension, stepped in diplomatically. "Lady Adelaide, you know I always respect your opinions and efforts. But perhaps Philip needs some time to reflect on his feelings. A decision like this should not be rushed, do you not agree?"

Adelaide sighed. "Oh, not you too, Thomas. I just want what is best for him."

"We all do," Thomas replied kindly. "Maybe a bit of patience will yield better results."

Adelaide's expression softened slightly, though her determination remained evident. "Patience has its place, but so does taking decisive action, Thomas. Philip's future is of utmost importance, and I only wish to see him settled and content."

Philip could feel the tension in the room thickening.

He knew his mother meant well, but her constant interference grated on him more with each passing day.

He needed to make her understand that his heart could not be rushed in to another match, especially not one orchestrated solely for convenience.

"Mother," Philip began, his tone calm yet firm, "I appreciate your efforts, truly I do. But matters of the heart cannot be forced. Lady Rosalind may be a fine lady, but I am not ready to consider such arrangements."

Adelaide's brows furrowed slightly, disappointment shadowing her features. "Philip, you cannot remain in this state of solitude forever. It has been years since Julianna..."

"I know," Philip interrupted gently, his gaze steady. "And I am grateful for your concern. But I need time. Time to find my own way, to come to terms with what has happened."

"I will talk to Philip now," Thomas interjected, seemingly sensing the need for this to end. "Let me…."

With a reluctant nod, Adelaide finally conceded. "Very well. I shall leave you two to your conversation. Philip do consider the dinner invitation. It's tomorrow evening."

As she exited the room, Philip let out a breath he had not realized he was holding. "Thank you, Thomas. I don't know how much more of this I can take."

Thomas chuckled. "I can see that. But you must confront this, Philip. Avoiding it will only prolong your agony."

Philip nodded, knowing his friend was right. "I need to find a way to communicate my feelings to her. To make her understand that I cannot simply marry for convenience."

"Perhaps Lady Verity can help you find that clarity," Thomas suggested. "Sometimes, when you meet someone who resonates with you deeply, they can provide insights you never considered."

Philip's mind drifted back to Lady Verity. Her warmth, her intelligence, the way her presence had immediately put him at ease. Maybe Thomas was right. Maybe Verity could help him navigate this emotional turmoil.

Philip sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair. "You are right, Thomas. I need to confront this situation head on. But how? My mother is relentless, and I don't want to hurt her, yet I cannot simply capitulate to her wishes."

Thomas leaned forward; his eyes serious. "You need to have a candid conversation with her. Lay out your feelings clearly and firmly. If she understands how deeply you feel about this, she might relent."

Philip nodded slowly. "It will not be easy, but you are right. I must make her understand."

Thomas smiled encouragingly. "And in the meantime, don't lose sight of what your heart is telling you. If Lady Verity has stirred something within you, you owe it to yourself to explore that."

"I suppose I should find a way to see her again," he mused aloud.

Thomas grinned. "Now that is the spirit. Take control of your destiny, Philip. You have more power over your future than you realize."

Philip nodded, feeling a sense of determination settle within him.

"Enough about my troubles anyway. Tell me more about your travels. I am curious to hear about the women you met. I wish to live vicariously through you for the moment."

Thomas chuckled, leaning back in his chair. "Ah, where to begin? My travels have taken me to many places, and I have met many fascinating people along the way."

Philip leaned forward, eager to hear more. "Do tell."

Thomas smiled, a faraway look in his eyes. "In Paris, I met a young lady named Colette. She was an artist, passionate and full of life. Her creativity was infectious, and I found myself inspired by her zest for life. We spent many evenings discussing art, philosophy, and the world at large. It was a refreshing change from the rigidity of our society."

Philip listened intently, captivated by his friend's stories. Especially when this woman reminded him a little of Verity. "She sounds wonderful. Did you ever consider staying in Paris?"

"For a time, yes," Thomas admitted. "But ultimately, I knew my heart belonged back home. There is something about England, despite its flaws, which keeps pulling me back."

Philip nodded in understanding. "And who else?"

"In Italy, I met a woman named Isabella. She was the daughter of a count, and her beauty was matched only by her intelligence. We toured the vineyards and explored ancient ruins. Isabella had a remarkable knowledge of history, and I found our conversations both enlightening and engaging. She challenged me in ways I had never been challenged before."

Philip raised an eyebrow. "Challenged you? How so?"

Thomas laughed. "She had a way of seeing through my defenses. She pushed me to question my beliefs and to grow as a person. It was both exhilarating and humbling."

"And yet, you did not stay in Italy either," Philip remarked.

"No, I did not," Thomas said softly. "Each encounter was meaningful, but none felt like home. My heart knew I needed to return here, to the familiar, even if it meant facing old challenges."

Philip sighed, understanding the sentiment all too well. "It seems we are both searching for something elusive."