CHAPTER 6

My goodness, who was she?

Philip knew who she was, of course. She had told him as much. Lady Verity Sinclair. But who was she? Someone that he had never been fortunate enough to cross paths with during society events, that was certain.

He would have remembered someone like that.

He watched her slender figure walk away from him, with her golden hair gleaming in the afternoon sun, his heart skipping a beat for reasons he could not fathom. She was the first person that he had spoken to for as long as he could recall who had captivated him so. Their conversation might have been brief, but it was meaningful. He felt a strange connection to her as they spoke. She made his pulse pound, his body tremble, and his mind spin at the speed of light.

Confused by the depth of his enjoyment in Verity's company, Philip tried to make sense of his feelings. He tried to place them, to work out where he might have felt something similar before.

Before he retreated from society, he had met many people. But none of them had ever created such a deep and powerful stir within himself. But that was even less frequent now. The more he retreated from society, the less often he felt such an instant rapport with another person, let alone a lady.

Philip wasn't sure what to do with this information.

"Philip!" His mother's stern words shook him from his thoughts. "My goodness, we did not know where you had gone. We have been searching for you for quite a while."

Philip turned to face his mother and sister, schooling his features in to a mask of polite indifference. The last thing he wanted was for his mother to pick up on the strangeness swirling around inside of him.

If she knew that he had even spent a second talking to a woman, then she would most certainly jump on that and turn it in to something it did not need to be.

"I do apologize," he declared smoothly. "I was simply admiring the beauty of the gardens."

"Really?" Georgina rested her hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes at her brother. "Because it seems like you are preoccupied with more than the flowers, Philip. Is everything quite alright?"

Philip immediately shook his head. He did not want to discuss this with Georgina now. The last thing he needed was anything else to stir up these feelings cascading through him. The conflict of emotions was just too much.

He needed to forget about his encounter. At least for the time being.

"I am quite fine, Georgina. Thank you very much. Just lost in thought, which is all. Do you think perhaps we should leave now?"

He needed to get out of these gardens. He had to escape the strangeness of the experience that he'd just had with Lady Verity. Thankfully, Georgina seemed to agree with him. They all made their way out of the gardens and headed to the carriage.

Georgina and Adelaide talked incessantly all the way back home, giving Philip some much needed time to gaze out the window and to let his mind wander. Because he truly did have a lot to think about.

Lady Rosalind Fitzwilliam had not been far from his mind, because his mother would not allow him to forget about her for even a second. If she spotted him deep in thought for even a moment, she used that time to remind him of all her wonderful qualities and why she would make the perfect bride for him. But Philip did not feel a thing when he was near her. Nor did he find it easy to have a conversation with her, it seemed that they had absolutely nothing in common.

Meeting Lady Verity and finding her company so wonderfully pleasant had only made it starkly obvious that he was never going to feel that sort of connection with the debutante. Their talk about art and the way that she smiled at him… he simply felt at ease in her company. That might have been their first meeting, but that did not make it awkward.

Even as she stumbled and fell, she was sweet and graceful about it.

Perhaps it was the artist in her.

It did not help that he knew Lady Verity was someone that Julianna would have loved. She would have enjoyed her intelligence and embraced her authenticity, befriending her easily and likely going on to spend a lot of time with her.

Lady Rosalind she would have likely had a lot of trouble with. She would not have enjoyed talking to someone who only seemed to care about superficial things and the gossip of the ton.

In fact, he was sure that Julianna would not have been impressed with any of the so called suitable young ladies that his mother had found for him.

She would have been horrified by the list and the way that his mother was behaving.

Julianna had told him that he needed to find love again when she realized that she wasn't going to survive her illness. She insisted that she did not wish for him to be lonely forever, but the thought of courting absolutely filled him with dread. It did not matter what Julianna had said, he couldn't envision himself being unfaithful to her memory.

He sighed to himself, knowing that at some point he was going to have to talk to his mother again about this. He needed to find the right words to make her understand that he did not want to put himself back on the marriage mart. She might have been worried about him producing an heir to inherit the title and the estate, but if he did not, Georgina could still do so.

Things did not have to end with him.

As the carriage rolled along the cobble stone streets, Philip's thoughts remained stubbornly fixed on Lady Verity Sinclair. He replayed their brief encounter in his mind, analyzing every word and gesture, searching for clues to explain the powerful impact she had on him. He tried to dismiss it as a fleeting fancy, a mere distraction from the weight of his responsibilities, but the depth of his reaction suggested otherwise.

Upon their arrival home, Philip was grateful to escape to his study. He needed solitude to sort through the jumble of emotions and thoughts.

Settling in to his leather arm chair, he allowed his gaze to drift to the window, where the fading light of the day cast long shadows across the garden outside.

His mind wandered to Lady Verity once more, to the way her eyes lit up when she spoke about her art, and the genuine passion in her voice. She was a stark contrast to the shallow, insipid conversations he usually endured at society events. Verity was different… refreshingly so. Her authenticity had stirred something deep within him, a longing for a connection that he had believed was forever lost.

Julianna had been the love of his life, and her loss had left a gaping void in his heart. She had urged him to find happiness again, to not let his life be defined by her absence. But how could he? The thought of opening his heart to another had seemed impossible until now.

Yet, the unexpected encounter with Lady Verity had planted a seed of possibility.

***

Knock, knock.

Philip wasn't expecting any guests, so the knock at his door surprised him.

He glanced up from his work to see his butler smiling at him. "You have a visitor… Lord Thomas Grayson."

Of course, Jameson knew that this was going to put a smile on Philip's face. It had been a long time since he was able to see his friend, ever since he went traveling abroad.

"Send him in." He said, just as Thomas, ever the impatient one, sauntered into the room on his own.

"Philip, how are you?"

"Oh, Thomas! What a sight for sore eyes. You are looking tanned from your travels!"

"Ah well, it has been a while."

"Sit," Philip insisted. "Let us have a drink."

As he poured, Thomas began regaling him of his adventures. "…And you would not believe the things I have seen, Philip. From the bustling markets of Marrakech to the tranquil temples of Kyoto, it has been a journey like no other." Thomas's eyes sparkled with the memories, his tales rich with vivid descriptions and colorful anecdotes.

Philip listened with genuine interest, grateful for the distraction. It had been a long time since he had seen his old friend, and Thomas's tales brought a sense of normalcy to his otherwise tumultuous thoughts.

"Sounds like you had quite the adventure," Philip said, handing Thomas a glass of brandy.

Thomas accepted it with a grin. "Indeed. But enough about me. How have you been, my friend? It feels like ages since we last spoke."

Philip hesitated, unsure of how much to reveal. "Oh, you know. The usual. Managing the estate, dealing with Mother's endless match making schemes…"

Thomas nodded sympathetically. "I can imagine. Lady Adelaide is nothing if not determined when it comes to her family's future."

"Indeed," Philip agreed with a rueful smile. "But it's more than just the pressure. I feel conflicted. Torn between my duty to my family and the guilt I carry over the idea of moving on from Juliana."

Thomas leaned forward; his expression thoughtful. "It's natural to feel that way, Philip. Juliana was a remarkable woman and losing her was a devastating blow. But she would not want you to remain trapped in the past. She wanted you to find happiness again, remember?"

Philip sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I know she did. But knowing it and feeling it are two different things. I cannot seem to reconcile the two. Especially with a woman who I don't even have anything in common with. I am not sure what sort of life my mother expects me to have without love."

"Perhaps we should go traveling instead."

Philip chuckled at the idea. But he knew there was no way that he could leave his family behind like that, even if it wasn't forever.

"You know, Philip, there is no harm in seeking happiness. You deserve it as much as anyone."

Philip nodded, though his mind drifted to Lady Verity. Their encounter had been unexpected, and it left him feeling both guilty and confused.

He pushed the thought aside, focusing on his friend's words.

"Yes, I know. But for now, it just feels like it's an impossible mountain to overcome. Especially with Georgina experiencing her first Season."

"Ah, how is she finding it?"

"She seems to be enjoying it immensely," Philip replied. "Georgina has always had a zest for life and she has taken to the social whirl with enthusiasm. Mother is quite pleased, of course, seeing her precious daughter being courted by eligible bachelors."

Thomas laughed. "I can imagine Lady Adelaide's delight. Georgina has always been a charming young woman. I am sure she is turning heads wherever she goes."

"Yes, she certainly knows how to make an entrance," Philip said with a fond smile. "But it's also a bit overwhelming. I feel like I have to keep an eye on her to make sure she does not get swept away by all the excitement."

"Ah, the protective older brother," Thomas teased. "You have always been good at that role."

Philip's smile faded slightly. "I suppose. But it's more than just protection. It's about ensuring she makes choices that will lead to her happiness, not just what is expected of her. I truly do want her to find a match who will make her happy forever."

Thomas nodded thoughtfully. "It's a delicate balance, is it not? Between duty and personal happiness."

"Exactly. Sometimes it feels like an impossible situation," Philip admitted.

"Well, perhaps you should take your own advice," Thomas suggested. "Allow yourself the possibility of happiness, even if it means stepping out of your comfort zone."

Philip sighed. "Easier said than done, my friend. But I will try."

Thomas raised his glass. "To trying, then."

Philip clinked his glass against Thomas's. "To trying."