Chapter 22

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

" H alt the carriage, I must make a stop."

The morning sun painted the sky with hues of gold as Gabriel's carriage rolled steadily along the familiar path back to his estate after a successful business affair that had kept him away through the night.

Despite his weariness, a glint of determination shone in his eyes as he spotted a jewelry shop nestled along the bustling street. A smile filled his face as he stepped down from the carriage, his thoughts immediately drifting to his daughter.

Entering the shop, his presence commanded attention as always, his noble bearing unmistakable. The shop attendant, a woman with a warm smile and a hint of flirtation in her gaze, greeted him eagerly.

"Good morning, My Lord. How may I assist you today?" Her voice had a soft lilt, her eyes lingering on him with a touch of admiration.

Gabriel returned her greeting politely, his focus on the task at hand unwavering. "I'm looking for a necklace for my young daughter. Something elegant yet fitting for her age. She is but one-and-ten."

The shop attendant's demeanor seemed to shift at his mention of having a child, yet she smiled. "Oh, she is fortunate to have such a thoughtful father," she gushed, an odd blush tinting her cheeks as she selected a delicate necklace and presented it to him. "Would this suffice, My Lord? The pattern and gems are suitable for a young lady her age, nothing of an extra sort. Just enough to make her stand out from her peers on occasion."

Her tone continuously irritated Gabriel by the second. "‘Your Grace', I am not a lord."

"A duke?! My apologies, Your Grace, I-I had no idea," she stammered. The grin on her face only widened however, her excitement palpable. "Yet, I should have known, a man of such stature as yours could only hold such a high title."

Gabriel pressed his lips together and returned his attention to the necklace, making his disinterest in the woman's flattery clear as he nodded at the jewelry. "This would do."

"Wonderful!"

The morning light streamed through the windows, casting a soft glow on the display of exquisite pieces. As he envisioned Eliza's smile at the gift he'd chosen, Gabriel felt a satisfaction wash over him.

"If I may," A frown filled his face and his gaze lifted again to meet the shop attendant's, who suddenly presented another necklace, a stunning piece adorned with a vibrant gem that shimmered with a deep, passionate red hue.

"Your Grace, this necklace symbolizes love, a perfect gift for your special lady at home," her voice carried a hint of inquisition as she displayed the gem necklace.

Gabriel's expression remained stoic as he shook his head firmly. "I am a widower," he stated with a tone that brooked no further discussion.

Her initial surprise quickly turned into a sadness that didn't quite reach her eyes. "Oh, my apologies, Your Grace. That is indeed unfortunate." Annoyingly undeterred, she continued, her tone now laced with subtle curiosity. "However, a man of your station surely cannot live in solitude… Is there a new lady in your life, perhaps?"

Her words hung in the air. Gabriel viewed it as an attempt to probe into his personal affairs.

His silence spoke volumes as he fixed her with a steely look. To his satisfaction, the woman's confidence faltered under his intense scrutiny, and she fidgeted nervously.

"I… I will take the gem away, Your Gracen" she stammered, realizing her mistake and quickly backtracking. "Please accept my apologies for any offense caused."

With a hurried gesture, she retrieved the necklace, her earlier boldness now replaced by a heavy unease in the presence of his formidable silent warning.

Gabriel watched her wrap the necklace in silence, feeling a tug on his chest as he stared at the item.

"Stop," his voice, usually firm and composed, held a hint of hesitation as he suddenly blurted out the word.

The attendant's hands paused above the paper, his sudden command seeming to catch her off guard. Confusion clouded her features as she inquired, "Your Grace, what do you mean? Is there something amiss?"

Gabriel's gaze lingered on the gem, its fiery brilliance igniting a spark within him. "Wait a moment," he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper.

As he continued to stare at the jewelry, a vivid image of Evelina materialized in his mind. He envisioned placing it around her neck, his fingers delicately fastening the clasp, the gem resting against her soft, fair skin.

Lost in his reverie, he felt a rush of emotions surge through him, his heart echoing a sound he was unfamiliar with.

"Have you changed your mind, Your Grace? Would you like me to wrap the other necklace too?"

The shop attendant's voice brought him back to the present. Startled, he refocused on her expectant gaze, her question hanging in the air like a delicate balance waiting to tip.

Panic welled within him. His expression twisted in confusion as he grappled with the conflicting emotions swirling inside him.

"No, you may take it away," he managed to utter as he motioned for her to resume wrapping the necklace.

As the attendant carefully packaged the item, he felt a surge of unease wash over him. His heart pounded in his chest, each beat echoing his inner turmoil. Despite his initial reluctance, a voice in the back of his head niggled at him, urging him to reconsider his decision.

The idea of gifting Evelina such an extravagant necklace, especially one symbolizing love, seemed inappropriate—a boundary he hesitated to cross. Yet, gratitude for her kindness towards his daughter tugged at his conscience.

Why am I so eager to gift her that necklace?

His thoughts were a whirlwind of conflicting desires and rationalizations. Finally, with a resolute tone that belied the inner turmoil, he made his decision known.

"I'll buy it," he declared, his voice firm and commanding.

With a sense of resolve, he completed the purchase, collecting the items before exiting the shop. The implications of his actions lingered in the air like an unspoken confession.

His journey back to his estate was shrouded in a heavy silence. Loneliness, a familiar companion, crept in. As the carriage rolled on, his contemplative gaze drifted out the window.

Would there ever be anything to fill this hole?

Arriving at the estate, he stepped out of the carriage, his footsteps echoing in the quiet morning air. He took a moment to survey his surroundings, a sigh escaping his lips. The early morning sun bathed the estate in a serene light, a stark contrast to his inner turmoil.

As he stepped into the house, he was met by his loyal butler, who stood in the hall, ever ready to assist.

"Good morning, Your Grace. How was your journey?" the butler inquired, his tone a blend of deference and concern, always attuned to the subtle shifts in his master's moods.

Gabriel offered a faint smile, one that barely reached his eyes. "It was uneventful, thank you for asking," he replied. "Has Eliza begun her lesson yet, Jenkins?"

"Miss Balfour will be arriving shortly to begin the lesson, Your Grace. She is expected in an hour."

Gabriel gave a brief nod, his thoughts already drifting to the day ahead. "Very well. I shall be in my study, replying to correspondence."

"Very well, Your Grace."

Gabriel began walking towards the stairs. However, he did not make it far before coming to a halt.

"Oh, and Jenkins?" He hesitated for a moment. "Do let me know when Miss Balfour arrives."

There was a nearly imperceptible shift in the butler's expression before he nodded. "Yes, Your Grace."

As the hour neared noon, Gabriel felt the weight of the morning's work lifting as he prepared for a well-deserved break.

However, just as he was about to rise from his desk, a soft knock sounded at the door, drawing his attention. His eyebrow rose, and with a dispassionate voice, he called for whoever was on the other side to enter.

"Miss Balfour," he greeted, a hint of warmth coloring his voice as Evelina stepped into the study.

A faint smile graced his lips, betraying a sense of anticipation at her unexpected presence.

The joy of her company was a temptation he found impossible to resist or deny. He found himself looking forward to their meetings in his study more often these days.

"I must admit, I did not anticipate your visit today. Our latest discussion on Eliza's lessons was but a few days ago." His eyes flickered with a mirth. "Do you now seek out my company eagerly, Miss Balfour?"

Gabriel turned slightly to adjust his papers, trying to keep his gaze from lingering on her. His playful banter masked a deeper longing. He knew he shouldn't, but he enjoyed teasing her.

He loved nothing more than to witness her reactions to his teasing, the blush that would usually stain her cheeks and the tension that would crackle between them.

He could no longer deny the magnetic pull she held over him. She was unraveling him.

The room resounded an unusual hush, the air thick with a sort of tension as Gabriel's teasing banter faded into an uneasy silence. Sensing the shift in atmosphere, he finally raised his gaze to find Evelina's solemn expression.

His brows furrowed in concern, a flicker of apprehension leaping in his eyes as he observed her carefully.

"Is something amiss, Miss Balfour?" His voice held a note of genuine worry, his usual closed expression giving way to a raw vulnerability in the face of such somber demeanor.

Perplexed by the uncharacteristic quietude that continued from her, he gently prodded, "This silence does not befit you. Pray, share with me what troubles you."

In the pregnant pause that followed, his heart quickened with a sense of foreboding, his concern deepening as she composed herself with a formal curtsy.

The forced smile that graced her lips failed to reach her eyes, casting a shadow of unease over the room as she gave a greeting at last. Gabriel's worry intensified, a knot of anxiety tightening in his chest at the sight of such uncharacteristic facade.

Before he could ask again, she spoke at last, her voice clear and devoid of emotion as it echoed his study.

"I have come to let you know that today shall be my last lesson with Lady Eliza, Your Grace."

What?

Gabriel furrowed his brow. "I beg your pardon? I-I'm not sure I heard that correctly. Can you repeat what you just said?"

"I will no longer be able to continue tutoring Eliza. I am to be married soon, Your Grace, hence I'm unable to carry on my duties," Evelina murmured, barely meeting his eyes.

The world seemed to come to a screeching halt at that very moment.

No, this is not happening.

The study fell deathly silent. Gabriel's eyes were wide with disbelief as her words hung heavy in the air.

Struggling to contain the whirlwind of emotions raging within him, his eyes locked onto hers, silently urging her to reconsider her decision. Yet, as he searched her face for a sign of reassurance, he found her distant gaze unsettling, as if her thoughts were a world away.

She was looking in his direction, yet somehow she seemed to be looking right past him.

He was at a loss for words, his voice faltering as he grappled with the reality of her impending departure.

This is not happening… Marriage? Whom is she getting married to? Which random bastard proposed in such a short time? When? H-How?

His inner turmoil threatened to spill over, his desire to express his growing feelings warring with the knowledge that the anger he was feeling would serve no purpose in this somber exchange.

At last, he found his words, his voice dangerously low as he asked, "Why are you informing me of this just now?"

Evelina's response was swift, her words cold and lifeless. "The engagement occurred only yesterday, Your Grace. It took me by surprise as much as it would anyone."

"Tell me." His voice sharpened as his frustration at her demeanor mounted. "Do you think it fair to drop such news and then leave on the very same day?"

Evelina's eyes met his at last. "And what would you rather have me do in such a situation, Your Grace?" she snapped.

Gabriel's heart rate quickened, and he felt a familiar fire ignite within him at her brazenness. "You could have at least discussed the matter with me months beforehand. You work for me. You cannot just up and leave, leaving me stranded so suddenly."

"I believe you were present at the dinner my father hosted, Your Grace. You witnessed my father's desire to marry me off to the Earl of Oakwood—this is only a manifestation of what is to come."

Lord Oakwood? That slimy, disgusting man?

"The Earl of Oakwood? Are you seriously leaving my daughter to marry such a man, Evelina?"

"‘Such a man' in what manner, Your Grace?" she shot back, her facade cracking. "I politely ask you to refer to my betrothed in a proper manner, for the sake of our previous work relationship."

Is she playing with me? What sort of joke is this?!

His eyes blazed with indignation. "You're defending him now? You detest him. Yes, I was at that dinner—I can boldly attest to that."

"I am a woman," Evelina countered, her voice trembling with suppressed emotion. "A long-lasting spinster. I am expected to marry. I can only be grateful for what I get."

Don't talk about yourself like that. Why are you talking about yourself like that?

"Miss Balfour…" Gabriel's voice shook slightly. "Why must you leave immediately? Is there no alternative?" He heaved out a sigh. "Eliza has come to rely on your guidance, you know this. Your absence will surely impact her education. Perhaps?—"

"I am afraid my decision is final, Your Grace." His eyebrows knitted together at her snappish response. "My impending marriage demands my full attention, and I must prepare for the changes that lie ahead. Eliza shall need another tutor to continue her studies."

"Pray tell, where do you expect me to find one so suddenly? Do tutors drop from the sky these days?" he snarled. "Your tone—I have warned you not to speak to me in such a manner, repeatedly."

Evelina scowled at him. "I simply cannot understand you. Why can't you be happy for me, Your Grace? Why can't you congratulate me as any person would."

Gabriel scoffed. "Happy for you? Why should I congratulate you? Your engagement is none of my concern."

"Exactly, Your Grace!" she hissed. "It's none of your concern, so why are you speaking about it as though it is? Why do you have such an irritated expression on your face?"

Because…

Unable and somewhat afraid to find the answer, Gabriel growled a warning once more. "Do not raise your voice at me, Miss Balfour."

But, with her temper flaring, she carried on with a shrill laugh, "I had hoped for a civil parting, could you believe that? Yet you persist in showing how little you care, how little you've ever respected me!"

"You still think I don't care about you, Evelina?!"

His sudden movement startled her, her eyes widening with a flicker of concern as his hands crashed against the table, the sound reverberating through the room.

Despite the tension crackling however, she met his gaze head-on, a defiant glint in her eyes mirroring his own intensity.

Gabriel rose from his seat, his heart racing in sync with the chaos of their exchange. With deliberate steps, he closed the distance between them.

Evelina's soft gasp and expected step back only caused him to take another step forward, cornering her, a silent battle of wills unfolding in the charged space between them.

The air thickened with the weight of their shared history, the unresolved emotions hanging in the air, and Gabriel's senses heightened, capturing the rapid cadence of her breaths, her familiar scent enveloping him.

The urge to reach out to her warred with his need to maintain his composure. Closing his eyes briefly, he took a deep breath, desperate to calm himself.

A hush settled over the study. When he finally opened his eyes, he glimpsed the uncertainty, the hesitation, and the hurt behind her gaze. His resolve wavered.

She spoke once more, her words carrying a mix of resignation and vulnerability. "You should have realized, Your Grace, that our connection was not meant to last indefinitely. I was bound to get married, eventually. Either that or Eliza's independence would have rendered my services unnecessary." She let out a heavy sigh. "I have long felt dispensable in your eyes, Your Grace. Easily replaceable. Do you not feel the same way?"

No… I do not. I never did.

Gabriel's expression softened imperceptibly, understanding flickering in his eyes as he grappled with her raw vulnerability. The desire to reassure her, to convey the depth of his feelings, tugged at his very core, aching to find a form that would be acceptable enough to convey what he wished to express.

But there was none. There was no way he could say everything he wanted to without it sounding inappropriate.

His hand twitched involuntarily. He wanted to hold her, to pull her towards him and let his lips answer all her uncertainties. However, he held himself back, the weight of propriety pressing down on him like an invisible force.

"Do you have something to say to me, Your Grace?" Her soft voice gently pulled him from his thoughts.

Gabriel narrowed his eyes at her for a moment, before averting his gaze. From the corner of his eye, he noticed her expression shift, a flicker of hurt crossing her features, causing his heart to clench in anguish.

Finally, she nodded. "I hope you find my replacement soon," she murmured, her voice cold. "Thank you for everything. I was grateful for the job while it lasted."

Don't leave, Evelina. Stay, please.

She turned away, leaving him standing in the stark silence of his study, the echo of her departure ringing in his ears like a mournful dirge.

Gabriel attempted to re-immerse himself in his work. He sat behind his desk, the accounts laid out before him once more. However, his thoughts incessantly drifted back to Evelina.

I must focus on my responsibilities. That is all that matters. She has never been my responsibility.

He tried to rationalize, the weight of his inner struggle palpable in the air. Moments passed, however, and the urge to go after her only grew stronger, testing his resolve.

Let her be.

He silently urged himself, battling against the rising tide of emotions threatening to overwhelm him. Yet, the ache in his heart refused to be ignored, the need for closure egging him on.

Finally, unable to resist any longer, he rose from his chair with a determined resolve and made his way out of the study.

His heart pounded in his chest furiously with each step he took.

What will you say to her? What exactly do you intend to achieve with this?

"Hold," his voice was urgent as he halted a house servant as they passed by him. "Miss Balfour… Do you know of her whereabouts around the house?"

The footman executed a respectful bow. "Miss Balfour is presently in the library with Lady Eliza—they're about to begin today's lesson, Your Grace."

Gabriel nodded in acknowledgment, then turned on his heel and set off in the direction of the library. Questions continued to race in his mind, the weight of uncertainty pressing down on him even as his determination to speak with Evelina once more remained unwavering.

He soon found himself in front of the library door. Stepping forward, he hesitated before knocking, hearing unexpected sounds coming from within. His hand hovered as he peered around the slightly ajar door.

Immediately, his heart sank as he saw Eliza sob and hug Evelina, who was crouched down beside her.

"Please, Miss Balfour, can you not stay a bit longer? Just until the wedding." His daughter's voice trembled with emotion as she pulled away from the hug, her tear-stained cheeks visible from where he stood.

"My dear Eliza, I wish I could," Evelina murmured, sorrow tingeing her voice. "But it simply would not be proper. People would talk."

The weight of Eliza's despair reverberated through the room, her cries piercing the air and reaching Gabriel's ears, freezing him in place. The physical ache in his chest reflected the sinking feeling within him as he beheld the raw emotions on his daughter's face.

The little girl's sobs continued to echo the room, her words a plea wrapped in heartache, "Please, don't let this be our last lesson. I don't want you to go, Miss Balfour . Stay with me, stay forever, please."

"Miss Balfour ," she began again, as she pulled away from Evelina's embrace once more, "you're the only one who's ever shown me what a mother's love feels like." Through tearful sobs, her heartfelt wish spilled forth. "I-I honestly wish you were my mother. If you w-were, you wouldn't have to leave me."

"Oh, my darling girl…"

Gabriel did not know what else to do other than watch helplessly as Evelina struggled to soothe his daughter.

"My dear Eliza, though I may not be your mother, I will always be here for you, all right?" Eliza's sobs grew louder, but she pushed on. "If not a mother, you can always consider me a sister, and you are always welcome in my heart and my home. You can visit me whenever you wish."

Gabriel had seen enough. He stepped back from the door, his daughter's words weighing heavily on him. As he walked away from the library, a sense of utter despair enveloped him.

The realization that he couldn't fulfill Eliza's wishes pierced through him like a dagger, leaving him raw and exposed to the depths of his self-loathing.

I cannot marry her. I simply cannot. It's too late now, anyway.