Chapter 2

He Who is Most Stubborn Will Win

W e entered the great hall, a cavernous wooden chamber with a thatched roof, with only small shutters that provided little illumination, even that early in the day. Far off in the shadows, I could make out the outline of my father’s priest, like a barrel with a tuft of white hair. Our father, seated alone to the rear, was quiet with his face illuminated by the firepit.

Donada stood to his left, pale as alabaster. Solemn in blue silk with her wheat-coloured hair plaited neatly. She looked so young. So frightened. So lost.

He glared back at Bethóc and I.

‘Yer pardoned for your late arrival,’ he said.

‘Father, we were just-.’

‘Enough Bethóc.’

‘We were watching the Danes.’ I interrupted. ‘They’ve made land, coming to our shores uninvited.’

He smiled, a smile that did not meet his eyes. ‘I’m well aware of what the Danes have done on my invitation.’ He waved a hand dismissively. ‘You’ve been warned about speaking to me like that, Olith. Hold your tongue or I will have to do it for you,’ he snarled.

He did not look worried even though he knew what they were capable of. Pagan savages . I would watch her pray day after day for our salvation from the Danes. That they had been sent by God to punish us for our sins. I could only imagine it was our father’s sins that she spoke of, as she often turned a blind eye to her daughters being used by his kinsmen, turning to skin and bone in front of her. I often thought that her prayers were misplaced, but what did I know?

I bowed my head.

‘I wish to speak with you.’

Donada stood still as a statue. Bethóc gave me a sideways glance.

‘Olith, I have found an advantageous marriage. A one that will be of great benefit to our Kingdom.’

‘Marriage? But father I–.’

Elpin had been right, the men had heard of my father’s plans. My body traded for peace at my father’s borders, how truly pious of him.

‘Jarl Sigurd of Orkney will be in attendance this evening.’

I was a foolish girl, even then, believing that I was intended for the Jarl. My head swam with thoughts of those savages, for once I hoped that the priest was still praying for my salvation. Maybe God would finally listen and save me from them.

‘So that is what brings the Northmen?’ I crossed myself. ‘I am to marry one of the Devil’s bastards?’

It is a wondrous thing to feel your heart kick against your chest. It reminds us that we are alive. It kicked, and it raged against its cage of sinew. In my heart, I knew that I could not leave my sister. I would not.

It was then that I heard him laughing.

‘You? You are much too like your mother. She always was a sinful bitch. Those are not qualities that make for a good wife. To bring peace, the Jarl will want an heir and for that, a man must want to lay with his wife.’

And a wife must want to lay with her husband. Something that my father and I could finally agree on.

‘If it is not an advantageous marriage, why am I to marry him?’

‘YOU aren’t. Donada will marry the Jarl.’ She did not raise her eyes. ‘I simply want you to make sure she is ready for the occasion.’

When I was learning to hunt, Elpin would often show me how to wield a short sword. Despite my smaller stature, I would run at him and try to strike him with my wooden blade. He always parried and then would turn his blade and dig me in the ribs with the hilt. The impact would knock every bit of air from my lungs. I would be bent double while Elpin would piss himself laughing at my pathetic attempts.

That was how I felt. Unable to breathe. Unable to speak. I was convinced he had made a mistake. She was so young; I had not thought to worry about her. I should have been the next to marry. I had done everything a mother should do. I had fed her. Held her. Kept her safe night after night when no one else would, but none of it mattered. He was going to gift her to the Danish bastards.

‘Donada?’ It came out as a strangled cry. ‘Father, you cannot allow Donada to marry the Jarl,’ I tried to plead to his good nature, while I still thought he had one. ‘Surely you cannot give her to the heathens as some kind of sacrifice for their loyalty?’ I could not hide my fury. ‘You are our King, please Father. Tell them to take their ships and leave. Go back to their own lands. They have enough of their own savage women to marry, they do not need our good Christian women.’

My father did not want my council. Nor would he suffer it. He leaned towards me, both hands on the table, darkness spreading across his features.

‘She is my daughter. Mine to do with as I please. As are you, Olith.’

It was not something I could forget. When I look at my reflection, I see the parts of him I wish I could cut away.

‘I will not let you take her.’ I balled my hands into fists.

‘You will not let me take her?’ he laughed again, a sickly noise. ‘You’re not her mother. Her mother has spent all her time preparing her daughters for marriage, and this is how you repay her. With your disrespect?’

‘What mother?’ I could not hold my tongue. ‘That pious trout that you make us call mother. We lost our mother the day Naiton died. We have no mother.’

I should have been more cunning and chosen my words carefully. He replied with a fist. I heard my sister’s gasp.

I wished I had been born wise like Bethóc instead of as headstrong as I was, but my sister could not see what our parents were, treating them like Saints. God had meant to punish me and made sure that every day I saw the truth of what they were.

‘You’ll do well to keep that tongue in your head,’ he said, as coolly as he had struck me. ‘Her wedding will be by Friday week’s end; we need to discuss her travel arrangements.’

‘You will send her to live amongst them?’ My burning cheek tried to remind me to be civil. ‘Among those heathens? They find it a game to kill Christians and yet you would let them take her?’ I said, like the witless fool I was.

‘Enough!’ he shouted again.

‘Then I will take her place.’ I gasped, stepping forward. ‘Let them take me.’

A look of confusion washed over Donada’s face. What else was I to do? She would not stand a chance against them. I could hunt. I could fight. I had known men. I would not see her defiled by a Dane.

I felt a hand at my elbow. ‘Olith, this is father’s decision. Do you not think it is him who is best placed to decide who we should marry…’ Bethóc trailed off.

‘No, Olith! I cannot let you do this.’ Donada screamed.

‘Enough, Donada,’ I said more harshly than I intended, but I did not want her to see me cry. ‘Does it truly matter whom he marries as long as he gets a bride?’ I said, trying to ignore her sobs.

He did not care about the fate of any of us, so long as he had his accord with the Danes and for that, he only needed a body. It would not matter whose.

‘I have made a promise to the Danes, the bride price has been agreed and is to be paid before they return to Orkney. The Jarl is paying for Donada, the rest of the dowry will be paid as she boards their ships at high tide. I will not go back on my word, and neither will the Jarl.’

I did not know how to answer. I did not understand the intricacies of dowries and the price for brides, but I did understand that my father would be happy so long as he could make good money from us, and he kept the Danish wolves from our borders.

‘Is it no true that they like their women spirited?’ I said, trying my hand at being cunning, God knows I would need it in the years to come. ‘Donada is young, she does not know the ways of men, the ways of war. She has lived a sheltered life. Surely, I would be the better choice? Why not ask them? Allow me to go before the Danes, let them wrangle over my price. If I can gain you a bigger dowry, then will you agree?’

I walked to my father and knelt before him, taking his hand, I kissed it.

Then the priest, who had been silent throughout, tried to speak. ‘Perhaps this is a test, Laird King? You should allow the girl her whims, salvation lies within us. Allow her to go before the Danes, when they refuse her, she will see the error of her ways and through remorse, she will find her salvation. We must thank God for showing her mercy.’

He placed a hand on my shoulder. I disguised my revulsion. Always praying for my salvation. Always thinking me unworthy of God’s love. I could not say I was ungrateful for his interference, my father remained God-fearing until his dying day. He was a dangerous man, but he would do nothing unless it had come from God. Looking back, it was just the salvation I needed.

The priest tried to speak but was silenced with a shake of the Laird’s head and dismissed.

‘She is young, she doesn’t know the ways of men, the ways of war. It is not a bride you want to give him; you want to usurp him. To give you back what is rightfully yours.’

‘You’ve always shown that your allegiances lie elsewhere.’

My allegiances lay with God and my sisters, and I would not see one of them brought to her knees.

‘They are with you, Father.’

My father’s eyes studied me, long and hard. I held his gaze, unblinking. A look passed across his face. Disgust? Revulsion? I could not tell.

‘As you wish, Olith. You will meet with the Jarl, if he agrees, then and only then will I allow it. Darkness threatens our lands. The Northmen would corrupt our way of life. We have enemies to the north and enemies to the West. We need peace at our borders, we need the Northmen to fight alongside us.’

‘God will reward you, Laird King,’ said the priest. ‘Let Him guide her.’

It always struck me that God would reward men for handing over the bodies of their daughters to other men and yet, the women who knelt in prayer and sobbed at their fate were nothing more than grievous sinners. When would we be redeemed?

My father stared first at Donada and then at me, so long that I felt uncomfortable.

‘You will present yourself before Jarl Sigurd this evening, let us see which of my daughters he chooses,’ he said finally. ‘And Olith, the wedding will take place on Friday, the Northmen only marry on Frigga’s day.’

Then he smiled. The kind of smile that would not be misplaced on the Devil himself.

?

Twilight had fallen, dropping the stars into their places when I returned to our chambers. I pushed open the door to find Donada dressed in her travelling cloak, slick with rain and pacing the floor.

I should have known that she would be worried, but I had no fight left in me. In truth, I had taken my mare and rode out as far as the boundaries would allow. I had stared up at the sky and I had raged. Against God and that pious weakling of a priest. I bargained. Pleading for my sanctuary. Then, I had fallen to my knees on the sodden earth and turned my face skyward, like a flower reaching for the sun and I cried.

‘Where have you been until this hour?’ she snapped.

It sounded strange to my ear, hearing such motherly words come out of her mouth. It was I who should have scolded her, for ever agreeing to our father’s demands but I could only stumble over my words. ‘I… I…’

She looked at me with red-rimmed eyes and rubbed away tears with the heel of her palm. ‘That is all you have to say?’

I could not bring myself to look at her a second longer. I turned my face away toward the fire and mumbled, ‘You must leave. I must prepare to meet the Jarl.’

‘You cannot marry him.’ She tried to wrap her thin arms around me. ‘Please.’

How could I have done anything else? Who would have kept her safe?

‘Let go,’ I growled. ‘I will not discuss it further.’

I would not let her see me cry, not then. Even now, as we have grown old and we sit here, hands clasped together, gazing upon our grandchildren while they play in the long grass, thrashing each other with wooden swords, she will not see me weep for the lives that have been lost or for the life that we should have had. Tears are for the dead, not for the living.

‘How can you be so cruel?’

I swallowed hard. ‘You must go and get ready; father will not be pleased if we are late.’ I said, sidestepping her, going towards the trunk in the corner of the room that was lit by candles. I reached inside and began pulling at the tangle of fabric, keeping my back to Donada.

‘It should have been me who got to marry him, not you,’ she said with all the force of a petulant child. In that moment it felt as though the ground should open and swallow me whole. After all, I had done for her. All I had sacrificed to keep her safe.

I rounded on her. ‘You say it like it is some sort of a game? Like I have won a prize?’

‘Haven’t you? You will escape from all of this,’ she waved an arm. ‘But you will leave me here, with them.’

‘You are nothing but an ungrateful child,’ I snarled. ‘Staying here is the lesser of two evils. I am taking your place at the Devil’s side. It is a punishment. Do you not remember the night Naiton died? Have you been so quick to forget? Because I still wake up screaming.’

‘How could I ever forget? when you will not let me. Not a day goes by when you do not mention it. She has sought God’s forgiveness and yet her own daughter cannot forgive her?’

I gripped her arm. ‘You were too young to remember. You did not see the light die in her eyes. I rocked you to sleep, night after night, crying, for the want of food in your belly. She watched on, dead-eyed and glass-faced while we starved.’

‘God will punish you for not forgiving her.’

‘Do you hear what you are saying?’ I shook her arm. ‘God should punish me. Where was God when father’s men came calling? When our mother would do nothing to protect us. It was me who saved your maidenhood. Not mother. Not father and certainly not God. But don’t you worry, Donada, you will get to see what it feels like to be an adult, to look after the younger ones, to watch the men come to them at night. Sup ale and think of my body being desecrated by a beast while you sit around plaiting hair, learning of what it is to truly be an adult.’

I let go of her arm.

Sparks flew up from the embers of the fire as she slammed the door.

Then, silence.

I sagged forward my hands gripping my chest, and I cried silent tears. I had said too much. Such hurtful, hateful things. God would punish me for my sins and for that, I did not have to wait long. Donada never forgot what was said by that fire. The real truth of our survival. We will both take that secret with us when we become food for the worms and until that day comes, it will remain an unspoken bond between us.

Our lives and their consequences could not have turned out any other way. Donada was never meant to marry the Jarl. Beautiful, sweet Donada who spent her days helping the older women to braid their hair when it became too much of a chore. Donada, who would bring home sickly birds with broken wings and nurse them back to health. The Danes would have crushed her gentle spirit. I had given my whole life to protect hers I was not about to stop.

One day she would understand.

Then I heard her sobbing. The hairs on the back of my neck began to prickle. I hesitated. Wanted to go to her. To throw my arms around her and comfort her but those days were gone. If I was to survive, if we were both to survive, I had to do it on my own.