19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

The entire walk into town with her mother, Charlotte felt numb. It wasn't just the new snow. No, her feeling was one of her emotions, not the weather. Her mother kept glancing at her and finally squeezed her hand. "My dear, you look so apprehensive. Today is supposed to be a day of merriment. Don't let anything bother you. Are you worried about August?"

Then, her gaze turned sharp. "Remember, though he might be interested in you, you don't have to be interested in him. Why, you are a beautiful young woman, and there are many men to choose from, when the time comes that you feel ready for that."

"I know, Mama," Charlotte said. "Perhaps I'm just nervous. It's my first time being here since I was a child. "

"I understand," her mother said. "I feel the same. Part of me deeply regrets that we isolated ourselves so much because of the shameful situation we found ourselves in. Perhaps the very people who could have lifted our spirits or helped at the time are the very ones we closed ourselves off from."

Charlotte didn't answer, but squeezed her mother's hand. She could see the lines of worry around her eyes, and hoped that she could ease them. Be that by a courtship with August or not, she wasn't sure, but she did hope to make her mother's life easier.

Right now, everything felt so uncertain. Was there a word that could encompass a situation that was even larger than complicated? She was sure there was, just she didn't know it. That summed up her life at the moment. She didn't know what to do about anything or how to say it.

"My goodness!" her mother said as a wagon loaded with people passed them. Snow was packed down by the wagon wheels, making a little trail. "Look how many people are here."

"I think everyone who has ever lived here is joining in the festivities," Charlotte said, shaking her head in surprise.

It wasn't an exaggeration. The entire main street seemed near to bursting with people. Packs of children ran around laughing and chasing each other with mittens full of snow. Adults stood in clusters looking at the items for sale or enjoying the food. An enterprising individual was selling snow ice cream.

Overnight, it had snowed several inches, which meant the sleighs would soon be gliding through the winterscape, causing red cheeks, joyous laughter, and romance to fill the town. Everywhere the sun hit, the snow sparkled. It looked to be the perfect day.

If only it felt that way.

"I'm going to go set my lace out," her mother said briskly. "We'll find each other later."

Charlotte watched as her mother strode into the crowd and started to unpack the large basket she'd been carrying. It wasn't but a few moments later that women crowded around her mother, holding up pieces of lace. It made Charlotte happy to see her mother looking so proud of her handiwork.

She let her gaze slowly roam over the festival happenings. Was there someone that she knew to say hello to? Her eyes drifted toward the doctor's office. Had…had Justin come? He'd said he would. It would be hard to resist such a gathering.

Except for the fact that he likely thought she was upset at him. In truth, she didn't know how she felt. Seeing the others around her age standing around with either nervous expressions or whispering and giggling made her even more unsure .

All night long she'd worried about what to do. It had all boiled down to her wanting to protect her mother and Justin. If that meant approaching August, even at the risk of her humiliation, then that was what she would do.

August had no idea she'd overheard him boasting and putting her down. A small part of her hoped that was just manly bragging, but a larger part knew it likely wasn't. Each time she thought about the doctor's eye, she shuddered.

Justin. She looked up just then and spotted him. Even through the heavy crowd, their eyes met, and she found herself walking toward him, as though she were being pulled in his direction.

Charlotte stopped in front of him. There was a polite distance, a proper distance, between them. She quietly said, "You came."

"I promised you I would." The look he gave her as he searched her face nearly scorched her through. Charlotte was surprised to find her heart pounding, thundering the way she'd always imagined it would when August asked her to marry him.

How funny that now, she didn't want him at all.

"I'm sorry," he said quickly. "I didn't mean to bring you heartache or complicate things." He ran a hand through his thick hair. "That's the last thing I wanted. What I was trying to avoid. "

Charlotte rested her hand on his arm and noticed his eyes follow it. "I know," she whispered, unsure of what else to say.

Justin was unable to hide the pain or the sorrow in his eyes. "About yesterday. I just…just…"

"Just?" she asked softly, sliding her hand down his sleeve to touch his hand.

"Charlotte! Are you coming?"

She turned to see August looking at her expectantly. He looked impatient, and his scowl just about filled his face. Her legs felt frozen to the spot, and not from the snow. As she looked at August, it was almost as though it were the first time she was seeing him.

Her eyes looked past his nice clothing and jacket, his handsome face and perfect hair to what was inside of him. There was no kindness. No respect. No love. He didn't care about her. Not truly. Did he even care for anyone but himself?

"Hurry up," he called again impatiently. "They are about to pull around the sleighs. You do want to ride with me, don't you?"

"Enjoy yourself," Justin said, his voice drawing her attention to the sad smile he wore. "I like seeing you happy." He stuffed his hands into his pockets, and leaned against the side of the building, his shoulders slumped.

Charlotte let herself be pulled away by August, but a strange feeling came over her. She'd longed so much for this day, had looked forward to it…but in that moment, she felt anything but happiness.