Chapter 5

5

E lizabeth stared out at the view, hardly able to face Mr. Darcy. But she was glad he was here. Regardless of propriety, she had wanted privacy to speak what she must.

"I must thank you, sir, for your aid to my family." She bowed her head, happy that her bonnet would be hiding her expression. "Twice over; because even before the events of yesterday morning, I knew that you aided us in the marriage of my youngest sister and relieving the ruin of all our family."

There was a long pause, and then his voice was quiet. "I am sorry you know of it, Miss Elizabeth. It was never my intention that you should."

"You must not blame my aunt. Lydia revealed it first, and so I demanded that my aunt tell me everything. No one else in the family knows, so you may be reassured of that."

"I thank you. I would prefer it to remain between us alone."

"And my aunt and uncle!" She laughed, and the atmosphere between them seemed to lighten a little. But she could not afford to feel hopeful. Yesterday, from what Mr. Bingley had said, it was obvious that Mr. Darcy had heard her slap Lydia, and while she could not be sorry for it, she knew it was so unladylike as to render it impossible for him to … to …

She could hardly formulate her thoughts and hopes and they trailed off.

After a few moments silence, he spoke quietly. "Despite that you now know the facts, I trust Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner not to reveal more." His voice was gentle, and tears started to her eyes and she had to look down.

There were some moments of silence, and then his voice was quiet and warm. "Will you not look at me, Miss Elizabeth?"

She could not show him her tears and instead reached into her reticule for her handkerchief to pat her face dry. Now she could look at him, and the tenderness in his gaze nearly caused her undoing.

"What has distressed you, my dear?"

It was his words of endearment now that caused her discomposure and her startled gaze seemed to cause his eyes to darken more. The lump in her throat made it hard to breathe.

"You just … you just called me dear."

He bowed his head. "I am sorry, Miss Elizabeth. But it is how I think of you." He paused a moment before holding his hand to his cheek, his lips turned up. "And now you may slap me for my indiscretion."

Were his eyes dancing mischievously? The staid and serious Mr. Darcy?

Her shoulders slumped, and she looked down. "I know it was terrible behaviour, sir. The impropriety was unforgivable — and that you and Mr. Bingley heard it! I am utterly ashamed."

She could sense he was there, her whole body seemed to be afire; and she knew he moved closer to her. Then he took her hand.

"Do not be ashamed, Miss Elizabeth." His voice was very soft. "Small children the world over may receive a slap in the nursery for misbehaviour. Perhaps your youngest sister did not at that time receive the lessons she ought, being that she was the youngest?"

She could not prevent her expression, and she responded with a watery smile. "It might have made for a more comfortable life for us all, Mr. Darcy." She shook her head. "And perhaps for Lydia, if she had not had to marry him. I do not expect her feeling that she has a good marriage will last very long."

"I am sorry for it," he said quietly, and she knew he meant every word.

She took a deep breath, not wanting to talk about Lydia any more; there had been enough drama about her these last weeks.

"Do I have you to thank for bringing Mr. Bingley back to Hertfordshire?"

He huffed an embarrassed-sounding laugh. "I confessed all to him after Hunsford. I could not allow my misconceptions and wrong actions to stand and cause either of them continued misery."

"Then that is another thing I must thank you for, sir." Elizabeth smiled at him. "Jane was happy last evening."

He was still holding her hand, and the contact — even through their gloves — was causing her utter distraction. She could barely think.

"I am pleased," he said carefully. "And I hope you are pleased, too, Miss Elizabeth."

He drew a deep breath and twisted more on the seat so he was facing her.

"Miss Elizabeth." He sounded apprehensive, and she tried to suppress a smile. "I was sorry at the abrupt end to your visit to Derbyshire. I thought then we were beginning to understand each other rather better, and that my attempts to be a better man that I was at Hunsford might incline you to forgive me for my dreadful words on that terrible occasion." His fingers pressed her hand slightly.

Elizabeth swallowed. "Your letter had already gone a long way to explaining yourself, Mr. Darcy, and I thank you for it."

He raised her hand slowly to his lips, his gaze never leaving her eyes.

Elizabeth swallowed, and drew her hand away. Mr. Darcy drew slightly closer.

"What is it, Miss Elizabeth? Have I not yet proved myself enough of a better man?"

Elizabeth turned away and looked out at the landscape. "It is nothing like that. Not at all." She gave a tiny smile, and then turned to look at him, knowing her expression showed her pain.

"I cannot afford to allow my feelings to run away with me, Mr. Darcy. I have the disaster of having that man as a brother-in-law now, and you surely cannot conceive of joining a family with that insurmountable obstacle." She dropped her eyes to look at the ground. Anything rather than watch his expression change.

Mr. Darcy was took her hand again, and the gentle pressure drew her gaze back up to his face. "I know that, Miss Elizabeth." He looked slightly amused. "I arranged it."

His hands both now fully enclosed hers and he brought them up to rest against his heart.

"Everything I did was for you. I beg you do not send me away. I would like to call on you, Miss Elizabeth, and see if I may persuade you to like me a little more than you have done in the past."

She knew her features softened. He was not asking too much. There had been so many changes and a great deal of drama; she needed a pause in things that were happening. If Mr. Darcy was calling on her, despite what had happened, she might be able to permit her heart to hope.

She met his gaze. "I hope you feel strong, Mr. Darcy. While I would like it if you were to call on me; it will mean Mama will be very loud." She felt pained. "She can be …" she lowered her voice with mortification "… she can be very vulgar."

His grip tightened on her hand. "She is your mother, Miss Elizabeth, and therefore worthy of my respect. I hope you will allow me to prove to you that I am able to show that respect."

Finally, she could allow herself to smile. "Will you brave Papa later today to gain his consent, Mr. Darcy?"

He nodded at her, his eyes both tender and passionate. "I will; but also, when we are alone, might you call me by my given name — or, preferably, the name my family call me — William."

Elizabeth could feel her face warming in a blush. Never before had she called any grown man by their given name.

"William." Her voice was low, and his chuckle wound its way around her heart, warm and comforting.

"I like the sound of my name on your lips."

She must stop this, or she might find things progressing too fast. How could she feel sure of him so soon?

"I believe it is time for me to return to Longbourn, Mr. Darcy — William. I do not want to be missed at breakfast."

His smile softened his features. "Of course, my dear. I would not wish your father discomposed before I ask him for his consent." He rose to his feet and offered his hand.

She accepted it, rather than say that she was quite capable of standing up by herself. It was rather pleasant to be feel cherished, and she shivered.

"Are you cold?" He looked concerned. "Let me give you my coat."

"No, sir. I am not cold, and there is no better way to warm up than by walking briskly."

"May I escort you home?"

She shook her head. "Much better not. I suppose you will be arriving with Mr. Bingley at the calling hour. The presence of your friend may even distract Mama for today!" She laughed, and he bowed slightly.

"Please take care, Elizabeth, and I will see you again very soon."