Chapter 50

Ilean back against the tiled wall of the bathroom. I've been throwing up since three a.m. I think everything is catching up to me. The last two months have been a new kind of hell I never thought I'd experience.

But today is the day I'm going to find out just how long I have to wait for my husband to come home. Gabe might be giving up on us, but I promised him to never do that again, and I intend to keep that promise.

He took my name off his visiting list, and let's just say when I showed up three weeks ago, it didn't go over too well when they told me I couldn't see him. And then I found out from Xavier that it was Gabe's doing.That he refused to see me.

I've written to him, told him how stupid his plan to just block me out is. He didn't write back. I've tried to talk to Gio, to get him to reason with his brother, but he keeps telling me to just give him time.

Time. It all comes down to that one word. How much time does he need? How long do I have to pretend that I can actually go through this life without him by my side?

Time. Yeah, I'm beginning to hate that bloody word.

There's a knock at the door and then it opens. Vin steps inside with a glass of water. "Here. Drink this." He hands me the cup. "You look like shit."

"Thanks. You probably would too if today was the day your husband was getting sentenced to prison for God only knows how long," I tell him.

"Yeah, probably." Vin stares at me. "You've been sick for a week straight, Daisy. Throwing up but you don't seem to have a fever or nothing. Sure it's not something else?"

"Like what?" I ask him.

Vin reaches behind his back and pulls a box out of his pocket before passing it over to me. "Take this," he says.

I look at the box and read the words scrawled across the front. A pregnancy test. I shake my head and then lean over the toilet again, my stomach heaving as it tries to empty content that no longer exists.

"I'm not pregnant," I tell Vin as I wipe at my mouth with the back of my hand.

"Humour me then, Daisy. I got the whole ‘you should be more responsible' and ‘teen pregnancy' spiel from the old bird at the pharmacy when I bought this," he groans. "Don't make me have gone through that for nothing."

"I can't be pregnant, Vin. I just can't. Gabe's been gone for two months," I tell him.

"You don't need to be a mathematician to work out that your theory has flaws. Take the test," he urges me.

"I will. After. I need to get ready first."

"When you're ready, come and eat. We're all leaving for the courthouse together," he says.

I peer up at him from where I'm still clutching the toilet bowl. "Thank you."

"Just so you know, if you are. Knocked up, I mean. You're not alone, even if my brother isn't here. You still have us," Vin says.

Tears well up in my eyes. Over the last few weeks, out of everyone, I've gotten closest to Vin. Which is odd, considering he's the same brother I thought disliked me the most when I first started dating Gabe.

After I've showered and dressed, I apply a light layer of makeup, in an attempt to cover the black circles under my eyes. The box is still staring at me from where I set it on the counter. I lock the door and pull it out of the packet.I can't not take it now that Vin put the question into my head. So I pee on the little stick, set it on the vanity, and wash my hands. Then I set the timer on my phone while feeling conflicted over which results I'm really hoping for.

I've never wanted to be a mother. The thought of having a little piece of Gabe, though? I like that. I think I might even want that. When my phone dings with the notification telling me it's now or never, I hold my breath and glance at the stick.

The word ‘pregnant' flashes back at me, and my heart stops for a beat. Pregnant. I'm pregnant. We're going to have a baby. My first thought is I wonder how Gabe will feel about this…

Would he want a baby with me?

I remember having the conversation with him once before, when I said I never wanted kids. I don't know how he will feel about me changing my mind. Especially given the circumstances. At this point, I'm not even certain he wants me. He won't see me, won't talk to me. He won't even write to me. A part of me wants to believe that it's his way of coping with the situation. That it has nothing to do with him not loving me.

Then there's always that seed of doubt in my head as well. What if he is actually done with me? Done with us… now, I guess? Me and the baby he doesn't know about.

My hand settles on my stomach. I'm pregnant. I need to get my head around this. I don't have the faintest idea when it comes to being a mother, keeping another human alive. But I know that I will love this baby enough for two parents. If I have to. And I'll be okay.

"I can do this," I whisper to my reflection in the mirror.

Then I toss the test into the trash can. First, we need to get through this hearing. I need to know the reality we're facing. I need to know how long I'm going to be a single mother… I need to believe that Gabe is going to come home to me. I might have to wait a few years, but I can do that. I've already waited a lifetime to find someone like him. A few years is nothing in comparison.

Right?

He made me fall for him. He made me love him and realise that our love was worth fighting for. It is worth waiting for.

El's hand squeezes mine as we sit behind Gabe and his legal team. He took one look at me when he walked into the courtroom and hasn't looked back since. It was enough, though. I saw the love in his eyes. He's hurting. This isn't any easier on him than it is for me.

I need to be strong enough for both of us. If he wants to cut me out, fine. I'll be patient and I'll keep trying to get him to see me again. I'd even settle for phone calls at this point.

And that small glimmer of hope is enough to get me through the proceedings. Until the judge delivers the verdict that has my world shattering around me all over again.

"Guilty."

I don't hear anything else after that. Then the sound of screaming startles me back to reality and I realise it's me. I'm screaming out for him. El is holding on to my shoulders as Gio moves around in front of me and wraps his arms around my body. I don't know what's happening. I just know I need to get to him.

"Gabe!" I call out as I manage to look around Gio to see my husband. Gabe stares back at me, tears running down his face as he shakes his head in my direction.

Gio carries me out of the courtroom. Vin follows. When I'm finally set back down on my feet, I fall right to the ground and land on my ass.

"I need him. You have to get him out, Gio. You need to get him home," I cry.

"We're not going to stop trying, Daisy," Gio says before Vin presses himself between us.

He glances from me to his older brother. "I've got it. Go back in there and make sure he's not going to do anything stupid."

"How long?" I ask Vin as soon as Gio is out of earshot. I blocked everything out after I heard the word guilty.

"Five years," he says. "It's good, Daisy. He was looking at ten or more. I don't know how Xavier got it down to five, but it's only five years. It'll be over before you know it. I promise."

Five years. I have to live without my husband for five years. I have to raise our child on my own for five years. "I need to go," I tell Vin.

"Okay, I'll take you home," he says.

I shake my head. "No, I need to go. I can't stay here," I attempt to clarify.

"What do you mean?"

"I need to leave, Vin. I can't stay here. I need to be somewhere no one knows me. I'm pregnant," I whisper.

"Then you shouldn't be going anywhere. You should be here with your family."

"I can't tell him. He won't even see me, Vin. I can't even tell the man I love that he's going to be a father. I can't… Even if I could, what good would it do? It would hurt him more, knowing that he's locked up in there and I'm out here with his child. He can't find out about this, Vin. He can't."

"Fuck. Daisy, this ain't right." Vin shakes his head while raking a hand through his hair. It's a lot to put on a kid. I know. But I don't have anyone else. There's no one else who knows… everything.

"You don't have to help me. I'll be fine." I've got a little bit of money saved up still. I can get a job somewhere and keep saving. I can do this on my own. I don't need help. From anyone. I never have. This situation is no different.

"I know a place you can go." Vin sighs. "Come on."

I follow him out to his car and get in, without having the faintest clue as to where he's taking me.