13. Xavier

13

XAVIER

I t's been three weeks since the gala, and I've seen Nyx damn near every day, the only exceptions being the nights she works. And even then, sometimes I surprise her and show up there, too. Still , she's yet to allow me into her home. Nyx has made it clear that she's very particular about having a space that's just her own and, although I wish she would let me in more, I don't want to push her boundaries.

I've fully shed the pretense that she's someone I could just fuck out of my system. The more time I spend around her and her smart mouth, the clearer it becomes that I'm growing attached. I just wish I could have a glimpse into her mind. There are moments where I think she's feeling the same, and others where I'm not so sure.

You're a piece of shit . A niggling voice in my head shouts at me, but I push it away. I'll save worrying about the consequences of my actions for another day.

" Come to Napa with me this weekend," I say as we lay in bed one evening.

She turns and stares at me. " I didn't know that you were going to Napa ."

" I'm only going if you say yes. I have a villa out there, and this is probably the last time I will go for the year." I trail my fingers down her shoulder.

" A villa in Napa . How quaint."

" It's a good escape from the city now and then."

" Let me guess. We would fly there on your private jet."

" That would make things easier."

Her mouth snaps shut. " I was definitely kidding. You have a plane?"

" It's convenient."

" I think the word you're searching for is pretentious."

" Would you prefer we fly commercial?"

She hesitates. " No , let's take your jet."

" That's what I thought."

She looks up to the ceiling and then rolls over, her back now facing me. I trace the snake that winds up her spine.

" You know you've never told me about this." I feel her tense under my touch, and I wonder if I've hit a nerve.

" I got it for my twenty-first birthday." Her voice is hollow, as if she's no longer in the room with me but lost in some memory.

I want to know what could have possibly gone so wrong, but I leave it alone, not wanting to push her into opening up about something she's not yet ready to talk about.

But she continues on. " I came home from waitressing and found my mom and my boyfriend together, in bed."

My eyes fly open; I hadn't been expecting that.

" She wasn't even sorry. Just mocked me as though I was nothing more than a joke to her. I had always known that she didn't care about me, but that night solidified it." She pauses. " That was the last night we spoke, and I've been better off. I moved out that same evening. It was my worst birthday yet, but getting Lucious was a bright spot. He's my guardian and a reminder of my strength. He's got my back, literally."

" That must have been a lot to experience so young."

" Yeah , it was a good lesson. Even the people who claim to love us are capable of fucking us over."

" What about your dad?"

" He was a piece of shit." Her shoulders tense. " A drunk. I was a kid, but I always knew to make myself scarce when he showed up in the evenings. He would come home full of rage, yelling about one thing or another. My mere presence was enough to send him into a tailspin. I was small, an easy target for his verbal abuse. He saved the physical stuff for my mom." Nyx sighs and turns over to face me. " Every night, he would drink a beer as if he wasn't already plastered, but it was like that beer was his switch. The second it entered his system, I could tell the difference in him. My mom would order me to my room, but I could still hear her cries as he beat her."

" I'm sorry," I say, wishing that I could do something, anything , to go back and change her past.

She shrugs. " It is what it is. Things came to a tipping point when he hit me. I had been doing the dishes and accidentally dropped a plate. I'll never forget the sound of the ceramic shattering and then the ringing in my ears as his fist connected with the side of my head. That was what it took for my mom to go to the police. They had him forcibly removed from the house and she sought out a protection order. For years, I thought he would come back and do something worse, but Ravenscroft isn't huge, and I think the shame of everyone knowing what he had done got to him. He disappeared, and I haven't seen him since." Nyx drops my gaze. " I don't even know if he's alive, and honestly? I don't care. I blame him for my mom's drug addiction. After he left, I think she just did everything that she could not to remember. Even if it meant she had to forget me too."

" Well , that explains it," I say.

" What ?" She looks at me once again.

" The incredible strength that I see in you. No one should ever have to endure what you have, let alone as a child. But through that pain, a woman of incredible tenacity and power was forged. You raised up like a phoenix from the ashes."

" It doesn't always feel like that," she says, her voice small. I can tell this isn't something she talks about often. Her openness and vulnerability causes an odd feeling in my chest.

" That's okay. You can be strong and still acknowledge the hurts of your past. But if you ever need someone to remind you just how incredible you are, I'm here, and I'll tell you every time."

She gives me a small smile, and I wish I could read her mind.

" What about your tattoos?" she asks, changing the subject. " When did you get these done?"

Her nails run along my arm, looking at the art that forms a full sleeve. I feel a knot form in my stomach; I haven't told her yet about the eight years I spent in prison. Not that I'm necessarily ashamed, but I'm certainly not proud.

Fucked up decisions I made as a kid cost me time I can never get back. They cost me my relationship with my son.

A stab of guilt hits me in the gut. My pursuit of Harrison has taken a back seat over the last few weeks. Instead of focusing on the best way to reach out to him, I've been sleeping with a woman that's damn near his age.

I push that thought aside as I answer Nyx's question. " Different points in my life. Some I got while I was underage, others when I was in my early twenties. I filled in my arm when I was released from prison. It was therapy, of sorts, I suppose. Almost everything else in my life had gone to shit."

Her eyes go wide and her mouth falls open, surprise evident on her face.

" Prison ?"

I chuckle, but there's no real humor behind it. " This wasn't always my life."

" What happened? If you don't mind me asking."

It's not my favorite topic, but opening up to Nyx feels easy. " I didn't have much growing up. Things were rough at home, and I fell into the wrong crowd. I was fourteen when I essentially became a bitch boy for the local drug dealer, Gio . He sort of guided me, shaped me into his ideal right-hand man."

" Oh my God , you were so young."

" Yeah . At the time, it seemed like the best option. And when I got my girlfriend, Mayra , pregnant at fifteen, he helped me. Letting me take on more tasks. I started selling, doing whatever I could to get money for my family. I didn't want my son to grow up the same way I had. Looking back now, I can see that I probably wasn't doing him much good the way I was living then, either."

I think back to how young and na?ve I had been. I was a kid making grown decisions without understanding the consequences.

" Mayra hated what I was doing, but I thought she was being dramatic. I believed it was what was best for us. For our family. It was true for a while, and when I turned twenty-two, things went south. Gio had me hold up a shop owner that owed him money. Police were called in, and I was charged with armed robbery. My sentence was light, all things considered, but it was still eight years of my life gone. Everything I had been working for beforehand? Gone ."

Remaining quiet, Nyx's eyes search mine, urging me to continue.

" When I got out, Mayra had moved on and gotten married. My son wanted nothing to do with me, and I only had myself to blame."

" I'm sorry," she whispers.

" Don't be. That was the wake-up call I needed to make a change. I got myself sorted, got an office job, worked my way up, and I guess the rest is history."

" Is that how you met Kellen ? When I asked him at the gala he said it was a long story."

I nod. " Yeah , he was my cellmate. He got out a couple of years after me. By that point, I had built a reputation of being dependable, so I vouched for him and my boss took a leap of faith, hiring him. Now he's right with me and a certified pain in my ass."

She laughs, leaning her head on my shoulder." I like him."

" He likes you, too. So , I should probably keep him away."

" You have nothing to worry about. Can I ask you another question?"

" Shoot ."

" Kellen insinuated that it had been a while since you'd been with anyone."

I purse my lips and remind myself to give that chatterbox a swift kick to the ass the next time I see him.

" So , what's your question?" I say, with a smirk.

" How long is long?"

I let out a sigh and think back. " Since the divorce; so, three years now."

She raises her head, eyes wide. " Three years?"

" No need to sound so surprised," I chuckle.

" I can't help it," she exclaims. " You mean you never once? Not with anyone?"

I shrug. " Work has kept me busy."

" Apparently ," she replies, disbelief evident in her tone.

" It wasn't an intentional choice, it just happened. We broke up, and I threw myself into work. I'd get to the office early every day and leave late. It didn't give me a whole lot of time for extracurricular activities, and I wasn't interested in making it a priority."

" Until you met me." A smug smile spreads across her face.

" Until I met you," I confirm.

" You sure know how to make a girl feel special," she jokes. And then she adds more softly, " Thank you for being honest with me."

" Thanks for listening," I say, pulling her body closer to mine.

A few moments of silence pass. " How's your mom doing, by the way?"

A flash of emotion passes over her face, and I immediately regret my question. In an instant, she shrugs, composing herself as whatever she felt disappears.

" I don't know. I sent her the money and she hasn't taken my calls since." She drops my gaze, looking down at the mattress.

" Hey ." I lift her chin and force her to look at me. " I'm sorry."

" It's fine," she mutters and then changes the subject. " So , what should I pack for Napa ?"

" That was easily the best flight I've taken," Nyx says as we walk off of my toward the car waiting for us on the tarmac.

I smirk. I had my head between her legs before we had even taken off. " Good . I'm happy to hear it, hurricane. I was thinking we could drop our stuff off at my place and then grab dinner."

" Perfect , I'm starving."

I place a hand on her thigh, inching it up until it cups her pussy through her jeans. " Me too."

" Yeah , well, you're always hungry."

" That I am."

" I love your appetite." She sidles up to me. " It's one of my favorite things about you. In fact, you may just be stuck with me, Mr . Atwood ."

I place a kiss on the top of her head. I know that she's joking, but a part of me wants her words to be true. Being ‘stuck' with Nyx sounds like a taste of heaven to me. I don't know when it happened, but my feelings for her have gone far past lust.

This isn't just a fling. I can't let her go.

And I won't.