Chapter Eleven

T o Pippa's surprise, the eye exam was painless. Or was that because Dr. Folsham was so…careful?

She trusted him in a way that she hadn't felt in a long time, certainly since her mother had… The truth was, something deep inside told her that it was safe to put herself in his hands, into his arms, even. Pippa chastised herself for thinking it, but she got goosebumps imagining his broad shoulders and strong arms holding her, keeping her safe.

Yet, his muscular hands and long fingers were gentle. So gentle even that she let him drop the purple solution in, and she wished he touched more than just her lids and forehead.

She gripped her dress tightly under the table, wishing it were his shirt she had the courage to grip like that to pull him close to her. It was an odd idea and not one she'd ever had before. But it was overpowering and enticing besides.

His hair was light brown, like ripe wheat with undertones the color of toasted almonds. The top was a bit too long, falling into youthful curls onto his forehead in such an inviting way that Pippa wanted to comb her fingers through his hair. She'd gulped when he touched her lower lids and put the cold drops of belladonna in them. She knew it was a poison in high doses but trusted that whatever he'd do to her would always feel good. And how good it would feel if his hands lingered on her face again.

Her chest tightened with longing to be close to him.

"Ten minutes you said?"

"Indeed," he answered as he capped the vial and set the pipette aside into a small metal bowl with a clink.

The air hung heavy with unspoken words, as the quiet settled between them like an unwelcome intruder. Pippa wished to know more about the handsome doctor. Their eyes sought refuge in anything but each other's gazes, and the ticking of the clock became painfully audible. Nick cleared his throat and shifted in his seat across from Pippa.

"Have you always wanted to be an oculist?" Pippa asked in an effort to bridge the awkward silence.

"No. I didn't know I'd specialize in the eye until later at university." He hid something, Pippa sensed.

"So, you always wanted to be a doctor?"

"A surgeon, yes." He looked away as if he was trying to turn from something dreadful in his past. For some reason he held back, avoiding sharing with Pippa what or who the reason as that Nick focused his work on the eye.

"You seem to be very good at your work." Pippa wanted to pay him a compliment, and he looked at her again. "Your family must be very proud of you."

Oh no, he cringed. She'd touched on something terrible, but what?

"Teach me how to examine your eyes," Pippa said as she clasped both hands together. Her eyes had stopped tearing by now, but her body throbbed with desire to be close to him.

He batted his eyes at her incredulously. "You. Examine me ?"

She beamed at him.

He shrugged. "Why not?"

"Really?"

"Sure. I have eyes…"

She clapped excitedly and rose from the stool. "Let me sit there."

He got up, and they switched seats. On his side of the table, was a wooden knob and a drawer. Pippa pulled it open and saw a velvet tray with many lenses in two neat rows. "What do I do with these?"

"The left ones are concave, the right ones convex. You check if any of those complement my lens, and if my vision improves with any of them, you read the number on it. Here, use this one, it might make up for your lens' curvature and give you enough magnification to see into my eyes." He handed her a thick lens. "It would tell you, the refractive index for the eyeglasses I need but I don't because this is also a magnifier."

Pippa tested the heavy lens in her hand and looked through it like a monocle. He burst into a wide smile. Gorgeous. A radiant spectacle illuminating his countenance like a diamond would its setting. Pippa couldn't tear her eyes off him and probably ogled him for a moment too long until he changed his expression to a knowing and much slower pace. His smoldering smile exuded such an irresistible allure and an undercurrent of steamy potential that Pippa felt instantly flushed. "And what's this big one for?" She picked the large sickle-shaped lens that looked like the large piece inside a magnifying glass.

"It's a loupe," he said. He leaned in and reached for Pippa's left hand. "You prop my face up and make me keep still with this hand," he guided her, resting his chin on the flat surface her fingers made. "Then you adjust the light to hit my eye, and then you hold the loupe until you see the optic disc." Nick adjusted the gas lamp on the desk to light up his right eye.

At first, everything looked as if it were underwater and doubled, as if she could just squint just right, it would come into focus. Then she held the lens up to her eye and closed the other. She gasped. The image in the center of the lens was clear, but the rims remained blurry. Still, she could not just see but look inside him . Pippa gulped.

"What does it look like?" Pippa whispered, leaning so closely that she could feel the cool air when he inhaled and the heat of his exhalation. He smelled deliciously like buttery vanilla and yet earthy like sandalwood. With the thick and heavy lens in front of her eye, Pippa could see better and even magnified what was small.

"It looks like many paths leading to a bright dot. Like a spider with lots of red legs." He held his eye open, and she leaned in closer. "You may have to tilt the loupe until you see it."

She came even closer until the tip of her nose almost touched his. Then she saw some red lines deep in the back of his eye.

"If you see some blood vessels, follow them to the spot where they grow denser." How did he know? Oh right, he was the doctor. The oh-so-smart and tantalizing oculist who made her heart lurch when she imagined how much training he must have gotten to be able to teach her, the layperson, how to find the nerve of her eye.

"There it is!" Pippa suddenly marveled at the dot at the center of a network of thin red lines. "There's blood circulation."

"It's called vascularity; the vessels nourish the eye." Then he pulled his head back and blinked, brought his right hand up and rubbed his eye. "How did that feel?"

Pippa froze for a moment.

Kiss me. Hold me.

She had the impulse to nestle under him, languid and naked.

She shook it off. Absurd. She'd never seen into a person's eye. If one thought of the eye as the window to the soul, then she'd seen so deeply into him that… "Amazing," she whispered in awe that he'd allowed her to look inside. His eye was tearing a bit. "Did I hurt you?"

"No. How does my eye look?"

"Gorgeous."

A deep, rumbling laughter echoed from his chest, a sound as rich and warm as the color of his eyes. "I meant, is my optic nerve healthy?" He rubbed his eyes again but then looked at her with a sleepy sort of look. His hair was mussed, and Pippa could no longer deny her attraction to him. She wanted to drive her hands through his rich hair, even if it was a bit outgrown and youthfully tousled, complementing the intensity of his smile, adding a layer of warmth and vibrancy. The messier, the better. She wished to be the reason to muss his… oh dear. He'd asked her a question.

"I don't know how to tell."

"Well, the spot where the red lines came together, was it bright and even?"

"Very bright."

"It's the optic disc. From there, nerves transmit the image I see directly through the optic canal, which is an opening in my skull, and then to the brain."

Pippa gasped.

He gave a lop-sided smirk. "It's the same for every human."

"Oh," was all she managed. He was so handsome that her stomach drummed, or was it her heart reaching as deep as her stomach? It was nauseatingly strong and yet so wonderful that she couldn't imagine stopping.

"May I examine your eyes now? It's been more than twelve minutes and your pupils are wide and open." There was something else wide and open. Pippa twitched in her seat.

"Oh yes," Pippa barely exhaled, so mesmerized was she by the handsome doctor in front of her. "Shall I get up and sit—"

"No, don't. This will take a short moment." He reached his palm out again, picked up the loupe, and looked into her eyes.

"Are there many medicines that cause the pupils to grow wide?" Pippa asked while he was close, and she felt his gaze his trailing over hers.

"Yes, many medicines and also natural responses."

"Like what?"

He set the loupe aside as if he'd finished. "Shock, fear, extreme happiness." He swallowed and she noticed his Adam's apple bobbing as he leaned back and came into better focus. "Arousal." He held her gaze. And she looked, blinking only a few times. She could have sworn that his pupils were quite large, taking over most of the brown rings of his eyes.

"Am I scaring you?" she asked since his pupils were certainly wide and black. And he hadn't dripped any belladonna in his eyes.

"Not at all," he said with a low voice. The message was clear, but he made it even clearer when he leaned back with almost a cocky stare and trailed his eyes over her face, along her neck, and to her chest.

Pippa shivered under his gaze. She should have been alarmed, but it felt delicious. No, she felt delicious, as if she were a delectable pastry that he wanted to eat, and she'd be honored to serve that purpose.

The moment stretched out and Pippa felt the heat rising to her cheeks but then the moment ended.

Then he broke the stare and cleared his throat. "I think you will need eyeglasses." Pippa pursed her lips. "My sister, Wendy, can fit you for a pair of your choice." He got up as if he had somewhere else to be. "It was a pleasure, Lady Pemberton. I'm glad your eyes are so beautiful—ahem, healthy." He shook his head and clutched his hand against his chest as he cleared his throat. Was this voice cracking? "Good day." He left.

Pippa stood agog.

Not because he left but because the throbbing feeling from her heart had settled down low.

And it had grown so strong, she couldn't ignore it.