Chapter 16

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Caroline rolled over onto her back in the middle of her soft, king-sized bed, stretching lazily as she yawned, just beginning to wake up. She felt warm and cozy, deliciously relaxed. Honestly, she thought drowsily, she felt more well-rested than she could remember feeling in a long time. She felt as if she’d gotten to sleep forever?—

She sat bolt upright in the bed, blinking away the last bits of sleep as she looked over frantically at her alarm clock. She felt that way because she had slept forever. Or, rather, she’d slept until eight in the morning, which was basically the same thing, considering the fact that she typically got up at six. She had definitely overslept, and she craned to hear any sounds of Toby fussing or crying from his nursery.

But the house was entirely peaceful and quiet, not a sound to be heard.

She threw the covers back, shoving her feet into her slippers and padding down the stairs. There were no sounds from anyone, and she peeked into Toby’s nursery to see that the crib was empty and neatly made up. Jay’s room was the same, and she wondered if Rhett had taken them somewhere. He was supposed to work at the fire station this morning, but she wouldn’t have put it past him to do an impromptu “take your kids to work” day, if only because he’d been nudging her more and more to take time for herself since Shelby had started work at the inn.

She absolutely could see him sweeping the boys away for a day and turning her alarm clock off to get her to do just that.

Walking into the kitchen, however, she saw a note on the counter. It was scribbled in Jay’s hasty handwriting, and she couldn’t help but smile as soon as she saw it.

Took Toby over to the inn. Having breakfast with Grandma. See you around.

J

There was a hastily drawn heart at the bottom of it, and Caroline folded the note up, tucking it into the pocket of her robe with the intent to keep it. She quickly went back upstairs, throwing on a pair of jeans and a flannel and shoving her feet into her boots, before hurrying outside and up the hill to the inn. She knew everything would be fine, but she felt the urge to see for herself. Plus, she couldn’t remember the last time she hadn’t already been at the inn by this time in the morning. It felt strange to still be at home with it quiet and empty, and know that others were taking care of what she usually handled.

She walked up to the front door—once again noticing the lawn ornaments all set out—and knocked the snow off of her boots, slipping out of her jacket and gloves before heading into the living room, finding her little family happily assembled there.

Toby was in his high chair, being fed soft sweet potatoes by Jay, who was intermittently taking bites out of a peppermint chocolate muffin himself. Rhonda was sitting contentedly next to Jay on the couch, a mug of coffee next to her as she knitted what looked like a candy-cane striped beanie, the fire crackling merrily in front of her. And through the doorway that led to the kitchen, Caroline caught a glimpse of Shelby moving about.

Caroline swallowed hard, looking at each of them. It was a perfect, cozy family picture, and she knew Jay had done a sweet thing, bringing Toby up to the inn so that she could sleep in without interruption. She’d had a morning all to herself, and she had to admit that it had been sorely needed. She felt more refreshed than she had in a long time.

But she couldn’t shake the flicker of uneasiness that she felt at everything running so smoothly, even though she hadn’t even been up to the inn yet that morning.

“I’m just going to go grab some coffee and something to eat,” she told Rhonda, who had set her knitting down for a moment. “I’ll be right back. Thanks for keeping an eye on them.”

“I hardly needed to do anything at all,” Rhonda said with a smile. “Jay is a very capable big brother.”

“Oh, I know he is.” Caroline flashed a grateful smile at Jay, who beamed back at her, airplaning another spoonful of sweet potatoes into Toby’s open, smiling mouth.

Shelby was at the counter when Caroline walked in, dicing up potatoes. Caroline hesitated, seeing the ingredients spread out for what was undoubtedly the meals for guests who had requested lunch in addition to the included breakfast while staying at the inn.

“You didn’t need to do that,” Caroline said quickly. “I usually handle all the lunch prep after breakfast. It’s a lot of work, and a lot of the guests have special requests or accommodations?—”

“It’s no trouble at all,” Shelby said with a confident wave of her hand, smiling. “I’ve got it all under control. Your kids came up a little while ago, and Jay told your mother that you were getting to sleep in. I figured if I handled all of this, it would give you some more time to spend with them.” She smiled conspiratorially, dropping the potatoes into a bowl. “Jay mentioned something about sled races happening at eleven this morning. He seemed very excited about it all. It sounds like it’s a pretty big deal, to be honest. I had no idea the kids here took sledding so seriously.”

She grinned, heading over to put the potatoes in a pot of boiling water, and Caroline heard Jay speak up abruptly from behind her. Apparently, he’d walked in on the end of that conversation.

“It’s a relay-style sled race,” he told her excitedly, bouncing up and down on his toes in the doorway as Caroline turned around to look at him. His eyes were sparkling, and it was clear that he was every bit as excited as Shelby had said that he was. “My friends have a team! They’ve been badgering me to be on it with them, so I told them I would be. We could all go,” he added. “Dad said he has to work today and couldn’t get out of it, but you and Toby could be there!”

His excitement was palpable, and as much as she still felt the urge to be at the inn and work, as she always did, Caroline couldn’t tell him no. This was the point of hiring Shelby, after all—so that she’d have time to do things like this. More time to appreciate the moments with her family that wouldn’t be around forever. And she wanted to. She just had to figure out how to convince herself that it wasn’t selfish.

She smiled at him. “Of course we can go. Let’s get Toby and head back to the house. I want to shower and get him bundled up for the trip. And then we’ll head out, okay? I wouldn’t miss it.”

Jay nodded eagerly, and Caroline went to grab herself a muffin and pour some coffee, watching as he tore out of the kitchen and back to the living room to clean up the remains of his and Toby’s breakfast.

A few minutes later, they were all trooping back to the cottage, Rhonda and Shelby’s assurances that the inn was well in hand ringing in Caroline’s ears. She was excited for her day with her kids, but she couldn’t help the heavy feeling in her chest that she wasn’t actually needed at the inn. She’d spent so many years pouring herself into it, and now it seemed that it was chugging along just fine without her.

She wasn’t entirely sure what to make of that. But she was determined not to let it get in the way of Jay’s excitement. He had been really into sledding so far over the winter, going out nonstop and talking about it every day, and she hadn’t seen him sled with his friends more than once. She definitely hadn’t gotten to see him do anything like race. This was a definite opportunity for family time that she didn’t want to miss.

Quickly, she jumped in the shower while Jay got ready, and then bundled up in jeans and a thick wool crew sweater, her favorite heavy jacket over it. She tugged on a beanie, and went to get Toby, wrapping him up in little fleece sweatpants and a sweater with a warm hoodie over it that had elephant ears on the hood. He cooed and waved his fists as she dressed him, always a happy baby, especially when it seemed like they were getting ready to go somewhere.

Ten or so minutes later, they were headed out. She got Toby buckled into the car seat as Jay clambered into the front, and she took them to The Mellow Mug first, so that she could get a hot drink to sip on while they were out in the cold.

“Can I get a peppermint hot chocolate?” Jay asked, and Caroline knew he was already bursting with energy without the extra sugar. But he was going to burn it all off sledding, and it was a special day.

“Of course,” she told him, asking Melanie for both that and her own peppermint mocha as she ordered.

“Going to the sled races?” Melanie asked cheerfully, and Caroline nodded.

“Me and my friends are on one of the teams!” Jay piped up, and Melanie grinned.

“Good for you. Go get ’em, tiger,” she said, pushing his hot chocolate across the counter to him and handing Caroline her coffee. “Have fun!”

They arrived at the sledding hill a short drive later, where Caroline saw other kids and their parents starting to assemble. Jay sprang out of the car before it had barely rolled to a stop, running to where Caroline saw all of his friends gathered in a group—including Whitney, the girl from his class that he’d had a crush on last year. He hadn’t said much more about it since then, but she could tell from the way he grinned at her and the pink on her cheeks as she smiled back that there was still very much a crush between those two.

Caroline smiled as she unbuckled Toby and put him in the baby sling that she strapped to her chest, her fleece-lined jacket nestled around them both. The excitement in the air was palpable, and she was even happier when she saw that her best friend, Audrey Felder, was standing in the small crowd as well. She walked over, waving as she did, and Audrey brightened as she saw Caroline.

“Hey, you!” She gave Caroline a one-sided hug, careful not to squish Toby. “I didn’t think I’d see you cut loose from the inn today. I bet Jay is excited you’re here.”

“He is.” Caroline let out a small, rueful chuckle. “Shelby was a good recommendation. She’s running things so well that it wasn’t even a big deal for me to take the day off and come out here.”

Audrey gave her a knowing smile. She and Caroline had been friends since high school, and she knew Caroline as well as Caroline knew herself. She was practically another sister to her, and Caroline knew that she had already picked up on her reluctance to hand over the reins of running everything at the inn. “Having trouble letting go of things?”

Caroline smiled wryly. “You know me so well.”

“Of course I do. I knew Shelby would be a good fit. I also knew she’d be patient with how neurotic you can be.” Audrey smiled at her, a teasing glint in her eye. “You’re very set in your ways, and since Shelby was a teacher, running her own track league, I knew she’d understand that.”

“She has been very patient,” Caroline admitted. “I can admit that I’ve been a lot to deal with. Picky and a bit critical.”

“A bit?” Audrey raised a teasing eyebrow, and Caroline grimaced.

“Okay, probably a lot. But she has been patient. Which has gone a long way, I think. And she is very capable. I really don’t have to worry about anything while she’s there helping, I think, which should feel good, and it does. But also?—”

“Like they’d be fine without you?” Audrey gave Caroline a knowing look, and Caroline sighed.

“Yeah.”

“I get it. I don’t run my own business, but my kids are so close to both being grown up. Bennett is eighteen, he just came home on his first winter break from college. I want to call him every day, but I’ve had to stop myself, because I know it’ll just smother him. And Kara is sixteen. She’s got her license .”

“Oh boy.”

“Exactly!” Audrey shuddered. “I worry all the time. About her driving in the snow, driving at night, about whether or not she’s being responsible. The list goes on. It’s really hard to let go. Especially when it’s someone whom you’ve gotten used to depending on you. And I think you get a little bit dependent on it too. Being needed feels good. But honestly, being wanted feels better.” She smiled. “And I know when they call me or want to talk to me or spend time with me now, it’s because they want to. I’ve accepted that it’s different, but just as good.”

“How did you get there?” Caroline asked, genuine sincerity in her voice. “I want to get to that place, I really do. I want to just be able to enjoy this new season where I have more time, and I can delegate, and spend more time with my family. But I keep feeling like something will go wrong. Like I’m selfish for wanting to be away from the inn, when it’s been my parents’ whole life, and then mine. Like if I love it, I shouldn’t want to be away from it.”

“Well, in terms of kids, I realized that if I forced it, if I smothered them, they’d start to resent me. They needed space, so they could breathe on their own, and then appreciate the time we get together. And honestly, the more room I’ve given them to figure out who they want to be at this age, the more they’ve come to me on their own.”

“That’s a good point.”

Audrey nodded, smiling fondly. “Thanks. And I think in terms of the inn, if you don’t take this opportunity, Caroline, you might come to resent it . Maybe you won’t realize it at first, or maybe not for a long time, but you’ll see eventually that you’ve missed out on time that you could have had because you couldn’t let someone else take some of the work. Part of loving something and taking care of it is giving it space, I think. So that you do appreciate the effort that’s put in when it is. Does that make sense?”

“Actually, it does,” Caroline said thoughtfully. “It makes a lot of sense. And it’s good advice for when my little ones get older too,” she added.

“You should appreciate this time,” Audrey said encouragingly. “In the blink of an eye, Jay and Toby will be as old as my kids! It’ll go by so much faster than you realize. Embrace what Shelby is doing, and how much effort she’s putting in to give you more time. And it’s her job, after all! She’s doing it well, and you should enjoy the space to have a little more of your own life.”

Caroline nodded, taking a sip of her coffee as she watched the first teams starting to line up. She saw Bradley with the older kids, and Kara with a teenage boy she didn’t recognize, talking animatedly. They were becoming young adults, and she felt a pang as she thought of Jay and Toby being that age.

Rhett and her mother and sisters had been right, she thought, and Audrey was right. It was hard to let go, but stifling herself and missing out because she was set in her ways wasn’t good for anyone. It wouldn’t become easy overnight, but she would learn to appreciate this new opportunity, and put her trust in Shelby that nothing terrible would happen because she’d taken some time for herself.

She was determined, at least, to try.