Chapter Seven

CHAPTER SEVEN

T hey had already read several letters from Lady Judith Millen and her husband, Lord James Millen , the late Earl and Countess of Scarborough . But Lucy couldn’t tell how old the letters were because, oddly, they weren’t dated. “ Judging from these letters, your uncle and aunt were clearly in love.”

“ Mmm ,” Rowan said, poking around in the velvet box. “ My closest friends have marriages based on love, but you know as well as I do that most ton marriages are loveless. However , I agree with you. Based on these soul-baring letters, he truly loved her. He handed her the box. “ You pick the next one.”

Lucy looked at the handsome man across from her. His light-brown, wavy hair and sky-blue eyes were so beautiful that Lucy had to remind herself to keep from staring—he was too handsome. He was too fascinating. And she still could not believe how circumstances had brought them to this place of intimacy. Nor could she fathom that her feelings for such a man could have grown and taken hold of her heart in so short a time. Under normal circumstances, she wasn’t the type of woman that could attract a man like Rowan . What was she thinking? Rather than say anything that would call attention to her attraction, she reached into the box and withdrew another letter. Carefully , she opened it.

My darling,

When you find this letter, don’t let it distract you from your important business in London . But while you are away, know that I am missing you here at Scarborough Manor so much.

I’ve been on bedrest, as Dr . Stringer suggested, but without you near, it’s frustrating. I’ve never been so bored and restless in all my life. It’s hard to sit for too long. I’ve arranged the nursery and washed and folded every item of clothing I’ve made at least twice. Please forgive me for complaining.

I find myself reading or closing my eyes to dream. I think it will be a girl. At least, that’s what my dreams tell me. She has golden curls and blue eyes, and I’ve seen her running with her baby doll in her tiny fist, chasing a small spaniel-type dog in the gardens. She’s the most adorable child I’ve ever seen. I can even hear her soft giggles and cannot wait to hold her. I wanted to share her with you, even though you are away.

Hurry home to me, my love. I’m worried to be here without you.

All my love,

Judith

For a minute, neither said a word.

Lucy swiped at rogue tears sliding from the corners of her eyes. The letter was so poignant and so moving. “ How heartbreaking. I can understand her fears if she was relegated to bedrest. Any woman would have felt those worries. And to have him away at such a time… I think I would have felt the same way.”

“ You’re very insightful, Lucy . “ Aunt Judith died during childbirth along with the baby,” he said in a solemn tone. They sat there in silence for a few moments, and then Rowan added, “ Amazingly , in this letter, she thought she could see the baby in her dreams. Do you think that is truly possible?”

“ Yes …” She breathed a deep sigh. “ I’ve heard of other mothers feeling like they’d met their children before they were born, in their dreams.”

“ Do you really believe that Lucy …about dreams?” Rowan asked. “ I’ve never held to that belief myself, given my past line of work, although I have had a few provocative dreams over the years,” he said with a crooked smile.

Oh Lord , this man…

“ Have you ever met someone and then, later, dreamed about that person?” he asked, his voice as deep and dark as night.

Lucy had indeed. She exhaled a shaky breath. Last night she’d dreamed of Rowan . He had kissed her, and it had felt so real. But she certainly couldn’t tell him about that. Instead , she said, “ I think so. But for me, dreams seem to disappear unless I write them down.”

“ Maybe I should ask if you’ve had dreams about the future,” he said.

“ I have,” she said. “ I dream of having my independence from my family and being surrounded by lots and lots of animals. Dogs and cats…even foxes,” she said looking over at Ashe , who was snoozing in front of the fire Rowan had built to warm the room. “ They give love without asking for anything in return. I love helping them.”

“ What about having children or a family?” he asked in a quiet voice.

“ I stopped believing in that for myself a while ago. Even though I’d love to be a mother, I don’t think it’s in the cards for me.”

“ I think you would make a wonderful mother…”

“ Thank you,” she whispered glancing down at the letter she was still holding. “ But it’s in the past. And I suppose everything happens for a reason. I think my proxy marriage, while it was the last thing I would have wanted, was perhaps the best thing that ever happened to me because it liberated me in many ways—especially financially and from my parents’ control.” She smiled. “ Your turn,” she said.

“ My turn,” he repeated.

He reached into the red box and withdrew another letter. This one appeared to be stained with various spots. Lucy wondered if the spots were dried tears. Rowan began to read:

My daring Judith ,

I cannot wait to be home with you. Please , please do everything the doctor asks of you. I love the baby, but above all, I love you.

I expect the meeting to be over soon, and I will be on my way home to you.

All my love,

James

When he finished reading, he gently folded the letter.

“ What a loving note,” Lucy said wistfully. “ I imagine he franked the letter and sent it the same day he received hers. She closed her eyes and smiled. “ I can almost see him doing that—although I’ve never met your great-uncle. I would imagine that as a younger man, he might have looked something like you.”

“ Why would you think that?” Rowan asked, that crooked smile on his lips once more.

“ I don’t know. Just a feeling, I suppose.

“ Your turn,” he said.

“ My turn.” Lucy dug deep and pulled out another letter.

My darling Judith ,

Your love is the most wonderful thing that’s ever happened to me. I feel so blessed to have found a woman like you. And your worries about children aren’t to be borne. I have relatives that can inherit should we not be successful, so please, my darling, do not let this burden your heart. You are my wife and my family. I cherish you and the wonder that you have brought to my life.

Please accept this gold and diamond bracelet as a symbol of my undying love for you.

All my love,

James

“ How profoundly moving.” Lucy sighed. “ The way your great-uncle wrote about the possibility of not having children was so thoughtful, so tender, so loving towards his wife. He only wanted her health and happiness above all. He accepted that they might never have children, especially an heir to his title. And knowing what happened, it makes it even more heart-wrenching.” She blinked back more tears, her heart torn asunder over what must have been such a hard moment for Judith . “ This letter…the pain…everything seems so raw.”

“ It is my understanding that there were several miscarriages before she was finally able to carry a child to term,” Rowan said. “ Unfortunately , the birth took both his wife and child. Perhaps that broke him. This letter gives insight into why I inherited and it is as I suspected. My father didn’t bear a title, and we were only a distant extension of the peerage,” Rowan said. He leaned back in his chair and looked at the ceiling. “ I already knew my great-uncle was driven in his business affairs, these letters show that he was someone who valued those he loved. I confess these insights into my great-uncle James have made me feel differently about him. He’s gone from being a virtual stranger to someone that I …admire. In retrospect, I wish I’d known him better. I believe he felt his convictions deeply. He was a good man…”

Lucy loved reading these letters with Rowan . But she couldn’t help but feel they were intruding on someone’s private pain. “ These letters are so beautiful, but I feel as though we’re trespassing on the privacy of your aunt and uncle.”

Rowan blew out a breath. “ I can understand that given your empathetic nature but perhaps we were meant to find the letters and read them.” He paused for a long moment as he stared at her with such intensity that Lucy wondered if something was wrong.

“ I don’t wish to stir up unpleasant memories,” he finally said, “ But may I ask you something?”

“ Yes , of course, you can ask—if I have the right not to answer,” she teased.

“ Fair enough,” he said, his lips quirking up into that smile.

She found herself drawn to those lips. That such a virile and masculine man should have such sensual lips was most disconcerting. And she couldn’t help but lean closer. And his scent, his incredible scent of bergamot and orange and something that was so uniquely Rowan … It was so masculine and warm and seemed to envelop her. It was heady and magnetic, and she could inhale it all day.

“ When the minister at your proxy wedding pronounced you and Tenet man and wife, you weren’t with him. You were with a stand-in. Did your stand-in kiss you?”

Lucy felt heat travel from the roots of her hair to the tips of her toes—so much heat that she took off her glasses in case they fogged up. Was Rowan making fun of her? The wedding hadn’t been her decision. She had to compromise all her beliefs where marriage was concerned—including the most important one—to only marry for love. “ It was a strange event, and not one that I would have chosen for myself had I had any say in the matter…” She took a deep breath. “ He asked, which was strange as well, but I didn’t allow him to kiss me,” she added.

“ Did you want one?”

“ One ?”

“ A kiss.” His voice sounded deeper, almost ragged. “ Did you miss receiving a kiss…even a little?”

His lips are so beautiful. So warm and inviting. “ Yes … I missed it.” Her voice was low. “ I’ve always dreamed of that special wedding day kiss. Not a kiss from a stranger standing in for the groom. I didn’t know the stand-in—and I would only ever want to be kissed by a man I cared for. I didn’t know my husband either and had no feelings for him or attraction to him. None .” Was she really saying all of this? She needed to stop talking. Even Ashe was sitting up now, with his ears perked. “ I think the kiss is part of every girl’s dream when she thinks about her marriage ceremony. I doubt any woman dreams of a proxy wedding.”

He got up from his chair and reaching for her hands, pulled her up so that she was standing close to him, looking up at his incredible blue eyes and daring to hope…

“ Would you like one…a kiss, I mean. Because I’ve been wanting to kiss you—really kiss you—for a while now…” He pulled her closer to him so she could feel the heat from his body.

“ Yes .” Lucy closed her eyes, longing to experience everything his kiss offered.

When he lowered his lips to hers, a warm, tingling feeling ran through her body, settling in her most private place. His lips were soft and hot. Her mind whirled, and a moan escaped. Tugging her closer, Rowan wrapped his arms around her and deepened the kiss.

Lucy felt a heady heat and excitement but strangely also safe and protected. But when the kiss ended and he stepped back, the warmth left her, and she shivered at the loss. She leaned toward him, seeking that warmth again, not wanting to disconnect from that burning, yearning feeling racing through her.

“ How was that?” he asked softly.

She opened her eyes and looked up at him. “ I’m not sure.” Her words were measured, slow. I may need another kiss to decide.”

He grinned. “ I’m happy to oblige.” He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close again. He tenderly brushed his lips against hers, once, twice, with light butterfly kisses before he deepened it. Lucy slid her arms around his neck and tugged him closer. He moved his lips to her neck, and she felt that tingling, burning feeling sprint across her shoulders.

“ Don’t stop,” she breathed. “ I need another,” she said in breathy tones.

When he broke the kiss, she fought to regain her bearings. “ It was good,” she finally said.

“ Good ?” he asked incredulously.

“ Well , you see, it was so good that I might need to compare it with more kisses…”

“ Is that right?”

“ Yes , and you know what they say, practice makes perfect,” she said, tilting her face back up to his.

He chuckled as he lowered his mouth to hers again. This time his kiss made her almost swoon. It was a good thing he was holding onto her so tightly.

“ I would never marry by proxy,” he growled as his lips traveled down her neck to the curve of her collarbone. “ I would miss out on your kisses—and that would be a terrible shame…”

A terrible shame? His words played over in her head. Oh my. Lucy realized she was in danger of falling head over heels in love with Rowan Garrison , the new Earl of Scarborough . In fact, it might already be too late.