Chapter 8

EIGHT

The next morning, Falcon was halfway through cooking the pancakes when Bella’s door opened. His stomach tightened at the sight of her standing there in sweatpants and a tee shirt, bare feet, and tousled hair. God, she was beautiful.

Not that he was going to make the mistake of saying that again.

She rubbed her eyes. “You made breakfast?”

“I did.” He gestured to the table he’d set on the deck. “I figured the chef doesn’t get people cooking for her very often so I thought I’d offer my culinary services as a thanks for the couch.”

Bella smiled and shuffled into the kitchen. “And coffee?”

“Always coffee.” He poured her a cup and slid it across the counter. “How’d you sleep?”

She ignored the table outside on the deck and scooched onto a barstool at the kitchen island. “You seem different. What’s going on?”

He raised his brows.

“And before you say nothing, remember the Hart rule.”

“I’m not a Hart.” He had to make that very clear. Even though none of the Harts were biologically related, siblings by heart were still siblings, and he was definitely outside that.

She cocked an eyebrow at him. “You’re going to try that? Inner circle rules still apply.”

He grinned. “You and I both know that I don’t listen to that rule.”

“You do with Brody.”

“This is true. Brody is like a mama wolverine. I’m scared of him.”

She giggled. “He would love being called a mama wolverine. I feel like that fits him.”

Ah…her giggle. He’d been searching for that. “I’m not sure which would make him happier. Being called a mama or a wolverine.”

“Both, I’m sure. Putting them together is the magic ingredient though. Fierce and protective. It’s him.”

“It is.” Falcon handed her a plate of pancakes. “The pancakes will lose their magic if they get cold. Eat ‘em up.”

She wrinkled her nose at him. “I haven’t forgotten my question, so don’t be thinking you’re some sly manipulator. But I do like hot pancakes.”

“Exactly. Why sacrifice perfect pancakes just to harass me, when you can harass me in ten minutes after eating the amazing pancakes?”

She grinned as she accepted the plate. “I don’t know. It can be highly satisfying to harass you. Hot pancakes might be worth the sacrifice, if I weren’t so hungry.”

He relaxed. Their banter was returning. “You’ll be a much better harasser on a full stomach.”

“You’re right. I need to be at my best.” She stood up and grabbed her coffee. “I’m going to the deck to fuel up. I’ll let you know when I’m ready to resume my interrogation.”

“Can’t wait. I’ll get your utensils.” He whistled under his breath as he followed her outside. All right. He knew his approach now. He just had to be normal, and see where it went. Keeping her as a friend was most important, so he had to start there.

Friends. Laughter. Fun.

Easy.

Except for the fact he couldn’t stop thinking about more.

Bella leaned back in her seat, sated and happy. The beach was starting to fill up with people, the sun was bright, and the sky was blue. Falcon had gotten into one of his silly moods, and he’d had her laughing until her sides hurt with his stories about his adventures.

He seemed so normal now. He was Happy Falcon, and she loved that side of him.

Did she really want to make him talk about whatever had been weighing on him earlier?

Not really.

But he leaned forward, and his smile faded. Her heart started to pound. “You’ve got that serious look, Falcon.”

He grinned. “Sorry. I just wanted to ask you a question.”

She bit her lower lip. The current in the air had changed suddenly. They were outside, but it felt like the air was vibrating with energy, tension, heat. And to her surprise, she liked it. So she raised her brows. “What’s the question?”

“What’s next for you? Brody and you both mentioned you wanted to get away from the ranch. He isn’t sure you’re ever coming back. What’s up?”

She let out her breath. “I don’t know,” she said honestly. “When I came out here and met Maddie and her friends, I felt this…longing? I’m not sure. It just made me realize that I’ve been living in this little world on the ranch, and I wanted more.”

He nodded. “I get that. What do you want?”

She held out her hands, palms up. “Empty.”

He studied her hands for a moment, then nodded again. “You have no idea. You just know you’ve been stuck and it’s time to move in a new direction.”

Relief rushed through her. “Yes, exactly.” She sighed. “I was able to help out with the catering last night, and I loved being a part of all those amazing women, but honestly? I didn’t love cooking. I’ve been doing it on the ranch for so long, it felt like more of the same. Different place, different people, but still me in a kitchen.”

He narrowed his eyes. “No cooking then. Lots of women and female bonding.”

She rubbed her chin. “I guess, yes. I mean, don’t we all want friends?”

“We all want belonging,” he agreed. Hence the reason he wanted to move to the Hart ranch and park himself there. The Harts were the only people he had ever fit. Oh, and the Stocktons, the family that the Harts were now also related to by marriage. “You have the Harts and the Stocktons. Lots of women in the Stockton clan these days. Not enough?”

She grimaced. “I’m sure I sound very ungrateful, and I’m not. I do love them. I have this giant family. I guess I just feel like I’ve fallen into it on autopilot. I never really chose this life. I want something in my life to be something I chose for me, because it lights me up. Like purpose work. Have you heard people talk about that?”

He nodded. “It’s your heart purpose. What you came to this life to do.”

“Exactly.” She sat back. “I don’t have a purpose. I just cook for people paying a lot of money for a dude ranch vacation, and then I hang out on a ranch. I mean, I love it. I do. I love my family so much, and I’d do anything for them, but my heart—” She put her hand over it. “It feels like there is more, and I don’t know what it is.”

He rubbed his jaw. “You’re not a bad person for wanting to find what lights you up.”

“Sometimes I feel like it.” She sat back, gazing across the beach. “I want to wake up in the morning, so excited for my day that I can’t even make myself stay in bed. Do you ever feel like that? So excited for life? Feeling like you matter ?”

“No.” He smiled ruefully. “I’ve been on a journey for twenty years, and it ended yesterday. I have no reason to get up anymore. I don’t know what or who I am without it.”

For a moment, Bella was too surprised to respond. Falcon never opened up with her. Ever. He always kept a slight distance between them, but the edge to his tone told her exactly how deeply he’d just let her in. “What journey have you been on?”

He glanced at the ocean, breaking eye contact. “I’ve been hunting a man for twenty years. I finally found him yesterday.”

She blinked. “ Hunting? ”

“Yep. A moral justice mission. I couldn’t stop until I killed him.”

She stared at Falcon, shocked, but also not at all surprised. There had always been an edge to him. “You killed him yesterday?” To the outsider, that would be a shocking question, but she was a Hart. They all had pasts, and Falcon was no exception.

If Falcon had killed a man, there was a reason. But regardless of the reason, killing a man in cold blood would haunt him forever.

He shook his head. “No. He was dead when I got there.”

She let out her breath. “Oh, thank God.”

“I wanted to kill him.”

“And a part of you was also relieved you didn’t have to.” When Falcon looked over at her, she smiled. “I’ve known you for a long time, Falcon. You have an amazing, beautiful heart full of love. There is no way you really wanted to kill another person, but you would do what it takes to protect those you love. I’m glad you don’t have to live with that.”

He bent his head, looking down at his hands. He didn’t speak for a long time.

As they sat there, she finally understood why he seemed so different. He was different. Whatever had happened with that man had ended, and that left him…lost. Like her. “Is that all you’ve done for twenty years? Hunt for him? Is that why you always disappeared for extended periods of time?”

“Yeah.” He was still staring at his hands. He turned them so his palms were up, and he flexed his fingers. “He knew I was hunting him. It was a game to him. He mocked me. And I kept going. I made a promise. I had to finish.”

Bella slid her chair around, then leaned toward him and put her hands over his.

He shifted slightly so his head was resting against hers, creating an intimacy that made her heart skip. This man had been her dream for so long. Moments like this were what she’d always longed for. A connection that was deep. Intimate. Powerful.

Why was it happening now? Why now , when all she wanted to do was walk away from her history and her stories, with which he was inextricably intertwined?

“Do my palms feel hot to you?” Falcon asked.

She was surprised by the question, but took a moment to experience the feel of his hands against hers. His skin was rough, and her heart seemed to skip a beat as she focused on the sensation of their hands touching. “They feel normal warm. Like you’re alive, but not noticeably hot. Why?”

He swore under his breath. “I’ve seen some weird shit on my trips, Bella.”

“Like what?”

He didn’t answer, but he closed his fingers around her hands, holding them tightly.

“Falcon,” she whispered.

“What?”

“Why did you need to kill that man?”

Again, he didn’t answer.

He’d said twenty years. He was thirty years old now. “What happened when you were ten?” Always their childhood. So much trauma that all of them still carried with them.

“You know what, Bella?”

“Tell me.” Their cheeks were now resting against each other. If they both turned their heads toward each other, a kiss would be inevitable. But it would take both of them.

“I don’t want to live in that world anymore. It’s over. I don’t want to talk about it or think about it. It’s time for me to start living.”

She let out her breath. Was it that easy to leave behind a past you didn’t want? Was it that easy to step off the road you didn’t want to be on, even if you’d been on it for twenty years? “What do you want to do?”

For the third time, he didn’t answer.

“Do you know?” she asked.

He squeezed her hands and sat up, pulling away. His absence left a gaping hole for a split second before she pulled herself together.

She sat up and reclaimed her hands. “Too many questions,” she said. “Back to being an island, eh?”

He leaned on the railing. “You ever think about getting married, Bella? Having a family? Doing that whole thing?”

“Married? No way.”

He raised his brows. “That was emphatic.”

“Absolutely.” She leaned back in her chair and put her bare feet up on the railing. “I wouldn’t know how to be a good mom. So, I don’t want any kids to mess up. And as for getting married?” She shook her head. “I don’t even want a boyfriend, let alone a husband.”

He was watching her closely. “What if he was a really good guy? There are some good ones out there.”

“I know there are. Piper and Maddie are married to good ones, and all the Stocktons. Plus my brothers are all amazing people. It’s just not for me.”

“Why not?”

She paused, trying to think about how to articulate it. “If you fall in love, then the person you love will want you to be a certain way. And if you love them back, you’ll try to fit that mold. And then you lose the chance to find your own way.”

He frowned. “How many relationships have you been in?”

“Enough.” She shrugged, suddenly restless. “There’s so much pressure on women to get married and couple up. Why? Men don’t have that pressure. You’ve been free for twenty years. You probably don’t even know what I’m talking about, the need to be free.”

“I wasn’t free. I was trapped by the promise I’d made. Now, I’m free.”

Her heart tightened. Whatever he’d been trying to fix, it had hurt him. She could see it. “I’m glad you’re free, Falcon. What are you going to do with it?”

“I want to move to the Hart Ranch,” he said quietly. “I want to put down roots. I want to grow a garden. I want to find out what life is like when I’m not running all the damned time.” He paused. “I want to get married. Adopt some foster kids who need homes. Create a life I’ve never had, not even as a kid. Create a family, and make one for others who never had it either.”

Her heart seemed to stutter to a full stop for a moment. “You do?” Never in all her life would she have guessed that was Falcon’s dream. He’d always been a vagabond. A loner. When she was younger, all she’d wanted was a knight in shining armor to swoop in and take care of her. That need had made her chase a lot of jerks who had shown her that she was better off counting on herself.

“Yeah.” He turned to face her. “The opposite of you, I guess. We’d never work.”

“Us?” She blinked. “ Us ?”

“Yeah.” His fingers tapped the railing restlessly. “Here’s the deal, Bella. I came back for you. I want that house on the ranch, but I want it with you. I wasn’t going to tell you. I was just going to sweep you off your feet. But if you would really never get serious or settle down, if the future I want isn’t ever a possibility with you, then I want to know.”

She felt like she couldn’t breathe. “You want…me?”

“Yeah. Always have. But my life was too dangerous. I don’t care if I need to wait another ten years, if there is a chance. But if there will never be a chance, I need to know.”

She stared at him, too stunned to speak. “It’s…you’ve…never…”

“I had to keep you safe.” He shifted. “What do you say, Bella? Is there a chance you would want to get married someday? Move to the ranch? Have a family? With me?”

She couldn’t believe she was having this conversation. “For years, I dreamed of you,” she said. “I dreamed you’d come back from one of your trips and take me away from my life. We’d run to New York City. I’d become a fashion designer. We’d go to fancy dinners, and Broadway, and the opera. We’d never set foot on a ranch ever. Never pat a horse. I’d wear a long dress all the time, and you’d wear a tuxedo every day. We’d be so far away from our pasts that they would vanish forever.”

His eyes flickered with an emotion she couldn’t read. “You wanted me.”

“I wanted you to save me with your rippled muscles and moody silence.”

He grinned. “I’m not moody. I was silent because if I spoke, I’d do something like ask this sweet young thing to wait for me, even though I might never come back for her.”

She sat back and flung her hands in the air. “If you had said that, I would have sat on my front step every single minute for the rest of my life, waiting for you.”

He grinned. “I’m not worth that, but that image is great for my male ego.”

She rolled her eyes. “You were my imaginary knight in shining armor. I kept thinking you would save me, and when you didn’t, I went in search of other men who would.”

His smile faded.

She leaned forward. “I would have given anything for a chance with you back then, Falcon, but it would have been a terrible mistake. I needed to find myself and realize how to rescue myself first.”

“And now?”

“I’ve spent my whole life doing the exact opposite, until I got on that plane and flew out here to do the wedding I did last night.” She took a breath. “I think that crush on you is still there. I think I would be willing to give up on myself to move back to the ranch to be with you, and that would break me. I can’t do that, Falcon.”

He nodded slowly. “I couldn’t do that to you.”

Her heart was pounding. “I can’t believe the man I’ve had a crush on my whole life wants me.”

“I can’t believe the woman I’ve dreamed of for years thinks I have rippled abs and a coat of armor.”

The air was strung so tightly between them, she felt like she was going to snap. “What now, then?”

He let out his breath. “I’ll leave.”

Oh, God. She didn’t want him to leave. “If you stay, I’ll lose myself in you,” she whispered.

“I know.” He stood up. “I spent twenty years chasing a monster, and I’ve wondered many times if that quest was turning me into one myself. If I take you away from who you need to be, then I’d know that I’d become exactly what I didn’t want to be.” He walked over to her, slid his hand under her jaw, and leaned down. “Bella Hart, I have loved you since you were sixteen, and I’ll love you ‘til I’m gone. For that reason, I’m getting the hell out of here before I become less than the man you deserve.”

Then he bent his head and brushed his mouth over hers.

It was a quick kiss, velvet-soft, and she felt like she was plummeting right into his arms.

Then he stepped back, gave her a nod, and walked back into the house.

She didn’t move, and it was only a couple minutes before she heard his truck start.

She closed her eyes as she listened to him drive away.

What had she just done? What choice had she just made?

The only one she could have.