Chapter 24

TWENTY-FOUR

Falcon was in too much pain to argue with Bella.

He trusted her to make a good choice to lay low, so he used the time to twist around in his seat and get his medical bag. The movement was brutal, but he forced the pain aside.

It had been a while since he’d been stabbed, and he’d forgotten how much it hurt.

By the time he got himself cleaned, inspected, and bandaged, he was sweating from the pain. “I’m getting too old for this,” he muttered under his breath as he tossed the medical bag on the floor between his feet.

He closed his eyes and leaned back, then opened them when the truck bumped over something. He started laughing when he realized they were pulling into the local police station. “The local cops are no match for these guys.”

“I know, but they’ll have cameras in the parking lot, and our friends won’t like the cameras.” She pulled up right in front of the door, switched off the engine and turned to face him. “Do you need a doctor?”

He grinned. This woman thought she was small? She was a beast, and he loved it. “No. I don’t think he got anything important, and I cleaned it.”

“Antibiotics?”

“I already took one.”

She raised her brows. “You dispense your own prescription drugs?”

“I do. It hasn’t been safe for me to go to the doctor for a long time.” Falcon swore under his breath, and punched his fist lightly against the dashboard as the reality of the situation sank in. “It’s me, then. I endangered you. I’d endanger any kids.”

The realization hit like a spike in his chest. No kids. No wife. No family. He would never risk anyone just because he wanted the life he’d never had. “I’ll walk away when this is over. I’ll stay away from you. From the ranch. I’ll disappear and no one will be able to link us again?—”

She put her finger on his lips. “Shut up.”

He moved her hand, wrapping his fingers around hers. “Bella,” he said gently. “This possibility was why I stayed away for so long. I thought it was over.” He kissed her knuckles. “I’m sorry, Bella. With all of my heart. I’m so fucking sorry for endangering you by coming for you.”

She ignored his apology. “Tell me about this quest that you’ve been tangled up in for so long.”

He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter?—”

“Falcon. You made love to me a whole bunch of times. You told me you loved me. You don’t get to pretend that didn’t happen, and since it’s me, you don’t get to be a jerk and walk away. You lost the right to lock me out. So talk to me.” Her voice was gentle, but urgent, and the look on her face made his heart turn over.

She wanted to know. She wanted him to let her in.

He still had to leave. He knew he did.

But sitting there in that truck with her, blood soaking through his shirt, knowing how close he’d come to losing her if he’d been sleeping when that guy had showed up, knowing that he could never have the family with her that he’d dreamed of for so long…suddenly, he needed this moment as much as she did.

He needed to be seen by the woman he loved before he disappeared forever.

He took a breath and steeled himself. “When I was growing up, it was just my mom and me. When she wasn’t using, she was a good mom. She gave me everything she had.”

Bella’s mouth opened, and then she closed it and nodded. “What was her name?”

“Jenny.” He didn’t give the last name. He never did.

“Jenny,” Bella repeated. “I’m glad you had her for a while.”

Of course it had been only a while. If he’d still had her, he never would have wound up on the streets under a bridge with the Harts. “She got clean when I was six. Got me back from foster and worked hard to stay clean. Drug addiction is brutal, Bella. Every day was a fight for her, but she was stronger than it.” He paused. “For me. She told me every day that I was her light, her reason for staying clean. I tried to be the best kid I could to make her want to stay clean even more. I lived for making her happy.”

Bella’s face softened. “That’s a heavy burden for a kid.”

He shrugged. “It didn’t feel heavy. It gave me a purpose. We lived in a shitty area and it kept me clean and out of trouble, unlike most kids.”

She smiled. “Always a huge heart, even back then.”

“Desperate to never go back to foster care, yeah.” He paused, taking a breath before he continued. “When I was ten, a man showed up at our door. From her past.” He closed his eyes, trying to shield himself from the anger that still rose, from the terror he’d felt back then.

Then he felt Bella take his hand, her grip grounding him. He looked down at their entangled hands, and closed his hand around hers. “He was an absolute shit. All the worst things you can imagine? He did it.”

Bella rubbed his hand. “Tell me.”

He took a breath. “One day I came home from school, and my mom was strung out. He’d gotten her back on drugs.” He’d been so mad that day. So fucking furious. “She’d been clean for four years. Do you know how hard that was? And he fucking tore it all down.”

Bella nodded. “My mom was a drug addict too. Her boyfriend was why I ran away.”

His gaze shot to hers, and suddenly, he was tired of feeling like shit because of a bastard when he was a little kid. They’d all been through things. Why was he hanging onto it like he was the only one? “I went after him. He knocked me around, and then my mom attacked him to save me. He killed her in front of me, and left me to die.”

Bella’s hand went to her mouth. “Oh, God. Falcon.”

“I held my mom in my arms and I promised her I would live, and I would avenge her death. I told her I’d stay clean, I’d never get addicted to anything, I’d be the man she wanted me to become, and I would make sure that he never hurt anyone ever again.”

Understanding filled Bella’s face, a compassionate, true understanding that answered a need that he hadn’t realized he’d had until now. “That’s who you’ve been hunting for twenty years?” she asked, without any judgment.

He nodded. “It was a game to him. He thought it was funny. When I was a teenager, he would catch me and beat me up. Then I learned to hide when I was hunting him. And he got better at hiding. Until someone else got to him and ended it.”

“Who was he?”

He looked at Bella. “He was my biological father, Bella. His blood runs in my veins. His monster is in my DNA. I?—”

“No.” She grabbed his shoulders. “There is no monster in you, Falcon. There isn’t. You are light and sunshine, and that’s why your mom was able to stay clean. For you. Because you’re a healer, remember?”

“I couldn’t heal her. Not from drugs, not from putting up with an asshole, and not from the knife he used on her.” He looked down at his hands that always burned so much. “For a healer, I couldn’t do it when it mattered. So, even if I am one, so what? If I couldn’t do it for her, I’ll never be able to do it for anyone.”

Bella put her hands over his. “You were a little boy,” she said softly. “In survival mode. And you became a man who never forgot the promise he made to his mom to avenge her, and to be the amazing human being you promised her you’d be.”

He squeezed her hands. “When I found him dead, I thought it was over. I don’t know who picked up the game, but I’m tired of it,” he admitted. “I don’t want to do it anymore, but I have to.” He raised her hands and kissed them. “I have to keep going for you, Bella. I had to start it for her, and I will keep going for you.”

She shook her head. “I don’t want you to keep going.”

“Me either, but I can’t let someone hurt you.” He shrugged. “It’s my path. My destiny. I accept it.”

“No. You don’t have to accept anything. Our destinies are never predetermined. No matter how long you have lived a certain life, you can always change it.”

He gestured at his bloody shirt. “Some lives won’t let you go.”

She pulled back and put her hands on her hips. “Are you serious? You’re going to roll over for some life you don’t want? Why would you do that? You want to get married and a have a family?—”

“I will not endanger anyone?—”

“Hire Dylan. He has a team of badasses who will hunt whoever this is down and get rid of him?—”

“It’s my problem.”

“No, it’s not! It was never your problem! You made it your problem, and now you have enough money to make it someone else’s problem.” She hit her palm on the steering wheel. “Why are you being so stubborn, Falcon? Just pay someone who’s trained for it, has the resources, and who wants to do it. How long do you think you’ll last going out there this time, when you don’t want to? You got stabbed already. What if there were two? Or three? Or you were asleep? Do you want to die?”

“No!” He was shocked by her question. “I’d never betray all those who don’t get to live, by choosing death.”

“Well, you’re choosing to give up your dreams, and your mom sacrificed herself so you could live. And now you’re going to keep living in darkness? Would she want that?”

He stared at her, stunned by her words. “Don’t use my mom against me.”

“I’m not! I’m using her for you. She’s not here to tell you not to make her sacrifice mean nothing. She would want you to live, and love, and thrive, wouldn’t she? Not to spend your whole life in revenge and then whatever this is you’re planning to do now.”

Anger coiled through him. “You don’t know anything about my mom.”

“I know what you told me about her, and I know that despite all her demons, she managed to raise a man who has a heart of gold, is a freaking healer meant to bring light into the world?—”

Dammit. He wished he’d never told her about the healer. “I’m not a fucking healer, Bella. I told you.”

She threw up her hands in visible frustration. “No, you’re not. Not if you decide you’re not.”

“I tried?—”

“Did you?” She turned toward him. “I’d give anything to find my path. My identity. My purpose. You’ve been given yours: healer. And you’re just making up excuses not to step into it. What are you so scared of, Falcon?”

“I’m scared of you dying.”

She blinked. “What?”

“My mom died. She was all I had. She died because of me, because I attacked him and she had to save me. You’ve been my heart since I met you. If you die because of me, then…I’ve done it twice.”

“Oh, Falcon.” Bella’s eyes widened, and her eyes glistened with tears. “You’ve been blaming yourself all this time?”

He shrugged. “I take responsibility. It’s not complicated.” Fuck, his side hurt. He closed his eyes, trying to keep the truck from spinning.

He felt her hand on his face. “Falcon. Are you okay?”

“Nope.” He took a breath, and it hurt. “I think you should call Brody. I don’t think I can protect you right now, and since I basically live to keep you safe, I’m not loving that fact.”

“Brody? He’ll make us go back to the ranch.”

“I knew I’d get you back there one way or another.” He laughed softly, and then swore as pain shot through him. “Can’t go to a hospital, Bella. Can’t protect you. Brody will know what to do. Call him. It’s time.”

The words had barely left Falcon’s lips when his head lolled to the side, and he slumped over.

“Falcon!” Bella shook his shoulder, but there was no reaction. “Shit. Shit. Shit.” She grabbed her phone and dialed her brother, who answered immediately.

“Are you guys safe?”

“Falcon got stabbed. Some guy is on the beach in front of the cottage, maybe dead. We’re in Falcon’s truck in front of the police station, and he just passed out. He said he’s fine, and he treated it, but he’s now unconscious so—” She had to stop to keep the panic out of her voice.

“Head to the airport,” Brody said immediately. “I’ll have the plane ready, and I’ll have a doctor there.”

“The plane?”

“Yeah, I sent it yesterday as soon as your house was invaded. It’s been there waiting in case you needed a fast exit.”

Tears filled her eyes as she started the truck. “Most of the time, I’d be super annoyed with you for doing that, but right now, I’m happy. I’m freaking out, Brody,” she admitted. “What if Falcon dies?”

“He won’t die. He hasn’t married you yet.”

She started laughing through her tears as she pulled up driving directions to the airport. “He won’t marry me. He’s going to get me safe and then abandon me forever so I don’t get killed by his enemies.”

“Heroic man. I admire him. How do you feel about that?”

“Before he got stabbed, he wanted to get married, have kids, and live on the ranch.” She pulled out onto the main road and hit the gas, keeping vigilant for any headlight suddenly appearing behind her.

“No good?”

“I don’t want that, Brody.” But she looked over at Falcon. I don’t want to lose you, Falcon. But wanting him to live wasn’t the same thing as being ready to give up her dreams and move back to the ranch to become a wife and mother. But right now, it felt so twisted up she couldn’t really think straight.

“I figured as much,” Brody said. “I told him I wasn’t sure you guys would be compatible. So it’s working out fine.”

“Fine? He’s unconscious and bleeding.”

“He’s not dead, so it all works. I need to make some calls. I’m tracking you, and if anything alerts you, call back. I’m trying to find you an escort to the airport, but not sure I can find someone I trust so quick. Stay vigilant.”

“Okay, I will.” She pulled her gun free and held it in her right hand. Ready. “I love you, Brody. I’m sorry I left.”

“I love you too, Bella, and never be sorry for being who you are. Our family can never be broken. You know that. Talk soon.” Then he hung up.

Bella gripped the steering wheel and hit the gas. “Falcon,” she said, over the roar of the engine. “I know you’re unconscious and can’t hear me, but I want to tell you that I love you. I have always loved you, and that’s probably why nothing has ever worked out with anyone else.” She took a breath. “I believe you’re a healer, Falcon. And by healing others, you’ll heal yourself. And the world needs you healed.” She paused. “ I need you healed, Falcon.”

She fell quiet as the truck kept speeding down the empty road.

“And Falcon, I am so very sorry that I can’t marry you.” As she spoke, a heavy weight settled in her chest. “You’ll make the best dad, but I could never be the wife and mother you want. I can’t live up to your dreams, and I’m sorry about that.”

So incredibly sorry, in ways she couldn’t even process.

The man had dreams, and she wasn’t the woman who could fulfill them.

And she wouldn’t let him give up on his dreams, just like she knew he’d never let her give up on hers.

But first, he had to survive.

After that? She had an idea…which he was definitely going to hate.