Chapter 18

EIGHTEEN

Bella leaned on the counter at her cottage, watching Falcon as he stalked around the living room, checking out the windows, inspecting the ocean like he expected Jaws to rise up out of it, and being entirely uncommunicative.

She sighed as she watched him.

One kiss, and she’d fallen hard for him.

The kiss had been magical, everything she’d always dreamed she deserved.

And then everything had gotten all twisted.

He’d become cranky and withdrawn. Restless. Tense.

Shutting her out.

He’d been like that ever since he’d told her about the healing gift, and it had gotten worse since the incident with Gordy.

When she’d asked, he’d said he was focusing on keeping her safe.

Which was silly because she could keep herself safe. She’d hired him to keep Brody from abducting her, but having Falcon keep her locked in her cottage might be even less fun than being trapped on the ranch.

She deserved more than this.

She hadn’t stayed single for this long to fall for a man who gave her the opposite of her freedom and a feeling of connection. “Falcon?”

He was currently peering out the side window, toward the house next door. “Yeah?”

“Could you tell what was wrong with Gordy?” One last attempt. She was giving him one last chance to be the guy she wanted.

He was silent.

She ground her jaw in frustration. “Damn you, Falcon.”

He looked over at her, surprise on his face. “What?”

“ What? You have to ask what?”

His brow furrowed. “Apparently. What’s wrong?”

“You.” She stalked over to him and poked him in the chest. “You give me this amazing kiss that makes me want to fall for you, and then you immediately start on this spiraling descent into silence, distance, and shutting me out. For your information, any chance you had with me is officially over, and you proved to me why I’m going to go get some cats to sleep with because men just aren’t worth it.”

Pain flickered across his face, pain so raw and stark she caught her breath. “Makes sense,” he said. “Probably a smart choice. I’m going to check out back.”

Then he walked past her.

He literally dismissed her.

“Are you kidding?” She grabbed a pillow and threw it at him. It hit him in the back of the head, and he spun around to face her, looking startled. “Yes, I still remember how to throw things at you, you big jerk.”

He stared at her, then tossed the pillow on the couch and started walking toward the back door.

What the heck was wrong with him?

He was back to being the silent shadow that had drifted in and out of her life for so many years, only this time, he didn’t have the excuse of being on some obsessive quest. “No!” She shouted at him. “You don’t get to treat me like that!”

He spun around to face her. “Like what?”

“Like I don’t matter.” She put her hands on her hips. “I was there the night you literally crawled into our encampment, covered in blood. Blood, Falcon. Blood! I heard you and Brody arguing about taking you to the hospital. You were dying and you were so worried about being caught by the cops that you were willing to die first.”

His face became impassive. “You were there that night?”

“Yes. We were all there!” She threw up her hands. “Why do you not let yourself connect with me? Where is that emotion I saw for a second?”

He ground his jaw. “My focus is to keep you safe?—”

“Do you remember the night we met?”

He blinked. “Of course.”

“Because I do. I had just been chased fourteen blocks by a group of boys. I thought I was going to die that night. A teenage girl living on the streets is going to get attacked by a guy at some point. It’s just a matter of time.”

He stared at her.

“I thought my time had come. I got to our encampment, and no one was there. I couldn’t run anymore, and the boys were right behind me. I collapsed to my knees, crawled into one of the sleeping bags, and hoped they wouldn’t see I was in there. I didn’t pray, because I didn’t believe anymore.” Her chest started to ache as she remembered that night. “They’d thrown bottles at me, and I was cut and bleeding. I’d fallen twice and my hands were bleeding.”

He swore under his breath, but he was watching her intently now.

“I crawled into that sleeping bag and tried to hold my breath, but I was panting. I couldn’t be quiet. I heard them come in, and one of them said I was in the sleeping bag. I hadn’t let myself cry in years, but when I heard him say that, I started crying. I wished I had died instead of having to endure what was coming.”

He swore under his breath. “Bella, you don’t need to relive that?—”

She lifted her chin. “I felt one of them grab the sleeping bag, but before he could pull it, he screamed. I heard the thud of his body hitting the side of the bridge. I thought Brody had come back, so I scrambled out of the sleeping bag in time to see this guy I’d never met taking down this entire group of boys. He scared them so badly I could hear them screaming for blocks as they ran away. I knew they’d never come back, and they’d never come near me again, because this dangerous, terrifying man had told them that I was under his protection and if anything ever happened to me, he would find them and hurt them in ways that would make them wish for the death that would never come.”

A small smile quirked the corner of his mouth. “If they lived in terror for the rest of their lives, I feel like that’s fair.”

She looked at him. “And then this guy turned to me, and said, ‘You must be Bella. I’m a friend of Brody’s. My name’s Falcon, and I’ll protect you.’” Tears filled her eyes as she recalled that moment. “It was the first time in a decade that I felt safe,” she whispered. “You got the medical kit, and you told me stories as you fixed me up. You made me laugh, when I thought I’d never laugh again. You made me believe in heroes, in good people, and in hope.”

Emotion flickered over Falcon’s face. “I did?”

“You did. For the rest of my life, that has been the defining moment that has kept my heart open.”

He ran his hand through his hair. “I—I didn’t know. I was just trying to do the right thing.”

“Because that’s what you do. You are light. You are love. Even when you live in darkness. Do you remember how you taught me self-defense every time you saw me? Making me strong. Teaching me so that I’d never be scared again.”

He nodded. “I remember. You were hungry to learn.”

“I wanted to be the one to protect others like you did for me.” She lifted her chin. “And instead, I’ve been hiding on a ranch for years.”

He walked over to her. “No. You’re not hiding. You’ve been healing.”

She lifted her chin as he approached. “You were kind to me, Falcon. On the outside, you were huge, strong, and dirty. But you had this amazing gentleness that made me feel like there was kindness in the world. Like a badass teddy bear.”

He slid his hand behind her neck, his touch warm, soothing, safe. God, she loved it when he touched her. “That night, I was leaving camp when I saw you run up. I’d told Brody I wasn’t sticking around, and I didn’t want to get entangled with a makeshift family of homeless kids. I had no intention of getting involved, until I saw you running for your life, torn jeans, no shoes, your face absolutely rocked with terror.”

She lifted her chin, intentionally separating herself from the shadows of the emotions she’d felt that night. “I thought I was going to die. And I might have.”

“The minute I saw you, my world as I knew it came to a screaming halt. I was already on the move to protect you when you dove into that sleeping bag. I threw that kid like he was nothing, and I thought I killed him when he hit the bridge.” He placed his other hand on the other side of her face, cupping her in his grasp. “I had never killed anyone before, but when he hit, I hoped he was dead, and that scared the crap out of me. I would have run at that point, but I was afraid they’d come back.”

She smiled. “My protector.”

“I followed you for a month. Everywhere you went, I followed you.”

She blinked. “You did?”

“Yeah. I had to make sure I’d scared them. A couple times, you passed one of them, and I made sure they saw me. Eventually, when you walked by, they just took off and ran the other way. I knew they’d never bother you again.” He let out his breath, his voice soft and rough. “You were the only light I’d ever had in my life, Bella. I would do anything to keep you safe.”

“Including walk away from me.”

He nodded. “Yeah.”

She looped her fingers around his wrists. “Including shutting me out today?”

His eyes darkened, and he didn’t answer.

In the silence that fell between them, she felt her heart begin to shatter, piece by piece. She’d tried everything to reach him, and she’d failed. “Never mind?—”

He didn’t release her. “Gordy saw a monster when he looked at me today,” he said quietly.

Her gaze snapped to his. “I know.”

“He saw me through the lens of his trauma. I thought I could help kids like Gordy because I’d been through what they’re going through, but I just scared him.”

Bella heard the pain in his voice, and her heart softened. “He asked if you were a monster. He didn’t say you were scary.”

Falcon blinked. “What?”

“You were like a monster coming out of the shadows the night we met, but you were my monster, and that made me safe. Sometimes, we need monsters to protect us, because regular humans aren’t enough.”

Falcon stared at her, and she could see the doubt in his eyes. He didn’t believe he was good. He didn’t believe he could make the difference he wanted to make. “If I brought a kid into my life, it could make him a target, like it did with you. So I can’t keep him safe. I’ll put him in danger.”

Bella put her hands on either side of Falcon’s face, mimicking his pose with her. “You don’t know that my stalkers are related to your quest. But even if they are, it’s worth it because of what you give me.”

He cocked his brow. “What do I give you?”

“When you shut me out? Heartbreak. Pain. Loneliness.” When he started to pull away, she tightened her grip. “But when you look at me like you are doing right now, when you listen to me, when you talk to me about the things that matter to you, you become the beautiful man who makes me want to fall into your arms and never leave them.”

Her declaration hung in the air between them. Her heart was racing. She knew there was so much past between them, and so much space between them now, but in this moment, it didn’t matter. This was Falcon. Hero. Protector. A man with a heart shining bright with goodness and beauty, even if he fought so hard not to let it show.

He moved closer, sliding his fingers through her hair. “I don’t know what to do right now.” His voice was low, rough.

“What do you mean?” Kiss me, Falcon. Just kiss me.

He searched her face. “I cause you pain. I’m trying to be different, but I’m not good at it. I’m danger. I’ll probably fuck up every future dream you have. I?—”

“Do you want to kiss me?”

He met her gaze. “More than anything I’ve wanted in my life.”

“Then do it.”

He didn’t move, and her heart sank. He was going to make her kiss him first, wasn’t he? As he’d promised? She loved that he kept his promise, but underneath all her bravado, she still wanted a knight in shining armor to sweep her off her feet.

“Bella.” He whispered her name, so reverently that she felt tears well in her eyes.

“No one has ever said my name like that,” she whispered.

“Because no one has ever loved you like I do.” Then he angled his head, leaned down, and kissed her.