Chapter 16

Maddie rolledonto her back and stared at the ceiling, feeling the weight of her emotions. Lucas kept drawing little designs on her hip, and for some reason, that touch grounded her. Made her feel safe. Connected to him.

It was her connection to him, her need for him, her desire for him, that made her want to tell him the truth.

She wanted Lucas to understand why she was the way she was. Why she didn"t want to try to connect with him. But she barely knew Lucas. Why would she pour all her secrets out to this stranger, simply because he seemed to get inside her soul and call to her?

She looked over at him, and then almost smiled. He was watching her intensely, but his shoulders were relaxed. She grinned. "You"re dying to hear the story, aren"t you?"

He flashed a grin. "I"m not going to lie, Maddie. I am. But I"m trying to play it cool. Not working?"

"No. I can feel your intensity."

"Shit. I suck at hiding my feelings." He paused. "From the first moment the Harts came together as kids, before we were a family, Brody had a rule that we never kept secrets from each other. We always shared what we were doing, how we felt, what was bothering us, no matter what. That honesty created a bond between us that never would have happened without it. We had to share everything, and the rest of us were never allowed to judge. Ever. It was hard as hell because none of us had ever trusted anyone before, but it was the best thing ever."

She felt the honesty of his words. "I trust Piper like that. I tell her almost everything."

"Almost isn"t enough," Lucas said. "Not for the Harts. Those little secrets can fester. When we try to protect ourselves or our siblings by holding back truths, it"s like a little wound that breaks our integrity with ourselves. Never works, at least not for what our family needs."

Envy flickered through Maddie. She couldn"t imagine having that kind of space to be herself. "That sounds terrifying and amazing at the same time."

Lucas nodded. "That"s about right." He studied her. "You want to talk about Adam?"

Her instinct was to say no, but a different word came out. "Yes."

"Then do it." He rolled onto his back, squeezing in beside her, so they were both staring at the ceiling. "I"ll try not to gaze into your eyes and stun you with my empathy."

She grinned. "You overdeliver empathy?"

"I do. It"s my fatal flaw. It"s why I keep everyone except the Harts at a distance. It"s easier that way."

"I get that." She sighed and took a breath. Adam. Where to start with him. "I"ve been scared my whole life. Afraid of the bogeyman coming to get me and rip me away from my dad and my life."

Lucas moved his hand slightly so that his fingers were touching hers.

The touch settled her, and she scooted closer to him, so her cheek was against his bare shoulder. "Adam was big, and tough, and I felt like no one could get through him. He was kind of…a bit much, but that was okay. I needed what he gave me."

"Makes sense." There was absolutely no judgment in Lucas"s tone, and she relaxed.

Lucas and his siblings had survived hell, every one of them. Maybe they would understand making stupid, blind decisions in order to survive. "My dad loved him. Adam got recruited to play D1 college football. Before he left, he said he"d come back for me, and we"d get out of town and live a huge life."

Lucas tapped his fingers gently against her palm. "How"d that sound to you?"

She let out her breath. "Honestly? Wonderful. I felt trapped here. Trapped by my fear. I thought that if I left town as the wife of a huge, tough, wealthy man, then I could finally breathe. I could live again." As she said it, the guilt came rushing back. "I felt so guilty even thinking it. Leaving my dad after he gave up his career for me? I was torn."

"I feel you." Lucas shifted, moving closer to her. "I feel the same way. I"m bound to the Hart Ranch because of my family, but I sometimes find myself wondering what life could be like if I wasn"t connected so tightly to them. The bonds with family are beautiful and fulfilling, but they can also be complicated."

She nodded, the pain around her heart easing ever so slightly. Lucas understood, and it made her feel better. Not ashamed of what she"d wanted.

"What happened with Adam?"

"I waited for him. He came back to see me, but he was changing in a way I didn"t like. He wanted me to go with him, but I couldn't yet. I couldn"t make myself leave my dad and the store." God, how she hated that. "He got drafted, and he proposed to me. I said yes, of course. All my dreams come true, right?"

"Except?"

Oh, how everything had spiraled. "I didn"t go visit him because there was too much press. I didn"t want to get caught on camera." How she"d hid from life.

"And?"

She took a breath. "Piper convinced me I had to go see him. That I couldn't stay here and hide. So I went. I surprised him." That night. God that night. "I arrived at his house. He was…" She paused. "He was having a party with a bunch of women. Not just one. A bunch. I got mad, and he…" She instinctively touched her cheek, and then Lucas"s hand settled on top of hers.

"He hit you?" His voice was low, rough, tightly controlled.

She closed her eyes, focusing on the feel of Lucas"s hand on top of hers, drawing the pain that her memories had put back in her cheek. "Yes. Knocked me out."

"Fucking bastard." Lucas shifted beside her, moving in tighter, and his strength seemed to encircle her, protecting her from the power of the past.

"When I woke up, the women were gone, and I was on the couch under a blanket. He apologized and cried and said he loved me. Said it was difficult because I wasn"t there with him, but he would always love me. He asked me to move in that day and get married that weekend."

"What did you do?" Lucas"s voice was low and tense.

"I walked out, sold the engagement ring, and used the money for a down payment on my house."

He smiled and put his hand on her belly. "Good girl."

"Right?" She took a breath. "I haven"t told my dad what happened. He adored Adam. They were best friends. My dad was so proud of him, and he still watches all his games and tracks his stats every week. He"d be crushed to know that he trusted Adam with me, but he was wrong." She paused. "I"d known Adam since I was fifteen. How could I not know what he was capable of? Who he was? If I was wrong about him, then how would I trust my judgment with someone else?"

"Like someone you met only a couple days ago?"

She turned to look at Lucas. He was on his side again, propped up on his elbow, watching her. He looked so handsome, so kind. Her heart turned over. She touched his jaw. "I told Piper I was done with dating. I meant it. I didn"t want a man. I didn"t want to deal with anything ever again."

Lucas flashed her a grin. "And then you met this good-looking guy who used to be homeless, in prison, and broke, and you thought, "now, this guy tempts me.""

She smiled. "Exactly. My judgment is getting worse, apparently."

"I"m very untrustworthy."

She giggled. "I can see that." For some reason, the fact Lucas wasn"t trying to convince her that he was worth trusting was making her feel lighter.

"I was betrayed by a girl when I was eighteen, and I"m apparently still not over it. So you have at least another ten to fifteen years where you can ride the Adam wave and be good to go."

She laughed then. "What if I stretch it to twenty?"

"Completely valid." Lucas leaned in and brushed a kiss over the tip of her nose. "Just a reminder, Maddie. You made it through this thing with Adam. You"re tough, a badass, and sassy as hell. He didn"t steal anything from you. You used it to become the woman you are today, who"s pretty fucking fantastic."

Her smile faded, and she stared at Lucas.

He cocked an eyebrow at her. "I mean it. Our past is dependent on how we choose to define it, the story we tell ourselves about it. The facts are one thing, but you get to choose the story you tell yourself about them."

"Like?"

"Like you got a house out of that failed engagement. You"re such a badass that you had a chance to marry an NFL player who comes with fame, money, and power, and you said, fuck it, I deserve better, and you hauled your ass out of there and started over. Impressive as hell, if you ask me." He paused. "And you do deserve better, Maddie."

Her heart turned over at his words. He meant each one. She knew he did.

How could this man be so kind? See her and make her feel like she was so much more than she believed she was? She felt so good about herself when she was around him. Not simply safe and protected, but capable, beautiful, and worth believing in.

She touched his jaw. "You make me want to try again," she whispered.

He smiled. "You do the same for me."

"Are you scared?" she whispered the question.

"Hell, yeah."

"Me, too."

His face softened. "I know, Maddie. I know you are." He paused. "I know that words mean nothing, and you have to choose what you believe, but know that I am a born protector. Before I even met you, my job was to protect you because of Jacob. That job will never end, regardless of what happens between you and me. I will always protect you, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Always. And so will my family. We couldn"t do anything else. It"s how we"re made. It"s what defines us. And that would never, could never, change."

Tears filled her eyes at his words. "So, I could just march onto the Hart Ranch, announce I"m there, and ask for help?"

"Any day, any time, for any reason. Yes." He paused, then pulled out his phone. "Hang on. I"m calling my brother."

"No." Panic hit her. "I don"t want to talk to Jacob."

"Not Jacob. I wouldn"t do that to you. It"s Dylan." He put it on speaker phone and dialed a number.

"But—"

A man answered on the first ring, and she closed her mouth. "What"s up, Lucas?" he said.

"Dylan. I"m here with Maddie. You"re on speakerphone."

Dylan didn"t hesitate. "Hi, Maddie. Nice to meet you."

Her heart tightened at how friendly his voice was. "Um, hi."

"Maddie asked me a question, and I wanted her to ask it to you."

"No problem. What"s the question, Maddie?"

Maddie felt her cheeks heat up. "It"s nothing?—"

"It"s never nothing," Dylan interrupted. "It doesn"t matter what it is. If you thought it, it matters. Ask me."

Lucas raised his brows at her, and she couldn"t help but roll her eyes. Dylan was proving true Lucas"s claim that the Harts never kept anything from each other.

"Ask me, Maddie," Dylan said again. His voice was gentle and kind, but also unyielding.

She punched Lucas lightly in the shoulder and made a face at him. "Fine. Lucas gave me a speech that?—"

"No," Lucas interrupted. "Don't give Dylan context. Ask him the question so you get his instinctive answer."

"Hell. Now I"m interested," Dylan said. "Spill it, Maddie. I"m not hanging up until you do." His voice was rumbling with amusement.

"Fine." She stuck her tongue out at Lucas. "What I said to Lucas was this: "So, I could just march onto the Hart Ranch, announce I was there, and ask for help?""

"Absolutely," Dylan said without hesitation. "Any day, any time, anything you need. You"re one of us, Maddie. You and your dad. The minute you crossed paths with Jacob and found your place in his soul, you were in."

She felt his earnestness, and she realized both men meant what they said one hundred percent. Suddenly, without warning, she had literally an entire posse in her life. Emotion clogged her throat, and she had no words.

Lucas wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her against him, placing a kiss to the top of her head. She squeezed her eyes shut and pressed her face into Lucas"s neck, trying to hold back her emotions. She"d been so alone and lost for so long, clinging to her dad, and recently Violet, as her only safety, her only family, her only home, her only roots.

And suddenly, she had more. It was overwhelming.

Dylan continued. "I"m sorry it took us this long to find you, Maddie."

He"d apologized. This stranger had apologized for not finding her sooner and giving her a family that she"d never asked for, didn"t have a right to, and didn"t belong with.

Except both these men believed she did.

Lucas kissed her again. "Maddie"s feeling a little overwhelmed by the way the Harts do family," he said.

Dylan laughed. "Understandable. We"re a lot to take. Especially Lucas. Hang in there, Maddie. You"ll get used to Lucas. He"s an acquired taste, but worth the effort."

A little smile broke through. "It sounds like he"s a bottle of wine."

"He"s my brother. I"d move the entire damn world for him, and you, too." He paused. "I got a couple leads on Les. It"s possible he"s in your area. Keep vigilant. I"ll call the minute I can find him."

Les. She"d forgotten about Les for a minute.

"Right. Thanks," Lucas said. "Talk later."

"You bet. Maddie, it was great to talk to you. I look forward to meeting you someday. Drop into the Hart Ranch. We"d love to have you." Then, before she could answer, Dylan hung up.

Maddie flopped onto her back, staring at the ceiling as she processed what had just happened. She felt Lucas watching her.

"You all right?"

She nodded, but her throat was still thick. "I just… For my whole life, it"s been just me and my dad. I"ve been so scared that if anything happened and I lost him, I"d be all alone. Even being with Adam didn"t take away that fear. I was so afraid that if anyone came after me and my dad, we had no one to help us…"

"And now you have a bunch of anti-social cowboys willing to use all their resources to help you unconditionally."

She turned to look at him. "You all are so normal. The papers make you into this elusive image. And you"re just…family guys."

Lucas shrugged. "We are elusive. And we give that image to make sure everyone knows we"re powerful. It keeps us safe if people are afraid to mess with us."

"Safe? You guys worry about being safe?"

He met her gaze. "Maddie. The soul never forgets. We all have scars that make us look over our shoulders. Every single one of us. The more powerful we get, the safer we are."

She bit her lip. "I feel that when I"m with you. I feel…empowered. Not just protected, but also like I can protect myself."

He smiled. "No greater gift than to know you can handle yourself. That"s fantastic, Maddie."

His smile was so warm. So beautiful. So honest. Suddenly, she wanted to lose herself in this man, in the family he represented, in the integrity he lived by. She couldn't offer herself, or long term, but he knew that.

Right now, she simply wanted him. "Kiss me, Lucas," she whispered.

The way his face lit up made her almost start to laugh, but then he kissed her, and she forgot about everything but the man in her arms.

The emotions from their conversation and the call with Dylan had erased her walls, leaving her raw and exposed. She needed to fall into the protection Lucas offered her, to lose herself in his strength.

He seemed to feel her need, because he rolled onto his side and dragged her against him, kissing her like a man made of passion and soul. His kisses were hot and intense, but there was a tenderness that made her want to cry.

Lucas made her feel like he was there with her completely. Like she was his entire existence, his complete focus. She felt seen, protected, and like she mattered.

And she loved it.

Lucas trailed kisses along her neck, and she sighed and leaned back, giving him access. His hand was still on her hip, claiming her as he kissed his way down her chest and across the swell of her breasts.

Her heart started to race as he eased aside her shirt and kissed her. She couldn"t believe how good it felt to be with him. She focused on everywhere their bodies were touching, needing to feel that connection to him.

Lucas moved lower, spanning her hips with his hands as he kissed her belly, his tongue tracing the most tempting circles along her skin. She put her hands on his shoulders, and then grinned when she felt his muscles contract.

The man was built, and she loved it. She wasn"t a tiny person, and she loved that he made her feel like she was.

Then Lucas flipped the front clasp of her bra, and she sucked in her breath as the lace parted. He cupped her breasts immediately, pressing kisses to her body that seemed to wrap around her soul and pour warmth and light into it.

Maddie didn"t feel vulnerable or scared with Lucas.

She felt like she was where she needed to be. Where she wanted to be. Where she"d always wanted to be, but had never known it.

So, when Lucas tugged her shirt over her head, she sat up and held her arms up to make it easier.

The moment her shirt was off, Lucas paused to look at her, his gaze sweeping across her body with an appreciation that made her giggle.

"I"m the luckiest guy on the entire planet right now, Maddie. There"s no doubt in my mind."

She burst out laughing. "You"re such a dork."

He shrugged, locked his arm around her waist, and pulled her onto his lap. "I"d never lie to you." He didn"t wait for her answer. He just kissed her with an intensity that made her muscles clench.

Her nipples were hot where they were pressed against his bare chest, and her core was pulsing with need. She wrapped her legs around his waist, and he drew her tighter against him. She could feel his erection pressing against her core through their jeans, teasing them both in the most glorious way.

She locked her arms behind his neck, holding him tight as they kissed, as the intimacy coiled tighter and tighter. His hands were on her breasts, her hips, her lower back, sliding along her thighs. Touching and kissing her everywhere he could reach, until he finally leaned her back on the cot. "I need more skin, Maddie," he whispered, his voice low and rough and sexy.

"Me, too." She quickly wiggled out of her pants while he did the same, and then he was back on top of her, kissing her as if he"d never stop.

Which was perfect, because she didn"t want him to ever stop either.

He slid his hand between her legs, and then followed with his mouth, stirring her into a cascade of sparkles and need. "I don't have a condom," he said, "but if I did, I"d be making love to you?—"

"I have some."

He lifted his head and cocked his brows, a slow grin spreading on his face.

She felt her cheeks heat up. "It"s part of our girl pact. The four of us always have to have condoms with us so we never have to trust a man with our bodies."

"Girl power rules. I get it. Where are they?"

"In my purse. It"s over by the?—"

"I know where it is." He rolled off her and strode across the room. He was fully naked now, and she treated herself to a view of his backside. The muscles in his back were enviable, and his butt was curved and tight. He kicked the door to the front room shut and flipped the lock, even though they both knew the front door of the store was locked. He grabbed her purse. "Inside pocket?"

"Yes."

He found the condoms, and when he turned toward her, he got a wicked gleam in his eyes. "I love how you"re looking at me."

"How am I looking at you?" Her heart started racing as he strode across the room toward her, moving with an athletic grace that was pure temptation.

"Like you enjoy what you see." He joined her on the cot and pulled her into a glorious kiss that was all about heat, seduction, and promises. "Which is great, because I"m loving every second of this, and I"d be shattered if you took one look at me and went running for the hills."

"I"m not running anywhere. Not today."

"Fantastic." He slipped the condom on, then kissed her a good long time.

The kisses were hot and intense, but there was an intimacy that was so much more, more than she wanted to think about, more than she was ready to acknowledge. "Make love to me, Lucas."

He didn't answer, but he shifted his body to slide into her, a fit that felt natural and perfect, as if her body had been preparing for this man and this moment her whole life.

Lucas let out a long, deep breath that sounded like pure heaven. "Perfection, Maddie. You"ve ruined me for life. Nothing I ever experience will live up to this moment."

She smiled, put her hands on his face, and kissed him. "You"re making it so difficult for me to stay emotionally unattached right now."

"Just go with what you feel, Maddie." Lucas began to move inside her, a glorious rhythm that erased her walls. "I don"t need any promises for the future. All I want is for you to be fully present right now. Trust whatever you feel and share it with me."

She searched his beautiful eyes, and found no guile. No attempt to control. Just a man who had learned how to live in each moment. "I feel like you"re my forever," she whispered.

He smiled, a smile so tender that she felt like her heart would never recover. "Me, too." Then he moved his hips again, and she was swept away in the movement of his body, in the rising electricity between them.

Lucas controlled the moment, and she surrendered to him, allowing him to bring her to a stunning precipice of hope, desire, and intensity, before the touch of his hand brought her plummeting over the edge into his arms, shaking and whispering his name, while he did the same.

It was the moment Maddie hadn"t known she wanted, but that her entire soul had burned for.

It was perfection, and she decided not to question it.

Instead, she closed her eyes, snuggled into his arms, and pretended that reality would never come back.

Ever.

Even though she knew it would.

And soon.