Chapter 6

Mallowater, TX, 1988

Sloan didn't touch her breakfast, even though Daddy had cooked it. His breakfasts always tasted better than her mom's. It even smelled different. Daddy cooked the bacon in the skillet instead of the microwave, and grease hung in the air for hours afterward.

But even with the greasy bacon on her plate, Sloan didn't have an appetite. This was all so unfair. Why did Ridge get to go fishing, leaving her stuck here with Mom?

Sloan looked at her brother. He didn't look any happier about this arrangement than she did.

"Why the long face, Lo?" Daddy asked, shoveling shredded potatoes into his mouth as he read the morning paper.

"It's not fair." Sloan pushed her plate away. "Why can't I come?"

"Sloan!" Her mother slammed the fridge door. "Drop it."

"It's alright." Daddy winked at Sloan. "I'm off all week. We'll do something special, too. Ridge and I need some man-to-man time."

"All packed." The cooler lid slammed down, and Sloan's mom jumped like she hadn't been the one to drop it. "You've got plenty of water, snacks, and sandwiches for lunch."

Sloan glanced back and forth between her parents. "You're staying till lunch?"

"We're staying till the sun goes down," Daddy said. "Takes time for the fish to bite."

"But it's November! Isn't it cold?"

Mom laughed. "It's supposed to get up to the 70s. If you think this is cold, try a New York November."

Sloan knew there was no way Ridge would leave at sunset; he'd want to watch the crows. He'd talk Daddy into it. She had to think fast.

"Promise you'll be home in time to watch 21 Jump Street ."

Daddy looked up from his paper and raised an eyebrow. "You hate 21 Jump Street ."

"No, I don't." Sloan looked down at her lap. "It's okay."

He tussled Sloan's hair. "Alright. Deal."

Sloan grabbed for the syrup. It wasn't perfect, but it was something.

"Would you look at that?" Daddy reached under the table. "A penny. Who would so carelessly leave their money on the floor?"

"It's just a penny, Dad," Sloan said, mouth full of pancake.

Her father's face twisted in mock surprise. " Just a penny. Well, I'll have you know, Sloan Celeste Hadfield, you can take a penny, drill a hole in it, and then you've got a washer you can sell for a dime. That's nine cents profit if you've already got the drill, which we do right over in the garage."

Sloan caught her mom rolling her eyes as she walked toward the table. As much as Sloan loved this dreamer side of her father, she figured they wouldn't be poor if any of his ideas were good.

"Are you sure you've got enough bait?" Mom asked.

Daddy stood. "Relax, Caroline. We aren't going to Jupiter. Sit down," he insisted, pulling out a chair. "Eat. And don't worry about cooking dinner tonight. Spend some time with Lo. Order a pizza." Daddy grabbed one end of the cooler. "Sloan, help me load this."

Sloan took the other end of the bulky red cooler and helped her dad lug it out to the truck.

"Are you sure I can't go?" Sloan tried again.

He shut the truck bed. "Come on, Sloan. You and I can do something Tuesday. I'll even let you miss school. But spend time with your mother today. She's been sad. Your granddad died, then the Turners left. Libby was her only friend around here. Not to mention, you and Ridge are growing up; you don't need her as much as you used to."

"Well, she should get back to writing her bird book."

"That's a great idea," Daddy said. "Your mother graduated top of her class. Sometimes it must seem like she's stuck here, but she can still get back to her passion. God knows there are plenty of crows to study. You should encourage her."

"Mom won't listen to me."

"Probably not," Daddy agreed. "Then how about you just promise to do one thing that makes your mom smile or laugh today?"

Sloan groaned.

"One thing." He crouched and held up a finger in her face. "One."

Sloan pushed his hand down. "Fine. One."

Daddy turned. "Here, hop on. I'll give you a ride back up to the house."

"I'm not a kid anymore, Dad."

"You're still my kid. Come on, hop on. We'll shake that grim mood off ya."

Sloan was too old for these silly games, but she hopped on his back anyway. Daddy charged up the lawn, jostling her from side to side. She laughed despite herself. It was impossible to be in a bad mood around Jay Hadfield. No wonder he sold so many cleaning supplies.

Sloan glanced at her watch as her dad set her down. Almost 10:00. 21 Jump Street came on at 7:00. Nine hours tops, and she'd see him again. If Ridge came home bragging, so what? Her turn was coming. She'd spend today planning everything their day would entail.

She passed her mother and Ridge hugging goodbye and grabbed a pencil from the hallway before going into her room and slamming the door.

Daddy and Ridge were late. Sloan could tell her mom was worried by the way she paced across the living room, chewing her nails and checking the clock. Yet, when Sloan suggested they go out to the creek to find them, Mom told her to stop being ridiculous; they'd be home soon.

Not soon enough, Sloan realized as the music to 21 Jump Street began . Mom opened one of the pizza boxes. "Don't let it get cold."

Sloan closed the box. Ridge had talked Daddy into watching the crows with him. And Ridge was the baby, so he got whatever he wanted. It was easy to blame her brother, but Daddy had made the promise. Of course, she hadn't kept her promise either. She hadn't even tried to make her mom smile or laugh all day. She'd spent the entire day in her room except for lunch—a lunch Mom didn't even eat with her. She'd made Sloan's sandwich, then gone out to the back porch to smoke another cigarette. Daddy wouldn't be happy about that. He hated when Mom smoked, and she rarely did it when he was in town, but lately, she didn't seem to care. And she wasn't even trying to hide it tonight, didn't bathe herself in perfume.

"Well, if you won't eat, I will." Caroline grabbed a pizza slice and sat on the couch next to Sloan. They watched the first fifteen minutes of the show, but Sloan was too angry to pay attention to the plot.

During the first commercial break, the door burst open.

Daddy charged into the living room, his eyes wide and wild, his brow covered in sweat. Sloan noticed a small red scratch under his right eye. Not another episode , Sloan thought. She'd never seen her father have one when he hadn't been asleep.

"Jay?" Mom jumped up, the paper plate from her lap falling to the floor. "What is it, Jay?"

Daddy glanced down the hall. "Is Ridge here?"

"What do you mean is Ridge here?" Mom's voice shook.

"Oh, God." Tears filled his eyes. "Call the police, Caroline."

"Where's Ridge, Jay? Where is he?" Mom's face had gone pale.

Daddy crumpled to the floor, rubbing both hands through his damp hair. "I don't know," he cried. "He disappeared."

"What do you mean?" Mom screamed. "Jay, where is our son?"

Daddy stayed on the floor, but he raised his head. "We fished, and I started feeling strange. The next thing I remember is waking up. Ridge was gone. I searched, Caroline. Nobody saw him. I hoped he'd come home."

"Maybe he's with the Dawsons," Mom said. "I'll call."

Sloan's chest clenched. Some kids may wander off, visit a friend and not tell anyone, but not Ridge. Not ever.

This had to be a terrible nightmare. Her dad shaking on the floor, her mother screaming into the phone. Sloan wanted to do both, cry and scream.

She needed to do something . Go comfort Daddy. Go tell Mom to stop yelling. She's hard to understand when she's yelling. But Sloan only sat, sinking deeper and deeper into the couch as the commercial break ended and 21 Jump Street started again.

The search parties began. Police officers, state troopers, local volunteers, and even the National Guard joined the search. There were police dogs and helicopters. From her back porch, Sloan heard strangers call her brother's name repeatedly. "Ridge! Ridge! Ridge!"

Where'd you go, Ridge?

Sloan's family didn't sit down for dinner; they didn't go to bed. Her dad walked every inch of the creek and would have done it a dozen more times had the police not taken him in for questioning.

Two days passed. Sloan lost all sense of time. All sense of place. All sense of normal.

The shrill ring of the phone drew all their eyes toward it. There was hope with every ring of a phone, with every ring of a doorbell.

"I'll get it." Sloan headed for the phone. Noah was supposed to call back before bed. He listened to everything his father said, everything that came in on the walkie.

"Hello." Sloan gripped the cold phone. "Hi, Libby. Yes, ma'am, she's right here." Mom was already behind her, taking the phone.

Sloan walked back to the couch and sat next to her father. His eyes were red and his hands trembling. "I'll go search again," he mumbled.

"Not tonight, Daddy." Sloan took hold of his forearm. It seemed smaller. She hadn't seen him eat since that Sunday breakfast. "You need to sleep. Really sleep. And when you wake up, we can make breakfast together."

Daddy grabbed his jacket. "When Detective Johnson comes back, tell him I'll be home in an hour."

Mom didn't even glance up when Daddy slammed the door. "No news, Libby," she said. "Still nothing." Sloan watched her mom wipe her eyes. She was strong. Somehow, she'd be okay. Daddy was another story.

Sloan tapped her mom's shoulder. "Can I go to the creek with Daddy?" she whispered.

Mom nodded and shooed Sloan away.

By the time Sloan put on her shoes and jacket, Daddy's truck was gone. Sloan hopped on her bike and rode as fast as she could.

It was dark when she arrived at Crow's Nest Creek, and a few people were still searching. The crows rested quietly in the trees, and Sloan couldn't help but be jealous of them—all at peace, all in their homes, with no frantic searches for a missing baby bird.

She found her dad and walked beside him. Even with only the light of the moon and his small flashlight, Sloan saw tears fill her father's eyes. "They aren't gonna find him, Lo."

Sloan swallowed. "What do you mean? They have to."

"They would have already." Tears dripped off her dad's face. "This entire town has walked this creek for two days. Divers started searching the water today. He's gone."

Sloan felt her own tears, hot behind her eyelids. "Don't give up."

Daddy stopped walking. "Detective Johnson's acting different today. It's like he thinks I did something to Ridge."

"You didn't." She took his hand, trying to ignore the scratches, just beginning to scab over. "You'd never hurt him."

"I did hurt him, Sloan. And your mother."

"Well yeah, but that wasn't you . It was one of your episodes."

Her father met her eyes. "Who's to say this wasn't?" Daddy scrubbed his hand over his scruffy face. "I'm not who you think I am. I've done some terrible things."

"You mean in the war? Mom says everybody in war does terrible things. That Vietnam was a huge mistake and—"

"No, Sloan, not the war." The harshness of her dad's voice made her jump. He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I just need you to remember that no matter what, I love you. I love Ridge. I love your mom."

"We love you too." Sloan wondered why he was talking like this. It seemed like he was slipping away, like he'd never be the same, like nothing ever would. "Can we go home, please?"

"I feel like he's here," Daddy whispered. "Here with the crows. I don't want to leave him."

Sloan reached out her hand. "It's late, Daddy, too dark to ride my bike. Help me put it in your truck and take me home."

"Not now, Sloan."

Sloan couldn't believe her dad was going to let her ride home this late. But of course, she couldn't believe anything from the past two days. Two days. It was Tuesday. Sloan realized she had one more card to play.

"You promised, Dad. You promised Tuesday was our day."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "What?"

"You said we would do whatever I wanted Tuesday."

"Come on. That was before—"

"It doesn't matter," Sloan interrupted. "It's my day, and this is what I want. I want to go home. I want us all to sleep in our beds. I want to wake up and cook breakfast with you." She choked back a sob and stood taller. "Now, come on."

Her dad looked confused, even a little angry, but he pulled out his keys. "Alright," he said. "Let's go home."

Mom was still on the phone with Libby when they arrived, but Sloan saw to it that Daddy climbed into his bed before getting into her own. Within fifteen minutes, he was snoring. Sloan got up to shut her door and noticed her mom was off the phone and had passed out on the couch. Sloan covered her with a blanket, locked the front door, and turned off the light. Somehow, this felt like a step in the right direction, like a turning point. Maybe tomorrow would feel different, look different after they'd all slept.