Chapter 29

Mallowater, TX, 1989

Attending Jay's trial became Caroline's favorite pastime. She enjoyed the smell of the treated wood in the courtroom, the clack of the prosecuting attorney's shoes across the polished floor, and the way Jay squirmed in that uncomfortable seat every time he saw Caroline.

She would never forget the look on his face when she walked in the first day. She shoved the swinging doors open and clicked her heels loud enough that everyone, including Jay, noted her entrance.

The proceedings had not begun, but Jay was already seated with a young public defender to his right.

When Jay saw her, his entire face softened, his eyes glistening with tears. He rose to his feet and pulled in an expansive breath. She saw the hope in his expression as she approached. What did he expect her to do? Kiss him in front of his wife? He was so pathetic.

Caroline stopped in the middle of the courtroom, locking her gaze with Jay's. She pressed her lips into a thin line, making sure her face remained emotionless. Then she pivoted and sat behind the prosecutor. A front-row seat to Jay's destruction. What more could any woman scorned ask for?

She faced the front of the courtroom but glanced at Jay in her peripheral. His entire face had fallen, like a boy who had just watched Santa Claus skip his house. It took all the composure Caroline had to keep herself from smiling.

Caroline never testified against him, even though the District Attorney had discussed it with her. In the end, he didn't feel it necessary. Jay's attorney wasn't denying the murder per se; the only question was whether PTSD would work as an insanity defense. Caroline's witnessing of past episodes would only help Jay's case.

Caroline sometimes wished she would have lied to the police like she had to Libby and told them Jay was abusive. She had no idea that defendants had been acquitted using PTSD as a defense until Jay's lawyer cited two cases from other states. The D.A. assured her just as many had been convicted when trying this new defense and that the media storm around Jay's lifestyle would make the jury less sympathetic. Not to mention, this was only the second case this public defender had tried, and it showed.

Jay had started writing Caroline letters again when his trial began. Letters begging her for a chance to talk. Letters asking why she sat on the State's side. Because no matter what he'd done to her, she had to know he'd never purposely hurt Ridge. A letter for almost every day of the trial. She had a letter for him too, but she was saving it for today, for after the verdict. Walt would deliver it to his cell. She scribbled it on her yellow legal pad while waiting for the jury.

Jay,

A crow never forgets, and neither do I.

Caroline

The judge entered the courtroom, then the jury a few minutes later. Jay stood. Caroline noted how the jurors looked past him or down at their laps. That was a good sign.

"We, the jury, find the defendant, Jay Greggory Hadfield, guilty of murder in the second degree."

Jay's knees buckled, Anna cried out, and the bang of the gavel echoed throughout the courtroom. Anna's father had to drag her out. Jay's eyes filled with tears as the bailiff secured his cuffs. The idiot public defender put a hand on Jay's back, shaking his head as if the jury somehow got it all wrong.

Caroline looked up in silent prayer. Guilty, guilty, guilty. It was over. She was free of him. Free of him forever. Now her life, the life that Jay Hadfield had hijacked, could begin again.

"I swear, she sounds happy about all this, Vince. It's sick."

"What did you expect? That she'd be angry that her plan, that your plan together, worked out?"

Libby pulled a mug out of the cupboard. "Well, not angry, but I just expected this would be difficult. Instead, she's relishing in his fall."

"And you aren't?"

Libby slammed the cupboard. "Of course not. I mean, I hate what he's done, obviously."

" If he's done it." Vince crossed his arms. "Ridge is holding his story."

Libby swallowed but seemed to have a permanent lump in her throat these days. If Jay hadn't been abusive, then her best friend had used her.

"Hopefully, now that the trial is over, Caroline will put her children before her own bloodlust," Vince said.

"Yeah." Libby bit her lip. The trial was over. That meant they didn't have much time left with Ridge. "I'm going to miss him so much."

"Me too," Vince said. "He's a good boy. And so smart. Let's set something up for college for him."

"We can't very well do that for him and not do the same for Sloan."

"Okay." Vince took his glasses off. "Let's do the same for Sloan."

Despite her husband's generosity, Libby still felt a hollow feeling in her chest. College was important, but a stable home life more so. Maybe Caroline just needed time. With the trial behind her, she could focus on Sloan, focus on finding them a place in Ithaca. Still, Libby couldn't shake the feeling that none of this had ever been about Sloan and Ridge.

Now that Jay was sentenced, Caroline knew she should make some phone calls about apartments and jobs in Ithaca. She doubted she would get hired at the Cornell Lab with only a bachelor's degree, but she could work on her master's and get a job teaching high school science or something.

She just wasn't in the mood to make phone calls today. She was in the mood to go to the creek. There was nothing about Mallowater she would miss when she left, except for the crows. Sure, there were roosts in New York, even bigger ones than this, but they were city roosts. The birds gathered near courthouses, prisons, or traffic lights. In some towns, they made such noise and left such a mess that mayors tried to get rid of them—air cannons, silver mylar balloons, lasers, plastic owls. Caroline guessed most people only liked their own noise and their own mess. Not that crows were treated much better here. She remembered Jay telling her last year that a hunting magazine had encouraged its readers to take up crow shooting to cure cabin fever. Caroline wondered now just where he'd seen that magazine. Probably at Anna's house. Anna Hadfield seemed like the type to have an extra freezer in the garage stuffed with a dismembered deer. To think Jay lived a life with each of them was mystifying.

Once she arrived at Crow's Nest Creek, Caroline made her way to a tree that held a large nest. The last time she'd been here, she'd seen four speckled blue eggs but couldn't get close to them with the mama crow around. Caroline understood that, understood the fierce instinctual need to protect your offspring. That's why she'd done all this for Sloan and Ridge.

The cry of the baby crows filled the air before Caroline got close. She climbed a nearby tree to get the best view of the large bowl-shaped nest. Two crows, likely a mother and father, were feeding their nestlings. One noticed Caroline but didn't seem bothered. They know my face, she realized. They remember me.

Caroline watched the parents feed their babies what looked like chunks of roadkill. She understood that the red gape of young birds was a stimulus that turned on the feeding behavior of adult birds. So much so that the chicks became anonymous mouths to feed. When she was in college, a scientist had swapped chicks from different broods, and the adult crows didn't seem to care, if they even noticed. They would later recognize their own fledglings by voice, but apparently not their nestlings. When there were screaming red mouths open, you fed them, whether they were your chicks or not.

The instinct wasn't so different for human females, really. That's how Caroline knew Libby would help her once she heard Sloan and Ridge were in danger. No, they were not Libby's flesh and blood, but when children were screaming, you did what you could to soothe them. It was innate.

Eventually, the feeding ceased, and the baby crows grew silent. The smaller adult, likely the mother, stayed in the nest, but the other flew away. Probably to forage for more food. These sleeping baby birds would be hungry and screaming again within twenty minutes. Papa crow didn't have time to go to another nest; that was certain.

Crows could do two things at the same time. Their two-sided vocal organ made them able to sing two songs at once. They could sleep with one eye open, keeping half their brain active to detect approaching predators. But they didn't build two nests with two mates. Not even the cleverest of crows were that duplicitous.

Caroline realized she had to let it go. Jay had been caught and caged. She had to think about herself now . . . and the kids. They would get out of this town, out of this trap, while Anna and her children would remain chained, too weak to fly free.

"Sometimes I'm not sure if she's going off with Noah or sneaking back with Anna to visit her father," Caroline said.

Libby held the phone in the crook of her neck as she folded laundry. "I'm sure Sloan's not seeing Jay. But if she is, would it be the worst thing ever?"

Caroline huffed into the phone. "Whose side are you on?"

"Ridge and Sloan's," Libby said. "You realize it's August, right? Shouldn't you be in New York before the new school year starts?"

"Working on it. Don't you think I want my son back?"

No, sometimes Libby didn't think she did. Jay was sentenced in May, and there was still no plan for exchanging Ridge.

"How's Sloan doing?" Libby picked up another towel to fold. "She always sounds so sad when she answers the phone."

Caroline laughed. "She's sad when anyone calls that's not Noah. I wonder if she's developing a bit of a crush on him. She's been lightening her hair, wearing makeup, dressing differently."

Libby smiled. "All normal for her age. Noah's a nice boy."

"What's not normal is where she's getting the money for this stuff."

"Are you not giving her any spending money from what we've sent?"

"No, Libby, I'm sorta using that to feed us."

"Well, maybe Walt and Doreen are buying it for her."

"I bet it's Anna," Caroline said, switching to a conspiratorial tone. The kind they used to adopt when sharing tidbits of gossip. That seemed like a lifetime ago.

"How would Anna get money? She's in the same boat as you."

"Not really," Caroline said. "The entire city of Tyler is rallying around them."

Libby noticed she'd been folding the same towel repeatedly since she got on the phone. She threw it back in the basket with the others and stood. "Anna is a victim in this too, Caroline. I don't expect you to have warm feelings for her, but if anyone knows what she's going through, it's you."

"Oh, don't feel sorry for her. She was at the mall yesterday with Felicity and was all smiles. Bought new perfume and makeup, two My Little Ponies for Felicity, and a Sega, I'm assuming, for her boys. A Sega, Libby."

"How do you know this?" Libby asked. "Did you follow them around the mall?" Caroline's momentary silence was the only answer Libby needed. "Why would you do that?"

"Curiosity. I wanted to get a good look at Anna. She's not all that pretty. No wonder Jay couldn't keep his hands off me."

Libby's skin crawled. "Do you follow them a lot?"

"No!" Caroline raised her voice. "I'm not obsessed. I just don't think they should have a higher standard of living than we do."

"Listen, Caroline. Stop worrying about them. You need to—" Libby stopped talking as Ridge entered the room. "Hey, Ridge just came in. Want to talk to him?"

"Yeah, sure," Caroline said. "Put him on."

"Ridge, it's your mother." Libby couldn't help but notice how Ridge's face dropped when she handed him the phone. Couldn't ignore his one-word answers as she pretended to fold towels. It was like he and his mother had nothing to talk about. "How was your talk?" she asked when he hung up the phone.

"It was okay," Ridge said. "When can I talk to Sloan?"

Libby squeezed the towel in her hand. "Probably not until your mother picks you up. Sloan still doesn't know you're here."

Ridge's eyebrows shot up. "Lo still thinks I'm dead? Why? That's so mean."

"I agree," Libby said.

"But the whole thing is pretty mean. It was mean of Mom to make me lie—and mean of you and Vince too."

Libby couldn't disagree with him. "You're right. It wasn't nice. But we all had our reasons, right? You and your mom wanted to protect Sloan. Vince and I wanted to protect you."

"I didn't need to be protected. Dad never hurt me. Why didn't Mom just tell the police Dad was hurting Sloan? Why didn't Mrs. Evans? It would have been the same! He would have gone to jail the same."

"You have every right to be angry. None of it was okay. Vince and I had good intentions, but intentions don't determine if something is right or wrong. I'm sorry, but I can't be completely sorry because I'm glad for the time I've spent with you. Vince and I will miss you very much when you go."

Ridge's gaze pinged around the room. "I don't want to go."

Libby walked toward him. "Yes, you do, Ridge. You and your mother have always been very close."

"I don't want to go to New York. I don't want a new name. I'm sick of being dead."

Libby felt something inside her break at the sight of Ridge's tears. She wrapped her arms around him. He fought her off but eventually gave in, collapsing in her arms and sobbing.

"What do you want," Libby asked, pulling away from Ridge after the worst of the crying was over. "Do you want to go back to Mallowater and tell the truth?"

Ridge shook his head. "I don't want to get any of you in trouble."

Libby sometimes couldn't believe so much intelligence and heart fit in such a small boy. She was about to offer him some ice cream and control of the remote when he spoke again.

"I want to stay with you and Vince."

Libby's breath caught. "You what?"

"I'm happy here. Why can't I just stay?"

Libby didn't know what to do, what to say. "Go get some ice cream," she managed. "As much as you want. We'll talk about this later."

While she waited for Vince to come home—and while Ridge ate his Rocky Road straight from the carton—Libby went into her room and called Doreen Dawson.

"What a nice surprise, Libby. How are things in Louisiana?"

"They're good." Libby tried to sound upbeat. "I just called because I'm worried about Caroline."

"I spoke with her earlier," Doreen said. "She seemed fine."

"Yeah, that's what I'm worried about. She seems a little too okay."

"Grief comes in phases," Doreen said.

"I guess so. I just worry about Sloan. Caroline seems to have left her to fend for herself."

"Yes," Doreen's voice lowered. "Walt and I, we've been trying to help all we can. We love having Sloan over, but we're trying to encourage her to build up that relationship with her mom too."

That's not a child's job, Libby thought, but instead asked, "Is Sloan there now?"

"Yep. Out on the trampoline with Noah. Would you like to talk to her?"

"Please. And don't mention this to Caroline. I'm not implying she's a bad parent. I don't want to upset her."

"I understand. Let me get Sloan."

"Hi, Libby." There was a sadness in Sloan's voice. Not the voice of a child who'd just been jumping on the trampoline with a boy she liked.

"Hi, sweetie. You've been on my mind, and I wanted to check in."

"I'm fine."

"And how's your mom?" Libby asked.

"She's been weird," Sloan said. "I wish you could come stay with us like you did before."

"I do too. I just can't right now."

"Yeah, I figured."

"Your mom tells me you're spending a lot of time with Noah. That's great. I always liked that kid. Is he your boyfriend?"

"No," Sloan said, but her voice lightened.

Libby laid back on her bed. "Well, he'd be crazy not to like a pretty girl like you."

"I think he might," Sloan whispered. "He held my hand last week when we walked to the creek."

"Ah, I'd say he does like you then," Libby said. "Have you gotten to visit your dad recently?"

Sloan groaned. "Did Mom tell you to ask me? I haven't seen him again since I promised her I wouldn't."

"Okay. But if you wanted to, that would be normal. He made some awful decisions, but he was a good dad, wasn't he?"

"Yes," Sloan said. "I really miss him. I shouldn't, but I do."

"You know the trial is over. Nothing you say about your dad will change his sentence, so I have to ask you. Did your dad ever hurt you, Sloan? Did he abuse you?"

"No!" Sloan answered immediately. "The police already asked me that."

"Did you ever see him hurt your mom? Or Ridge?"

"Yeah," Sloan said. "He tried to hurt Mom a few times during his nightmares. Once Ridge jumped on his back, and Dad threw him off."

Libby squeezed her eyes shut. This was the same story Ridge told. "But what about when he was awake?" she asked. "I remember Ridge had bruises right before we moved."

"Daddy didn't do that," Sloan said. "Ridge was running around in his socks even after Doreen told him not to." Sloan laughed. "Sorry, it's funny to remember the way he slid."

"It's okay to laugh," Libby said. "It's okay to remember."

"Hey, Doreen, do you remember that? When Ridge slid across the waxed floor?" Libby heard Sloan ask.

Doreen chuckled in the background. "That boy was something else, wasn't he?"

"Well, thanks for calling," Sloan said. "Doreen's finished cooking dinner, so I should probably go. Love you, bye!"

"Love you too, sweetie." Libby sat frozen with the phone in her hand.

It had been lies, all of it. No, her best friend's partner wasn't who she thought he was, but turns out, neither was her best friend.

Libby was about to push the switch hook and call Caroline. Call her and call her out, give her a real piece of her mind, but she hesitated. Just because Jay hadn't hurt Ridge that particular time didn't mean he never had. And she'd often seen kids lie for abusive parents during her time at the shelter. She needed to be sure and knew how she could be.

Libby sat on the bed and continued explaining her afternoon to Vince. "So, I got the number of Sloan's teacher, the one she supposedly told about the abuse."

Vince stopped his pacing. "Tell me you didn't call her, Libby. Not her and Doreen Dawson in the same afternoon. You realize you calling and snooping around like this raises all sorts of red flags."

"I said I was with CPS," Libby said. "Told her there had been an anonymous call about Sloan Hadfield being abused last year, and we were just doing some final checks before closing it out."

"And?"

"And nothing. She never saw a single sign of abuse on Sloan, and they were very close that year. After Jay was charged with Ridge's murder, she even asked Sloan point-blank about abuse, and Sloan denied it. What's more, Mrs. Evans never even met Jay. Caroline told Ridge that Sloan's teacher didn't believe her because she didn't think Jay was capable, but turns out, she didn't even know Jay Hadfield from Adam."

Vince began pacing again. "We should have never trusted Caroline."

"She was my best friend," Libby said, wiping black smudges of mascara from her eyes. "What reason would I have not to trust her?"

"So, what do we do?" Vince asked. "Go to the cops?"

"No!" Libby said. "Are you crazy? We'll all be in jail. Then what would happen to the kids?"

Vince tapped his foot. "So she's vindictive, so she lied. That doesn't mean she won't take care of her children. We just have to go along with the plan and monitor Ridge and Sloan as best we can. There's nothing else we can do."

"Yes, there is." Libby bit the side of her cheek until she tasted blood. "Ridge wants to stay with us."

Vince stopped walking and put his hands on his hips. "He what?"

Libby began bouncing a knee. "He doesn't want to go back to Caroline."

"You've lost your mind!" Vince yelled. "I worried this would happen. You always get attached. Why would you put that idea into his head?"

"I didn't!" Libby jumped up. "He told me on his own."

"Oh, come on! Why would he want that?"

"Why don't you ask him yourself, Vince." Libby spat out his name. "Ridge!" She called, opening the door. "Come back here for a second."

"Yes?" Ridge stood in the hallway looking at them, a ring of chocolate circling his lips.

"Earlier, you told me you wanted to stay with us. Now, we won't be mad if you've changed your mind. But—"

"I haven't changed my mind. I want to live here."

Vince sat on the bed and patted the space beside him. "Come sit down. Tell me why."

Ridge shuffled over beside Vince. "Because this feels like an actual family. Like the way my family used to feel. But dad was lying then. He had another family. You don't. You guys love me. We have fun. Mom doesn't even care about me anymore. She wanted me to lie, and now, she wants me to change my name. I don't want to change my name. I like being Ridge."

"Those are all good reasons, bud. But this is something we need to really think about."

"I have been thinking about it, and I'm sure. Do you guys not want me?"

"Of course, we want you." Libby knelt in front of him. "We love you. Always, forever and no matter what, remember?"

Ridge shrugged. "Okay. Then, it's decided. But two things. First, can I get Blue? And second, can we ask if Sloan wants to live with us too?"

Libby turned to Vince. He rubbed the beard on his chin. "I can't make any promises," he said, "but we'll see what we can do."