Chapter 26

Mallowater, TX, 1988

Jay suspected something. Caroline was sure of it. He was overly kind and nurturing, insisting on staying home until Caroline was completely better. That was the last thing she wanted.

So, after two days of sleeping, Caroline emerged from her room Friday morning. "You can go back to work today," she announced, sitting in front of a piece of toast she knew she wouldn't be able to eat. She'd left her appetite, like so much more of her, on Brookhaven Drive.

Jay set the paper down. "I don't mind staying. I'm supposed to be coming home today, anyway. Sloan won't be happy if I miss our Friday night shows."

"You've wasted two vacation days." Go home to your wife. "Sloan will live. You've missed your busiest days of sales. Make up for it this weekend. I have a lot of housework to catch up on." Because by the looks of this place, you certainly haven't lifted a finger.

"Well, alright." Jay took the last sip of his coffee and stood. "But not without one dance."

He turned up the radio. The chorus of "Eighteen Wheels and A Dozen Roses" filled the kitchen.

Jay extended his hand. Caroline loved this song. It had seemed so fitting for her and Jay. A sweet ballad about a couple separated by work being reunited. Now the sappy lyrics made her nauseous. Whatever happened to those good ole cheating songs?

She waved his hand away. "I'm not up to dancing."

Jay pressed his hands down on the back of the chair. "What's going on, Caroline?"

She shrugged. "Do you often feel like dancing after you've been sick in bed for two days?"

Jay sat. "If you aren't up to dancing, how are you up to housework?"

Caroline's fingers retracted, became claw-like. "Well, some things have to be done, don't they? Housework, caring for children, selling cleaning products door to door to provide for your family. Then other things, well, they are extra, and frankly, I'm not up to extra."

Jay shifted in his seat. Watching him squirm made Caroline feel oddly powerful. She couldn't explain the shift inside, but she wasn't even sad anymore. She'd felt like she was dying the past two days, but she woke up today different. Perhaps she'd cried all her tears out. But she felt stronger now, like she'd risen from her own ashes.

"Are you sure everything's okay? This is me, Caroline. You can talk to me."

"I'm just sad about Libby," she said, avoiding Jay's eyes.

She heard him sigh, and she hated him even more. If you think I'm dramatic now, just you wait.

"Alright. I'll catch up and be home Thursday night—make it a long weekend." He leaned in for a kiss, and she turned her head, offering her cheek.

"I'm still a little warm. Don't want to get you sick."

Jay's face and neck flushed, but he said nothing, just planted a tiny kiss on her cheek. His stubble rubbed up against her face. That had once driven Caroline wild, but now she felt nothing.

He broke the news to Sloan, waved the kids off to school, and gave Caroline a last hug. "Don't overdo it," he said, kissing the side of her head. "Call Libby if you need help cleaning."

Once he was gone, Caroline did exactly that. And as soon as she hung up with Libby, she raised the heavy phone in her hand and slammed it against her eye.

Time to clean house indeed.

"Oh, honey!" Libby wrapped her arms around Caroline. "I've been so worried. Every time I called, Jay claimed you were asleep." She moved Caroline's hair away from her face. "Did this just happen?"

Caroline lowered her head. "I wouldn't give him a kiss when he left."

"That sonofabitch!" Libby's heels clicked as she entered the kitchen and retrieved a bag of frozen vegetables from the freezer. "He didn't hear us talking that night he came in, did he?"

Caroline shook her head. "I don't think so."

"We need to call the police?" Libby asked.

"No," Caroline said. "We already have a plan."

Libby swayed slightly as she wrapped the vegetables in a towel. "You still want to go through with this? It's something you really need to think about." Caroline flinched backward as Libby touched the vegetables to her eye. "Hold it," Libby instructed. "You need to get the swelling down."

Caroline took the makeshift ice pack and held it against her throbbing eye. "This is the only way. Even if they did arrest him for this, it's only a matter of time before he gets out and kills one of us."

Libby bit her lip. "Alright. Vince suggested these." She pulled a pill bottle out of her purse. "He takes them for narcolepsy."

Caroline took the bottle in her free hand and studied it.

"It's called GHB," Libby said. "It's safe. Bodybuilders use it because it induces weight loss, but it also induces sleep. It's really regulated Vince's sleep cycle, helped him sleep at night and have fewer episodes during the day."

"Okay." Caroline stared at the words on the amber-colored bottle till her vision blurred. They were really doing this.

"It's untraceable on most drug tests. Even if they took a blood sample, GHB only stays in the system for eight hours. If you give him enough, he'll pass out and won't remember a thing. It's like being drunk, but without the hangover."

"How much do I give him?"

"That's what we aren't sure about. You'll have to try a few different doses and see how long he takes to pass out and how long he stays asleep."

"Okay." Caroline set the bottle down. "He's coming home next Thursday for a long weekend. I'll try. What else?"

"We leave October 24th," Libby said. "So, this needs to happen sometime after."

Caroline stood and lifted a page of the calendar by the stove. "What about November 6 th ? I can tell Jay he needs to take Ridge fishing."

"Are you sure you want to risk it in public? Why not set something up here?"

"Because I want it to be clear it was Jay. It's turning cold. There won't be many people fishing. And if someone sees them there at some point, that's even better. They'll know Jay was alone with Ridge. Plus, we won't need a body."

Libby nodded. "So, we make it look like Jay passed out and drowned Ridge during an episode?"

"Or better yet, that he killed him in an episode, realized what he'd done, and then dumped him in the creek to cover it up. I mean, I'd love to make it look like it wasn't accidental at all, but then we'd have to establish a motive and that might be tougher to convince a jury of."

"Right. PTSD is an easier sell for sure, but I worry a judge wouldn't put Jay away for life for manslaughter."

"Whatever he gets will be enough." Caroline expanded her chest with a full breath and held it in. The media would cover this. The truth would all come out. Anna would find out. His kids would find out. Jay would be ruined forever, just as Caroline had been. Yes, it would be enough.

Libby cleared her throat. "So, when are you going to talk this out with Ridge?"

Sitting down with Ridge at the kitchen table a few weeks later was the closest Caroline had come to guilt since devising the plan. It was hard to look into those blue eyes and lie, but this was for the greater good. She couldn't let Ridge grow up with the influence of Jay Hadfield. He'd ruin everything good and pure about their boy.

"Remember last month when I told you I fell and hit my eye?" Caroline asked.

Ridge nodded.

"I was lying. Daddy hit me."

Ridge froze, eyes wide like he was struggling to comprehend.

"He's hit me a lot, hurts me a lot. There are two sides to your father. I was okay living with both until he started hurting your sister."

Ridge shook his head. "Dad never hurts Sloan. She's his favorite."

"He does." Caroline pressed her lips into a thin line. "I've noticed little bruises here and there, but she always makes up stories."

"Then how do you—"

She told her teacher," Caroline interrupted.

Ridge's chin quivered. "Then why doesn't Mrs. Evans tell the police?"

"She doesn't believe your sister. She told me to speak to Sloan about telling lies. Your dad is a very influential man, Ridge. That's why Mrs. Evans won't believe Sloan. Why no one will believe us."

Caroline's mouth felt suddenly dry. She stood and filled up a glass of water. This was nothing to lie about, but she had to bring out the brother crow in him somehow.

"I need your help, Ridge. She finally said. Sloan needs your help." Caroline took his tiny hands in hers. "Remember that crows don't fly away when they grow up like other birds; they care for their siblings. Sloan needs you to take care of her. But you can't tell her we know. Do you understand that this is our secret?"

"Yes." Ridge's voice was loud, resolute. "What do I do?"

After Caroline explained the plan to Ridge, she realized she was past the point of no return. Looking into his scared and sad eyes for a moment, she almost told him to forget all about it. But of course, he could not have forgotten, just as she could never forget what Jay had done to her. Just as a crow never forgot the face of who wronged them.

When all was said and done, Ridge only had one question, one small objection. "But I thought crow families were forever. Isn't Dad part of our nest too?"

"No," Caroline had told him. "He's a part of somebody else's. I'll explain all that to you later."

On the eve of the camping trip, Caroline was unable to sleep. She'd managed one last time to avoid Jay's advances. Between his erratic schedule and a few well-constructed excuses, October had been mostly sexless. She had given in a few times. No need for Jay to suspect anything. Not when it was so easy to close her eyes and imagine another man's face.

"Tomorrow," she'd promised him right before he had fallen asleep tonight. "I'm exhausted."

Caroline watched the rise and fall of Jay's chest as he snored. Looked at his disheveled blonde hair that hadn't yet thinned. She tried to remember how much she loved him thirteen years ago, how much she loved him six weeks ago. If her plan were successful, that man she loved would go to prison. He would leave behind two women and five children. But then she remembered how it had felt to watch him kiss another woman and scoop up another little girl in his arms. She didn't know Jay Hadfield at all. The man she had loved had never even existed. The thought was black enough to make her consider picking up her pillow and smothering him right then and there.

Caroline realized there were less permanent ways to exact revenge than what would happen tomorrow. Ideas had swirled in her head like tornado debris during those early days. She could take a crowbar to his truck or a baseball bat to Anna Hadfield's windows. She could record her and Jay having sex and leave the VHS in Anna's mailbox. She could sleep with Frank Brewer. Or she could simply show up at Jay and Anna's doorstep and enjoy watching the horror and panic overtake him. She fantasized most about that. What would he say? What would he do?

But no matter what came out of that meeting, whether he passed out, sobbed on his knees, or pissed his pants, it wouldn't be enough. It wouldn't last long enough. Their relationship had been his long con, and now, it was time for hers.

She climbed out of bed and walked across the hall to Sloan and Ridge's room. She knelt beside Ridge's bed and stroked his sweat-soaked hair. "I'm sorry, baby boy," she whispered. "Sorry I lied to you, but someday you'll understand."

She must have been louder than she intended because Ridge opened his eyes. "Mom?"

"Sorry to wake you." Caroline kissed his forehead and stood. "Go back to sleep."

Ridge sat up. "I'm nervous about tomorrow."

Caroline turned to make sure Sloan was still sleeping, then knelt beside Ridge again. "It will be okay. Remember the plan."

"Blue thermos," Ridge said. "I only drink from the blue thermos."

"That's right," Caroline whispered. "Dad has two. One is green, and one is red. Green is water, and red is sweet tea. You keep the sweet tea in your little cooler and give it to him around 3:30. He won't turn down sweet tea. The medicine will make him tired right away. He may act silly and out of it for a bit, but soon enough, he'll fall asleep. And what are you going to be doing while he sleeps?"

"Playing in the mud," Ridge whispered. "Only that's not really what I'm doing."

Caroline nodded. To anyone watching, he would look like a boy playing in the mud, but Ridge was really building the crime scene, a scene of struggle.

"I slide around in the mud, cut myself a little with my pocketknife, make sure blood is in lots of places."

"But not too deep." Caroline paused. This was like an out-of-body experience. She was telling Ridge to cut himself with his pocketknife. A pocketknife she'd argued he was too young to have.

"Not too deep," he repeated. "Make sure the bleeding stops."

"Right. There's a band-aid in your bag. Don't leave the trash on the ground. What else do you leave there? In the mud?"

Ridge pointed to his hair.

"That's right. And when no one is watching, you need to scratch your daddy's arms a few times, or even his face. Take his hand and scratch yourself too. That way, they will find skin under his nails."

"What if he wakes up?" Ridge's voice shook.

"He won't," Caroline said. "I've practiced this. He doesn't wake up."

Ridge scrunched up his face. "Why can't I give him the tea first thing? Why do we have to be there all day?"

"It's too risky for Vince to show up before dark. There's less of a chance of anyone seeing him once the sun is down. I tried to talk your dad into leaving after lunch, but you know how he is about fishing."

"What if people are around when Vince comes?"

Caroline bit her lip. This was the only part of the plan that gave her pause. People came to watch the crow roost at night, but not typically where Jay and other fishermen frequented. "It's going to be cold tonight. And most of the people who like to fish near Big Rock leave before dark. But you leave that to Vince. He's going to be watching and waiting for the perfect time. He'll pull up next to Dad's truck. He's borrowing a car. It's one you haven't seen before. He'll flash the lights two times when it's safe for you to come. Do not go until you see the flashes."

"Then I throw my beanie and shoe into the creek and leave with Vince."

"But you forgot to take the tea thermos. That's the most important part of all, that you take it, nothing else. Leave your cooler, backpack, and fishing pole. But take the red tea thermos. Vince will remind you."

Ridge picked up his stuffed blue jay. "Where will Vince take me?"

"You're going to stay with them in Louisiana."

"For how long? Will I go to school there?"

"Not long. No, you won't go to school there. Libby will teach you at home, and guess what? They bought you a Nintendo."

"How long?" Ridge asked again.

"A few months probably," Caroline said, even though she had no idea how long a trial would take.

Ridge squeezed his stuffed animal. "What about Blue?"

Caroline put her hand on Blue and lowered him. "He's going to stay with me. Dad won't let you bring a toy to the creek. But I'll keep him safe. Once things are sorted out here, you, me, Sloan, and Blue are moving."

Ridge cracked a small smile for the first time in days. "Will I like New York?"

Caroline brushed his bangs back. "You're going to love it. You'll see where I went to school, and we'll study the birds together. And Daddy will never hurt me or Sloan again."

Ridge squeezed his eyes shut. "Okay."

"And after a few days, you can call and talk to me."

"And Sloan?" Ridge spoke the two words with such hope.

"Um, yeah. Eventually. You better get to sleep." Caroline stood and walked to the door before pausing and looking back at Ridge. "One last thing," she whispered. "I've been thinking about what you asked me. About why we would abandon Dad when he was part of our nest. Well, like any rule, there are exceptions. Crows look out for their own, but when one of their own is injured, sick, or acting strangely, the rest of the family will often turn on it."

"Turn on it how?"

"Kill it," Caroline said. Her voice was firm.

Ridge gasped.

Caroline approached the bed. "I realize that sounds harsh, but think about it. That injured crow would attract predators. The laws of nature understand it's better for one crow to die than to jeopardize an entire family. We aren't killing your father. We are leaving him here and flying to a new nest where he won't destroy us all. That's better, don't you think?"

"Yeah." Ridge yawned.

Caroline pulled up the covers to his chin. "Sleep tight, my very brave crow."

Caroline only slept a few restless hours that night and woke up before anyone else. Thank God it wasn't raining. It had rained on and off for two weeks, but there was no chance of precipitation in the forecast today. Almost like this was meant to be. Caroline had her coffee and then started her preparations. She was really doing this. If she got caught, she would be the one in jail, not Jay. Everything had to go according to plan. Everyone had a part to play, and she'd assigned the hardest and most critical part to a ten-year-old. There was so very much that might go wrong.

But Ridge was smart, and he understood why he was doing this. He'd never even been close to his father. Unlike his mother and sister, Ridge had probably always seen Jay Hadfield for the fraud he was.

Jay woke up next. He came up behind Caroline and wrapped his arms around her. "Good morning, sunshine. How does a big breakfast sound?"

Sunshine. Caroline remembered their first date. He'd called her sunshine, pure sunshine. The memory brought unexpected tears to her eyes. She blinked them back. Think about Anna. What pet name does he have for her?

At the breakfast table, Ridge was quiet, Jay read his paper, and Sloan did what Sloan did best nowadays, bitched about everything. Bitched that she couldn't go, that she'd miss watching TV with her dad. This would be the hardest for Sloan. But it would be better in the long run. She'd discover her mother was strong, and she'd learn not to make the same mistakes Caroline had. Sloan Hadfield would never give up so much for any man.

Jay told Caroline to sit. Told her she should order a pizza tonight. Like he was some malevolent lord, allowing her to order out. She would order pizza. And from now on, she would order one anytime she damn well wanted to.

While Sloan and Jay carried out the ice chest, Caroline pulled Ridge aside and went over the plan one last time before wrapping her arms around him. "It's going to be okay," she promised. "See you soon."

Caroline let go as Sloan pushed past them, slamming the door of her room.

"Goodbye, Sloan." Ridge looked down the hall.

"Don't worry about her," Jay said, pulling his Texas Rangers' cap down on his head. "You ready to go, big man?"

"I'm ready," Ridge said. He turned back to Caroline and repeated the words in too strong of a voice for her sweet ten-year-old. "I'm ready."

Caroline distracted herself most of the day by building a fire in the living room and feeding it thirteen years of cards, love letters, and gifts from Jay.

Sloan stayed in her room, only coming out for meals. At dinnertime, they sat watching TV, the pizza getting cold. Each stroke of the clock darkened them both. Sloan growing angrier, Caroline growing more nervous. Jay still hadn't returned. Caroline was sure he'd be awake by now. She wanted to call Libby, but that wasn't part of the plan. Too many phone calls might look suspicious.

Caroline tapped her foot to the bouncy rhythm of the 21 Jump Street theme song. She grabbed a piece of pizza but couldn't take more than a bite. Had Jay gone straight to the police? She decided to give him until the end of the show. If he wasn't back, she'd go looking.

Caroline didn't have to wait that long. She heard a truck door slam outside as the first commercial break began. She sat up straighter and held her breath. Seconds later, Jay burst through the front door. He looked terrible. Sweat was dripping from his face, and his eyes were glassy and unfocused.

"Jay?" Caroline jumped up, letting her uneaten pizza fall to the floor.

He ran past her looking down the hallway. "Is Ridge here?"

It had worked. It had all worked. "What do you mean is Ridge here?"

"Oh, God," Jay cried. "Call the police, Caroline."

Scream at him, make a scene. Make it real. "Where's Ridge, Jay?" she yelled. "Where is he?"

Jay fell to his knees, grabbing at his greasy hair. "I don't know," he sobbed. "He disappeared."

Caroline had thought this part would be hard. Seeing Jay in so much pain, so worried about their boy. But it made her happy to watch him come undone. Happy she'd brought him to his knees just like he had brought her to her own outside Anna Hadfield's home. Karma. Karma. Karma. Things always come full circle. You get what you deserve. And this is what he deserved. He'd begun their relationship with a lie, and she was ending it with one.