Chapter 24

Mallowater, TX, 1988

"Are you sure?" Libby asked again. "I mean, are you really sure?"

Caroline wrapped her trembling hands around her coffee cup. "I know what I saw."

Libby shook her head. "This doesn't sound like Jay. He adores you."

"I'm his mistress." Caroline's eyes burned again. "I stopped by the library this morning. Found their wedding announcement in the Tyler Tribune. He and Anna married in 1970, five years before we met." Caroline recalled that night in New York where she'd waited on his table. Jay was married; he had a child. Her relationship with Jay Hadfield had been a lie right from the start.

"Why didn't you call me last night?" Libby reached across the table to touch Caroline's arm. "How did you face this alone?"

Caroline wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her sweatshirt. "I destroyed the pantry."

"What?" Libby asked.

"I destroyed the pantry. I need to clean it up before the kids come home."

Libby waved her hands. "I'll do it. Don't worry about anything. I can stay a few days and handle the kids."

Caroline bent forward, laying her head on her arms. How was this her life?

"When does Jay come home?" Libby asked.

Caroline lifted her head. "Friday."

"Okay. That gives you some time to figure things out."

"What is there to figure out, Libby?" Caroline's voice shook. "I'm leaving him."

Libby nodded. "You'll need a lawyer to sort out child support and custody issues. I'll ask Vince who he recommends."

"What custody issues? I'll keep the kids. Of course, I'll keep the kids."

"It won't be that simple," Libby said. "The court won't take away all Jay's rights because he's an immoral man. He's still their father. And you weren't legally married to him, so I don't think bigamy laws apply."

An edgy, twitchy feeling crawled up Caroline. "He's not taking them to her house. To Anna's house."

"I'm sure he won't. Anna will leave him too, don't you think?"

"And if she doesn't?"

"Well, either way, when you calm down, you'll realize that keeping the kids from their father is not healthy. Sloan and Ridge love Jay, and he really is a wonderful dad."

Rushed breathing made Caroline's throat dry. A wonderful dad? A wonderful dad wouldn't do this. Any judge would see that.

"Jay's not a good dad," Caroline spoke through clenched teeth.

"Okay, okay." Libby pursed her lips. "These are things you can deal with later and—"

Libby stopped when the front door swung open. Caroline glanced at the microwave clock. "It's the kids." She didn't want to see them. Not still wearing last night's clothes with last night's black mascara smeared all over her gummy eyelids.

Libby dashed out to meet Sloan and Ridge in the living room. Caroline listened to her tell them that their mom was sick, so she'd be staying a few days to help. The news elicited cheers from her children. Cheers that Caroline was ill, cheers that they'd have a better mother for a few days. They were so ungrateful.

"Let's get a coke from Sonic and some Pickle-O's too. We'll eat them at the park. Call and invite Noah," Libby said.

More cheers. Caroline realized she should be thankful for a friend like Libby, but she only felt betrayed. How could she still consider Jay a good father? How could she believe that Jay deserved to see the children? Jay Hadfield deserved something alright, but not taking her children into Anna Hadfield's house like they were some big happy family.

Caroline knew what she deserved; she deserved to go back in time and never wait on Jay Hadfield's table. She deserved her internship and a chance to earn her Ph.D. She deserved to study crows at a prestigious lab, not some dirty creek in Podunk, Texas.

She deserved her entire life back.

Libby and the kids returned two hours later. Caroline heard them come in but didn't move from her spot on the pantry floor.

Libby's heels clicked as she walked through the small house. "Caroline? Where are you?"

"In here," Caroline said.

The door opened a few seconds later. The suitcase in Libby's hand dropped when she saw the mess. "What are you doing?"

Caroline pressed her hand into a pile of flour. "I was going to clean it up, but I just don't want to." She raised her flour-coated hand and touched the wall, depositing a handprint. "I sort of like it better like this."

Libby sniffed the air. "Have you been drinking?"

Had she ? Caroline wasn't sure, but judging by the warm and cozy feelings rushing through her body, she might have had a glass.

"Come on, get up. I'll get this cleaned up while the kids do their homework. Take a shower and go to bed."

Caroline tried to stand, but she slipped on the remnants of a turned-over bottle of wine. She held up the bottle and laughed. "Guess I had a drink."

"Here." Libby reached for her hand. Caroline made it halfway up when she hit a pile of brown sugar and slipped again. Libby stepped back and rubbed her forehead. "Oh, for goodness' sake, Caroline."

Caroline picked up some brown sugar and sprinkled it on her chest. "What's that song that was so popular last year?"

"I don't know, but we need to get you out of here."

Caroline tried to snap her fingers, but the flour made it impossible. " Pour Some Sugar on Me ." That's the song." She lowered her voice. "It's about sex, you know?"

Libby crossed her arms. "Yeah, I got that."

"Jay and I had sex right here." Caroline slapped the floor. "Right on this frigid linoleum. I bet he and Anna never had sex in their pantry."

Libby bent down. "Caroline, your kids are down the hall. They don't need to see you like this. Pull yourself together, and let me help you up."

"Dammit, I'm trying." Caroline attempted to suppress a laugh. "I waxed the floor a few days ago, so it was already slippery before all this spilled. I mean, I assumed that's what good housewives did. Waxed the floors, had sex with their husbands on waxed floors, etcetera, etcetera."

"Yeah. Ridge told me he fell too. He's really banged up."

Caroline tried to remember Ridge falling. "Ridge didn't slip on the floor." Caroline felt like she was speaking in slow motion, like a cassette getting chewed up by a boombox.

"What do you mean? What happened to his face?"

Right as Libby asked, Caroline remembered. Doreen had told her last night that he'd slipped. But before she could explain, Libby's words came to mind. Jay would get to see the kids. Caroline couldn't let that happen.

"Well, actually," she said, forcing the smile off her face, "Ridge didn't fall. Jay did that to him."

Caroline woke with a start the next morning. The sun shining through her curtains meant she had overslept. She needed to wake the kids and get them ready for school.

She sat up and immediately regretted it as blood rushed to her already pounding head. "Ow," she groaned, falling back onto her pillow.

"Are you awake?"

Caroline raised her head and saw Libby standing in the doorway, wearing an apron and holding a wooden spoon. "Did the kids get on the bus?" Caroline asked.

"Yes. Now get up. I'm scrambling eggs."

Caroline pulled the pillow over her head. "My brain is scrambled eggs."

"You had a lot to drink," Libby said. "Do you even remember?"

Caroline tried to recall the night before. The details were foggy, but she remembered flour, handprints, spilled wine, and a lie. "A little," she answered, sitting up in bed. She noticed her clean pajamas. "Thanks for hosing me off."

"Pantry is cleaned up, too. Not much was salvageable, so we'll have to make a grocery run before the kids get home." Libby flipped the light on. "Get up."

Caroline didn't argue. She dragged herself out of bed and to the kitchen table. "Coffee." She made the word a sentence.

Libby pushed an already-filled cup toward her, along with two aspirin. Caroline put the pills in her mouth and let them dissolve for a second on her tongue before taking a sip of her coffee. The pills tasted bitter; the coffee tasted bitter; everything inside Caroline was bitter.

"So . . ." Libby sat in the chair across from Caroline. "What really happened to Ridge?"

He slipped on the floor. Caroline should just say it. Tell the truth. She was drunk last night. Libby wouldn't hold anything she'd said against her.

Caroline, however, held something against Libby. She'd defended Jay. Defended his right to see Sloan and Ridge when he'd voluntarily missed half their lives. How many times had he claimed to be away on business when he was actually going back to his real family in Tyler? And now, he'd want to take her children with him. If her best friend thought he deserved to see Sloan and Ridge, so would a judge.

"Jay did it," she said, looking Libby in the eyes. "Jay hurts him a lot. Still think he's some polygamist dad of the year?"

"He did it in one of his flashbacks." Libby made it a statement rather than a question. Libby's blind faith turned Caroline's stomach. Jay hadn't only charmed her; he'd charmed everyone into believing he was a good man. He'd cast a spell on them so strong that even when faced with proof that he was a terrible human being, they justified and defended him.

"No!" Caroline slammed her palms into the table. "Not a flashback. Jay doesn't have flashbacks."

"But—"

"I made that up," Caroline said. "I knew you'd notice the bruises and had to think of something."

Libby's gaze clouded. "Jay's been abusing you? All this time?"

"Yeah," Caroline said. And he had. Emotional abuse was abuse, maybe the most dangerous kind.

"I'm so sorry." Libby covered her mouth. "I never suspected. When did this start?"

Caroline tucked her hair behind her ear and looked Libby right in the eye. "Well, for Ridge, it all started a few weeks ago when Jay got angry and threw him against the wall . . ."

When the phone rang late that night, Caroline knew who it was. When Jay called, it was always late, long after the kids had gone to bed, sometimes even after Caroline had. She always imagined him lying in his hotel bed, fighting off sleep just long enough to make sure hers was the last voice he heard. But now she realized he was probably sneaking out of Anna's bed to call Caroline. And if he was sneaking away from Anna to call her, he was sneaking away from her to call Anna.

"I can't talk to him," Caroline said.

"Okay, should I just let it ring or—"

"He'll keep calling. Answer and come up with an excuse."

Libby sighed but answered the phone. Caroline listened as Libby explained that she was staying over to help with the kids since Caroline wasn't feeling well. Caroline could hear the concern in Jay's voice on the other side of the line. It was almost convincing.

"Thank you," she said when Libby hung up the phone.

Libby retied her robe and sat back down next to Caroline on the couch. "Okay, so as I was saying, Vince called his friend from college who's a lawyer. He said the abuse would be hard to prove since you took no pictures nor called the police."

"I've called Walt," Caroline said.

Libby held up a finger. "That's good. He's probably had to keep records."

Caroline bit her lip. "I've lied, though, saying Jay hurt me during a flashback." And he's seen Jay having flashbacks, Caroline thought.

"Well," Libby continued, "the good news is that the judge would probably talk to Ridge and Sloan."

Shit . Caroline might convince Ridge to lie if he believed this was for the greater good, but Sloan would never play along. She worshiped her dad.

"I don't want the judge talking to them. How traumatizing! I don't want anyone talking to them about it, including you or Vince. I've spent so much time trying to convince them that the times their Daddy hurt us, he was having a bad dream. They'd tell the judge that too."

Libby pinched the bridge of her nose. "Well, I'm not sure what other options you have here, Caroline. We have to protect you; we have to protect the kids. Sloan and Ridge need to hear the truth. All of it. The other family, the story you made up to justify Jay's violence, everything."

Caroline's guts felt knotted together. Sloan and Ridge were not toddlers that she could sell bullshit to. Sloan especially. "There's got to be a safer, more sure-fire way."

Libby folded her legs underneath her. "Okay, so let's brainstorm. Vince already said we'd pay for your lawyer and do anything we can to help you. What else can we do?"

That question—What else can we do?—kept ringing through Caroline's mind. It was that question that planted the seed for everything that was to come.

"It would have to be after we leave," Libby said. "If he disappears when we move, it will raise red flags, don't you think?"

"Yeah, you're right," Caroline said. It was 2:00 AM, and Caroline had to pinch herself every so often to be sure this wasn't a dream. Libby had gone from shock and outrage at Caroline's plan to putting the finishing touches on it. Half of Caroline thought this was all just crazy talk—that they'd both wake up in the morning and laugh at the silly fantasy their exhaustion and anger had cooked up. But the other half of her thought it was crazy enough to work.

"I can tell Jay he needs to plan a fishing trip with Ridge. I can crush some sort of pills in his drink. Once he's out, Ridge can walk to a set location, and you and Vince can be there."

"That all sounds well and good, but they'll assume someone took Ridge. They won't stop looking."

Caroline chewed on her fingernail. "What if we made it look like Jay killed him?"

"Caroline!" Libby pulled away from her. "The plan was getting Ridge to safety, not to frame Jay."

"It's like you said, unless they believe Ridge is dead, they'll never stop looking. They might find out what we did. I'd lose the kids forever. And Jay has to pay, Libby."

"I want him to pay, but not with life in prison for a crime he didn't commit."

"We can't prove the domestic violence, but we can prove this."

Libby stood up. "This is going too far."

"Come on, Libby. You work with domestic violence victims. These abusers don't change. Jay will keep hurting Ridge. And you know what happens to boys who grow up with an abusive father." Caroline slapped her hand on her bare leg. "You know! You talk about it all the time. Children of abusers often grow up and become abusers. The cycle continues."

Libby sat back down. "Even if we helped you, how are you going to convince Ridge to go along with this? No, he shouldn't have to grow up with an abusive father. But he shouldn't have to conspire with his mom to frame his father either."

"I'll figure out Ridge. You talk to Vince and see what he—" Caroline stopped when the motion porch light outside flickered on. Libby noticed it, too, and looked back at Caroline, eyes wide.

"It was probably a cat. I didn't hear a car door or—"

Before Caroline could finish, the doorknob turned. She jumped up, then froze, staring at the handle twisting like she was in the middle of some horror movie. Who else had a key but . . . ?

"Jay!" She screamed. "You scared me. What are you doing home?"

Jay looked at her and then at Libby, clutching her robe and trying to hide behind a throw pillow.

"I came home to take care of you. Libby told me you were sick. I figured I could take off a few days." His face scrunched. "But you seem to be feeling just fine."

Caroline swallowed, wondering how long he'd been standing out on the porch. How much he'd overheard.

"She's been throwing up all night," Libby said. "But I think she's finally okay to go back to bed."

Jay's face seemed to relax, and so did Caroline's heart rate. He hadn't been out there. The light would have come on sooner.

"Ah well, let's get you in bed, darlin'." He put his hand on her back. "I figured it had to be bad for you to ask Libby to come over. You can always call me when you need me. Family comes before work."

Caroline had to stop herself from laughing at that one. She wondered what lie he'd told Anna. Emergency broom sale at 2:00 a.m.?

"Thanks, Libby," Jay said. "I'll take it from here."

"It's so late, I don't mind crashing out on the couch. I can get up and help with the kids."

"I can take care of my wife and my children." Caroline caught the annoyance in Jay's voice.

"It's fine, Libby." Caroline looked into her friend's eyes and tried to convey that leaving was okay. Libby didn't look convinced, but she picked up her suitcase behind the couch.

"All right," she said quietly. "I'll call in the morning to check in on you, but if you need anything before—"

"Good night, Libby," Jay said loudly. "Go home."