Chapter 5

Cal knew he was walking a fine line, but he couldn't seem to help himself. There was something about Evangeline that made him want to keep pushing, to argue with her just for the sake of controversy. Because the rush he got from pitting his wits against hers was better than any of the dangerous missions he'd been on.

He'd kept close tabs on her over the years, so he was prepared to see her again in the flesh. Thought he was prepared to see her again. She sure wasn't a girl of twenty anymore. The baggy clothes, messy bun, and no makeup didn't hide her like she'd wanted.

"Seriously?" she asked. "You're asking if I still hate you after the little stunt you just pulled? You must be out of your mind."

He winked at her and went to close the sliding glass door, testing the locking mechanism just to be safe. And then he pulled the curtains.

All the entry and exit points in the house made him want to pack her up and get her on the next plane to South Carolina to one of his safe houses, but Cal knew a monster like Victor Taber would find them no matter where they were. There was no reason to take the chance of other innocent civilians getting hurt. It was better to stay put and make his own rules.

The beach house was a security nightmare from his standpoint. The front of the house was gated by a ten-foot fence that matched the pink stucco. But the back of the house was completely open so the view of the ocean wasn't obstructed. It was a private beach. But that wouldn't matter if someone wanted to get to Evangeline bad enough. They might as well have been advertising for the bad guys to come get them.

"Sugar, I've never been more clear in my thinking. You placed the bet. I'm calling your bluff."

He closed the blinds on all the other windows and then brushed against her as he passed by. She didn't step out of his way, and he swore he could hear her heart pounding from where he stood.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Cal." Her voice was barely a whisper.

He continued into the kitchen and she followed behind him. "You know exactly what I'm talking about, Evie. Neither of us are young and na?ve. It's been ten years. That's long enough. We're too old to play games anymore and it's time to move forward."

"What if I don't want to move forward, Cal? You can tell yourself whatever you want to feel better, but the fact of the matter is that you purposely set out to take everything from me. You blackmailed me. Forced me to give up the only thing I've ever really loved. And why? Because I was getting too good? Closing in on your heels? I guess it wouldn't look good in the underground community for the legendary Cypher to get overtaken by a twenty-year-old girl."

He was silent while he checked the kitchen. It was surprisingly large and comfortable—white granite countertops and tall cabinets that the housekeepers probably hated, accented by splashes of bright colors and natural light.

An entire wall was windows and another set of French doors that looked out onto the front gardens. French doors were a thief's dream and this pink elephant of a house had six of them. What had Lockwood been thinking of buying this place?

There were no blinds to cover the windows, so he made a mental note to put a couple of extra weapons in the kitchen, just in case. The good news about the windows was that the ten-foot privacy fence and the location of the kitchen made it a more secluded area. They wouldn't have to worry about Taber getting off a long shot from the grounds. There wasn't a place he could hide. He'd have to move in up close and personal.

"I didn't take anything from you," he finally said. "I gave you a chance to grow up without disgracing yourself and your family. And the fact that you can't see that makes you narrow minded and ungrateful in my opinion."

"I don't remember asking for your opinion. And I'm more than happy to admit that I wasn't in the right. I know I wasn't. It was stupid and done more for kicks than anything. To prove that Robert Lockwood's daughter could do something like that and get away with it. It was an incredible high."

"I know what you mean," he said. She stood near the doorway, looking like she was ready to flee. "I could see it in your eyes. The thrill of the adrenaline rush—driving you to take chances—to up the stakes and make the high even better. You needed someone to make you stop. You never could've done it on your own. Your pride wouldn't let you."

He wanted to put her at ease so he went to the refrigerator and looked inside, settling on cold cuts and cheese to make sandwiches. "Want something to eat?" he asked.

"Stop changing the subject, Cal."

"Suit yourself. I make a great sandwich."

"Bully for you."

He grinned and got the bread out of the bread box. "You know what else I saw that night?" He left everything on the counter and closed the distance between them, testing her to see if she'd back away from him.

She didn't.

"What?" She looked up at him warily as he drew closer, until he stood only inches from her.

"I saw a woman that knew what it was to want." She started to take a step back but he took her arms in his grasp and kept her still. "She was misguided and too stubborn for her own good, but at the core was a woman who knew she'd met her match. Don't think I didn't see it for what it was."

Evie licked her lips nervously. "That's some ego you have there, Cal."

"Thank you, sugar. It's well deserved. Just like I know you have one that matches. I'm going to get real, because it's time the two of us stopped playing games. I'd been chasing the Black Lily for years before I found out your identity. I loved your mind before I ever saw your face. And after I got over the initial shock, I felt stupid for not putting it together beforehand. You're a rare jewel, Evie. And I knew it before you decided on a life of crime. For ten years I've watched and wanted you, the brains and the beauty, all while knowing you hated me."

"Uh-huh." She placed her hands on top of his arms, preparing to push him back, but he tightened his grip and brought her even closer. She gasped and her eyes widened as she looked up at him.

"We've known each other most of my life and you've never given me a second's notice. You were either in your computers or with my father. So I can say with assurance that you never gave me a second's notice."

He ignored her and kept talking, knowing the uphill battle that was set before him. "And when I found out it was you it was like being hit in the face with a two-by-four. I've been taken off guard two times in my life. The first was when I was fourteen and your father knocked on my door. The second was when you looked up at me through that elevator grate. You can't tell me it wasn't the same for you. When you realized I'd trapped you it sparked something inside of you." He leaned in closer until his lips were right at her ear. "An edge of fear?" he whispered. "A sense of danger? A challenge?"

"What are you trying to prove?" she asked. "That you're better than me? That you win? Haven't you already humiliated me enough?"

"You've got it all wrong, sugar." He felt her shiver. "I set you free. You've had ten years to grow up. To learn how to control that wild streak of yours. I know because you and I are the same. If your father hadn't caught me I'd either be dead or in jail. Your fate would've been similar. Now you've got to make the choice to come back to what you love on the right terms. On your terms."

He let the phrase soak in. What she loved. She'd loved him once upon a time. A childhood crush. But no matter how he labeled it, she'd cared for him and he for her. They shared a past. Maybe they could share a future. If she didn't let pride get in the way.

She laughed, but there was no humor in it. "You mean your terms?" Her fingers tightened on his biceps as if she were going to push him away. But she didn't. "Just like that, I'm supposed to jump back in after ten years and be grateful because you said so." She scoffed derisively. "Yeah, sounds like it's on my terms."

"I'm willing to negotiate the terms," he said, his gaze narrowing. "The power was always in your hands. All you had to do was decide to use it. But for the right reasons. For the right agenda. That's something I learned the hard way. Just because you can doesn't mean you should. And your level of conscience and maturity needed a chance to catch up with each other."

"Everyone thinks their own agenda is the right one. It's why wars are fought and elections are won. Just because you fight for it doesn't make it right for everyone."

"Now you're just being stubborn, sugar. You know the difference between right and wrong the same as I do. A lot of good people would have died if you'd stayed on the path you were on. You're not a sociopath. Which leads me to the conclusion that you just didn't have the foresight to see how many lives your choices would be affecting. Your mind might work faster than most people's, but at the heart of it you were still a twenty-year-old kid who was only thinking about herself.

"You could have gotten my entire team captured that night. We would have been tortured and killed. If you'd turned those launch codes over a whole lot of people would have died."

She rolled her eyes. "I told you then. They weren't the real launch codes."

"You're not stupid, Evie. If you and Yukov had met face-to-face, no matter what your intentions with the launch codes, he would have owned you. That's if he didn't slit your throat first for trying to betray him. But Yukov is perverse that way. If he'd decided to let you live you'd have become Tsar Ivan's successor. No one on this side of the ocean would have ever seen or heard of you again."

"Yeah," she said. "So you said. I learned my lesson. I'm stuck here, just like you wanted. I'm doing a job I hate and staying off everyone's radar. You made the rules and I followed them. You won. Congratulations."

"Your life is never a game," Cal said intensely, his gaze boring into hers. "It's too precious. But you have a chance now that you have some distance and perspective behind you to play for the good guys. Now's as good of a time as any to get back in."

"Oh, gee," she said, fluttering her eyelashes. "The great and powerful Calvin Cruz is giving me permission to sit at my little computer and work magic against evil. How generous and thoughtful of him."

He shrugged. "I'm giving you the choice to take back what you keep saying I stole from you. The only thing I know for certain is that I've waited ten years to kiss you."

Cal moved in slowly, giving her the opportunity to push him away. But she stood there defiantly, daring him. He leaned in closer. Her eyes had turned a deep, dark amethyst and her pupils were large. She held on to him as if he were her lifeline.

The pleasure of not kissing her was driving him insane. He couldn't imagine what actually putting his lips over hers would be like.

It was heaven.

It was pure torture.

And he knew with that one touch that he was in deep trouble.

"Evie," he whispered.

"This is so stupid," she said. "I'm still mad at you."

"I know, sugar. But this has been a long time coming. It would've happened eventually if circumstances had been different. The other stuff will work itself out."

Evangeline was determined to put a stop to the madness. She'd made a lot of mistakes in her life. She wasn't afraid to admit it. And she'd spent a lot of years trying to make up for those mistakes the best way she knew how. Despite what Cal might think, she did have remorse over her actions. And she'd spent the last ten years in repentance, paying her dues to a society that would never care.

But as far as mistakes went, kissing Cal had to be one of the biggest.

It was every fantasy she'd ever had come to life—better than her dreams. Cal had been her first crush. Her first love. Her first heartbreak. And though she'd dated and tried to find a partner for life, no one had ever measured up to Cal. She realized now that as right as his lips felt against hers, not even Cal could fill the hole in her heart. There was too much baggage and hurt between them.

"Evie," he said, whispering against her lips. "Stop thinking so hard. Just enjoy the moment."

She opened her mouth to say something witty, but he kissed her again and all thought left her head. She felt the panic bubble up inside of her when he stripped off her shirt.

He made a strangled sound and stared at the purple lace bra she wore. "This is the type of underwear you wear under those ugly baggy clothes?"

She tried to keep her voice light. "I have to get my kicks from somewhere."

"I should've known you couldn't repress the wild child completely," he said.

It was like cold water had been thrown on her. Her lungs tightened and it was hard to draw a breath. She couldn't do this. She hated Cal almost as much as she loved him. She'd not only made promises to Cal that day ten years ago. She'd made promises to herself.

She accepted her punishment for the crimes she'd committed. Despite her feelings for Cal, he'd been right. She wasn't the type of person who could kill on a whim. Who could sit back while others suffered. And she'd spent the last decade keeping her head down, doing her work, and quietly helping as many people as she could. It was her penance. And penance and pleasure didn't go together.

Whatever this insanity was with Cal had to stop. She knew the kind of man he was. The job mattered more than anything. Ten years ago the job had mattered more than a young woman's childhood dreams being crushed when the man she loved looked at her with cruelty and disappointment.

And despite the want she now saw in his eyes, it was the job that mattered. It just so happened that she was the job. Which made it easy for him to succeed in his mission and conquer and claim her at the same time. Convenient.

"Stop," she said, pushing against him.

The panic was squeezing her now, a vice that constricted her air and her thoughts until only fear survived.

"What's wrong?" Cal asked, taking a step back and immediately looking for threats.

"We can't do this," she said. "I won't let you do this. I'm not another mission for you to add to your win column. I stand by my promise I made to you and myself. I'll do what's right. What's just. And I'll protect the people I love. And though I'd prefer not to be held captive in my own house, and I would choose anyone else to be here but you, I understand the necessity and I don't want to worry my father. And I would like to live to testify against the man who committed murder.

"But there are boundaries. And we'll both do the jobs in front of us. Nothing more, nothing less. And when it's over we'll go our separate ways. No matter how right you were back then," she said, hating the tears in her voice. "You killed something inside me that day. Something that was innocent and pure."

She found whatever courage was still left inside of her and straightened her shoulders, staring him down with defiance. "I wanted you then. The way a woman wants a man. And I loved you then. Only you were too ignorant to see it. You can make me want you again. That's easy enough to see. But you won't make me love you again. That was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that you ignored. Do your job. Complete the mission. But leave me alone."

She jumped as "Master of Puppets" played loudly from Cal's phone. They stood staring at each other as the music played, and she wished she could read his thoughts. His face was blank and gave away nothing.

The song kept playing until he broke their silence and said, "It's Atticus. The house will be swarming with agents if I don't answer."

"Then answer," she replied.

She grabbed her shirt and put it back on, covering herself as quickly as she could. She hadn't been lying when she'd told him he could make her want him again. The girlish dreams of marriage and children with Cal were just that—childish. In her heart she knew she still loved him, but she couldn't trust him. Would never be able to trust him. She was nothing more than a pawn to him. Something he wanted to control. And a guy like Cal, once he came out the victor in the game he was playing, he'd move on to the next challenge. He'd conquered the Black Lily. But he'd never conquer Evangeline Lockwood.

Her determination must've shown on her face because Cal gave her a strange look as he answered the phone.

"Cruz," he said.

She needed to escape and time to think.

As if reading her mind, he took her by the arm before she could leave. "Like glue, Evie," he said. "Don't disappear."

She jerked out of his grasp and slipped out of the kitchen, heading upstairs to her suite. She'd just dodged the biggest bullet of her life. Now she only had to make sure she didn't put herself in the line of fire again.