Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Lothar held on to Gemma. At first, it had been to help her keep her balance. Now it was because he enjoyed having her so close to him. She smelled of a delightful mix of apple, honey, and something else.

Vanilla! He thought as he breathed in her scent. He noticed some of the food she had been selecting had unfortunately landed on her bosom and her beautiful dress.

“Phillip! I have told you so many times. Look where you are going!” Her aunt yelled at Gemma’s young cousin. “Your Grace, I do apologize for my son. Oh, Gemma, your dress, I am so genuinely sorry.”

Lothar moved back, making sure she had her balance, and offered her his handkerchief. He could feel the blood pool in his cheeks as he handed her the piece of fabric. He wanted to help and not embarrass her.

“It is quite alright, ma’am. I remember being quite the handful as a small boy. If you can even imagine such a thing,” Lothar said, making light of the situation. He went over to young Phillip and messed his hair up in a playful gesture. The young man smiled up at Lothar, and he smiled back at Phillip.

“I am sorry, Your Grace, cousin Gemma,” he said, almost tearfully.

“Now Phillip, do not be sad, it is just a dress, and I do think the raspberry preserve gives it a splash of color, literally,” Gemma said to Phillip to soothe him.

“Thank you,” Her aunt said as she took Phillip by the hand and led him off.

“Good evening, Your Grace,” Gemma said and made a hasty retreat.

Why did she have to leave? Lothar thought. He wanted to go after her and convince her to stay. I should at least make sure she is safe. He thought as he had already moved in her direction. He could see her just in front of him.

Then the large wooden door in the entrance hall opened. He watched a carriage stop at the entrance, and then Gemma was inside. He moved quicker, breaking into a run, but instead choked on the dust as the carriage moved off.

His shoulders slumped in defeat as he turned back and headed back through the house to the garden. He moved around the room and made conversation from one group to the next.

Lothar had found it easy to speak to most people. He had often wondered if his large frame intimidated people into listening, or if they were truly interested. He listened to each person as they spoke, yet he could not hold a thought or remember a word as it was being spoken.

He tried his best not to keep watch of the time. Every second felt like it was weighed down since Gemma had left.

Have I ever missed Henny even a fraction as much as I miss Gemma? Lothar thought as he thought of an excuse to leave.

He looked up at the large clock that hung above the doorway—yet again—that led from the main house, out to the garden. It confirmed that only half an hour had gone by since Gemma had left. It felt longer than the entire evening had felt, and he had been there for over four hours. He went to thank Susan for a lovely evening and then went to the entrance hall to ask a footman to let his waiting groomsman know that he needed the carriage.

He took care not to injure his head again as he took his seat. He had an overwhelming desire to ask his driver to take him to Gemma. It was too ungentlemanly to do so. He had not seen her father yet.

I will not be waiting a month to see him! Lothar thought. Just her absence tonight had spoiled his evening, he did not think he would last a month.

The moment he arrived home, he went to see his mother. He found her doing embroidery by the fire.

“Getting cold already, mother?” Lothar said with a smile.

“You are back already? It is only seven in the evening, do these affairs not continue well into the evening?” Violet asked.

“They do, mother. However, I do not feel I needed to mingle any further. I would like to know if Mrs. Gardner has made arrangements. I wish to see Mr. Castwell regarding his daughter as soon as possible. I have therefore taken it upon myself to arrange it.” Lothar’s reply was unusually lengthy.

“Does this mean that you are taking finding a wife seriously?” The joy in Violet’s eyes was plain to see.

“Yes, mother, it does. I believe Gemma Castwell will make the perfect wife. She is wealthy, and that will help this estate. She is ladylike, and I must admit I am both fond of her, as well as attracted to her. I will hence be able to produce an heir without it being… cumbersome,” Lothar went on, choosing his last statement carefully.

“You are serious!” Violet exclaimed and put her embroidery aside to get up from her chair and embrace her son. “I cannot tell you how elated this makes me.”

“More reason why this is a good idea. Please tell me the minute Mrs. Gardner calls,” Lothar asked.

“I shall send word first thing in the morning,” Violet said.

“Shall I get us tea?” Lothar asked. It was a sign that he wanted to speak more on the matter.

“That would be lovely, thank you,” Violet said as she took her seat again. Lothar did not let her see that he had noticed his mother needed to rest more than she used to. The winters had become more difficult for her to get through as well.

He knew it was natural that she grow old, but he wished she could be more comfortable, in less pain. It was the sole reason he had fought to keep the estate afloat. He wanted his mother to be cared for the way his father, William, would have liked her to be.

He went to the kitchen. They could not afford to have servants on duty day and night, and therefore only employed them during the day. The cook had been so grateful to receive payment when Lothar had inherited the estate. His wages had been almost a year late. It had been almost three years since, and the cook would leave them a cake or other nibbles every night before he left. It was not part of his job. But it did speak to his nature.

Tonight, he had made them a butter cake with raspberry icing. Lothar smiled as he carefully placed the cake onto a nearby tray. He thought of Gemma, who had gotten her dress ruined by a raspberry tart. He still felt saddened that she had left and could not wait to see her again.

His thoughts went to when she had lost her balance, and he had held her. He had to admit that there had been a spark between them, a strong attraction that they both shared.

He lit a lamp nearby before lighting the stove.

He packed kindling and small twigs before putting a bigger log on top of it. Then he took a twig and held it above the flame of the lamp, waiting until it held a flame. He then lit the kindling and blew gently on it to help the small fire.

Soon, the log crackled as it ignited, and the steel kettle could be placed directly on top of the fire. When the water boiled, he poured the water into a silver kettle and placed it on the tray, along with two cups and a container with sugar in it. He hoped to afford cattle soon. A few cows and bulls would produce milk and meat for his family. They might even be able to sell butter to the market in town.

Lothar returned with the tea to find his mother had fallen asleep. He quietly put the tray down and took a wool blanket from the bookshelf nearby. He covered her and went to make himself a cup of tea, made one for her as well, and placed it nearby with a slice of cake.

She can enjoy it when she awakens, Lothar thought as her light snores filled the room. Lothar finished his cake and tea and put a few more logs on the fire before going to his study. He wanted to write a letter to Mr. Castwell, yet felt it better to have Mrs. Gardner arrange it. She knew more about these things, and besides, he needed all the help he could get courting a woman who did not even want to marry.

I shall have to ask her myself to be sure. Lothar thought

Lothar changed into sleeping attire and tried to sleep. His mind seemed to have more energy than his body did, wanting to stay awake. His thoughts went from Henny and feeling guilty for not thinking of her as much as he used to, to thinking of Gemma and her happy smile. She was everything Henny was not, and the mere fact that he was drawn to her said quite a bit.

When he drifted off into sleep, his thoughts were still on Gemma and how he could convince her to be his.

The next morning brought him unexpected courage. He would go see Henny and announce that he was to wed another.

It will be the very thing that drives her into my arms! I hope so at least, L othar thought as he dressed to go out. He called the footman in the hall to prepare a carriage.

“Your Grace?” The footman asked.

“Good morning. I would like a carriage prepared. I would like it ready after breakfast,” Lothar said in a respectful yet firm manner.

He enjoyed the first meal of the day with his mother and then was swiftly on his way. His mother would not be content with where he was going, as she thought he was on his way to the Castwell residence. He felt a sense of duty towards Henny. He did not want her to find out about his intentions from another source. Not only that, but he arrived at her estate and was led to her. She sat in the tearoom reading a book.

“Good day, Lothar. What brings you here?” Henny said smugly.

“I have come to tell you, that is, I feel I should tell you… that I plan to wed another.” It came out far more easily than he had anticipated.

“Oh? Who is the lucky woman?” Henny said with a touch of sarcasm, he only now seemed to notice. It was the first time something she said had so easily put him off.

“Miss Gemma Castwell,” Lothar said with pride only to have Henny burst into laughter.

“Really? Well, I suppose it makes sense that the two biggest people I have ever seen would get married. Well, congratulations are in order, I suppose,” Henny replied in a flat tone.

“Is that all that you have to say on this?” Lothar asked as he felt the last part of his heart crack like glass and shatter. He would have abandoned the entire idea of Gemma if Henny had only said that she loved him and wanted to be with him. He had expected Henny to at least be jealous or a little upset that he had wanted to marry another woman.

She could not care less! She really will never love me! Lothar thought as he looked at Henny one last time. He waited to see if there were even the slightest signs that she wanted him.

She could not be more bored! Lothar thought with despair. He could barely sleep at night. His dreams had tormented him with the life he had wanted with her for years. She, on the other hand, could not even bother to spare his feelings.

“Well, that’s that. Please excuse me, I have a pressing matter to attend to,” Lothar said and walked away from her without waiting for her answer.

He marched to his carriage and told the driver to take him to the Castwell estate. He would meet with Gemma’s father man to man and convince him to give his blessing. Subsequently, he would ask for his assistance in convincing his daughter to give him a chance.

I will not stop until Gemma Castwell is mine. Lothar thought as he leaned from the window to ask the driver to go as fast as was safe to do so.