20. Grow Into Your Thorns

twenty

Grow Into Your Thorns

Alessia

“ W hat the feck is this shite?” Tynan scrunches his nose as he sniffs the flask.

Two days later, we stand in the main hallway of my court, preparing to head to Dovenak. Tynan and Ken are dressed nearly identically in dark brown leather armor sets with reinforced chest panels and broad-shoulder pads. Both outfits are adorned with metallic studs and intricate stitching, and a wide belt cinches their waists. Their boots are worn and long broken in.

Daggers are strapped discreetly to their massive thighs and forearms, ready for swift action. I swallow nervously.

“It smells… kind of good, actually,” Tynan says, taking another deep inhale.

“It’s a mixture of deer blood and human, with a tinge of magic to make it more… flavorful,” Seraphina says.

Like me, she wears leather pants with knee-high boots and a lightweight black tunic with an asymmetrical hem, cinched waist, and hood. We’re dressed like warriors prepared for battle, although I hope it doesn’t come to that. Dressing the part is one thing—being able to actually fight is another, and I’d rather not go there .

“It should tide you on your journey.” Sera’s eyes flit toward Rainer, and she shrinks slightly. “At the very least, it should keep both of your bloodlust at bay.”

“Ah, to keep me from draining all those tempting humans?” Tynan tilts his head back, lifting the small metal square above his mouth. A viscous crimson liquid pours out, and he catches it, swallowing it in one go. Then he runs a hand over his sheared hair, staring at the flask with a pinched expression. “Not bad.”

On the other side of him, Ken’s gaze meets mine. He rolls his eyes dramatically, gesturing at Tynan.

“ This guy ,” he mouths to me.

I chuckle.

“Whose blood did you use?” Rainer asks, voice cold.

“Fern. She offered,” Seraphina says. “I didn’t take more than a few vials—just enough to replicate the flavor of human blood, but it’s mostly deer blood.”

Rainer makes a low noise in his throat, like a mix between a scoff and a growl. He stares Seraphina down, clearly not impressed with her assistance.

Like his brother and friend, he’s dressed for battle. However, his leathers are the color of the midnight sky and without embellishments. It’s sleek and functional—snug to his skin. My eyes are glued to his frame, hungrily taking in the cuts of his muscles. A sliver of his skin peeks from the top of the collar, adorned with whirling ink. His ears glint with gold studs, matching the rings on his fingers.

I stare as those slim fingers tap out a rhythm on his thigh. It’s the only movement from his otherwise rigid body. A memory of those fingers inside me lights up my mind, and I’m forced to look away before I get too… excited.

When I look up, I accidentally lock eyes with Ken and he gives me a sly, toothy grin. My cheeks flare, and I grimace.

Luckily, he turns his attention back to Seraphina instead of picking on me for what he obviously scents. “So, fake human blood?”

“It tastes pretty real.” Tynan rubs his sheared hair, his scarred brow flicking up, impressed.

I blink in surprise. I’m not sure what’s more shocking, that Fern willingly offered her blood, that Seraphina can manipulate it in such a way, or that Tynan isn’t being a cocky arse for once.

Seraphina stretches out her arm, offering a matching flask to Rainer. “Drink your fill now if you need. I’ve batched a barrel in the apothecary and can top them off before we leave.”

“A barrel?” Ken’s eyes widen. He glances around the group, gauging our reactions. “A whole barrel ? Is no one going to comment on this?”

“ You just did,” Tynan deadpans.

Rainer’s arm snakes around my waist as he pulls me flush to his side. He eyes Seraphina’s offering warily, his brows low, and his features pinched with disgust.

“Rainer,” I whisper, elbowing him gently in the ribs. “Just take it.”

“No,” he growls. “Don’t accept a thing from her.” He doesn’t bother trying to hide his words from the sorceress.

Dejectedly, she drops her arm. Her mouth turns down, and her forehead creases. “I understand.” She takes the empty flask from Tynan. “Let me refill this at least,” she mutters. “The more we have, the better. Just in case. ”

She places the flask in her knapsack, throws it over a shoulder, and scurries away. The metal clinks together as she goes.

Tynan snickers, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “Not bad, really.”

Kenisius watches her go with a frown. His mouth opens like he’s going to say something, but he shakes his head and strokes his beard.

I turn to Rainer.

“You can lecture me all you want, mo róisín, but I refuse to be nice to the one who tried to harm you.” His voice his flat, his eyes narrow.

I shake my head. “Fair enough. Nice isn’t a word I’d use to describe you—but can you try for me?”

Ken and Tynan chuckle.

“Should I be offended?” Rainer asks, gently tugging the end of my braid.

“Of course not.” I muffle a laugh behind my hand. He turns to me, his sharp eyes softening like rose petals. His lips twitch, but he keeps his stoic mask on.

“But in all seriousness, I’ve already chosen to trust Seraphina for the time being,” I tell him, inclining my chin slightly in a challenge. “I drank a preventative tonic from her, and everything is fine.”

He squints in confusion. “A what tonic?”

My cheeks burn with embarrassment. Ken and Tynan fidget, both having the foresight to turn back to their previous conversation to at least pretend they’re not listening in.

Stepping closer to Rainer, my heartbeat doubles as his soft sandalwood and rose scent hits my nose. The heat from his firm, lithe body caresses me, welcoming me. I grit my teeth and lean up toward his ear.

“Preventative,” I whisper. “To prevent… pregnancy.” He shudders ever so slightly as my lips graze the shell of his ear. “And menstruation,” I rush to add so he doesn’t get the wrong idea.

When I pull back, his eyes darken and he takes a deep, slow breath.

“Do you plan to partake in activities that require such a tonic?”

I bite down my lip, giving him a coy smile. “Of course not. It’s mostly to avoid the monthly bleed and its undesirable side effects.”

“Good to know.” His voice is strained.

I step out of his space, but his body remains rigid. He keeps his piercing eyes locked on mine, but with each breath, they slowly fade back to their usual pale blue coloring.

“Okay, I’m ready,” Seraphina says, interrupting the tense moment as she rejoins us.

Tynan kicks off the wall, and he and Ken grab their bags. We head toward the spiral stair exit.

“So, who’s riding me?” Ken smirks. He glances at Seraphina, offering her a wink.

She flips one of her braids over her shoulder. She turns away, but not before I catch a hint of a smile playing on her lips.

I exchange a look with Rainer. He rubs his forehead, shaking his head.

He leans in toward me. “Last chance. Are you sure you want these three to accompany us?”

“I can hear you, little brother.” Tynan stops as he reaches the stairs, glaring at us. “I haven’t done shite. I’m sober. I drink artificial blood now. I’m a good vamp.”

Ken gives Rainer a toothy smile. “I’ll be greatly offended if you don’t let me join in on this adventure. Little demon already kicked me off of the last one.”

“Hey!” I scowl at him. “That’s not how it happened and you know it.”

He tilts his head back, chuckling.

One by one, we ascend the stairs and exit the tree. The bright sun assaults me. I squint, holding a hand up to defend my sensitive eyes. It’s always a transition returning to daylight from below the earth.

We head to the northeast treeline, where the Cursed Wood begins. At the black roses standing guard, we come to a halt.

“The Gleam isn’t far,” Rainer says, running a hand over his jaw. “Me, Tynan, and Kenisius should be okay. We’ll move quickly, and we’ll protect you.”

“And Seraphina,” I say, reminding him I’m not the only one susceptible to the woods. Then again, even he is affected now that he has a fear: losing me.

A warmth spreads through my chest, mingling with guilt.

Rainer’s expression darkens as he stares into the trees. “You might be better off riding Kenisius—just in case, Alessia.”

“What about me?” Seraphina waves her hand awkwardly as she looks around the group. “Should I be concerned?”

“Yes,” Rainer says flatly.

I nudge him with my elbow, but he continues to scowl.

“She tried to kill you,” he says .

“Stop bringing that up.”

He’s right , my shadow-self says. Who cares what happens to her? Let her face her fears.

“Sera, you ride Ken,” I say, ignoring my shadow-self and the truth behind its words. Mustering up my courage, I add,“I have my… power to protect me.”

Rainer’s lips twitch with amusement. He arches a brow at me. I incline my chin and shrug.

“There she is,” he murmurs. “Fearless.”

“Trying to be.”

He likes me . My shadow-self purrs, preening at his attention. Yes, yes, yes, let’s show him how fearless we can be.

The impulse sends a heady vibration of desire through me. It’s short-lived, though, because Tynan grunts, surging past us. He crashes through the trees at his usual pace.

“How isn’t he affected?” I ask, squinting in the direction he went. “Does he have no fears?”

“Of course he does,” Rainer mutters, shoving his hands into his pockets. “We all do.”

Ken chuckles. He reties his hair into a messy low bun. “The bastard is a born and bred fighter. He doesn’t go down easily.”

“ I can take him down just fine,” Rainer says. “But he’s used to the woods and their tricks. It doesn’t faze him as much as my direct magic. Just as Kenisius and I have learned to fight through it, so has he. We’ve built resilience.”

I can take his cocky arse down, too , my shadow-self says.

My insides spasm as my vision dims. In a quick burst, cool darkness shoots from my palm. It stretches like a long tendril all the way to Tynan, shoving him in the back. He yelps as he’s thrust forward. He faceplants on the muddy trail, and the darkness recoils back into my skin before he can get up.

I gape in shock as I slowly comprehend what just happened.

“The feck was that?!” Tynan yells, whirling toward us with narrowed eyes.

Even from this distance, I can see the mud all over his leathers. He brushes himself off aggressively.

Ken cackles openly while Seraphina stifles her laughter in the crook of her arm. I glance at Rainer, wanting to gauge his reaction to the incident. He watches me with a smirk that grows and grows until his dimple pops out. Tynan curses at us and continues storming off.

I stand there shaking and staring at the hands that betrayed me.

“Naughty little demon.” Ken shakes his head as the laughter tapers off. “Come on. Let’s get our tails grooving.”

Ken’s body shakes as his bones snap and crack. Seraphina recoils, her mouth gaping as she watches his tall, broad body contort and bend into a new shape. Thick, brown fur spurts out, and his kind, rugged face morphs into a snout with a black nose and beady eyes.

“Well, shite,” she says, blinking rapidly. “You’re even cuter than before.”

Ken, unable to talk in his bear form, snorts and stomps his front paws excitedly. She pets him, crooning in his face.

“Get on him,” Rainer says coldly, his previously kind expression fading. He narrows his eyes at Seraphina, pointing to Ken. “Lest an unfortunate accident befall you in the woods.”

I sigh, torn between scolding him or laughing at his savagery. Not long ago, his brutal, beautiful scowl was directed at me .

I love it almost as much as I love his dimple.

“Can you at least try not to actively be an arse.” I settle on the half-hearted admonishment.

Rainer smirks at me, shrugging a shoulder. “At least I didn’t push her.”

My cheeks flare with mortification. “That wasn’t me,” I mutter.

We are one , it reminds me.

Though I must admit, there’s a great relief that my shadow-self’s outburst was playful this time instead of violent. Maybe Rainer is right, and I need to embrace it as part of me instead of separating it so harshly. Perhaps getting away from Spiritus Court—and Avylon—will do us some good.

Sera gracefully climbs atop Ken, gripping the fur around his neck. As she adjusts the hem of her tunic, she slides slightly to the side and gasps before Ken shimmies to help her level out. They take off into the woods, with her muscular thighs flexing around his furry body and her braids whipping out behind her.

“You sure you don’t judge me,” I ask Rainer nervously once we’re alone. “For having this… darkness inside of me?”

His eyes crinkle at the corners as he takes me in, contemplating his words. “No, Alessia, I don’t. The only reason your shadow appears so dark is because of how bright your light shines.” He holds out a hand for me, and I accept it instinctively. “The stark contrast between the self you show to the world and the self you stuff down is highly entertaining.”

See, he likes me. Let me out .

“Shush,” I mumble. “Stay inside me and stay out of this.”

Rainer makes a noise in his throat, turning toward me with a curious look. “‘Shame lies not in the possession of darkness, but in the refusal to master it,’” he mutters, a faraway look in his eyes. “It’s something I heard in the Ephemeral Dungeons. It applies to you as well.”

“I’m not ashamed,” I say, but the words are tar in my mouth.

Am I ashamed of my power? Of my ancestral magic?

Of myself?

I shake my head. I’m not going to master my shadow-self any time soon. That much, I know. I can’t even keep it inside of me.

“You can do it, Alessia,” Rainer whispers, keeping his voice low and steady. “You once believed in me, now I need you to have that same belief in yourself.”

Chewing my lip, I let his words sink in. “But I can’t control the shadow. I don’t know how .”

He shrugs casually, his eyes sparking. “That’s the beauty of it. You try. You learn. You make mistakes. You try again.”

“Those mistakes are deadly.”

“Not learning how to manage your magic is deadlier,” he says, lifting a brow in challenge. “You already know the worst that can happen.” He takes another step closer. “Now let’s find out what the best that can happen is.”

As I absorb Rainer’s words, a mixture of emotions surges through me—first, a wave of doubt, an inner quiver confirming my lack of confidence. But amidst the doubt, a flicker of determination ignites. It’s as if a fire has been kindled within me—that same spark of hope I wish Fern would hold onto.

I can’t let it die out.

Rainer steps closer again, cupping my cheek. “I believe in you, mo róisín.”

My gut constricts, nervous about the risks, but I nod anyway. Instead of following the fear, I allow myself to become fearless , like Rainer thinks I am.

“I need your help getting through the Cursed Wood unaffected,” I whisper, directing my words to my shadow-self. “Let’s work together.”

A taunting laugh rises from inside me. Focusing on the scent of damp earth and musk, I stand tall and proud, not letting the shadow’s restless writhing unsettle me. A quiet hush fills the air, along with a sense of anticipation. As if it’s a living entity of its own, the shadow begins to expel itself from my skin.

Rainer watches in awe, his face softening as it roams the dark cloud pouring from me.

It expands around us, rising like a wall. It contracts, forcing Rainer and me closer and blocking us from the world. His pinky brushes mine, and for a second, all I can see is him .

The rest of the world has faded away, keeping us safe from all the bullshite out there.

The wall shimmers, thinning out in front of us until it’s translucent. Now that we can see our path, reality crashes back in.

“We should get moving,” I say. Instead of allowing myself to be distracted by the handsome, tortured fae prince, I focus on my shadow. “And you behave yourself, or you’re going back inside of me.”

Rainer’s lips twitch in amusement. “If I’m naughty, does the same fate befall me?”

“Hush,” I tell him, blushing furiously. “You’re not helping matters. ”

He smirks, and I exhale, allowing myself to relax into the safety of his presence—and my shadow, I suppose.

“I’m trying , okay?” I mutter, tucking my braid into my hood.

A quick, quiet laugh slips from his lips. “You are delightful, little rose. It’s about time you grow into your thorns.”