Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

G wen had heard Ash’s valet leave him at least a half hour ago, but still, he hadn’t paid her a visit. There had obviously been plenty keeping him busy during the day, but why was he still avoiding her? She thought he’d at least want to talk to her about the maid he’d sent up earlier, even if Mrs. Archer had eventually come to collect her.

She had no right to expect him to keep her company and entertain her. He’d already done so much for her, she should just leave him be, and yet, her feet were carrying her toward the door to his chambers. Even to her, this place felt a bit like a mausoleum, and she longed for his company.

As she carefully pushed the door open, she told herself she wasn’t knocking just in case he was asleep and she didn’t want to wake him. But in truth, she didn’t want to give him a chance to refuse her.

Ash sat in one of the plush chairs before the fire, a glass of brandy in his hand. He wore pajama bottoms, but on top, only his robe and it was wide open. Firelight danced across his bare chest, and she drank it in for far too long before raising her gaze to his eyes, which were watching her.

“Good evening, Gwen.” To her disappointment, he pulled the sides of his robe closed. “You should be asleep.”

She shrugged and padded further into the room, silently begging him not to send her away. “I missed you.”

“I’m sorry. I was…” He let out a long sigh. “I had a lot on my plate today.”

He set down his glass and held out a hand to her. Her heart leapt at the invitation. He wasn’t sending her away. At least, not yet. She practically skipped across the room to him. She closed her eyes, reveling in his warmth as his strong fingers surrounded her hand.

“I want to thank you, Gwen.”

“For what?”

“So many things.” His smile held such kindness. “Let's start with the easiest ones.”

“Oh, well if there’s a list, then I’d better settle in.” He sucked in a breath as she climbed onto his lap. Holding it in, he closed his eyes, every muscle in his body tense. She knew it was a risk and he might send her away, but she desperately needed to feel his warmth, to be close to him. After a moment, he slowly blew out the breath he was holding, and opened his eyes. He gave a little nod, seemingly to himself.

“You’re sitting in my lap, Gwen.”

She bit down on her lip to stop the laughter threatening to burst out of her. “Am I?” She looked about in feigned surprise.

He chuckled. “You are an imp.”

“My feet are cold. I couldn’t very well just stand there.”

“Well, we can’t have that.” He wrapped his hand around her icy toes, on top of his thigh, sending a delicious warmth through her entire body.

“So, you were saying?” she prompted.

Ash’s purr of laughter made heat bloom in her belly. Why did he affect her so?

“Thank you for taking care of that maid today. I knew you’d be just what she needed in that moment.”

“Thank you, Ash, for trusting me enough to send her up to me. For trusting that I wouldn’t need any explanation.”

“Of course I knew you’d take care of her. You’re an angel, Gwen.” His hand gently massaged her foot. He probably wasn’t even aware that he was doing it, but she certainly was. It stirred more life into the strange longing that was beginning to course through her veins. “Last night, you were my angel. That’s really what I wanted to thank you for.” He reached his arm around her and eased her down to rest her head on his shoulder. “You saved me from my nightmares, and although I’m sorry you had to see me in that state, I will never forget the kindness you showed me. No one has ever done anything like that for me before, and I’m not sure what I did to deserve it.”

Gwen sat up and cupped his cheek. “You really can’t see your own kindness, can you? Ash, you saved me after I tried to steal from you. You didn’t stop to consider whether or not I was deserving of your kindness. You simply gave it. So why do you believe you have to earn kindness from others?”

“I—” He opened his mouth and closed it, and for a long moment his thoughts turned inward. After a bit, he lowered his forehead to rest against hers. She liked it when he did that. “I have a lot to atone for, Gwen, but I don’t want to talk about that tonight.”

She wouldn't press the issue. “Well, there is something we could do that doesn’t involve talking.” She paused for a moment, nervousness fluttering in her stomach. “I was hoping, if I asked nicely, you might kiss me again.” Gwen’s heart pounded inside her chest as she waited for his answer.

“Oh, Gwen. You know I have strict rules about that kind of thing. As your employer, it isn’t right for me to engage in such things with you.”

She wasn’t going to point out that she was currently sitting in his lap while he rubbed her bare feet, or that she’d slept against his naked body the previous night. “Hear me out. After my last experience, I don’t think I ever want to marry again, so perhaps we can stretch a few of the rules, just until we return to London. Once we get back to Raven House, I promise I won’t ask for anything that’s forbidden.”

His eyes filled with such tenderness as he gently brushed his hands over her hair before settling them against her neck. Slowly, he pulled her closer and pressed his lips against her forehead. She was about to complain that that wasn’t what she’d meant, but he didn’t stop there. His lips were so soothing as he pressed featherlight kisses between her brows, over her eyes, and across her cheeks.

Her lips tingled with anticipation before he even touched them. When he finally did, a burst of longing swept through her, and she immediately opened for him, but he didn’t plunge inside as he had the night before.

Strangely, his leisurely pace stirred desire in her even more than the passionate kiss from last night. He kissed her as if they had all the time in the world. As the tip of his tongue traced over her lips, her nipples grew hard, begging to be touched. What did it even mean? Why would he touch them? It didn’t matter, they needed to be touched. She pressed herself wantonly against his chest, just as his tongue slipped into her mouth. Pleasure pulsed through her body, forcing a moan from her throat.

Ash pulled back, his own breathing labored. “Are you alright?”

“Yes, but I don’t understand these feelings.” She felt like such a fool. Were these feelings normal? She’d certainly never experienced anything like this with Greg. Her cheeks warmed with what she was about to say, but she trusted Ash not to judge her. “I want something, desperately, but I don’t really even know what it is.”

Ash’s brow furrowed. “Have you never experienced sexual pleasure, Gwen?”

“I don’t know.” She shrugged and lowered her gaze, humiliated at her lack of knowledge after having been as good as married for a year.

Ash lifted her chin. “Don’t be embarrassed, Gwen. You would know if you had, and if you haven’t, that certainly isn’t your fault.”

She shrugged again. “I guess I haven’t then.”

“Would you like me to show you?”

Her mouth went dry. “Do you mean—” She felt like a nitwit, struggling to even say the words out loud. “Do you mean the marriage act?”

“No.” He shook his head. “I would keep my clothes on, just as they are, and we wouldn’t even need to move from this chair. That something your body is longing for? I can give you that.”

A delicious shudder rushed through her body at his words and she nodded eagerly.

“You have to promise me something, though. If at any point you want me to stop, you’ll tell me.”

“I won’t want you to stop.”

“You don’t know that. Promise me, Gwen. If at any moment you want me to stop, even if it’s just for a second, just say the word hairpin. I will stop without the slightest hesitation.”

“Hairpin?” She giggled.

“I know it sounds silly, but it’s important.”

“Very well. I promise. Now can we get on with it?”

His laugh was deep and rich and it warmed her to her very soul.

* * *

Ash couldn’t quite believe he was doing this. It was reckless and he knew it. He had those rules in place for a reason, but when she’d said she didn’t want to marry again, what she’d meant was she won’t get a chance to experience these things. Not that she’d ever had a chance. How many times had the bastard taken her in his pursuit of a child, and hadn’t once shown her pleasure? The more Ash learned about that piece of filth, the more he vowed that he would kill him. He wasn’t going to let him ruin this night, though, so he put the blackguard out of his mind.

He wrapped his arms around Gwen, pulling her into his embrace. Her lips were soft and eager as he slowly savored them. She was quickly learning. Her tongue flicked over his lips, drawing an unexpected moan from him. He felt her smile against his lips. Bringing her pleasure was going to be an exquisite form of self-flagellation, but he was determined to be the one to provide it for her.

She whimpered as he plunged his tongue into her mouth, pressing her breasts against his chest. Her hard nipples were seeking attention, and she probably didn’t understand what they needed, but he did. Reaching a hand between them, he lifted her breast gently in his palm and she whimpered against his mouth. He flicked the tip of his tongue against hers and then repeated the motion with his thumb across her excited nipple.

She gasped, pulling her mouth from his, her eyes wide with wonder.

“Do you want me to stop?” he asked.

“No,” she said breathlessly. “I want more.”

Oh, she would have more. Right now, Ash would give her the moon and the stars if she asked for them. She stared intently at his hand as he strummed her nipple again, earning him another grateful moan.

There was too much fabric between them. He reached down and placed his hand on the sash at her waist. “May I?”

She didn’t speak, but simply untied it herself and threw the wrapper open, leaving only the thin fabric of her nightgown. Ash chuckled. How had this passionate, incredible woman never experienced pleasure? It wasn’t right.

He locked his gaze with hers as he lowered his head and flicked his tongue across her nipple. Gwen sucked in a breath but didn’t divert her wondering gaze. She watched, enthralled as he lapped at her nipple again and again, soaking the fabric of her nightgown. As he repeated the ritual with the other nipple, her fingers slid into his hair. With each flick of his tongue, her grip tightened and her body twitched in response.

“Ash!” Her voice was breathless as she wiggled in his lap, desperate for relief. His own desire was painful, but finding his own release was not part of what was happening with Gwen tonight.

He had planned to draw this out and make it a bit more of a seduction, but he could tell she was already fairly close and so far, he’d only teased her nipples. She was incredibly responsive to his touch. He brushed his hand down her belly and pressed his fingers lightly at the juncture of her thighs. “Is this where you want me to touch you?”

She swallowed, her eyes filled mostly with desire, but a touch of uncertainty, as well. She nodded. “Yes. Is that normal, Ash?”

“It’s normal, and it’s wonderful.” He kissed her thoroughly, trying to fan the flames of her desire and put her concerns at ease.

“I can do it through your nightgown, if that’s more comfortable for you, but the pleasure will be more intense if my fingers are against your flesh without the fabric barrier. How would you like me to do it?”

She drew her bottom lip between her teeth, obviously conflicted about her answer.

“How about this?” He nipped softly at her lips. “We’ll start on top of the nightgown and then if you’re comfortable, and decide you want more, I’ll give you more.”

She nodded enthusiastically, but her thighs were still pressed tightly together. He traced his tongue up the side of her neck and whispered into her ear. “If you want to be touched, you’ll have to open up, Gwen.”

Her knees instantly parted for him and he dipped his fingers between her legs, swirling gently against her sensitive flesh. Even through the fabric of her nightgown, he could tell she was slick with need. The knowledge nearly sent him over the edge.

“My God, you’re incredible, Gwen.”

She groaned as he flicked his tongue over her nipple again, her hips bucking against his hand. “Oh—” She pushed herself more firmly against his fingers.

“Do you want me under the nightgown?”

She hesitated for a moment. “I do, but I think it’s, I think I’m?—”

“Wet?” he supplied. Her blush told him he’d guessed right. “God I hope you are,” he growled, tugging up her gown and plunging his hand beneath.

He forced himself to slow down. To master himself and control his own lust. The last thing he wanted to do was frighten her. He took a breath and lightly rested his fingers against her hot flesh. Wet was not generous enough a word for what she was. He gently slid two fingers into her folds, caressing her sensitive nub between them.

She called out, her legs jerking with the pleasure. As he circled with his fingers, his tongue copied the movements inside her mouth. He longed to feel his fingers inside of her, to have the walls of her body surrounding him, but he didn’t want to do anything that might remind her of her past. Instead, he focused every fiber of his being on her and stoking her growing pleasure.

Slow and steady, he continued with his rhythm, stroking her as her body quivered, her moans growing louder and more urgent with each caress.

“That’s it,” he encouraged.

Her eyes grew wide as she neared her climax. “Ash, I don’t know.”

“It’s alright, Gwen. I’ve got you. Just let go and enjoy.”

And at those words, she took her pleasure. “Ash!” she called out, throwing her head back. He groaned his own pleasure at the sound of his name being shouted from her lips in ecstasy. She writhed in his arms, as glorious as a goddess. Her breasts heaved as she cried out with each wave of pleasure as it crashed through her.

As she calmed, he pulled her nightgown back down and gathered her against his chest. That was the most incredible thing he’d ever experienced. How was that even possible when he was still as hard as a steel rod with no relief in sight? Her panting breaths whispered across his neck as he rubbed a hand over her shoulder. He pressed a kiss against the top of her head.

“I don’t really think it’s sufficient,” Gwen said quietly against his neck, “but, thank you.”

Ash squeezed her in a tight embrace. “I assure you, it was my pleasure.”

He waited for the guilt and self-loathing to come, but they didn’t. Somehow it just felt right with Gwen. She wasn’t giving herself to him out of fear or to gain his favor. But was that really true? Or was he just trying to justify what he’d done with her?

“Please don’t send me away tonight.”

How could he possibly refuse such a sweet request? Besides, holding her in his arms was the only thing that had kept his nightmares at bay, and even though he really shouldn’t, he would gladly allow her to do that again.

“I wouldn’t dream of it, my angel.”