Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

W hen the other ladies got up for their shift, Gwen went back to her room to hide, grateful that she managed to miss Daisy. She just didn’t have the strength to face them all yet. Most of them were probably new since she left all those months ago, but there would be a few that knew her. They’d wonder why she was back and what happened. She couldn’t yet bring herself to tell the story of her marriage.

There was a light tap on the door and Sarah peeked her head in. “Good afternoon, Gwen.” Her smile was kind and reassuring.

“Good afternoon, Sarah.”

“Ash would like a word with you in his office.”

Gwen’s stomach clenched. It had been a long time since she was last summoned to the office. Usually, being summoned meant you were in for a lecture, but she hadn’t even had a chance to earn one yet. Unless he somehow knew about her conversation with Rosie and was upset about it.

Gwen nodded and steeled herself before leaving the safety of her room and making her way to his office. He greeted her with the smile she remembered from her days as a Lady Raven. One that was kind and caring, but in no way hinted at any kind of attraction or desire.

“Come in, Gwen. Close the door and have a seat.”

She did as she was told, the blessed numbness keeping her emotions steady as she looked at him across the desk.

“How are you faring?”

“Fine,” she lied with a shrug. “It will be better once I’m working at night again. Less time to get bored.”

He nodded, but he looked a bit distracted, as if he hadn’t really listened to her answer because he was already thinking about what was coming next.

“What do you see your future looking like, Gwen?”

She felt a fracture form in the wall that was keeping her grief at bay, and anger seeped through. “I don’t know, Ash. I just got back here last night, where I’m supposed to pretend like everything is perfectly normal after learning a mere few days ago that my one-year marriage was a sham, and the man I thought was my husband was only ever my abuser. That was followed by the most incredible few days I’ve ever experienced with a man who I can never actually have and who is now my boss once more. I don’t think there’s a guide for what comes next in this kind of scenario.”

Ash looked as if he’d aged ten years in two days. His bloodshot eyes appeared slightly haunted with shadows lingering beneath and his brow furrowed as if he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. He probably did, and rather than showing some kind of empathy, she’d snapped at him. None of this was his fault.

“I’m sorry, Ash. That wasn’t fair of me.”

“You’ve nothing to apologize for, Gwen. It was absolutely fair. I’ve been so selfishly wrapped up in what happened between us, sometimes I forget all you’re dealing with on top of that. Perhaps I need to be completely upfront and stop being cryptic about what I’m really asking.”

Suddenly, she understood. “Please don’t send me away.”

He closed his eyes, but she could still see the pain that settled on his face. When he opened them again, he gave a sad little laugh. “The words that got us into so much trouble.”

She shook her head. “It wasn’t trouble, Ash. Those nights were magical. A gift that I will never ever forget. I will treasure every second of the time I spent with you at Woodburn until I breathe my last breath. Please don’t ever convince yourself that it was anything less.”

His hands were gripped tightly together on top of his desk and the muscles of his jaw were clenched. Eventually, he nodded.

“Do you not think it might be easier somewhere away from me? Perhaps you could even take a position at Woodburn Hall?”

She shot him a look of disbelief. “And relive our time together day after day?”

“No, of course, that was a stupid suggestion. But between Michael, Patrick, and Patrick’s brother, one of them could certainly take you on. It would be a decent position where you’d be safe and looked after. They’re all good men.”

“I want to stay here, Ash.”

“Before you make your decision, there is one other thing to consider. There is always the possibility that rumors of what happened between the two of us could eventually find their way here. That could change how you’re treated by the others.”

“I’m sure I can weather it. They’re already going to know that I was bamboozled into a fake marriage. How much worse can it possibly be?”

“It could also cause problems for me. I’m afraid it would undermine my authority and my rules.”

“Well, that may be true, but if the rumors are going to somehow appear here, that will happen whether I’m here or not.”

“You’re probably right.” He looked so tired. Was he feeling heartbroken too?

“Is it hard for you to be around me, Ash? Is that why you want to send me away? Would it be easier for you if I go?”

“I don’t know.” His hand moved as if to reach across the desk, but he quickly pulled it back. “It’s going to be an adjustment for us both. But if you wish to stay, I won’t force you to leave. You’ll always be welcome here, Gwen.”

“Thank you. The truth is, I love it here. I love the life of the city. I love dancing in your club, surrounded by so much energy. I love being awake until the wee hours of the morning. The camaraderie of the women who live here. It feels more like home to me than anywhere else I’ve ever lived.”

A genuine smile finally graced his lips. “I’m glad you love it here, Gwen.”

“When can I start working?”

He shrugged. “I’ll have a word with Sarah and Iris and let them know you’re eager to get back to it.”

* * *

Over the next couple of weeks, things did get a little easier. Dancing in the club gave her something to look forward to and a sense of accomplishment. All the ladies had been so welcoming. None of them had even asked her why she came back. Ash had probably asked them not to, which she was grateful for.

She’d also learned, if she returned to the stairwell after the club was closed and the other ladies had gone to bed, she could hear Ash playing his piano. That’s where she was waiting tonight.

Just when she was about to give up and go to her room, notes began to float down to her. She climbed quietly up to the top step where she could be near the door that led to his private chambers. The music made her feel as if she had the tiniest connection to him that wasn’t as his employee.

He didn’t play for very long, and when the notes stopped and didn’t start up again, she eventually returned to her room. The music played her to sleep inside her mind. She could almost convince herself that he was playing just for her.

She found herself looking forward to those moments more than anything else in her day. The few moments she could listen to him play. The next night was no different. She left the club with all the other ladies and changed out of her raven gown. When Daisy was asleep, she slipped back out to the staircase. She waited at the bottom of the steps until she heard him start to play. Once again, she crept up the stairs to the top.

The music always came straight from his soul. It told her how he was feeling, no walls or fake smiles, just truth. Tonight was mournful and his frustration came through when he struck the deep notes a little more forcefully. He was hurting. She needed to comfort him, and before she even thought, she was tapping softly on his door. The music stopped.

“Come.” His voice was deep and laced with concern. No one ever bothered him in his private quarters, so he probably assumed there was a problem.

What was she doing? Her heart began to pound but she couldn’t very well just run away now. She slowly opened the door and stepped through. His black hair was still damp from his bath, his robe open just enough to give her a glimpse of his bare chest as he sat before his piano.

“You can’t be here, Gwen.” He shook his head.

“I know,” she said, butterflies taking flight inside her stomach. “I promise I won’t do anything. I’ll sit quietly. I won’t say anything or come near you. I’ll just listen.”

“Gwen, we can’t do this. It isn’t right. You need to leave.”

Her heart aching, she forced herself to accept his wishes and nodded her agreement. “I’ll go, but please don’t stop playing. I shouldn’t have knocked. I’m sorry.” Panic swept through her. She was going to lose this wonderful thing she had. Why did she have to knock on his door and ruin it? She was such a fool. “Please don’t stop playing. Don’t take this away from me. I promise I’ll never knock again.”

His chest was rising and falling as his breaths accelerated. “You’ve been listening to me out there?”

She didn’t want to admit it, terrified that he’d stop playing if he knew she was there, but she couldn’t bring herself to lie to him. Slowly, she nodded. “It’s my favorite part of the day. You play me to sleep every night.” She met his gaze, her eyes pleading with him. “Please don’t stop. I’ll go.”

She turned to leave, but in an instant, his fingers were wrapped around her upper arm. He pulled her against him and pushed the door closed as his lips slammed against hers. His tongue plunged roughly into her mouth as he backed her up and crushed her against the wall with his body.

“I don’t know how to do this, Gwen. I’ve been desperate for you, and I don’t know how to stop myself wanting you.”

She nodded frenziedly. “Then take me. Please, Ash.” She was panting in her need for him. “I want to feel you inside me again.” He groaned and plundered her mouth, the evidence of his arousal pushing against her belly.

Frantic to have him, she began pulling up her nightgown. Without hesitation, he plunged his fingers between her legs, which she spread eagerly for him.

“My God, how can you already be so wet for me?” He slipped a finger inside her and she groaned her pleasure into his mouth.

She pulled open the sash of his black velvet robe and was delighted to see he wore nothing beneath. She wrapped her fingers around his swollen manhood and reveled in the feel of his hard length in her hand.

“I need this inside of me, Ash. Now.”

“We shouldn’t do this, Gwen.”

“I don’t care.” She pumped her fist up and down and a groan caught in his throat. He grabbed her wrist and placed her hands on his shoulders. Lifting one of her legs to wrap around his waist, he settled his tip against her entrance.

“Are you sure you want this?”

“Yes.” Her need was painful and she was desperate to have him fill her.

He grabbed her other leg and raised it to wrap around his other side, lifting her off the ground. Slowly, he helped her to slide down onto him until he was seated fully within her body. A rush of pleasure and relief burst through her. Finally. It felt like her first time drawing breath in weeks. She’d been desperate for this, her body stretching to accommodate him as he pushed deep inside her.

He cursed before claiming her mouth. His hands gripped her backside and he plunged into her again, wedging her against the wall with his body.

“Yes,” she panted, the sound of their bodies coming together as he pumped in and out of her driving her pleasure even higher. “I’ve felt so empty. My body has been desperate for you, Ash.”

It was fast and rough and so intense, and far too quickly, she was nearing her peak. “Harder,” she called out as she wrapped her legs more tightly around him. He didn’t disappoint as he slammed into her, his ragged breath harsh against her skin as his mouth frantically kissed every part of her he could get to.

Her pleasure peaked so ferociously, it was almost violent. She shouted her pleasure into his mouth and her body contracted around him. A second later, he followed. His roar might have been one of pain. Feeling his seed spill deep inside her only dragged out her own pleasure.

She wasn’t sure if it was her body shaking or his. Perhaps both. For several minutes, they simply stayed like that, trying to catch their breath. When their breathing slowed, he lifted her so he could slide out of her body before placing her back on her feet. He supported her with one arm around her waist. The other hand wrapped behind her head and pulled her forehead against his lips. Without a word, he picked her up and carried her to his bed, laying her down gently. Even his bedroom was black like a raven, except for a few hints of deep purple here and there.

“You can’t stay all night, but I want to hold you for a few minutes.”

She wouldn’t argue with that. Wrapped in his arms, she felt fully warm for the first time since leaving Woodburn Hall. Ash pressed his face against her hair and breathed in deeply. “God I’ve missed this.”

She snuggled closer to him, wishing she could feel his skin against hers, but it wasn’t to be tonight. “What are we going to do, Ash?”

With a long sigh, he shook his head and pressed a kiss against her temple. “I don’t know, Gwen. Give me a few days to figure some things out.” He cupped her cheek and turned her face toward him. “Until then, I promise to keep playing the piano for you, but you can’t come to my room again. Is that fair?” He pressed his lips to hers, gently this time. “You need to go to bed before you’re missed.”

When she woke later in the day, Gwen was still in a euphoric state of bliss. She was deliciously tender between her legs from their rough coupling, and she could feel him with every step she took throughout the afternoon.

That night, as she posed with the other girls, moving her body, she wished Ash was on the gaming floor so that she could see him. He spent most of his time up on the balcony watching over everything. Perhaps he was watching her now. She looked up at the hidden place where he usually stood and pressed her chest out a bit more.

An hour later, Ash did appear at the curtain in the back, but he wasn’t looking at her. He waved Patrick over and they shared a tense exchange. There was a fire in his eyes, and suddenly she knew. They’d found Greg and he was getting everything secured so that he could leave the Den and go after him. He disappeared back through the curtain, and O’Connell followed him.

She’d be in trouble for leaving her post, but she had to know what was happening. She had to tell him to be careful. She skirted along the edge of the room and slipped through the heavy curtains. She opened the door to the stairs and hurried up them. O’Connell was just about to lock the door to the hallway that led across to Raven House.

“Wait, I need to go through.”

“Very well, but we have to be quick,” he said grumpily. She had to jog to keep up with his swift strides as they traversed the long corridor. He unlocked the door at the other end, just long enough for her to get through and then locked it behind her.

There was no sign of Ash and not a sound coming from his private quarters. She hurried down the stairs and around to the backdoor where she finally spotted him giving instructions to the doorman. Fogg was already on a horse and held the reins of a second that was just waiting for Ash to climb into the saddle.

“Gwen?” He hurried over to her. “Is something wrong?”

She swallowed nervously. “You’re going after him, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” he said with a nod. “We are.”

She placed a hand over his heart and looked into his eyes. “Remember, he isn’t worth your soul.”

He gave her a sad smile. “You needn’t worry yourself about my soul, Gwen.”

“I just—” She paused for a moment, gathering the courage to say the words that were begging to be spoken. “I just love you.”

His eyes grew wide and disbelieving, but then the sadness vanished from his smile.

He lifted her chin in his palm and pressed a lingering kiss to her lips. “I just love you too, Angel.”

And then he was gone.