Chapter Twenty

Larissa

Days passed. I wasn't sure how many. One of the brothers always stayed with me. They wouldn't fucking shut up unless I was asleep. Whatever their plan was, it wouldn't work.

They had one of the servants help me with a shower but warned me someone was on guard just outside the bedroom door, so running would be useless. It was still good to have the straitjacket off, even if only for a few minutes.

Gina seemed nice enough. She had warm brown eyes and a sweet smile. It had been so long since anyone had been nice to me that I couldn't help but like her. When she saw the scars on my back, tears filled her eyes.

"They don't bother me," I finally broke down and told her. I deserved my punishment." Amon had told me the brothers had left the scars on my back, but I remembered Nadine wielding the whip. I understood, and accepted, he might have been trying keep me from judging his sister.

She shook her head. "No, that's abuse, and no one deserves that kind of treatment."

I knew she wouldn't understand the necessity of me being punished, but I was curious about one thing. I finally got up the nerve to ask. "Aren't you scared working for the brothers?"

"Scared?" She laughed softly. "Not at all. They gave me a job when no one else would. You see, my family has always been considered poor white trash. My father was a drunk who stole every chance he got. My mother wasn't much better. My two older brothers are in prison for armed robbery. The interview ended as soon as a potential employer saw my last name. The brothers didn't seem worried. I've been with them a few years, and even though they're skirting the edge of the law, and sometimes breaking it, they've always been good to me."

That wasn't at all like the stories Amon told me. "But don't they rape and murder women, kill children?"

Her eyes widened. "No! If anything, they're just the opposite. They give to organizations that help abused women. I know for a fact they opened a halfway house. They added a cardiac wing to the hospital, too. Those are just two of the things they've done. They give a lot back to the community."

None of this made sense. Before I could ask more questions, Gina removed the straitjacket. Although they had loosened it quite a bit, it was still a reminder that I was their prisoner.

"Do you need more help?" she asked.

"I can manage from here."

She nodded and left the bathroom. The brothers had let me shower on my own after the first couple of times. I hadn't been able to shower on my own when I was with Amon. Most of the time, someone just hosed me down. I considered it a luxury if Arnie gave me a bar of cheap soap.

I stepped into the shower when the water was at the right temperature. This was luxury. The first time, Gina had pointed out the different bottles and what was in them. I loved the peachy aroma of the bath gel, and the shampoo made my hair feel like silk.

Still, I tried not to stay too long. I was afraid I would be punished if I did. I rinsed, then turned off the water and stepped out. I quickly dried on one of the soft, fluffy towels, towel-dried my hair, and slipped on my gown.

I glared at the straitjacket but knew I wouldn't get away without putting it on. It wasn't that bad since they didn't tighten it all the way, unless I wanted to scratch my nose, then it was inconvenient.

When there was a tap on the door, I told Gina she could enter.

"I'm sorry, Miss," she said as she helped me with the jacket.

I could make her feel more guilty. She might even help me to get away. Watching her in the mirror, I knew that wouldn't be possible. For whatever reason, she was loyal to the brothers.

When we returned to the bedroom, Jude stood in the middle of the room.

"You look beautiful. Please sit, and I'll brush your hair."

It was almost a ritual for him to brush my hair now. I was getting used to it. Having my hair brushed felt too good. Dammit, I didn't want to fall under their spell again. That's what Amon had warned me about. He said if I was ever captured and got too comfortable with them, they would hurt me even more. So, even though it felt wonderful, I knew I had to do something so that Jude would stop.

That wasn't the only thing that had shaken me. It happened the first time when I'd seen my reflection in the mirror. I hadn't seen it in so long. I didn't recognize the woman looking back at me, but I knew it was me. My hair was shorter and looked like someone had grabbed scissors and hacked the ends off. They were all uneven. I was thinner, too. It made my face look drawn.

I was having flashes of memory, too. Happier times when the brothers treated me like I was special to them. But Amon said they were only waiting to strike against me. They were evil.

But the memories coming through were not evil at all. They were memories that made me feel good.

I only yawned when Jude brushed my hair so he would think I was sleepy. I had to put distance between us. He helped me over to the bed, but the more I lay there and thought about those flashes, my head began to pound until I couldn't think at all. Finally, I pushed them all away until my headache stopped.

When the door opened, I kept my eyes closed. Jude stepped out of the room. Maybe this would be my chance to escape. If only they would go away and leave me here alone. Except they hadn't. I heard them talking right outside the door. I would never be able to get past them.

I strained to hear what they were saying, barely breathing, in case I missed something. Still, I could only hear bits and pieces because they kept their voices low. Something about me being kept in a cage and given lousy food.

I frowned. I had been in a cage. It was my cage, though, and I was quite comfortable in it. No one else came inside my cage. Amon had even given me a blanket. He said I'd earned it. Once, he even gave me a cookie.

But the brothers gave me ice cream. I remembered ice cream. It was a really good memory. It was all I could do to hide my emotions while I ate the food and the ice cream. I still had to kill them, so I didn't want to get comfortable around them. That would be a show of weakness. I couldn't let that happen. Amon would say I failed him. I couldn't fail this time.

I closed my eyes when the door started to open, but I peeked from lowered lids. It was Ezra's turn to watch over me. He scared me the most. Amon said he was an enforcer and did most of the killing. Was he here to kill me this time?

The more I watched him, I didn't think he was here to kill me. He paced back and forth at the end of my bed. Then he stopped, looking confused. I had thought Jude would be easier to kill, but I might've been wrong. Ezra was unsure of himself. I could use that against him.

I continued to feign sleep as I reached deep into my memories of my relationship with Ezra. I remembered him as being a daredevil, always taking chances and living life on the edge. He once wanted me to parachute with him, but Caspian and Jude quickly vetoed that idea. I supposed they were afraid I would die, and they wouldn't be there to kill me themselves.

I hadn't gone.

Amon taught me how to dive off the castle. At first, I'd been terrified and when I landed, I'd gotten a nasty scrape. But the more I did it, the better I became. After a while, I came to enjoy those times. They made me feel as if I could fly forever, but if I glided very far away, Amon would make the ringing start in my ears. It was only to remind me of the dangers that hid amongst the trees.

Would my knowledge of Ezra help me now? I needed more to go on, so I let the memories come in.

Ezra pulled me along with him. We were laughing as though we were getting away with something naughty. We didn't stop until we were at his motorcycle.

Ezra handed me a helmet and buckled it beneath my chin, but he didn't immediately move away. He whispered something about me being so beautiful. Our gazes locked. I leaned toward him. I thought he was about to kiss me, but he only tapped the end of my nose with one finger.

"Time enough for that later," he said.

At the time, I hadn't been sure about what he meant. Maybe that he would kill me later? No, I didn't get that feeling.

This was exactly what Amon warned me about. But I couldn't go back into training when I was a prisoner here. That was the only thing that took these fake memories away.

"I know you're awake," Ezra said.

Something must've given me away. I opened my eyes and glared at him.

"Why do you hate us so much?" he asked. He sounded sincere.

I thought about not answering him, then changed my mind. "Because you only used me. I saw what you did to people. A…" I quickly caught myself before I said Amon's name. He'd warned me never to tell them or we'd all be in danger. "He told me how cruel the three of you were."

"He lied. He's the one using you."

"He showed me the video. I saw how you rip people apart: men, women, children! You're horrible monsters, and you want to do me the same way, but I won't make it easy. I'll fight you with everything I've got."

"I don't know what he showed you, but it wasn't us. We don't make war on women and children, and we're not in the habit of ripping our enemies apart."

He sighed, sitting down on the edge of the bed. I scooted as far away from him as I could. I didn't trust him. Not one bit.

"Try to remember what we were like with you. We never hurt you. We wouldn't let anyone else hurt you, either."

I turned my face away. I wouldn't listen to any more of his lies, but he wouldn't stop talking. Memories began to force their way into my mind. I tried to push them back down, but there were too many of them, and he wouldn't stop talking!

"I need to go to the bathroom," I finally told him. He blushed. His cheeks turned a rosy red. He was the enforcer. The one who killed people, and yet, here he was, seemingly embarrassed every time I needed to pee. It could just be another trick. Either way, I wiggled off the bed and started toward the bathroom, but I had to stop because the door was closed.

"If you remove the jacket, I could do this myself."

He grimaced. "I'll help you."

When I stood in front of the toilet, he raised my gown, and I sat. He never once looked at me. Not like Arnie and Bernard looked at me. Arnie wasn't too bad sometimes, but Bernard made me shiver with fear.

Bernard enjoyed hurting me, but Amon never let him go too far. Once, when Amon wasn't looking, he touched my breast, pinching the nipple until I cried out.

Amon looked over his shoulder, then ordered Bernard out of the room. Before he left, Bernard glanced toward me. His expression terrified me. I knew Amon wouldn't let him hurt me too much, though.

I finished, and like the other two brothers, he made sure I was dry and then helped me to my feet. Most of the time around Amon, I never wore clothes. He told me that most women didn't cover themselves if they wanted to please a man. Amon enjoyed looking at me.

I was glad when we returned to the bedroom, and Ezra didn't talk about the past anymore—at least, not until he started talking to me about the night I left. He said I'd been kidnapped, but no, that's not what happened.

"You're wrong. He only took me to save me," I said.

"Think back. You had a good life. Your father adored you."

I frowned. I vaguely remembered my father, but Amon warned me he was abusive, too, and beat me all the time.

" We adored you. The man who took you is the one who tried to brainwash you and make you believe we were horrible men. He's the one who lied to you. Think back to the night he kidnapped you."

I closed my eyes tight against his lies, but memories kept creeping in. "No, go away."

Ezra wasn't about to stop talking, and he wasn't going away. He droned on and on.

Don't listen to him, my mind screamed, but the past continued to creep in. Little things where I was laughing and having fun with the brothers, but when I would start to relax, I'd pull myself back.

He suddenly grabbed me close. I froze. This was it. What Amon warned me would happen. Ezra would kill me.

Except that didn't happen.

He nestled me against his chest. "Oh God, Rissa, you have to come back to us. Remember how much we loved each other. Don't push the good memories away. When he took you, something inside us died. Even now, you don't have to use a weapon to kill us. Each minute we look at you, something inside us dies because we know we failed you. Only you can save us by coming back."

Something unexpected happened. A tear fell on my cheek. I frowned. It wasn't my tears, but his. The enforcer. The thrill seeker. The daredevil. The murderer—was the one crying.

I leaned back, staring into his face.

He quickly scrubbed the tears away. There was something sincere in him. As much as I tried to convince myself the brothers were evil, it was getting harder and harder.

The day wore on. They were taking me out of the room now. One of the brothers was always with me. Good, I could get the layout of their estate. I noticed it was much brighter than Amon's castle, which was in disrepair, but only because he said the brothers had stolen almost all his money.

The brothers' estate was bright and cheery—not nearly as dismal as I'd expected. The servants didn't look away when I passed, like Amon's did. These were friendly and smiled a lot. Once, I heard one of them laugh. I'd been with Caspian. I looked at him to see if he would beat the servant, but he only smiled, and we kept walking. He told me stories as we continued through the house.

It must be a trap.

Caspian walked me back to my room. Gina was waiting for me. She also carried up my meal trays. After Caspian walked out, I turned to her.

"Your days are long," I commented as she helped me in the bathroom. "They must make you work very hard."

She quickly shook her head. "Oh no, I volunteered. I thought you might be more comfortable with me than a different person every day. I don't mind. I live alone. I have a small apartment in town. I thought about getting a cat once, but I would hate to leave it alone all day. I like this much better."

"You don't have a husband?"

"Oh no." She blushed. "But I have met a man."

"You have a boyfriend."

She giggled. "Not really. We arrive at the coffee shop at the same time every morning. Sometimes, I stay a little longer, and we talk. He seems nice, and he's good-looking. I'm not the kind of woman who usually attracts handsome men, so I was surprised when he started talking to me."

"Why don't you attract handsome men?"

Gina laughed at that. "Because I don't look like you. You're like an angel. You're so beautiful." She shrugged. "I'm plain with mousy brown hair and brown eyes."

"I don't think you're plain. I think you're very pretty. You have beautiful eyes."

"Thank you." She downed her head, raked her teeth over her bottom lip, then looked up. "I bet the brothers would remove the straitjacket if you promise you wouldn't try to hurt yourself or one of them. I swear, they're good people. Believe me, I've had some pretty bad ones in my life before, and I know."

We walked back into the bedroom. "What do you mean?"

"When you have alcoholics for parents, then you try to stay out of their way, but sometimes that's not possible. They were mean. They liked to hit me. It's not right for anyone to do that to another person. Sometimes, they would lock me in the closet and leave me there for hours and hours."

"Were they training you?"

Her eyes widened. "That's not training. That's cruel and abusive. No one should ever do that to anyone. Is that what happened to you? The man who kidnapped you, I mean. Was he abusing you?"

I shook my head. "No, it was part of my training."

There was sympathy in her eyes. "I don't think that was training. I think he was abusing you and trying to make you believe stuff that wasn't true. You need to look at the time that you spent with him, then judge who was abusing you then, and who's not abusing you now."

She hugged me quickly and then left the room. A few minutes later, Jude came in. He would sleep in the recliner beside the door. I realized how uncomfortable it must be for him. As I closed my eyes, I thought about what Gina said. Was I wrong? Was Amon the one who hurt me?

I was so confused. I wasn't sure what to think anymore. For so long, he'd told me the brothers were horrible people, but I was here, and I was still alive.

What if Amon lied to me about everything?

It was all so damned confusing right now.

More days passed.

Caspian came in. He looked serious. I wondered if he was about to punish me. He studied me, not saying a word. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore, even though I realized speaking might anger him. It always did Amon.

"What?"

"Come here."

I quickly scooted off the bed. "Yes, sir." I came to him with a bowed head. He raised my chin until I looked him in the eyes.

"I am not Sir. I'm only Caspian. Now turn around."

I turned around, closing my eyes tightly, waiting for my punishment. He unfastened the jacket at the back, then turned me around, slipping it off my shoulders. I'm sure the confusion showed on my face.

"I don't think we need this, but if you try to harm yourself or anyone else, it goes back on. Understand?"

"Yes." I rubbed my hands up and down my arms, feeling like he'd lifted a weight off me.

He turned and left the room.

For the first time, I was alone. I could run away. Elation filled me. I took a step toward the door, resting my hand on the knob. I could make my way back to Amon. My mouth turned down. But he would ask if the brothers were alive, and when I told him yes, he would begin my training again.

My hand jerked away from the knob. I turned and walked to the window, staring outside. Jude and Ezra were walking away from the house. I wondered where they were going. I looked farther down the path they were on. I immediately knew—the clubhouse.

I smiled before I could stop myself. Memories came flooding back. Shooting pool and everyone laughing good-naturedly because I wasn't very good. My eyes drifted closed as I remembered Caspian's arms going around me as he taught me the game. How I felt warm and fuzzy all over.

I stumbled away from the window. No, I couldn't let the memories sway me to their side. Amon warned me…

Then he punished you.

He kept you locked in a cage and forced you to wear a collar, leading you around on a leash.

He tortured you, and let others hurt you as well.

He fed you mush.

He forced drugs through your veins.

He used a machine that shocked you.

He made you depend on him for everything.

No, no, no! Amon had been good to me. He taught me to take care of myself. Everything he did was to protect me.

Wasn't it?

I was so confused. I didn't think I could trust anyone right now. Yes, the brothers had removed the straitjacket, but it could still be a ploy. Amon warned they were good at trickery. Was I falling into their trap?

But as days passed, I began to question so much more.