Chapter 23

23

T hey made their way in silence to the bow of the Stormfrost . It was one of the few spots on board that everyone seemed to respect as the place to go when you wanted to be alone. Privacy was a bit of an illusion on a ship, but it was a farce they all kept up. On the way, Eira stretched her senses through the waters beneath the vessel. Without having to turn her head, she knew Winter’s Bane was nearby. Sailing right alongside the Stormfrost as Adela had promised.

But that ship is only temporary , Eira thought, reminding herself of what Adela had said.

As soon as they reached the bow of the vessel, Eira demanded, “Out with it.”

Olivin didn’t even pretend not to know what she was referring to. “I don’t trust him.”

“Clearly.” Eira gave him a dull look. The fact that he needed to say it was almost an insult to her intelligence. “I’m asking why.”

He pursed his lips and turned, hands on the railing with white knuckles. His biceps bulged as he gripped and relaxed. “They don’t let people go.”

“They didn’t ‘let him go.’ We sank their ship and he survived.”

“Quite conveniently.”

“He’s a Waterrunner. And one of the best in Solaris, second to me.” Eira wasn’t sure if the remark crossed the line from confidence to arrogance, but she said it matter-of-factly and was ready to be proven wrong, should the time ever come…though she doubted it ever would. “The ship went down on the open sea and they weren’t limiting his magic so he could help them sail. It stands to reason he’d survive.”

“ Exactly , they weren’t limiting his magic. Does that sound like the Pillars to you?” Olivin continued to keep his back to her. Eira doubted this was a good thing. “They don’t let people go free, Eira.”

“They let me go free.” She walked slowly to his side, keeping every movement measured and her voice level.

“Because they thought you were working for them.”

“A ruse he performed as well.” Eira could see through to the root of Olivin’s uncertainty. She knew where this questioning came from and it had a name: Wynry. So Eira tried to keep her tone gentle. This situation was scratching at several of his old wounds. “He was surviving , Olivin. He told them what they needed to hear—just as I did. He wasn’t one of them.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“I know him.”

“You think you do.” Olivin glanced at her from the corners of his eyes and, for the first time since meeting him, Eira didn’t recognize the man. There was an edge to him that Eira realized he’d only ever hinted at. “You think your family is everything—that you can trust them, until the Pillars take it all from you.”

“He is not your sister,” she tried to say as delicately as she was able.

“Not that you know of.” Olivin gave her another challenging look, but Eira didn’t dignify the remark with a response. Her silence prompted him to continue. “Wynry wasn’t someone I would’ve ever thought would turn on our family. She loved me and Yonlin up until the very day that she drove a dagger through my father’s back. All it takes is Ulvarth in your ear and?—”

“Do you think I submitted to Ulvarth because he was ‘in my ear?’” Eira interrupted. “That I’m secretly one of them?”

“What? Of course not.” Olivin looked startled every time she pointed out the contradiction in his logic.

“Then extend the same grace to my uncle.” Eira dared to approach him, settling a hand on his bicep. Unfortunately, it didn’t have the calming effect she might have hoped.

“If he betrays us, it’s on you,” Olivin said coolly.

“I know.” Eira’s hand dropped from his person. Disappointment weighed heavy. “No matter what happens, Olivin, it’s on me—because I am your captain.”

“Then act like one. Look after the people you claim to care about.” He was lashing out with the speed of a whip and Eira felt the sting. But she didn’t flinch.

“What is this really about?” She kept the question calm as she continued to keep her head level. Eira still hadn’t seen Yonlin, but if Alyss and Olivin weren’t at his side, then his condition surely wasn’t that bad. Yes, Wynry was a wound that might never quite close. But this felt like so much more than fear of another betrayal.

Olivin looked away. “I can’t lose him, Eira. He’s all I have left of my family. I swore I’d keep him safe.” So it was Yonlin, after all .

“I know,” she said gently. If there was one thing she could relate to, it was feeling like you couldn’t protect those you loved. Ever since Noelle’s death, they all seemed to be far more aware at just how mortal they all were, and the dangers the Pillars presented.

“I… We… We lost everything when Wynry betrayed us. Our home. Our standing in society. Our means. There was only Yonlin and me. I want to end Ulvarth, but not if the risks mean it might cost me my brother.”

There was the line . It seemed everyone had a point at which they would back down from their pursuit of Ulvarth. Which meant she had to be even more unflinching. She had to be the one to do it for them all…and for herself. Everyone else had a weakness or a limit Ulvarth could exploit. She had to make sure she was the only one without.

“It won’t.”

He wasn’t taking her reassurances. “You say that, but you can’t keep yourself safe—keep any of us safe. And now you would let a traitor?—”

“Enough.” Eira stopped Olivin before he’d say something he didn’t mean. Something they might not be able to come back from. “You are heard, Olivin.” She grabbed both his hands as if she could be the one to take hold of his fears. “Your concerns are valid; I know why you have them. But I’m telling you, as your captain, that this is my decision. We are going to care for my uncle until he’s mended enough that he can be put on Winter’s Bane , and then he will sail back home to Solaris, where he can be a voice for us on the inside of Solaris’s government. That way, when we do move against Ulvarth, it goes off without a hitch—we will have Qwint and whatever is left of the Solaris armada.”

Eyes locked with hers, Olivin looked as though he were about to object again. But he didn’t beyond another shake of his head. Withdrawing, he said, “I really hope you know what you’re doing.”

He was gone before Eira could formulate a response, leaving a chill colder than the deck of the Stormfrost in his wake. She stared at where he had just stood. Not angry. Not wounded beyond repair. But still hurt. Taking a breath, Eira calmed herself and gave him space. She could only hope that same chill he exuded would lead to a cooler head prevailing by morning.

The next morning, Eira was one of the first up in the entire crew. Not the first —there was always someone who wasn’t sleeping, because there were always duties to be attended to on a vessel as large as the Stormfrost . But she was among the few to greet the dawn.

She wanted to find a moment with Olivin to talk—apologize for the firm note she’d left things on the previous evening. But he was still fast asleep and she didn’t want to wake him. Tensions had run high last night; they’d be okay again soon enough though.

She went to Adela’s cabin bearing the gift of a hot meal. It was odd to see a pirate other than Crow stationed outside her door. But Eira was grateful to have the woman, whom she’d begun to look to as her first mate, on Winter’s Bane . It hadn’t occurred to her until that moment that perhaps such had been Adela’s plan all along. If Crow could grow accustomed to Eira, and Eira to her, it was one less transition.

The pirate stationed didn’t stop her, and Eira wasn’t surprised to see Adela up as well.

They talked plans over breakfast, aligning on the next steps. The pirate queen didn’t fight Eira’s intentions with her uncle—save for Crow being the one to captain Winter’s Bane . Even though the woman was one of the few Eira would trust to take the little vessel, she couldn’t argue too intensely when her focus needed to be solely on the Stormfrost . And, to that end, it made more sense for them to keep someone as trusted as Crow near. Then their conversation shifted to Ulvarth, and reclaiming Meru.

The sun was above the horizon, though still golden with gentle early light, when Eira emerged. Adela was a step behind and they parted ways. Eira started for belowdecks, stopping short when she saw Cullen coming up, hands laden with his pack.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Eira tilted her head. Had Olivin mentioned her plans about sending Fritz back to Solaris when he’d returned before her last night? Had Cullen heard?

Was he leaving her?

The thought hit her with a force stronger than her magic being ripped from her, leaving her just as breathless. Of course he would leave. He might not have taken the opportunity when they were in Qwint, too much was left unsettled then. This would be the perfect time for him to return to the lands he knew—his home.

Frankly, he would do more for them back in Solaris. His note had gone ahead of him, so they knew he was alive. But the man himself? He could turn the Court in their favor. The protégé of the Empress triumphantly returned. Eira could already see the gold and white pennons of the Solaris troops, Cullen at their head by Romulin’s side, coming to reclaim Solaris’s glory.

She swallowed thickly, hating how perfect it all seemed. And how, all at once, they were leaving her. One by one. Olivin no longer trusted her. Cullen would leave her because of course he would, and?—

“I thought Fritz could use some supplies for the road.”

“Right.” Eira nodded, trying to keep the panic she was warring with concealed and seemingly succeeding. “Olivin told you?”

“What?”

“That I’d be sending Fritz off… Olivin must’ve told you when he returned,” Eira reasoned. Yet Cullen continued to blink, looking as confused as ever.

“Eira…” He took two more steps up, standing just below her. Though, with his height, he could nearly meet her eyes even being one step down. “Don’t mistake this arrangement. I am respectful of Olivin because I am respectful of you . If someone is dear to you, then they will be dear to me. But it is merely respect; I wouldn’t call us ‘friends’ by any measure.” The corners of his lips curled up ever so slightly. Smugly. “So don’t think for even a second that the moment he might not be dear to you that I won’t be done with him.”

“Then…you’re not leaving?” The question was as fragile as the hope which fluttered along over her heart. As desires she was just now realizing she’d been ignoring.

“Not unless you wish for me to.” The way he held her gaze felt like an embrace and her entire body tingled with a warmth that not even the cold of the Stormfrost could puncture. “By your side, on this ship, with this crew, is where I want to be—where I am meant to be.”

“You love the Stormfrost ?” She searched his expression for the hint of a lie. He had made it clear he would be loyal to her. But to separate the Stormfrost from her as somewhere he wanted to be in its own right was new. “Because it is dear to me?”

“In part,” he didn’t deny it. But his eyes drifted across the deck, out to sea. “I find that this life suits me better than I might have ever thought. Granted, if you left it, I doubt I’d stay. But, there’s something to this whole piracy thing.” His attention returned to her with the smallest quirk of his lips. As if to agree with him, the salt-spray filled wind tousled his hair.

“I doubt I’ll be leaving ever.” In that, she was confident.

“Then, I will be with you through every storm and gale. Over the edge of the horizon and beyond where the seas run out. I will follow you until the ink runs dry on every map and we are well beyond the edge into the vast unknown.”

Eira simply stared at him, vaguely aware that her lips had parted with surprise. That she was struggling to formulate words. Cullen merely held her gaze and his smile. There was something between the words, yet unsaid, but felt so sharply that he might as well have shouted:

I love you, Eira .

“Now, I should bring this to your uncle so he can finish getting himself ready to depart.” Cullen brushed past her, as if he was somehow oblivious to what he’d just done to her.

“Wait.” Eira turned and met his eyes once more. “How did you know I was sending him off if Olivin didn’t tell you?”

“Because it makes the most sense. You’re too clever not to do what’s best.” Cullen shrugged. “Which is why I figured you would want him readied to leave.”

“So you took it upon yourself?”

“I thought it was faster than you making the order. One less thing for you to worry about. So focus on saying goodbye this morning and planning whatever we’re off to next.” Cullen smiled as if he somehow hadn’t predicted her every movement. As if he didn’t already know what Eira had in mind for their next several movements.

She watched him leave, the sea breezes caressing him like a lover, picking up his hair—dark brown, nothing special. Everything about him had always been so conventional . Almost to the point of being boring. But somehow the man that had once seemed “boring” now looked reliable. Dependable, even. Someone she could turn to.

Eira rubbed the center of her chest and started belowdecks. There was pain still there from a night shared before a ball. A heartache that warned her against falling back into the arms of a man who didn’t deserve her.

But he had been changing…and perhaps she was starting to meet the man he was always meant to be. For now, she needed to smooth things over with the other man in her life.

It was late afternoon when Winter’s Bane was ready to make the trip to Solaris. Eira stood at the edge of the starboard side of the Stormfrost , staring down at the vessel she thought she’d take to Meru to claim her vengeance against Ulvarth. But it wasn’t meant for her in the end. It was meant for the man next to her.

Fritz’s hands were empty. He had passed everything along to the pirates that were readying the vessel to go out to sea. Now all that was left was for him to join them.

“It’ll be all right,” Eira reassured him. She saw the tension in his jaw and the hard line of his lips. “I trust these men and women with my life, and they know you’re part of my crew, in a way. They won’t allow harm to befall you.”

Fritz nodded, though that hard line had yet to ease.

“When you get back to Solaris, please?—”

“You don’t have anything to worry about,” he interrupted. “I won’t be sending the armada after you or Adela.”

A chuckle she couldn’t quite contain escaped as a snort of amusement.

“What?”

“I’m laughing because the thought of you sending the armada after me hadn’t even crossed my mind,” Eira admitted. “Should it have?”

“You have aligned yourself with the most infamous pirate ever to exist,” Fritz pointed out. If only he knew the half of Adela’s crimes … “There will be those who come after you.”

“Deals can be brokered,” Eira said nonchalantly.

“Not with those in power whom she directly attacks.” The words were a bit lower in volume, a bit harsher. She couldn’t tell if it came from a place of genuine worry for her well-being…or disapproval. Eira chose not to read into it.

“Uncle, if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that there is a shadow version of this world. An underside where the mirror reflects everything back not quite the same. That other place is just as influential to what happens in the daylight as anything else.” Eira leaned against the railing, half sitting, and looked out to sea. Vi had made a deal with Adela for something. Eira had managed it with Qwint. “Sometimes, those in power need those of us who are untethered to be the shadowy hand that guides the destiny they want to see manifested around them.”

He sighed heavily. Eira could almost see the hunch to his shoulders that whispered of just how much all this was weighing on him. She placed a palm on one, clasping it firmly.

“Don’t worry about me. Send the armada if you like, even. But they’ll be cutting off their nose to spite their face.” Eira smirked. “Solaris, Qwint, Meru, Twilight, they all might loathe me, call out for my death. But under their breath, they’ll confess that they need me.”

“And when that need is met?”

“I have a fast ship and a lot of power.” It vaguely occurred to her just how confidently she could refer to the Stormfrost as her ship . She made an internal note to be wary that the confidence didn’t cross into arrogance. Adela was still the captain and pirate queen, not her. And the generosity she’d shown Eira could wither on the vine or blossom into the future she was dreaming of. “They’ve tried to kill Adela for decades and look where it got them. I’m not afraid.”

Yet another sigh. That was all her uncle could seem to do around her—his only response to all she was saying. Eira chuckled again.

“You know, you are fretting over me more than my parents did.” Eira shifted her attention back to him. Fritz’s expression was pinched still. His eyes glistening.

“Because I watched you grow up,” he whispered. “As much— more than they did. Because I watched you, at every step of life, be willing to throw yourself headlong into danger and there was nothing I could do to stop you even when, every time, my heart seized and threatened to drop from my chest.”

Eira shifted, the leg she’d half propped on the railing falling back to the deck so she could stand fully. His every word had her on tenterhooks.

“I…we…went through so much to make Solaris what it is today. I wanted to see you enjoy a good and quiet life in the peace and prosperity we had worked so hard for.” He stared past the horizon, at a time long gone.

“Uncle—” Eira took his hand in both of hers, drawing his attention to her. “Maybe I am not meant for that peace. But that doesn’t mean others aren’t. That your struggle wasn’t for naught.”

“But you are the one I wanted to enjoy it.”

Guilt ripped through her like an arrow to the heart. Eira tried to snap and pull it through, ignoring the pain. “My life is my own to live. You can’t do it for me.”

“How I wish that weren’t true…” He squeezed her fingers.

“I know.” Eira smiled faintly. He’d never understand her. But, in his way, he loved her. That love wasn’t enough to have them seeing eye to eye…just enough to have him always tucked into a fond place in the corner of her heart. Eira slipped her arms around his shoulders and inhaled deeply the scent of her childhood. The warmth that was once both safety and suffocation, and was now little more than an air of nostalgia. “No matter what, I do love you. And I thank you for trying the best you knew how.”

“I’m sorry if it wasn’t enough for you.” He squeezed her back so tightly that the words trembled in time with his hands.

“It wasn’t about being enough, or not enough.” They pulled apart and Eira gently wiped a stray tear from his cheek. “I was meant for something different, is all. Not better or worse.” Though she knew he might disagree. “Simply different.”

“It’s hard when what you envisioned for someone who’s like a child to you isn’t the life they wanted.”

“But there’s also joy in them finding the life they were meant to have,” she reminded him gently. “Now, you need to go back where you belong. Give Grahm my love as well. I’ll come by whenever I have the chance.” Though Eira didn’t know when that would be, she was sincere in saying so. If she had the chance, she would return to them as Eira, not Adela’s heir. Not to pillage, but to spend a quiet evening in a place that was once what she thought of as home.

“Please do.” Despite everything, he sounded like he meant it. “I—we all love you.”

“I know.” As best they knew how.

She wore a slight smile the entire time they finished preparing Fritz for his departure. Alyss gave him the largest hug and a letter to send to her parents when he returned to Solaris. She’d been working on it, apparently, since they were in Qwint and Cullen had sent one of his own.

Cullen shared a sturdy handshake with the Minister of Sorcery and a few words that Eira couldn’t make out. Though, she didn’t try. Some things weren’t meant for her ears, even if they burned with curiosity. What she did hear, though, was Cullen politely refusing Fritz’s offer to take another letter for him.

“I’ve already said all I have to say. There’s nothing more to send back from me.” Cullen had an easy confidence to the polite refusal, one that had her gaze turning to his for a breath. Holding his stare. I’m done with that place , the wind that passed between them seemed to emphasize on his behalf.

Eira brought her focus back to Fritz, squeezing him a final time.

“Good luck,” he whispered.

“Same to you,” she replied.

And then, they parted. She watched as he descended the side of Stormfrost and boarded Winter’s Bane . Even after the other pirates went about their work, she remained at the railing, Alyss and Cullen flanking her. All three watched the little ship melt into the eastern horizon until its flags could no longer be seen.

All the while, Eira’s cheeks remained dry. So when she turned and put her back to the waters of the Shattered Isles that bordered Solaris, she didn’t have to compose herself. There was no hesitation and no looking back.

All that was out there for her was ahead. To Meru. To beyond, where the ink bled off the edges of the maps.