Chapter 37

CHAPTER37

Loss never goes away. It changes shape. I might not think about it all day, every day, but it’s still there. Sometimes it’s more present than others. Some days, I can’t get it out of my head. Other days, I don’t think so much about the loss itself, but the wonderful memories I have of my sister. I remember the feeling of her arms around me in Pamukkale. The scent of her hair seems to linger in my thoughts. I think of the way her hum turned into a song in the cliffside house as Ediye and I cleared out the debris. I remember the way Eryx stopped his work on one of the tapestries to watch and listen with tears in his eyes. I stand in front of that restored image now, but I don’t really see it. I only see Eryx as he clapped when she finished singing, and the way my sister laughed and twirled and bowed to his ovation.

I often find these memories hurt just as much as her absence.

It’s been a few weeks since I sent my sister back here to the Shadow Realm. When we found her soul walking listlessly in the garden maze that grows in the fog behind House Urbigu, I gave her an everlasting death with the poison on my katana. Her body still lingers on Anthemoessa, staring out to sea. Her soul will not suffer this realm again. That moment of forcing to let her go and knowing for certain she will never come back seemed the hardest of them all.

Most days get a little easier with the passage of time. Just not today.

Five thousand, one hundred and four years ago, I washed up a different person on a foreign shore, with no memory of anything but my name.

Do not fear, my love. I will look after you.

I sit at the edge of the cliff I leapt from only a few weeks ago. My feet dangle off the edge. When I close my eyes, I can almost feel Aglaope’s hand pressing the grains of sand to my shoulder after I washed up on the shore. I can see her smile as vividly as though we were just on the shores of Anthemoessa moments ago.

“She never forgot,” I whisper as I twist the ring she gave me on my finger. I don’t open my eyes as Ashen kneels beside me and drapes his arm across my shoulder, pulling me into the warmth of his side. “She never told me she’d remembered all along.”

“Why do you think that is?” Ashen asks, resting his chin on the top of my head as his thumb coasts across my skin.

“Maybe she thought the pain of not knowing what had happened was less agonizing than the realization we had been sacrificed by our own family.”

“Hmm,” Ashen says, neither agreeing nor disagreeing. “Maybe she knew she could love you better than those who left you behind.”

We fall into silence. I open my eyes and watch the waves below as they shift beneath the caress of the curling fog. Urtur lets out a contended sigh at my other side as my hand drifts through his fur. “How have you done it all this time, Ashen? How do you cope with it?”

The Reaper smiles a breath of a melancholy laugh into my hair and presses a kiss to my temple. “It took me quite a long time to figure that out, vampire. I don’t think I really understood until a beautiful, brazen vampire whispered a spell to save me and then hit me in the head behind a cheese store in a weird little village.”

“She sounds smart.”

“And reckless.”

“Everybody knows that’s the best combination for a vampire.”

Ashen smiles again and grips my shoulder tighter. “Come, vampire,” he says with another kiss. “I do have something that helps, and I’ll show you what it is.”

“This sounds suspiciously like a surprise,” I reply, trying to muster the enthusiasm for one of Ashen’s schemes even though I’m not really feeling up for it.

“It is. And I promise you, it will be worth it. You’ll see.”

Ashen jostles my shoulder in a wordless request to get moving. He rises and holds a hand for me and I take it, and we head back toward our cliffside home with the jackal following on our heels. Urtur stays back in the sculpture garden as we descend the stairs and pass the threshold of the newly repaired front door, down the path that leads back to the community of demons living within the fog.

We go straight to the Kur, and when we arrive, Eryx, Ediye, and Cole are already there waiting.

“What’s going on, Reaper?” Ediye asks over my shoulder as we embrace. “These two won’t give me shit. Trust me, I’ve tried.”

“Hmm. I’m interested in what methods you might have used. Did it involve Little Mermaid lyrics? Please, tell me more,” I whisper into her hair. A hint of nerves color her scent but it dissolves a little as she laughs. “Seriously though, bitch. You’re holding out on much-needed details.”

“Fine. We’ll break out the tequila tonight and I’ll fill you in.” Ediye presses a kiss to my cheek and keeps hold of my hand as we turn to face Ashen. “Okay, demon. Tell us what the hell is going on.”

Ashen subdues his grin and the gleam in his eye as he nods toward Eryx. “We’re taking a little trip,” the angel says as he pulls a chain from his neck and withdraws the key to the Realm of Light. Cole smiles and pulls the key to the Shadow Realm from his pocket, and they fit the two halves together, twisting them in opposite directions until they find the portal they want.

When we step through the watery barrier between the realms, the House of Virtues lays before us, roller coasters whirling overhead and laughter enveloping us on the churro-scented breeze. The evidence of war still lingers in the little details, like the metronomic clink of a hammer on a chisel as a mason repairs a stone wall, or the shine of fresh paint on the shutters of a house. But this realm is healing, and the souls who reside here greet us warmly.

“Are we doing our date? Is this a quintuple date?” I ask as the little train passes by, tooting a welcome as the children within wave at us. Glee bubbles in my chest like a film over my simmering sadness as I bounce on the balls of my feet. I realize Ashen’s hand isn’t burning hot around mine and raise it up to see white bands glowing around his wrist. Anticipation starts to bubble and froth in my chest when I meet his grin with my own. “We’re going on the rides? And swimming? Surfing?”

The corners of Ashen’s eyes crinkle with the warmth he tries to contain but can’t. “I did promise with blood, vampire.”

My bounce becomes little hops. I try to stride ahead and pull him with me, but he doesn’t budge. “What are we waiting for, Ashen?

“Our tour guide.”

My brow furrows as my confusion deepens. Ashen still keeps his faint smile but something about it softens. A deep swirl of anxiety and anticipation fills my mark. And then I smell it, on the gentle breeze that sweeps over my shoulder. It’s starlight and sage, and something different, something fresh and new. Sunshine on dew. Honey on toast. Sweet and delicate scents. Happiness.

“Mama?..”

Those two syllables seem to hover in the air around us, stretching time, pulling it thin as it sinks into my marrow. All my blood rushes to my heart. My flesh tingles with its absence. My lips part on an unsteady gasp. Tears are already blurring my vision when I turn to look at Ediye. Her muscles are tense but her bones seem to turn to liquid within.

“You are so brave, Mama. I saw you. At the gate to Esagila.”

Every cresting beat of Ediye’s heart is a symphony. She crumples with a shaking hand covering her mouth. Her palm can’t catch the sound that escapes. Eryx grasps her arms and keeps her standing. There are tears in his eyes as he presses a kiss to her forehead and bends to catch her gaze. “It’s not a dream, love. Turn around.”

Eryx turns her slowly and I pivot too, our eyes meeting for a fleeting moment before Ediye faces the boy she lost so many years ago.

Tayo.

Midnight skin, onyx eyes. A wide smile, full lips. He’s thin but strong. Just a boy, destined to never grow old. He looks so much like Ediye that I know with just a glance that it’s her son.

“I missed you, Mama,” he says as tears crest his thick lashes.

Ediye’s cry would never need a vampire’s memory to be remembered. It’s the sound of a heart cracked in half by the kind of joy that feels like anguish when it’s set free.

Ediye rushes forward and crashes to her knees on the cobblestones. She crushes her boy to her chest and his small arms wrap around her, holding her tight. Her body shakes. She whispers things I can’t make out. Tayo cries in her arms. His little hand strokes her bare shoulder with the reverential caress of a love that’s never dimmed, that’s grown brighter with all this waiting finally come to an end.

We watch for a long while, Ashen’s arms wrapped across my middle, his chin resting on my shoulder. Ediye pulls away just enough that she can cup Tayo’s tear-streaked face in her hands and place kisses to his skin until he laughs. It’s a joyous giggle, a hint of mischief hidden in its depths. It leaves me utterly spellbound.

“She glows,” I whisper, as Ashen’s lips press to my shoulder in a kiss that lingers. “I see it now.”

A gentle radiance illuminates Ediye’s skin from within. She’s never been more beautiful. I know I haven’t seen her smile the way she does when she turns toward me, her hands resting on her son’s shoulders. The look that passes between us doesn’t need words. I know I wouldn’t have them anyway. I have no way to contain the happiness I feel within the boundaries of any language I know.

“Greetings, dear friends,” a deep voice says, and we turn to see Aloros, his injured arm renewed, his linen tunic and pants once again pristine, a simple gold crown adorning his short dark hair. He approaches with three unfamiliar angels following close behind, one carrying a white box held on his upturned palms. I cast my gaze across the crowd that’s steadily gathered around us. I notice for the first time just how many souls and angels have come to watch in silence, though they’ve kept back enough to give Ediye space. She rises from the road and wipes her face, her other hand clutching Tayo’s. Aloros drifts to a halt in front of her with a faint smile.

“You helped to arrange this?” Ediye asks, and he gives a single nod. Ediye swallows, trying to keep another rush of tears at bay, though I can still see their glassy sheen. “Thank you.”

“No. We thank you,” Aloros reaches his hand toward her, and Ediye looks at it as though she’s unsure before she takes it. “You stood for our souls. You held the gate. Protectress of the House of Virtues, we thank you.”

The crowd around us shifts like a wave as they descend to a knee, their heads bent in respect. They stay down on their knees when they turn their faces to her once more, their expressions a mix of hope and awe.

Aloros lets go of Ediye’s hand and steps back, gesturing for the angel with the box to come forward. When Aloros turns toward Ediye once more, his brow furrows, his gaze dropping for just a moment to the stones beneath us. “We lost many in the battle. Most of our Council is gone. Our rule has always been divided among our quarters of Anur, and our rulers fought valiantly for their Houses. But only I am left, presiding over Esagila.” Aloros looks to Ediye with the echo of sorrow beneath the glimmer of hope that shines in his eyes. “You were equally as brave as any anunnaki, and you fought for a realm that was not yours to protect. As though that was not enough, we know what you did at Anthemoessa to save the fates.” Aloros opens the box. A golden diadem glitters within, set with stones that glow with their own light as though they are stars, plucked from the night sky. “We offer our highest honor. Ascension, among the anunnaki. And we offer a place on our Council, as Queen of the House of Virtues.”

Ediye gasps and meets my eyes. I must look half crazed with excitement, because Ediye cackles an incredulous laugh that dies as she realizes Aloros is serious. She looks between the crown and the angel who holds it, then to the souls around us. She swallows the heartbeats I hear surging through her chest. “But…I don’t know the first thing about ruling.”

“Neither did the dark-souled vampire, and look at all she has accomplished,” Aloros says, snickering as he catches my good-natured eye roll.

Ediye and I exchange a fleeting smile, but the mirth in her eyes disperses as quickly as it came. She lets her gaze drift down to Tayo. I know she’s delving into memories, sinking into the years we spent exacting revenge for this love that was once stolen from her. We left a thick trail of blood behind us before Ediye found a way back to herself through the grief of her loss. “I have done things I regret. And I have done many things that I don’t. I wouldn’t take them back even if I could,” Ediye whispers. Her eyes linger on her son before meeting Aloros’s once more. “I’m not perfect.”

Aloros takes a step forward and lays his large hand on her shoulder. “It is our mistake, for letting you believe you ever had to be.”

Tayo turns enough to watch his mother’s face with a proud grin. Angels and souls wait with patience on bent knees, hope painted on their faces. Ediye and I lock eyes. I smile, and she does too. When she returns her attention to the angels, I see the spark of distant stars in the galaxy of power buried within her ebony eyes.

“I appreciate your offer of ascension. But I’m not ready to accept that, at least not right now. I like who I am, the way I am,” Ediye says, with a grateful bow of her head. I see the gazes of a few of the souls around us fall to the ground with dismay. “However…if you would still allow it, I would be truly honored to lead the House of Virtues.”

Those gazes that fell around us snap back to Aloros, hope igniting in their eyes as their attention shifts between the witch and the angel. For a moment, he gives nothing away. And then his smile grows.

“The honor would be ours,” Aloros says. Excited murmurs swirl around us as he turns toward the angel holding the velvet-lined box. He lifts the crown and places it on Ediye’s head. It rests there as though it was always meant to shine with her. Aloros steps back, his smile growing wide. “All Hail Ediye, Queen of the House of Virtues.”

“Hail Ediye, Queen of the House of Virtues,” I repeat with the others, dropping to my knee.

It’s as though the crowd can’t contain their excitement for more than just a brief moment of subdued deference. Cheers erupt from the angels and souls who jump to their feet, clapping and laughing as they draw in closer to surround Ediye with words of thanks and welcome. We stand with them, sharing their joy as we hug Ediye and meet Tayo for the first time, a sense of wonder and peace thriving in my chest when it feels as though I’ve loved him all my life.

There have been times I thought my heart couldn’t contain more love, it was already so rich with it that it overflowed. There have been moments of darkness where my heart felt filled with poison that was killing me with every beat. But now, in this moment as I watch Ediye and Tayo, Eryx and Cole make their family complete as they embrace, I realize there is no limit to how much more love a heart can contain. There is no end to its capacity to heal.

There’s a crack high above as fireworks burst across the sky. Ashen’s hand lays on my shoulder and flows down my arm, his wedding ring a gentle kiss of coolness against my skin. I smile as I turn to face him, laying my palms on his cheeks.

Ashen folds a stray lock of hair behind my ear, his gaze lingering on my lips for a long moment before he meets my eyes. “All right, vampire?”

“Kiss me and find out, Reaper.”

Ashen smiles, and I don’t tell him, but he shines.

And so, we heal.

One moment of love at a time.