Chapter 23

Chapter Twenty-Three

Aurelia woke the following morning with the express determination to speak to Ryland alone. Edmund had an appointment to spend the morning at his grandmother's house, so she had a free half-day and she intended to use it wisely. She fully expected Ryland to be angry with her and was already building up a wall around her heart. She hoped she had proven her own character enough, as Ruth had said, that Ryland would consider allowing her to remain at Tilton. The very idea of beginning anew elsewhere made her weary and tired. To say nothing for how much she would miss Edmund and Ryland.

No, just Edmund. She would not allow herself to imagine leaving the earl or how it would feel. She reinforced the heavy stone walls around her heart and didn't permit herself to traverse that path. A proper governess would never have let those walls crumble in the first place. She needed to do better.

Aurelia took the stairs down, listening to the soft patter of footsteps rising out of sight. She turned down another flight and saw Julia coming her way, her cap fastened tightly around her hair and her head down.

She lifted her attention and caught Aurelia's gaze. "Oh, Miss Beswick, I was just coming to find you."

Aurelia's stomach tightened.

"A letter arrived for you." She held it forward, mounting the final few steps between them. "Mr. Pike sent me to give it to you."

"Thank you." She took the letter, recognizing Mr. Larson's writing on the front. She hoped it was a good update about her brother's situation and not harboring ill news, but experience had taught her not to raise her expectations.

Julia turned to leave, but Aurelia lifted a hand to stop her. "Wait." When she had her attention, she swallowed. "What you heard in the library?—"

"I didn't hear anything," she said quietly.

They both knew that was not the case. "If you would allow me to explain?—"

"Miss Beswick," Julia said, her voice soft but her eyes firm. "I do not intend to say anything about what I might have heard that day."

Aurelia stared at her. The woman appeared to be in earnest. "But why?"

"Edmund's nightmares."

Aurelia waited for her to continue. When it didn't seem like she meant to elaborate, she asked, "What exactly do you mean by that?"

Julia seemed to shrink into herself. "When Edmund had frequent nightmares, I was often sent to fetch him warm milk while his father comforted him. I know you have only been with him for a few bad dreams, but the way you've sung him to sleep has been exactly what the boy needed. It's what my mother always did for me." She added the last part so quietly, Aurelia could barely hear her.

But she understood. Julia would not do anything to jeopardize Aurelia's place here because she appreciated what she had done for Edmund.

Aurelia hoped Ryland felt the same. "Thank you, Julia."

The maid gave her a nod and turned to leave. Were Ryland and Edmund aware of how deeply their servants cared for their wellbeing? It was enlightening and sweet.

Aurelia clutched the barrister's letter tightly in her hands and waited until she was alone to tear it open. She didn't have the patience to find a better place. She wanted to know what the update for her brother was.

She climbed three steps until she was next to a window and unfolded the paper, using the wall to flatten the creases.

Miss Beswick?—

I bring you good news for the first time in our short acquaintance. It provides me a great amount of joy to inform you that Nathaniel's trial was a success—in a manner of speaking. He was found not guilty for stealing. No one could find the item in question or proof he'd taken it, and his debts were paid the evening before the trial, so he was released immediately following the verdict. You will be glad to hear that he returned home at once to bathe and cut his hair. I've provided Nathaniel with the final bill for my services, and I am very glad our liaison can end on such a happy note.

I wish you all the best.

Yours sincerely,

Frederick Larson, Esq.

Aurelia turned the page toward the light from the window and read it again. Her brother had been released? Her brother had been released ! And he'd paid the remainder of the barrister's hefty fee as well. She folded the missive and slipped it into her pocket, hurrying downstairs. All these weeks, Aurelia had feared the moment she would hear of her brother's execution or transportation to New Holland, where she would never see him again.

Her footsteps came to a stop as she reached the corridor to the library. A thought struck her. If Nathaniel didn't have the money to pay his debts, how did he pay his barrister? Who, exactly, had the funds and the desire to pay his debts to begin with? It wasn't as though he had many friends. He had burned too many bridges with drunken fights and gambling debts and not keeping his promises.

But he was still her brother. She did not wish him dead or imprisoned. Should she just be grateful for this positive turn in events? It was difficult when it didn't quite sit right with her.

Aurelia slipped into the empty library and found a sheet of paper, ink, and a quill. Her letter to Mr. Larson was short—she mostly wanted to be assured he'd been compensated and find out who had paid her brother's debts.

Had her father come into money? Returned to London? A niggling of hope blossomed within her before it shriveled again. No, that could not be. He would have sent for her. She had made sure her parents knew where to reach her.

Unless his letter had yet to arrive.

She blew on the ink, then folded the paper and wrote the direction on the front. Once it dried, she turned it over to seal the back. Aurelia looked at the clock. Edmund was set to return from his grandmother's house within an hour, so she needed to find Ryland now and request to speak to him. Tomorrow his friends would arrive—including Mr. Smedley—and her opportunity for coming forward would be gone. If only he hadn't deemed the weekly meetings unnecessary anymore; she could have spoken to him then.

Holding the letter, Aurelia slipped from the library. Ryland's study door was open and the room was empty. Strange.

Voices trailed toward her from the other end of the corridor, and she turned in time to see Ryland walking her way, flanked by two other men. One she recognized immediately to be Samuel Harding and the other—oh, no no no. It was Mr. Smedley.

He was here a day early and she wasn't prepared. She hadn't talked to Ryland. She wasn't hiding. He was going to see her.

Aurelia stepped backward into the library before she could be noticed, her heart in her throat. She was looking for another exit when she recalled what Ryland had told her—there were no additional exits from this room. She glanced at the window, calculating whether she could climb from one of them in her gown, when the voices reached the doorway. She was left with no choice but to turn and face the men.

"Miss Beswick," Ryland said, the surprise in his tone reaching her stomach. His eyes dropped to the missive in her hand. "Are you posting a letter? I am happy to frank it for you."

Mr. Smedley's pale eyes flicked to her, widening. "Not Miss Aurelia Beswick? Surely my eyes are playing a trick."

With no other choice left to her, Aurelia pasted a smile on her face. "The very one, Mr. Smedley." She dipped a curtsy. "Good day, my Lord, Mr. Harding."

They each greeted her, but she tried to avoid holding Mr. Smedley's gaze for too long. His blue eyes were pale as ice, his blond hair styled back and darkened by the pomade he used. She could smell it from where she stood, at least four paces away, which proved not much about him had changed. The last time she had seen this man she was rejecting his second proposal of marriage. She only hoped he was not thinking of the same moment.

Perhaps he was, and he was likely glad to have made an escape. For now, he was still wealthy and comfortable while she was penniless, forced to take up an occupation, her family's name dragged through the mud.

Ryland coughed. "You are known to one another?"

Aurelia looked from Mr. Smedley to the earl. "Yes. We are on familiar terms."

Mr. Smedley glanced behind her. "Is Nathaniel here? I thought the man was in Newgate."

The blood swept from Aurelia's body, leaving her cold. Silence fell over them like a thick blanket of snow, and she couldn't bring herself to meet Ryland's eye. "Not any longer. He was released." She straightened her posture, determined to remain proper despite the painful nature of this conversation and the potential for losing her position now that Ryland was aware of her situation. "He is not here, however."

"I wouldn't invite Beswick to my house, Smedley," Ryland said, his voice low and void of humor. "You know that."

Smedley lifted a smug, blond eyebrow. "But you'll invite his sister?"

He didn't know . Aurelia hazarded a glance at Ryland, anxiety balling in her stomach.

He would not look at her. His expression was hard, his focus on his friends.

Was he refusing to speak about her at all, or merely waiting to see what she would say about her family's fall from grace? Aurelia stepped in. "I work here, Mr. Smedley. I am the governess for Lord Ryland's son."

His shock was so palpable it was nearly humorous. Nearly, but not quite. " Governess , Miss Beswick? You surprise me."

She had the feeling he was reveling in her changed status. Her just desserts, perhaps? Had she accepted his last offer, she would not be worried about whether her brother had enough money to pay his barrister or if she had to find a way to pay his fee. She would not be trying to salvage the gown that ripped beyond repair during the curricle accident and instead have already ordered a new one. She would not?—

Aurelia looked at the floor. Had she accepted Mr. Smedley, she would never have met Edmund or come to know Ryland or found a home at Tilton.

Fresh in her resolve that she had made the right choice, she lifted her gaze and straightened her spine. She refused to allow Mr. Smedley to ruin what could perhaps be her final moments at Tilton Manor.

"If you gentlemen will excuse me, my attention is needed elsewhere," she said, dipping in a curtsy, her heart racing.

"Did you not need your letter franked?" Samuel asked, looking from her to the earl. "Ryland?"

She put the letter behind her back. "It is unnecessary?—"

"Hand me the letter," Ryland said, his voice cutting through the room.

Aurelia fought a flinch and turned. She met his eyes for the first time since Mr. Smedley had spoken the truth. They were hard, their dark brown depths nearly black.

He cleared his throat. "If you would like, I mean. I am happy to frank it."

She very much doubted he was happy to help her at all in this moment, but he was ever the gentleman and would likely appreciate avoiding a scene with his guests present. She wanted to refuse the frank and pay for the post herself, but not nearly as much as she wanted to be out of this room as quickly as possible.

Aurelia lifted the letter and Ryland took it from her fingers, tucking it into his coat without looking at the direction.

She turned away, fighting the warm tears pooling in her eyes. She walked briskly down the corridor, hoping to slip away entirely so she could cry in earnest. Ryland would not hold her gaze, which meant he was as angry as she had expected him to be.

Aurelia had blundered, and she feared there was no coming back from it.