Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

When Aurelia climbed into the wagon on Sunday morning and settled beside Tilly, she was glad she'd opted for her warm pelisse over her gown. She'd chosen the better of her two remaining dresses, a deep navy blue. It was the gown she would need to wear on Sundays for however long she remained at Tilton, which was still quite uncertain. Despite Ryland's seeming approval thus far, there was another month left of her trial. Ryland had not confirmed that she was welcome to remain yet.

"Do you want to take a walk in the garden with me after church?" Tilly asked. "Mr. Barnes usually has his son to dine following church, and we might happen upon a meeting if we are careful."

Aurelia swallowed her amusement. "I would be delighted to."

The wagon swayed as the horses were directed to move. They proceeded down the lane toward the iron gate, the bright sun making the colors around them more vibrant—the green of the lawn, the auburn of the changing leaves. Smoke from Tilton's many fires lingered in the air, and the crisp tang from the row of apple trees was promising.

"Is that Lord Ryland?" Christopher asked.

"It is," Mr. Pike said with some surprise.

Aurelia looked over her shoulder to find Ryland driving his curricle, a pleased Edmund on the seat beside him.

"Shocking," Tilly said. "I cannot recall the last time the earl went anywhere, and now it seems he is attending events with regularity."

"What has changed?" Aurelia asked, not taking her eyes from Ryland.

"I am not privy to that information," Tilly said.

"Of course." Aurelia smiled.

When they reached the church, Aurelia followed Tilly and the rest of the servants to their regular row and sat. She watched Ryland enter some time later, Edmund at his side. He held his gloves in his hand, fidgeting with them, his discomfort nearly palpable. She could sense how little he wanted everyone to watch him, yet she could not tear her gaze away.

Eliza's husband, Jacob, clapped him on the back, and they all filed into a row together, Peter and Edmund sitting side by side.

Once he was settled on a pew, she could relax. Had her words reached him? She could not help but think of him in that monstrously large house, day in and out, with no company save that of a nearly seven-year-old boy and his servants. Yes, the man had friends, but they were not with him always. It was no wonder he chose to host hunting parties.

She imagined he was lonely. Spending time with his friends and family more would be good for his soul—to say nothing for Mr. Chatham's lively sermons.

Aurelia settled in for the sermon, a smile in her heart.

When church was over and the congregation had filtered outside to speak at length on the lawn, Aurelia found herself standing near Eliza Ridley. "Good day, Mrs. Ridley."

Eliza greeted her warmly. "I've been meaning to send you an invitation to dinner. It won't be anything fancy, but our cook manages nicely."

"You needn't feel obligated."

"Not at all." Eliza smiled, her hazel eyes shining in the sunlight. Leaning forward, she lowered her voice. "We haven't told many people yet, but we are expecting our family to grow soon."

"That is lovely news."

Eliza beamed. "Thank you. I haven't been sick, but my energy has flagged immensely."

"We can wait to dine until you have overcome your lethargy," Aurelia offered.

"No, I would love to visit with you now. Do you have a schedule you keep at Tilton? My husband can fetch you in our wagon so you—oh! We shall invite Lord Ryland and Edmund as well." She stepped closer. "The earl has always intimidated me, but he and Jacob are on friendly terms. Do you think it would be untoward to invite him? I better ask Jacob first."

"Or Ruth," Aurelia offered.

Eliza chuckled, rolling her eyes. "Ruth has absolutely no great opinion about her brother's consequence. She does not see his title or recognize that he is a touch above the rest of us."

Aurelia could very easily see how that was the case. "Whatever you decide, I will be glad to join you for dinner." She glanced up, her gaze finding Ryland immediately in the crowd. He stood with his parents and Samuel while Ruth and Oliver spoke not far from them. "For what it is worth, Mrs. Ridley, I think he is quite humble, even given his elevated status."

"I agree." She sighed lightly. "Though that does not stop me from being intimidated. Did Ruth tell you she pulled him out of hiding in order to help me restore my reputation earlier this year?"

Aurelia's attention snapped to Eliza. "She did not."

"It's true. It is a rather long story, but suffice it to say my sister had made some choices which forced Society to snub us for quite a long time. Ruth was determined to help me restore our good name, so she enlisted Lord Ryland's help to obtain an invitation to Lady Faversham's garden party. He attended a handful of events following that to lend me his arm for dancing or his escort for dinner. Because of him, we were restored to Society's good graces for a time."

Aurelia was lost for words. "How charitable."

"Putting it mildly." Eliza shook her head. "I still married a blacksmith and nearly forced my parents to never speak to me again. There are quite a few people in Society who still do not speak to me, but I do not need London balls and parties or Lady Faversham's judgmental garden party. I have Jacob and Peter."

Aurelia's heart started beating hard. She didn't need to know these things about Ryland—how good he was. She had suspected he was different from the moment he saved her at the inn, but such kindness, such selflessness, was beyond anything she expected. "You say he was in hiding previous to that?"

"After Jane died, he became something of a recluse. He seems much better now, though."

That had the power of bringing Aurelia's mind straight back from the clouds. He had been in love with his wife. He was only helping where he could. His little glances and kind words didn't mean anything. He was simply a good man.

The reality both leveled her and made her fall like a windless kite.

Tilly waved at her from across the grass and she nodded. "I had better be going. Our wagon is leaving."

Eliza reached over and took her hand. "I know we do not know one another yet, and this is very forward of me, so I hope you will take my words in the spirit they are meant." She drew in a breath, her hazel eyes clear and focused. "I understand what it is like to fall in Society's eyes, the difficulty of trying to find your footing again. I knew very well what I was giving up when I chose to marry Jacob, but that doesn't mean our months together have been without trial. If you need to talk to anyone, Miss Beswick, I am here."

"Aurelia," she replied, her throat clogged with emotion. How was it that merely hearing one's trials repeated back with such care allowed for such immense feeling? Her heart throbbed as though she was being seen, that she was not invisible, that her trials were real and raw. "If we are to be friends, you ought to call me Aurelia."

"I would be honored," she said. "You must call me Eliza."

"Thank you, Eliza."

They embraced briefly and Aurelia hurried to join the rest of the servants in the wagon. Just before she reached Christopher, who was holding out a hand to help her up the step, she felt a small tug on her gown.

"May I come with you, Miss Beswick?" Edmund asked, looking up at her with such pleading she couldn't bear to reject him. His blue eyes were so round, his blond curly hair sticking out from beneath his cap.

When she lifted her gaze and found his father speaking to Lady Helena and Mr. Wycliffe near the church, she shook herself. "You must go with your father, Edmund."

"But I want to come with you and Tilly and Mr. Pike."

"They are lovely companions to have on a drive," she agreed. "But how would your papa feel if he had to drive home alone and you were able to ride with all of your friends?"

Edmund looked at the wagon full of servants, then back to Ryland, who was watching them with curiosity. He let out a weary sigh. "He would be sad, or envious that he didn't get to ride with all of us too."

Aurelia stifled her amusement. His observation was entirely wrong and extremely precious. "I agree. He would rather ride with you, I think."

"Very well. Will I see you at home?"

At home . The words pierced her chest with the heat of belonging and healing. She choked back her emotion for the second time, desperately blinking to avoid allowing any tears to fall. "I promised to walk in the garden with Tilly, but when we are through, I would love to spend time with you, Edmund."

"Can we visit the squirrel?"

"We can, but we will not do any observation work."

"Of course not," he said with a little wrinkle in his brow. "It is not work to see if he is well."

"That would be acceptable."

Edmund agreed and ran off to rejoin his family.

Aurelia turned, taking Christopher's hand and climbing into the wagon.

"He's a silly lad," he said.

"Very silly, and completely adorable."

"Envious," Tilly said, giggling. Evidently, they had been overheard. "Can you imagine the earl wanting to ride with us?"

"In a wagon," Jasper added, a grin splitting his face.

"We do not laugh at his lordship," Mr. Pike said sternly.

"We wasn't," Jasper said. "We was laughing at Edmund."

"His innocence," Aurelia quickly explained. "He was being very sweet."

Mr. Pike huffed.

Aurelia smiled, looking back at the churchyard. She found Ryland again and froze. He was watching the wagon depart, his eyes hollow with yearning. She could certainly see why Edmund would make that false assumption—from this vantage point, Ryland looked as though he did wish to be on the wagon with them.

She turned back around and settled in her seat, doing her level best to push him from her mind.

"Come away from the window," Ryland said, leaning back in the plush burgundy armchair and watching Edmund press his face to the glass. He had noticed Julia cleaning it just last week and Edmund was going to leave smudges behind.

"I will not see Miss Beswick return from her walk if I am not watching."

Ryland's stomach constricted. He fought the compulsion to join his son at the window and watch for the governess's return. "Why do you need to know when Miss Beswick returns? You do not have lessons on Sundays."

Edmund faced his father, a careful expression on his face. "We are not doing any work, exactly . We are only going to look at the squirrel. To see if he is still there."

As though the animal had anywhere else to go when his survival depended on the acorns he'd saved in that particular tree. "Perhaps Miss Beswick has other ways she would like to spend her Sunday afternoon."

"Like what, Papa?" Edmund's brow furrowed in confusion, his head tilting to the side.

What else could Miss Beswick possibly want to do but see if the squirrel in the oak tree was still gathering food for winter, indeed. He bit back a laugh. "I will take you, Edmund."

"Then Miss Beswick will miss the treat."

"You may tell her all about it."

To his credit, Edmund looked torn.

"Come," Ryland said, turning for the door. He stretched his ankle, glad the injury had all but healed. "A walk would be nice right now."

"Very well," Edmund said, following him, a little frown on his face. They went down the corridor and through the back doors into the formal garden. Rows of perfectly shaped shrubbery and rose bushes lacking blooms were artfully arranged around each of the paths leading to a fountain in the center. The perimeter was lined with a tall, straight hedge that separated this garden from the rest of the lawn.

When they walked through the short iron gate to the back lawn, they could see Aurelia and Tilly walking toward them. Ryland's chest started to ache, his breathing going uneven. He fought the desire to spend more time with Aurelia for a multitude of reasons but, at the same time, he seemed to have no self-control when she was nearby. Edmund started running toward the women and Ryland did nothing to stop him.

"Are you ready to look for our squirrel?" Aurelia asked.

"Yes, but Papa wants to see it too."

She raised her gaze. "He is welcome to join us."

He should have insisted she return to the house and take the break from Edmund she so fully deserved but, again, he lacked self-control. Had he any sense, he would have separated himself from the woman as much as possible. Instead, he took every opportunity he could to be near her.

It was foolish—he was likely digging his own grave—but he couldn't help it.

Tilly leaned over and said something quietly to Aurelia before dipping in a curtsy and heading for the house. Edmund started down the sweeping lawn toward the large, overbearing oak tree, while Aurelia fell into step beside Ryland.

"If you are too cold, I can tell Edmund you had to return to the house," he said, providing one opportunity for her to leave. He was a gentleman. He had to at least try.

She pulled her pelisse tighter. "I am plenty warm."

They continued, the lawn seeming to grow wider as they walked. "Did you and Tilly have a pleasant walk?"

"Yes, it was fruitful." She peered at him, a slight furrow forming between her eyebrows.

He stopped walking. "What is it? You look worried." He shook his head. "What do you mean by fruitful?"

"We spoke with Mr. Robert Barnes and his son, Mr. Timothy Barnes, for a long while."

Ryland's heart raced. His gamekeeper was pleasant enough, but the man's son, who was near enough to them in age, would probably be deemed handsome by any young woman. "Did you and Timothy have a nice conversation?"

Her confusion deepened. "Tilly and Timothy seemed to do so. I spent the majority of our time hearing about the improvements Mr. Barnes has made to his vegetable garden this year."

He breathed out, his heart slowing. Why was her lack of interest in another man such a relief? Ryland wasn't a complete dolt; he knew why. It did not matter. He could never take advantage of his position and act on his budding feelings. He turned for the oak tree and continued walking. "Why the concern, Miss Beswick?"

"I worried you wouldn't approve of Tilly making a match." She put her hands up. "Not that any match is being made, of course. In all honesty, it did not seem to me they had much in common, and Tilly seemed to feel the same way. But her attempt at making a match would be worrisome for most employers."

"What Tilly does on her own time is not my concern. I do not meddle in the lives of my servants."

"Most great houses do not allow their maids to marry. My mother certainly never did. Forgive me if I find it difficult to understand."

He stared at her, wondering if she realized she had given away another small piece of herself. He'd been correct in assuming she came from a well-bred family and must have suffered a fall in status. Again, the niggling thought that she could be closely related to Nathaniel Beswick tugged at him—but no. She was too good and kind to have lied to him again. She had said her parents were in Ireland, leaving her here alone.

"I will never stand in the way of another's happiness—including my maids. If Tilly marries and begins a family, I will hire someone else and she can turn to a much better life than one of loneliness."

Aurelia sucked in a quiet breath. She looked at him, her blue eyes sparkling, her golden hair glowing. She was so beautiful, the sight stunned him into silence. "You are a very kind man, my lord."

"Andrew," he whispered, taking himself by surprise.

He knew it was a mistake the moment the word left his lips. It was not appropriate. Too soon by anyone's standards. But the way she'd looked, the way she had made him feel —it was the first time since Jane died that he truly, truly wanted another woman in his life romantically. A few months ago, when he had helped Eliza Ridley return to Society's good graces, he had found himself attracted to her and wondered if there could be potential for a companion in his life once more.

Once Eliza had revealed her feelings for Jacob Ridley, Ryland had been relieved. He hadn't been ready. What he had learned, however, was part of him was interested in the prospect of another wife, as difficult as that was to admit even to himself.

But not Edmund's governess. That crossed boundaries of propriety entirely. She was vulnerable and, as a member of his household, strictly under his protection. How could he know if she returned his feelings or was simply doing what she thought she ought to do to keep her position?

"Forget I said anything." He turned to walk again.

Aurelia, blessedly, did not grant this a reply.

While they walked the rest of the way to meet Edmund at the tree, Ryland found himself wondering when he had stopped thinking of Jane every time he saw Aurelia.