Chapter 16

Josie inhaled a deep breath of the frosty morning air and held her thermos tighter between her mittens. She smiled. She always enjoyed her morning walk, but today she felt particularly happy and light-hearted. She took a sip of the warm, hazelnut-flavored coffee that filled her thermos.

Things are getting so much better for me and Paige,she thought. The night before, after they'd finished their list, they'd watched a movie together and shared a huge bowl of popcorn. Paige had laughed and seemed totally at home.

I wonder if Mom and Paige ever spent time together like that, she wondered. Memories from her past rushed back at her all at once, and her stomach tightened. She hadn't had that kind of a relationship with her mother, that was for sure. She thought about the day she left home—she'd felt like a bird bursting out of a cage. She'd thought that leaving behind her mother and the pain of her cycle of addiction would solve everything.

It hadn't solved everything, that was for sure, and she'd struggled with guilt for leaving Paige behind. But she knew that the decision she'd made was the best one for her, and she'd needed to make it for her own sake.

I think Paige is starting to understand why I left, she thought. I hope so. I hope she doesn't blame me for what I did.

As she rounded a corner, her eyes on the sidewalk and her mind far away, she nearly collided with a man wearing a gray peacoat.

"Oh, I'm so—Wesley!" Her cheeks flushed when she realized who it was. "Hi!"

"I promise I'm not stalking you," he said, laughing breathlessly and blushing a little.

She laughed too. "Don't worry, I'm sure we've walked past each other lots of times before without realizing it. We just didn't notice each other like we do now." Her words hung in the air for a moment between them, and they shared a smile. "Now that we're aware of each other, it feels like we're crossing paths more often. I—I like it."

He grinned at her. "I like it too."

"Are you out for a walk?" she asked, pointing to the cup of coffee in his hands, which looked like it had been bought at Tidal Wave Coffee. He nodded, still smiling at her. "Well, if we're both out for a walk," she said shyly, "we might as well walk together."

"I'd like that very much."

They began to walk side by side, making their way toward the water. They chatted about insignificant things until they reached the ocean, and Josie took a deep breath, staring at the way the sun glittered like diamonds on the tossing waves.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Her heart felt light and filled with hope.

"Yes." His eyes were on her as he said it. "Absolutely beautiful."

She felt herself blushing under his gaze. They began to walk along the water, taking deep breaths of the tangy ocean air. A cold wind whipped at their cheeks, but Josie didn't feel too chilly. Both the sunlight and her happiness seemed to add warmth to the day.

"You know," Wesley said, glancing at her with a smile as they walked. "You seem very at home here in Blueberry Bay, but I can tell you're a city girl at heart."

"What?" She laughed. "How?"

"Well, you have the self-assurance of a city girl. There's a kind of energy that you have about you—a kind of charisma. It sparkles." He stopped talking, looking suddenly embarrassed, as if he hadn't meant to reveal so much of his admiration for her.

She felt herself flushing a little with the compliment. She'd never thought of herself that way—as charming. And sparkling! She smiled, feeling a kind of thrill over the fact that Wesley saw her that way.

"I suppose I sometimes fall into big city ways," she said, remembering what it was like to live away from Blueberry Bay. There wasn't the same caring atmosphere, that was certain. People tended to ignore each other, either accidentally or intentionally. "I'm used to keeping to myself, and I'm used to other people expecting me to keep to myself. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I'm in a tight-knit community now, and I have a kind of safety net here of people who have my back."

He nodded at her, smiling. "It's definitely different from the city in that way. Much better than the city in that way."

She nodded, suddenly feeling curious about his past. "What about you? Did you grow up here?"

"No, I didn't. I moved here several years ago. They needed a social worker to move to this area, and I was only too happy to take the position. It's a great place to be."

They strolled in silence for a few moments. She took an invigorating sip of her coffee and asked, "How did you get into social work?"

He looked out at the ocean for a moment, his expression thoughtful. "I love helping people," he said. "I believe that if a good upbringing can be supplied to a child in need, that will make the world a better place. I like thinking that I've helped make the world a better place."

His words were good and kind, but when Josie heard them, she felt her heart ache. Her guilt over leaving Paige at home—stuck in a bad upbringing—rushed back at her. "You must not think much of people like me." She inhaled and exhaled on a long sigh. "Someone who abandoned someone who needed her."

"No, Josie." His words came quick and he stopped walking. He reached out and gently took her hand. He looked straight into her eyes. "You can't take that weight on your shoulders. Your mom let both you and Paige down. You did the best you could with your circumstances, and I think you've done remarkably well, considering what you came out of. You kept in touch with Paige, offering her your support, and you built a stable life for yourself. That's huge. And if you hadn't done that, Paige wouldn't have had somewhere to go when your mom had to leave to go to rehab. That's amazing. You've created a safe space for both you and her."

She felt as though she'd lost her breath, staring up into his kind eyes and feeling as though she was falling into him. His words hit her hard, and her heart swelled with emotions. She felt relief, and gratitude, and something else. Something she wasn't quite brave enough to put a name to yet.

Josie found her head moving closer to his and saw that he was moving his face closer to hers as well. Her heart leapt as she realized he was about to kiss her—but just before their lips met, a rush of nerves rose up, swamping the excitement that had been buzzing through her veins. She froze in place, her heart hammering.

She hadn't meant to stop the kiss, only to hesitate, but it was like the magic was gone from the moment. Wesley noticed her sudden stiffness and stepped back hurriedly.

"I'm sorry," he stammered. "I thought—"

She shook her head. "No, it's okay." Her heart squeezed with regret, and she wished she had kissed him. She felt torn, wanting to say that to him but feeling too awkward to get the words out. And besides, her stomach was still swirling with too many butterflies. She felt so nervous about all of this.

"Are you sure?"

She nodded emphatically and gave him a warm smile. "More than sure."

He smiled back at her, but she thought she could see a hint of disappointment in his eyes. "Should we start heading back to town?" he asked tentatively.

She didn't know if he was asking because he felt uncomfortable or because he was worried that she did. But it didn't matter—she should turn around and start getting back. "Yes," she said, then added, "Thank you for walking with me, Wesley."

She said his name warmly, making eye contact, and the smile on his face brightened.

They walked back talking about insignificant things again. This time, there was some awkwardness between them, as if the almost-kiss was still hanging over their heads like mistletoe. She considered explaining to him why she had pulled away, but she didn't quite know what to say. She wasn't even sure herself why she had felt nervous like this, although she guessed that it was her old self-defense instincts rushing in to give her trouble.

At least it's not too awkward between us, she thought, glancing at him. He can probably guess that I was just nervous. I hope he realizes that it's not like I never want to kiss him.

The butterflies in her chest flapped harder at the thought.