20. BRUNO

The third day of his latest stay came to an end, and we went to bed. On the fourth morning, the soft glow of dawn filtered through the curtains as I slipped into the small bedroom, my heart heavy with the knowledge that it was the last day of Danny's stay.

He would be going home, and I would be left alone here. I wasn't sure if I wanted that, if I was ready for him to go or to keep coming and going. Did we need to talk about that?

In the hushed stillness of the morning, our bodies found each other as they always did. I would say that I had to go back to my room, and he would ask me just to let him inside me quickly.

I always acquiesced, but this last morning, I wanted it urgently. I wanted his seed inside me, and to keep it there, until he came back. As we melted into each other's embrace, the reality of what was about to happen faded away, and we could imagine that this would be every day and forever.

In the afterglow, he held me very close, pressing me to him with one arm around my shoulders, the other around the small of my back. Our whole bodies were touching: chest, stomach, genitals, thighs, feet.

"Are you all right?" I murmured, my voice barely above a whisper as my fingertips traced patterns on the contours of his beautiful, muscular body.

"Yeah, I'm good. Are you?"

"Yes, Danny."

We were silent for a moment.

"Are you okay with what we're doing?" he asked then, and the question surprised me.

"What do you mean?"

"You don't feel worried about what we're doing? I have to go back now, and I don't want you to be pissed at me, or anything, because of the situation."

I paused, the strangeness of his words settling over me uneasily.

"Don't worry about it," I replied. "Let's just enjoy whatever this is. We're both grown-ups, after all." I felt some little tension enter his body when I said that. Did he think I was blowing him off in some way, saying that? I really wasn't. "I don't want to put any pressure on you, that's what I mean."

He kissed the top of my head, through my hair.

"There's no pressure," he said.

We made love as the first light of morning crept into the room, hues of pink and gold. I found comfort in the thought that whatever the future held, we would face it together. We were on each other's side; I knew that. Everything else would fall into place. My sister, Nicole, said that all the time.

As he was fucking me, face-to-face, I stared into his dark eyes, on me so intensely as they were as he was getting ready to nut, his cheeks darkening, his breath growing shorter.

And just watching him like that, knowing his seed was about to shoot inside me and he would fall against my body, whispering my name into my ear, I ejaculated myself, right up all over my belly and chest. Then, with a hard, final thrust, he did the same.

I didn't know right then what else was about to happen.

The morning enveloped us in a whirlwind of things we had to do before we left for the rest of our day. All three of us scrambled to get ready for the day ahead, and soon, it was getting close to having to leave. There was no last lingering breakfast. Evan messed around too long, and time was ticking.

"Come on, Evan, we're going to be late!" I called out as I hurriedly spread jam on a slice of toast.

Evan, lost in the mesmerizing glow of the television screen, seemed oblivious to the urgency of the moment.

"Just one more minute, Daddy!" he pleaded, his eyes glued to the animated characters onscreen.

"No, no more minutes! It's time to go to school!"

I shot Danny a knowing look as we exchanged amused smiles. Danny got up and bustled about the apartment, tying his tie, getting his briefcase and a bag of things to take back. This time, he was leaving more clothes here, a toothbrush, all little markers of permanence. I had to trust in that. Dressed in a sharp suit, he looked so great.

I finally managed to coax Evan away from the television and into his jacket because the day was breezy, his protests as he wriggled to get out of it echoing through the apartment.

"Bye, Danny," I said as my man sat on the couch, slipping on his shoes.

He turned and grinned at me and mouthed the words "Bye, baby."

I felt a flicker along the whole inside of my body.

"Bye, Danny!" Evan yelled.

"I thought it was Daddy?" Danny teased.

Evan pulled a face, knowing he was being gently mocked, which he half hated but half loved.

"Danny Daddy! Daddy Danny! Danny and Daddy!"

The words ran through me, just a child making up funny sounds to amuse himself, unaware of the possibilities of what he was saying. We were scooting out of the apartment corridor to the front door.

At the last moment, I looked around and saw Danny had got up, smiling, to watch us go. We both of us raised a hand, and just as Evan was going outside onto the landing, Danny winked at me and whispered the words "Love you, baby."

Honestly, I think it was one of the happiest moments of my life.

The subway car rattled and swayed as it barreled uptown. I stood, clutching onto the overhead railing while Evan clung to my legs, his small frame so light.

Amidst the sea of commuters, a kind stranger caught my eye and gestured toward an empty seat. With a grateful nod, I eased both of us down there, Evan settling comfortably on his lap as the train hurtled along the tracks.

Evan chattered animatedly about school and how he was going to tell this kid in his class this and that kid that.

Then, amidst the chatter, Evan asked me a question I knew at once he had had within him for a while. I could tell by his tone of voice.

"When is Mommy coming back?"

I hadn't found the right moment to broach the subject, and now, amidst the hustle and bustle of the subway, it seemed as good as any other.

Taking a deep breath, I leaned forward to talk closely in Evan's ear as he sat on my lap.

"Mommy might be staying in London for a while, buddy," I explained. Evan's brow furrowed in confusion, uncertainty flickering in his eyes as he gazed over at the commuters sitting opposite. My heart ached for his confusion. "Is that okay?" I asked.

Evan pondered my question, his lip protruding in thought. Then, with a solemn nod, he turned slightly as if to face me, though our eyes didn't meet. He spoke almost in a whisper.

"So I'll be living with you and Danny forever, Daddy, at you two's home?"

My heart swelled with his question, a lump almost forming in his throat.

"It's not really my and Danny's home," I said. "It's just Danny is staying with me for a while."

Evan finally looked straight at me.

"Of course it is, Daddy! You and Danny live together now! And you are going to live together forever!"

I wondered what the right thing to say was, the endless dilemma of the parent to a young kid.

"Would you like it if Danny did live with us?" I asked.

A bright smile lit up Evan's face, his eyes all pleasure.

"Of course! Then Danny would become Daddy, too!"

"Daddy Danny," I said to myself, not meaning for him to even hear.

"Daddy Danny! Danny Daddy!" my son shouted very loudly in the middle of a crowded subway train. People laughed and smiled, and so I did, too. But they were just smiling at a cute kid making a noise. I was smiling at what my life might be becoming from here on out.