CHAPTER 21

He's going to kick me out. Shit. I fucked up so bad.

"I'm sorry, Hayden. I didn't mean to offend you. I'll paint something else—"

He reaches out and grabs my hand, pulling me to the door. The strength of his grip is astonishing. More astonishing than that is how my fingers curl around his hand, holding onto him. I can't help it. The feel of Hayden's hand enclosing mine sends my heart shooting for the stars. My stomach dips with this contact.

Outside the door, instead of turning right, which leads to the exit, he turns left.

He says nothing as we walk. Not walk. He stalks, and I'm being dragged. Even when we reach the door to the gallery, he doesn't stop. With his free hand he shoves the double doors open and yanks me inside.

"You said you'd sleep here if you could," he bites out. "So, here. Stay as long as you like."

He doesn't let go of my hand. I don't know if I should pull away. I know I don't want to. Now that he's not kicking me out of his house, I can stop panicking about it. Instead, I can panic about what the hell all these mixed signals are about.

Hayden's stare turns me to ash. I crumble and wither away right in front of his eyes. He watches me with something ferocious in his gaze. His eyes roam across my face like he's trying to memorize it.

There are some things you just know. And I know that Hayden is going to kiss me. I know it as surely as I know my own name. His eyes drop to my mouth. My head spins with the thought of having his lips on mine. My heart hammers inside my chest, wild with anticipation. My breath hitches and then sustains me with short gasps.

Kiss me. The screams drown out my thundering heartbeat.

He doesn't fucking move. I step forward. I'm not manic. I'm not manic. This is just me. It's just me, and I just want Hayden to kiss me.

Lifting my face, I press my lips to his.

Oh, fucking Jesus Christ. He feels like a dream. He smells so good. He doesn't stop me, so I run my tongue across his slightly parted lips, asking to be let in.

His lips part a fraction, and I lift my free hand to curl around the back of his neck.

The hand holding mine loosens. I lift my freed hand to his neck, capturing him inside my embrace.

I think he wanted to kiss me back.

I don't know why he didn't.

My body screams when he presses his lips to mine for a fraction of a second before he pulls away.

I open my eyes. His hands are at his side, and he's glaring at me.

Fuck. Fuck.

I stumble back, horrified, but also devastated that I had to let him go.

"Oh, God. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't know what . . ."

The hardness on his face sends bile racing up my esophagus. "Oh, my God. I read that all wrong." I'm fucking babbling. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." And then, when he remains silent, his face made of marble, I add desperately, "I'm not manic." My disorder had nothing to do with this disgusting and unprofessional behavior. This is sane me and I totally fucked it up.

Hayden's eyes soften an inch.

"Are you – are you going to tell Daniel?" I ask, terror causing my voice to tremble pathetically. What the fuck was I thinking, thinking he was about to kiss me? Fuck.

Hayden gives his head a small shake.

"I'll redo the painting." My teeth find the loose skin on my bottom lip.

Hayden's eyes follow the action. He presses his lips together in a thin, hard line. "No, leave it." He slides his hands into his pockets and takes a step back.

"I'll try again. With something else." He's leaving? I should be happy he's bringing this shitshow to an end, but even through this humiliation, I don't want him to leave.

Another step back. And another. "Thank you for the painting. Evaline will show you out," he says formally.

Then, he turns and walks out, leaving me mortified and desperately ready to sink right into the goddam earth.

Evaline arrives after five minutes. "Is everything alright?" she asks.

I smile as brightly as I can manage. "Yeah." And then with more conviction because Evaline looks like she needs convincing. "Yes. Everything's fine."

"What are you doing in here?" she asks casually, but there's a slice of caution in her voice. She's not just curious.

"Uh, Hayden said I could take another look at the gallery."

She smiles, but she looks perplexed. "That's nice. Another . . . look?"

Okay. This sounds like a low-key interrogation. "Yes?"

"He"s brought you here before?"

"Yes?"

"That's nice."

"Why?"

"No one is allowed in here. Not even me."

"But . . . you're here now." What the fuck is going on here?

She nods, smiling. "Imagine my surprise when Hayden told me to fetch you from here."

"Why isn't anyone allowed in here?"

"He created this gallery for Nicholas. Well, Nicholas's memory. Did he . . . did he tell you about Nicholas?"

"No, but . . ." This conversation is so weird.

"But?" Evaline prompts.

"But I know about Nicholas."

She raises an eyebrow and I feel the need to explain. "It's all over the internet. Like, the whole world knows about Nicholas."

"That's true." She lifts her shoulder, takes in a deep breath, and smiles big. "Let's go."

I follow Evaline through the house in silence until the silence kills me. I'm desperate to talk about Hayden. "What does he plan to do with the paintings he buys from us? Hang them around his house or in his gallery?" I ask.

Evaline laughs softly. "Are we going to gossip about Hayden, me and you?"

I stop and she turns, her smile still firmly in place.

"No." Fuck, how do I keep saying and doing all the wrong things? "No. That's not what I was trying to—"

She starts walking again. "The truth is, Levi, I don't think he knows what he's going to do with the paintings yet."

At the front door, she says, "While we're gossiping about Hayden, do you know that plant he keeps in his office?"

"Yes? But I'm not goss—"

"Encourage him to take better care of it. Nicholas gave it to him. It's pretty special." She smiles. "Thank you for coming, Levi. It was nice seeing you."

"Uh, thanks. You too."

"I hope to see you again."

"Me too." I step outside.

"Oh, Levi?"

I turn.

"The pencil sketch you did? The one of your face?"

"Yeah?"

"He keeps it on his nightstand, but you didn't hear that from me."