Chapter 30

CHAPTER THIRTY

W arrick

The childhood scent of hay and dirt filled my head, but did nothing to heal my aching heart. I huffed out a breath and let my head drop with a clunk to the wall of the barn. Thistle, who had plopped right down in my lap the second I sat down in the barn, reared her head and swiped her rough tongue across my cheek.

I petted her back, but tried to stay out of tongue range. There was only so much comfort I would accept from a damn goat. I'd been out here for over an hour now, letting my wounds fester as I thought about every interaction with Em and Georgia. Every conversation that had gone wrong. Every argument that had Em tightening the wall around her heart. What I could have done to make things better instead of worse.

I'd never been in love before and these feelings were confusing as hell.

"Bessie Baby's gonna be jealous." Mom's voice floated over from the doorway.

I rolled my head in that direction and saw her picking her way across the barn, wrapped in a robe I'd gotten her a few years ago for Mother's Day. She had two pairs of readers jammed onto the top of her head. Cleveland ran over to her and gazed up at her longingly, acting like he hadn't left several bruises on my backside while Mom had been on her cruise. If the devil took animal form, he'd look a hell of a lot like Cleveland.

"I think Bitchy Bessie will be just fine without me."

Mom acted shocked at the nickname, though we both knew that cow hated me and the feeling was mutual. "Well, she hated your father too."

"Really?" That was news to me.

Mom scratched Cleveland's head and had a seat on an overturned bucket. "Oh sure. Wouldn't let him near her. I think she just has an issue with men in general. Don't take it personal."

I snorted. Thistle nestled further into my chest. "Wouldn't be the first female to feel that way."

Mom hummed acknowledgment but didn't say anything for a few minutes. Bessie shuffled over to the pen we were in, popping her head over the fence and eyeing Cleveland like she just might stomp on his head for stealing Mom's attention.

"You want to tell me what had Em and Georgia leaving with a packed bag?"

I looked over at Mom and she lifted an eyebrow. Considering I'd moved two strangers into her house and she didn't blink an eye, she deserved an explanation. Keeping a steady stroke down Thistle's back, I laid it all out there, best I could. I didn't know everything about Em's situation with Cayden, but enough to do the story justice, I hoped. I ended with our current spat, her accusation that I was controlling and my defense that she just refused to accept help from someone who loved her because of her prior wounds.

Mom winced as I finally wound down. "That's some heavy stuff, son."

"Guess that's what happens when you're dating at my age. Everybody comes with extensive baggage." I shifted, my butt sore from sitting in the dirt for so long. Thistle bleated, then snuggled up tight again as I got situated. "You know, I used to hate that women would use me for what I could buy them. They'd throw my feelings for them in my face, only there for the payout, you know? And Em has done something similar. She's thrown my feelings and my gifts in my face. She just won't accept them, and quite frankly, I don't know how much longer I want to keep putting my heart out there just for her to stomp on it and retreat."

"Her distrust runs deep," Mom said, nodding.

"I don't know if I can heal her."

Mom's eyes turned sharp. "It's not up to you to heal her, son. She has to heal herself. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make her drink. That applies here."

I growled and ran a hand through my hair. "But I want to fix things for her!"

"She's not damaged goods to be fixed, Warrick! She's a woman with a soft heart and a child to protect. Knowing you, you put on the full-court press. You probably wined and dined her, threw gifts at her, overwhelmed her with your presence. Maybe you need to take a different tack. Step back and give her time to breathe. Time to think. Time to trust her instincts again."

That was the last thing I wanted to do. But did I really have a choice? Em leaving the farm had forced the distance.

"Did I ever tell you about the time your father took you to see Granny?"

I frowned. Granny, my dad's mother, had passed away when I was a young boy. I barely remembered her. "No, I don't think so."

Mom leaned back and rested her head against the wooden post and, Cleveland, sensing the petting was over, lay down at her feet. "I had a similar experience to Em with my first husband, as you know. Well, a few years later when your father and I had you, I was two days out from childbirth, still in bed and trying to recover. Well, your father took it upon himself to take you to go see Granny while I took a nap. I woke up, found the house empty and absolutely lost my shit."

Mom started laughing, shaking her head. "I was boiling mad when he got home with you. I lit into him like a match dropped on a dynamite factory. How dare he take my baby and introduce you to the family without me!"

I gaped at her, not understanding. "He was probably just excited to show off his firstborn son."

Mom shook her head, looking like she was getting worked up again. "Don't you see? I held you in my own body for nine long months. You were an extension of me. And he took you away without my knowledge. When a woman has had her power stripped away from her, she will always be sensitive to it happening again, even if the man is well intentioned. It's not the fact that he took you to see Granny, it was the fact that he didn't involve me in the decision. A woman like that needs to have a say in her life. Always."

I thought back about what Em had said about me talking to Cayden. She'd said something similar. She was fine with me handling the lawyers, but she wanted a say in everything that went on. By trying to take care of things for her, I'd stripped her of her power over her own life.

"Fuck." My head hung and Thistle struck, her tongue swiping across my unsuspecting mouth. I sputtered and wiped my mouth with the sleeve of my T-shirt. I'd had enough goat comfort. I stood and brushed off the seat of my jeans while Thistle ambled away. I had some serious thinking to do.

"I've been thinking about getting some geese," Mom said out of the blue.

"What for?"

Mom shrugged. "Because they're cute."

I studied her, wondering where this was coming from. "Are you bored?"

"A little. Without your dad…" Her voice wobbled and she cl amped her lips together. She held out her hand and I took it, helping her off the bucket. I slung my arm around her shoulders and steered her out of the barn, ribs aching knowing Mom was struggling. I missed him too.

"I'll call Colson and Boon. It's time they got their asses out here. That'll give you something to do. Those jackasses will need plenty of motherly guidance."

She snorted and sniffed as we walked back to the house I'd grown up in. It just about killed me to see my mother cry.

"Is it worth it, Mom?"

She lifted her head, eyes watery and red-rimmed, looking older but still so beautiful. "Is what worth it?"

"Loving someone?"

She squeezed my waist and dropped her head onto my arm. "The only thing worth living for, son."