Chapter 25

Rebecca entered the nursery to find Alice sorting through Tommy’s clothing. She took one look at Rebecca and Tommy and burst out laughing.

“Did any of the flour get into the Christmas pudding?” she asked. “You both seem to have got most of it all over you.”

Rebecca smiled. “Tommy enjoyed himself and thought the rest of us needed to experience the same joy,” she said. “It was all good fun, and everyone enjoyed themselves.”

Alice raised a sceptical eyebrow. “Even the duke?”

“Even him,” Rebecca confirmed. “I admit I was worried he wouldn’t want to take part in making the pudding, but he did well. They all did.”

“Well, if anyone could change them, it would be you,” Alice remarked.

Rebecca smiled as she placed the baby on the changing table, removing his clothing to wipe him down. A bath wasn’t necessary, but a change of clothes certainly was. Tommy cooed and babbled happily, kicking out with his legs and arms.

“How do you expect me to get your clothes off if you keep moving so much,” she playfully complained, planting kisses on his plump cheeks.

“Speaking of clothing, he’ll need a new set in the new year,” said Alice. “He has gained weight rather quickly and no longer fits into most of his attire. You should speak to Lady Oakham about having the seamstress make him new things.”

Rebecca could always count on Alice to be practical. She had thought about Tommy’s need for a new wardrobe, but her mind had been so preoccupied that she hadn’t sat down to look through what no longer fitted him.

“Is that what you were doing?” she asked, seeing different piles of clothing on various surfaces.

Alice nodded. “I noticed Nanny Bates tried to force him into that adorable blue set with the soft lace at the collar, so I made a note to go through everything and remove whatever didn’t fit.”

“Thank you, Alice,” said Rebecca gratefully. “I’ll speak to the countess after their visitors leave.”

“There is no need to thank me when we’re a team,” said Alice. “I also thought you’d like to know that our special teas and ointments are selling well. Our supply is nearly at an end, so I’ll have to purchase more. We’re finally replacing all the money we lost just giving things away.”

She pursed her lips for good effect, making Rebecca chuckle. “I suppose we balance each other,” she said as someone knocked on the door.

Alice told them to come in, passing Rebecca some clothing for Tommy. “These still fit,” she said.

“Thank you,” Rebecca replied, glancing behind her when a maid entered the room.

“Miss Barnes,” the maid said, “Lady Oakham has asked you and his lordship to join them in the parlour.”

Rebecca stilled. “Are you certain I was included?” she asked. “I understand they have visitors with them.”

“Yes, her ladyship was quite specific that you would accompany his lordship,” the maid confirmed.

Rebecca inwardly sighed and nodded, dismissing the servant. She didn’t want to see the vicar or Lady Ruth again. The pair made her uncomfortable, and, in all truth, she’d rather not have them around Lady Oakham or Tommy.

She had no right to include the duke because he had selected Lady Ruth as a good candidate for his wife. As much as it left a bitter taste in her mouth, he had to have had a valid reason. Perhaps she was no good as a friend but perfect as the future duchess.

“Your expression says it all,” Alice said.

She had taken the wet cloth from Rebecca and was wiping down a wriggling Tommy. Rebecca tried to school her very telling face, but her emotions got the better of her. After having a wonderful time this morning, she would now be subjected to the company of the woman who would likely marry the duke one day. No matter how much it made sense for him to choose Lady Ruth, it didn’t make Rebecca feel any better.

“I’m just tired,” she lied. “I didn’t sleep much because I wanted to ensure all would go well today.”

Alice raised her eyebrows. “When did you start lying to me?” she asked.

Rebecca averted her eyes. “I am tired,” she insisted.

Alice’s expression grew stony as she continued wiping Tommy down. Rebecca hung her head, regretful that she was keeping something from her friend. She couldn’t very well tell her friend that she had inappropriate feelings for the duke, making her irrationally jealous of a woman far above her station. However, there was one truth she didn’t mind revealing to Alice.

“You know I am not comfortable with Lady Ruth and Mr Bartlett,” she began. “I haven’t been from the moment I met them. They’re not good for Lady Oakham and Tommy’s well-being, but I can do nothing to stop their visits.”

Alice stilled, her hand gently clutching Tommy’s chubby leg. “Is that truly all it is?” she asked quietly.

She hadn’t turned away from the baby yet, so Rebecca couldn’t observe her face and see what she was truly thinking.

“Ye-es,” Rebecca stuttered, suddenly feeling nervous.

If Alice had discovered Rebecca’s feelings for the duke ... Well, it didn’t bear thinking about. Alice would be disappointed, and Rebecca would have to face the fact that she had done the forbidden—fallen for her employer. While he didn’t directly employ her, she was still under his roof.

“Go, refresh yourself while I continue with his lordship,” said Alice. “You wouldn’t want to keep her ladyship waiting.”

Rebecca nodded, thanking her before scurrying out of the room. She paused when she had walked a little distance, leaning against a wall. Guilt weighed down her shoulders, making her drag her feet as she continued to her room.

She had never kept secrets from Alice before. The only thing Rebecca had never revealed was knowing how Alice felt about her. She believed speaking to Alice about it would embarrass her friend or encourage her to seek a forbidden relationship. Rebecca didn’t want to ruin their friendship or lose a friend, so she remained quiet.

Kicking off her shoes, Rebecca didn’t waste time while undressing and wiping the flour off her body. She had to fight the rising urge to make an excuse not to join Lady Oakham’s company.

Rebecca felt that her presence with the baby was just a way for the countess to avoid interacting with her guests because it was obvious that Lady Ruth wasn’t keen on babies. Her button nose would always wrinkle with distaste whenever she looked at Tommy and believed no one was watching.

Lady Oakham had not outrightly admitted that she did not enjoy Lady Ruth’s presence. However, Rebecca had seen enough to deduce that the women were not the friends most assumed they were.

Since Lady Ruth was linked to the duke, Lady Oakham could not snub her, but Rebecca was almost confident the countess wanted to do just that. If not for the fact that they might become sisters-in-law one day, the countess might have put considerable distance between them.

Rebecca paused, clutching her chest as her heart squeezed painfully. She didn’t like thinking about the duke one day marrying someone, but she needed to get used to it. Sighing, she swept her hair into a simple updo, foregoing any perfume or accessories.

She was tempted to look her best, only for the ancient female need to outdo her competition, which was the very reason why she donned a simple and plain striped dress in olive green, brown and white. Rebecca barely looked at herself before she left the room, already anxious about what lay ahead. She was by no means afraid of Lady Ruth or Mr Bartlett, but she didn’t like seeing how perfect the woman looked beside the duke.

“His lordship is ready,” Alice said as Rebecca returned to the nursery.

“Thank you,” she replied, taking the baby from her friend and kissing his cheek. I suppose I should go downstairs.”

She buried her face in his neck, nuzzling the folds there. Rebecca loved the scent of babies and pudgy, soft bodies. They always invoked feelings of mothering within her, and sometimes, she wished she could have one of her own. However, that feeling never lasted long enough to change her mind about her life choices. She was dedicated to helping others, and a family would get in the way of that. Besides, she didn’t want to lose her husband due to an old family curse.

“It’s not like you to avoid things,” said Alice. “You always face them. You say doing so ensures that thing doesn’t have power over you.”

She often said that, but she had had no inkling of just how potent one’s feelings could be.

“Perhaps I should stop giving advice,” she said, chuckling bitterly.

Alice sighed, placing her hand on Rebecca’s upper arm. “Something is wrong, and you refuse to tell me what it is. It’s not just about not liking Lady Ruth or the vicar. What is it? What are you hiding?”

Rebecca stared at Alice for a long while, wondering if her friend knew the truth and just wanted confirmation.

“I’ll admit that I have been keeping something to myself,” she finally said. “But that is only because I haven’t come to terms with it yet. It’s new territory for me. I promise I will tell you of it once I’m ready.”

Alice still didn’t appear pleased, but she nodded. “Then I will not push you any further,” she said. “You should go down before they have a servant call you.”

“Yes, I certainly should,” she agreed reluctantly.

Setting the matter with Lady Ruth aside, Rebecca would have to see the vicar again. She had not attended church as he requested, and he would probably enquire about it. Attending a church headed by a man she sensed was far from godly didn’t sit well with her.

“Chin up and back straight,” said Alice. “You are Rebecca Barnes, a wonderful healer with a big heart. There is no one like you, and never will be. Just remember that whenever you feel uncomfortable.”

Rebecca smiled. “Thank you, Alice. I’ll see you a little later. Hopefully sooner than later.”

Leaving the room, she bounced Tommy in her arms, glad for the little boy. He squealed, attempting to grab her cheeks. She evaded him, chuckling as he complained in his baby language.

“We do not always get what we want, My Lord,” she said soothingly, letting him fiddle with the lace along her bust.

Although his aristocratic blood granted him many privileges that would allow him to get almost everything he could possibly want, unfortunately, Rebecca didn’t have such rights. Still, she had got by just fine without them. Until now.