Chapter 19

The floral scent of French lavender softly permeated the nursery, providing a calm, soothing air for its occupants. Lady Oakham had woken up feeling uneasy after a disturbing dream about her husband, giving her anxiety. Although she was never given details about her husband’s death, her imagination had created a scenario that caused her much pain.

She refused to eat breakfast, complaining about a weak stomach and thumping head, but Rebecca quickly understood something was bothering her. It took Rebecca a little over an hour to convince Lady Oakham to talk about her feelings and have something to eat, but once the countess did, she just kept going.

“I have never admitted this, but I sometimes resent my husband,” she revealed, gently running her fingers through her son’s hair. “We were supposed to grow old together, but he left me alone with our son.”

Rebecca couldn’t claim to know what the countess was experiencing, but words of comfort only needed a compassionate heart, not experience.

“It is normal to be resentful, My Lady,” Rebecca said. “You need to experience all the emotions to heal. Suppressing your feelings will stunt your healing.”

They had moved from the chairs to a rug on the floor, allowing Tommy to explore on his belly. Several objects had been placed around him, all different shapes and sizes. Rebecca wanted to keep his mind occupied because he tended to fuss quickly once bored and refused to be pacified easily.

Tommy was a curious boy, wanting to touch, see and taste everything. Rebecca did her best to satisfy his curiosity, often spending their time in the conservatory surrounded by sunlight and plants during the morning. The rest of the day was spent walking around the house, chatting with servants while they happily passed him around, and doing little exercises that helped her measure his mental and physical health.

Although babies couldn’t talk, they were somewhat easier to heal once they received enough love, affection, nutrition, and sunlight. They were totally dependent on their caregiver and flourished if their needs were met.

Adults were not as easy, and Lady Oakham was a prime example. She had been very reluctant to reveal her deepest thoughts at first, and Rebecca might have accepted that if not for the fact that these thoughts seemed to govern the countess’ behaviour. However, she had improved significantly over the last few weeks. Her melancholic moments were now rare, and she could express herself better.

Lady Oakham sighed, folding her hands in her lap. “But I feel terrible for resenting him,” she said. “He was a loving husband, and he helped bring our country victory, but I feel that he put his country before his family. It makes me angry.”

“You have told me a lot about your husband, My Lady,” said Rebecca. “He was a good man who always wished to do the right thing. I believe that is one of the reasons you fell in love with him. His kindness, compassion, and honour made him stand out. He would not have been the man you loved if he had not offered his help to his fellow countrymen.”

Lady Oakham smiled, adjusting the bosom of her dress. Now that she was eating well and breastfeeding, they seemed to have grown twice their initial size and filled out her dresses to the point of wearing chemisettes to hide their abundant swell.

“I did love how passionate he was about freedom, peace, and justice,” the countess said. “He would get a fire in his eyes whenever he spoke about anything he felt strongly about. It fascinated me.”

“Passion in men when directed at something worthwhile is attractive,” said Rebecca. “Forgive me if I seem too blunt or inappropriate, but I believe you were his greatest passion. He wanted to create a safer world for you and your son, so he offered his services to the war. Lord Oakham would be happy that he helped bring an end to it. As his lordship grows older, you can tell him what a hero his father was and how much he loved his family.”

Lady Oakham’s eyes grew misty. “Thomas always said he wanted a world without war,” she said. “I always said that war was part of our human existence, but he wouldn’t give up on his ideal. He was so excited the day he left to help the generals with a plan in mind. He spent weeks studying Napoleon’s army through journals and any other bits of information he could get his hands on.”

The countess’ eyes took on a faraway look. “He’d insist I sit on his lap while he pored over the details with me. I could barely understand what he was saying, but I was just happy being with him.”

Rebecca’s heart squeezed with the emotion in the countess’ voice. She had loved her husband without restraint and now had to face a life without him. It wasn’t fair, especially in a world with so many loveless marriages. They should have been allowed to continue their love story.

“We’d sit and talk for hours about what we’d do once he returned,” Lady Oakham continued. “He often stroked my belly, talking to our unborn child with so much love that I wondered what I did to deserve such a wonderful man. I’m now glad for those moments.”

A lone tear slipped down the countess’ cheek and splashed on her hand. She looked at her hand in surprise before touching her cheek, seemingly surprised she was crying. She chuckled, hastily wiping the wetness away.

“I’m crying again,” she said. “But it feels good. Almost like a cleansing of sorts.”

“It’s because you’re healing,” Rebecca told her. “Your mind, spirit, and body are coming to terms with everything. You have wonderful memories and a beautiful son to share them with. Lord Oakham continues to live through his son, and you’ll be by his side, guiding his every step with his father in your heart.”

Lady Oakham’s lips trembled as more tears fell. “You are right, Miss Barnes,” she said, her voice thick with emotion. “I have much to look forward to. I have my son and many memories with my husband.”

“And a brother who loves you,” Rebecca reminded her. “His Grace adores his nephew and would do anything for you. His lordship will always have a strong male figure in his life.”

Lady Oakham nodded, wiping her cheeks. “My brother has always been so protective,” she said. “He was always there when I needed him. He’s not the sort to show his affection easily, but his actions always showed me how much he loved me. He provided what my parents couldn’t, but he had no one to give him the same care and attention.”

Tommy squealed, startling them. He had latched on to a knitted spider filled with flour and seemed to be enjoying the long legs hanging on the body. They chuckled, watching him grab the legs and try to pull them off.

“He is such a happy child,” Lady Oakham remarked. “I wanted his childhood to be different from the one my brother and I experienced. Our parents loved us, but they lacked affection. They also put far too many responsibilities on Henry, forcing him to abandon his childhood much earlier than was wise. My parents likely thought it was for his own good, but it has made him a serious and withdrawn man.”

Lady Oakham and the duke were similar in their inability to express themselves to people, except for the late Lord Oakham. Hearing the countess speak about the duke’s upbringing helped Rebecca understand him better, making her more determined to help him leave the darkness in his mind. He deserved to be happy, and she wanted to see him change for the better before she left their home.

“Perhaps we can bring him a bit of good cheer this month,” said Rebecca. “Christmas is in a few short weeks, and I’d like to purchase a few gifts. I plan to go shopping soon, preferably tomorrow if it’s possible. Alice will look after his lordship until my return.”

Her friend was currently in their workroom, weighing ingredients for their various treatments. Rebecca didn’t expect to encounter a high demand for teas, ointments, balms, and oils when she came to the small village to help the countess and her child, but word had spread about her healing abilities, surprising her because the last thing she wanted was to gain attention.

Rebecca intended to focus on Lady Oakham and Tommy, but between the servants and the neighbour she had helped, she had opened herself to others who needed her help. Alice had taken over those situations, insisting Rebecca make money because she kept giving their stock to others freely. Fortunately, Lady Oakham didn’t mind and encouraged Rebecca to help others as long as it didn’t detract from her purpose in the Andrews household.

“I’d like to come with you,” Lady Oakham said, drawing Rebecca out of her thoughts.

“Come with me, My Lady?” said Rebecca, momentarily confused. “Where?”

“To do some Christmas shopping,” the countess revealed. “It’s little Tommy’s first Christmas, and I’d like to make it something special. He will not remember it, but I will.”

It didn’t occur to Rebecca that the countess would want to step foot out of her home. While Lady Oakham couldn’t attend social engagements while mourning, she could shop when necessary. Wanting to step into the public eye was proof that the countess was indeed healing.

Rebecca smiled. “I would like that, My Lady,” she said. “We can make a day of it.”

Lady Oakham’s eyes lit up with excitement. “I haven’t left the house in so long,” she said. “It will be good to see a little of the world again. I should make a list of all the things I need to purchase. I suppose we’ll leave after breakfast?”

Rebecca nodded. “The earlier, the better.” Tommy began fussing, prompting her to lift him up and place him on her lap. “Yes, my dear lord? How may I help you? Are you tired of exploring the objects around you?”

“I think he’s looking for attention,” Lady Oakham commented, staring lovingly at her son.

Rebecca stood Tommy on his feet, supporting him around the waist. “Yes, I think so, too,” she agreed. “His lordship is not content unless everyone’s attention is on him. Fortunately, he’s so adorable that it makes it easy to give it to him. Is that not so, My Lord?”

She bounced him, making him shriek in excitement. Rebecca laughed, cuddling him close before handing him to his mother. Lady Oakham took him without hesitation, unlike before. She had been almost afraid to spend too much time with her son, but now she enjoyed having him in her arms.

Rebecca wondered if part of the countess’ fears stemmed from a worry that she might lose her son just as she lost her husband. She had encountered people who isolated themselves for fear of the pain of losing loved ones and had noticed similar behaviour in the countess.

“He’s much heavier now,” said Lady Oakham, sitting him on her lap. “Look at the little rolls on his arms and legs.”

“He enjoys his food,” Rebecca replied, wiping drool on Tommy’s mouth. “The better you eat, the better he drinks. We can start him on soft foods in the new year. By then, he’ll have better control of his body.”

“How do you know he’ll be ready?” asked Lady Oakham. “Will he not need to feed from me anymore?” She looked down at her heavy breasts in dismay. “I’ve only just started producing enough milk, and I rather enjoy feeding him.”

Rebecca smiled, pleased that she was more at ease breastfeeding Tommy regularly. Still, no one outside the house was allowed to know because others of the countess’ status might not agree with the practice. It was silly, considering it was merely a habit that started because aristocrats had seen past queens do it.

“His lordship will continue to feed from you and the wet nurse,” Rebecca assured. “However, he’ll need more nourishment to keep developing well. Regarding his readiness, I look for signs such as comfortably sitting up and holding his neck easily.”

Lady Oakham’s shoulders loosened with relief. “I’m glad,” she said as the duke entered the room.

Rebecca’s belly immediately fluttered as her eyes slowly perused his form, starting from his feet and working her way to his hair. It had to be sinful to be so handsome. The duke was both a blessing and a curse because he was lovely to look at but also stoked the flames of desire in weaker men and women.

Rebecca was barely able to compose herself in his presence, but she believed she was doing a rather fine job of hiding her attraction to him. No one had yet to accuse her of having inappropriate thoughts about the duke.

Her eyes eventually met his striking pale blue orbs, blushing slightly at his raised eyebrow. He had caught her staring! Rebecca quickly looked down, busying herself with the scattered toys on the rug. She vaguely remembered that she probably should have stood up as a sign of respect, but he never seemed to mind, especially if she was with his nephew.

“Henry,” said Lady Oakham. “To what do we owe the pleasure of your presence?” One could hear the countess’s affection for her older brother. Rebecca noticed that the tension between them had reduced significantly, but they still needed to be frank with each other concerning their feelings and thoughts. She didn’t want them to continue the mistakes their parents made to the next generation.

“I brought Miss Barnes her letters,” he revealed.

Rebecca’s head shot up. “My letters?”

The duke nodded, holding them up. Taken aback, Rebecca stared at him in silence, her eyes darting between him and the letters.

“But you didn’t have to, Your Grace,” she finally said. “I would have collected them from the foyer as usual.”

Faint colour stained the duke’s cheeks, but he maintained steady eye contact. “The butler brought them to my study thinking they were all mine,” he explained, shifting slightly. “I thought I would bring them to you since I was on my way downstairs.”

Rebecca smiled. He was really quite sweet without trying. It was impossible not to like him.

“Thank you, Your Grace,” she said. “That was very kind of you.”

She went to collect them from him, but he stopped her. “Do not concern yourself with getting up,” he insisted. “I’ll place them on the table.”

He took his time, looking around the room as he approached the table. He had opted to go without his waistcoat and had rolled up his shirt sleeves rather haphazardly as though he had done it without thinking. Rebecca appreciated his muscular forearms with their dusting of dark hair and blue veins that stood out against his fair skin.

He placed the letters on the table, spreading them out at first, but seemed to change his mind because he stacked them neatly in one corner.

“Well,” he said, turning towards the door. “I should get going.”

Rebecca frowned, wondering about his oddly uncertain behaviour. Realization dawned on her when she watched him look around the room again. He was lingering! Usually, the duke did everything with purpose, but now he seemed reluctant to leave the room. Perhaps he wanted an invitation to spend time with his nephew.

“Male figures are important to little boys,” she said, briefly glancing at the countess. “His lordship is fortunate to grow up with His Grace in his life.” She turned to the duke. “Would you like to remain with us for a while, Your Grace? I’m sure his lordship would appreciate it.”

“I should continue with my plans for the day, Miss Barnes,” he replied almost sternly.

Swift disappointment sagged her shoulders. She hadn’t realized it until seconds ago, but she really wanted him to join them. Rebecca liked it when he was near her. She inwardly shook her head at her ridiculous reaction. It was probably a good thing he was leaving the room.

“Oh, but won’t you stay, dear brother?” Lady Oakham asked. “I’d like you and Tommy to bond. You are his uncle, after all. Would you deprive him of your company?”

The duke pursed his lips, but the softness in his eyes took away the sting. “Very well,” he said, moving to a chair. “I suppose I can spare him some of my time.”

“No, come sit here with us,” Lady Oakham insisted, patting the rug. “Make yourself available to Tommy at his level.”

They scooted further back, giving the duke space. Despite his height, he gracefully lowered himself to the floor, stretching his legs to the side. Tommy immediately held his hands out to him when he saw him, rocking back and forth on his mother’s lap in an effort to get to his uncle.

“He wants you, Henry,” said Lady Oakham, smiling. “It seems you’ve bonded already. I’m so glad.”

The duke appeared startled but opened his arms, taking his nephew from his sister. He widened his legs, placing Tommy between them as he bounced him on the woolly beige carpet.

“He’s getting stronger,” the duke marvelled as his nephew gripped his thumbs firmly. “He’ll probably walk sooner than others. I walked months earlier than boys my age.”

“He needs to crawl first, Henry,” said the countess. “Miss Barnes said we’ll introduce him to soft foods in the new year.”

“What kinds of foods?” the duke asked, looking at Rebecca. “Should I have special ingredients ordered for him?”

Rebecca grinned, pleased with his interest in his nephew’s health. “Nothing special, Your Grace,” she said. “I will personally cook his meals and teach Nanny Bates my preferred recipes. A mixture of vegetables, meat, and fruit will be added to his daily meals. In time, we’ll introduce him to textures.”

“I only want the best for my nephew,” the duke said. “Do not hesitate to ask for anything, even if it’s outlandish. If you want lamb from Scotland, I’ll make sure to get it. If you need potatoes from Ireland, I’ll send someone to get them.”

“If I need oats from Wales, you’ll get it?” she asked teasingly.

The duke blinked and frowned, evidently taken aback. Rebecca blushed and lowered her head, worried she had misspoken.

Lady Oakham chuckled. “I like your humour, Miss Barnes,” she said. “It’s quite refreshing.”

Rebecca gave her a weak smile, watching the duke from under her eyelashes. He appeared contemplative, perhaps uncertain of how to respond.

“It is refreshing,” he eventually said, smiling. “But I meant what I said. I will get whatever is necessary for my nephew.”

Rebecca almost sagged in relief. Just because she saw people as equals didn’t mean that others did. She didn’t want to offend the duke, especially when he had the last say in the household.

Tommy caught her attention when he rubbed his eyes. His body was now naturally following his daily schedule, telling him it was his nap time soon. The boy looked around, his eyes falling on Rebecca before fussing to get to her. She adjusted her dress before getting to her knees, taking him from the duke.

Their arms brushed ever so lightly, but it felt like someone had trailed their hot fingertips across her skin, causing her to shudder. The effect was so startling that she paused, staring at the duke with widened eyes. The duke also appeared surprised, frowning at her as though he didn’t know what to make of the situation.

Tommy fussed again, unhappy with being suspended in the air between them. That broke whatever stillness had come over Rebecca. She hurriedly took the baby and moved back, settling him in her arms. She didn’t dare look at the duke, her heart thudding so hard in her chest that she wondered if anyone else could hear it.

“Is something wrong?” the countess asked, sounding a tad worried. “You both appear disturbed. Is something wrong with Tommy?”

“No, My Lady,” Rebecca quickly assured her. “I just felt his lordship’s dampness through his clothing and need to change him. He appears to have soiled his clothes.”

“Oh, I see,” the countess replied.

Rebecca smoothly got to her feet, keeping her gaze averted from the duke as she took the baby to the changing table. Rebecca needed to get her thoughts in order because they were racing so rapidly that she could barely catch her breath.

“Henry, Miss Barnes and I are going Christmas shopping tomorrow,” Lady Oakham revealed. “I want Tommy to have the perfect festive season, so I intend to buy many things. I thought about going to the market in the village, but I think Dorchester will be a better option. It should have everything I’ll need.”

“I’d like to come with you,” the duke announced. “I have a few things I’d like to purchase in Milsom Street.”

Rebecca’s eyes bulged as she slowly turned to look at the duke. According to the servants, he was a recluse and never did any personal shopping. It seemed Lady Oakham was not the only one experiencing changes.

Rebecca quickly looked away, removing the baby’s soiled clothes and wiping his bum thoroughly before applying a soothing cream. She would be with the duke for most of the day, which would place her close to him. Instead of the apprehension she should feel, Rebecca found herself thrilled at the idea.

That alone should have alerted her that she was treading in dangerous waters, but just like every woman before her who had succumbed to a man’s charms, she would ignore the warnings until it was too late.