Chapter 28

Lucian needed to get out of the clothing because he had been soaked by the time he returned home. He had not been expecting Eliza to be in the sitting room or demand where he had been. He rather enjoyed the fact that she had been worried about him for a change.

As she had already seen him in his robe, Lucian had no concerns about removing his clothing in her presence, though had she remained, he may not have taken off his trousers. As soon as she was gone, he stripped completely and tossed his clothing into a pile for his valet to clean then shrugged on his dressing gown since there was no point in putting on a new set of clothing when he would be retiring soon.

However, he waited to leave his chamber until the maid had delivered his supper and left because if she were to see him dressed as such in the presence of Eliza, they may assume the two shared a more intimate relationship than they do and he would not have his servants gossiping about Eliza.

When he entered the sitting room, Eliza’s eyes widened as she took in his appearance. A blush staining her cheeks soon followed. “Your…um…dinner has arrived.”

“Thank you.” He crossed to the table to note a plate of chicken and potatoes. They were likely not very warm either because it would be Cook’s way of reminding him of her displeasure at his not appearing at dinner without notification to her.

He chuckled, because he and his brothers had often eaten cold meals when they were young and after his parents had passed, because they’d been out, usually riding, and did not return on time. He was an adult now and as the earl could have her sacked for disrespect, but he would not because she had become almost a second mother to him after he had lost his own and Cook sometimes still tried to be that to him.

Beside his plate was a bottle of wine and one glass. He crossed to the sideboard and returned with another and then poured a glass for himself and Eliza. She had not moved since he entered the sitting room, but simply watched.

He’d never known her not to be more active, or talkative. Had his state of near undress disturbed her?

He bit back a grin and hoped that she grew as frustrated as she had been making him ever since she took up residence in Greenhaven Cottage.

“Please, join me.” He held the glass of wine up.

“Are you certain?” she asked with hesitation.

“I do not like dining alone,” he answered. “I am also certain that you wish to yell at me.”

He placed her wine glass in the space before the opposite chair and then took a seat without waiting for Eliza to be seated first.

“Why would I yell at you?” she asked, coming forward and finally sitting down.

“You did demand to know where I had been.”

“You should not have disappeared, and for so long, and leave your servants worried.”

Lucian arched an eyebrow. “I am certain they gave no thought to where I went or when I would return. I am not in the habit of approving my schedule with them.”

“Cook was displeased,” she stated.

“Thus, the cold food.”

Eliza’s eyes widened. “Should I ring for the maid so it can be taken back?”

Lucian laughed. “If I were to do so, then I would likely be served cold porridge.”

“Truly?” she asked in shock.

“One day I will explain.” He took a bite of the room temperature potatoes. “You were going to yell at me,” he reminded her.

“It is not my place,” Eliza said quietly then sipped her wine.

This was not like her at all.

“I should not have reacted as I did,” Lucian explained though he had no regrets. “I was angry that you viewed me in such a negative manner. Insulted actually,” he acknowledged before he took a bite of his supper.

“I am sorry. It was never meant as disrespect.”

“Only the truth,” Lucian acknowledged.

“No. Not that either. It is just that….”

“What?” he asked before he took another bite of the chicken.

“I was hurt,” Eliza blurted out.

“Hurt?” he asked with a frown. “How?”

“How?” she returned in outrage.

“It is the question I asked,” Lucian said slowly, though he had a very good idea why she was hurt, which had not been his intention.

“I was infatuated with you!”

He blinked and set his fork aside and picked up the glass of wine. He was not expecting Eliza to admit such.

“I took a chance and kissed you and you kissed me back and it was wonderful and then my brother had to come along.”

Was she pouting?

Lucian tried his best not to smile. “Is that when I hurt you?”

“No, you idiot.”

This time he pulled back at the insult.

“Every time you saw me after that, you sent me back to the manor like I was a disobedient child that you did not want underfoot. I could not understand why you treated me so coldly after such a wonderful kiss and then to tell me that I could never return.” She glanced down and away from him and any humor Lucian had experienced dissipated.

Eliza thought he had rejected her. He had but not for the reasons she believed.

“Had your brother not come across us, you would have been ruined and we would likely be approaching our tenth wedding anniversary.”

“I know,” she answered, her fingers on the stem of her glass as she slowly turned it.

“That is the reason I sent you away when I came across you alone.”

“You did not want me around. You do not have to explain it to me.”

“Oh, but I did,” he answered quietly. “I just couldn’t trust myself around you.”

Her hand stilled and Eliza looked up at him. “What do you mean?”

“I wanted you, Eliza. That kiss stirred something in me, but I was not in a position to even consider marriage, and you had not had a Season, and I did not want to see both of our lives ruined because of kisses. I feared that if I was alone with you, that I’d not be able to help myself so I sent you away.”

Her grey eyes lightened. “Really?”

“Yes, that and you did not do as you were told. I ordered you not to search my estate, yet you did. You could have visited with Elaina, but you did not. Instead, you liked snooping around, not content to spend your afternoon stitching or doing watercolors. I was not quite certain what to do with you and the only thing that I really wanted was prohibited.”

“What did you want to do?” she asked with a grin, to which Lucian only glared at her. He was not going to verbally answer that question.

“It was not rejection for the reasons you believed,” he offered quietly. “Had we been older when those circumstances came about…” As they were older now, he did not add.

All this time Eliza had been convinced that Lucian did not care for her. Kissing a person passionately only meant desire—a physical need, and emotions were not necessary. If a heart needed to be involved for intimacy, then mistresses would be wives instead, and brothels wouldn’t exist.

“I still wish to apologize for how I portrayed you in my stories. It had not been my intention to insult you.” Had she known the truth, she would have written that character in a much more favorable light, including making him the hero far more often and perhaps succumbing to his desires to be with the heroine.

While everything could work out perfectly in a book, where she was in control of the characters, Eliza still wasn’t certain how things would progress or end between her and Lucian.

Lucian chuckled. “It is not necessary.”

She frowned at him. “It is not? Is that not the reason you stormed away and went riding in the rain?”

“It was,” he answered and took a sip of wine.

“Then why should I not apologize?”

“I had the opportunity to reflect on the matter.” He set his glass aside and smiled at her. “It tells me that you have been thinking about me for nearly ten years.”

“I have,” Eliza answered.

“While the depiction is not flattering, you still did not forget me and if it were dislike, you would have been happy to always cast me as the villain, perhaps even caused the death of the character and then forget my existence.”

“I suppose,” she muttered.

“Instead, you included me in story after story.” His eyes darkened. “Almost as if you cared, even if I am a grumpy auburn-haired earl.”

“I never claimed to dislike you, Lucian,” she confessed.

“In fact, you were once infatuated with me.”

Her face heated and Eliza wished she could take back that confession. Would he now tease her about it incessantly? Except, he had wanted her also.

Did he still?

Yes!

She’d experienced his passion but he always kept control.

“Has that infatuation died?” he asked.

What was he truly asking? Was this the opportunity that she had wanted? Would Lucian finally give up his control and give over to passion and desire?

“My desires, shall we say, are of a more mature nature,” Eliza responded. “Kisses were well and good when I was only eight and ten, but as you know, I have a curious nature and know that much more can be enjoyed.”

His blue eyes darkened. “Be careful, Eliza.”

“Why?” she asked. “Because it is not proper for an innocent spinster to know of such matters or worse, want to experience intimacy?”

Lucian swallowed and pushed his plate aside.

He had drunk ale before he returned home and had drunk a glass of wine with dinner, but she did not believe Lucian was foxed. She’d seen her brothers in that state and they had never spoken as clearly as Lucian, but slurred, nor had they been able to carry on a discussion.

While a part of Eliza wished that he was inebriated as he may let go of some control, she’d not take advantage. That is what rakes did when they seduced innocent misses. Besides, if she was going to experience any intimacy with Lucian, she wanted him fully aware of his actions.

“It is not proper.” Lucian rose from the table and stared down at her. His dressing gown gaped and revealed a good portion of his chest. “I will not take advantage of a miss.”

He then turned and walked away but not before she noticed the tenting of his robe. Eliza may not have experience, but she had made certain to become as knowledgeable of the subject as possible without having experience.

Lucian wanted her and she was going to seduce him!

In fact, she was determined that before she left Wyndhill Park, she was going to experience a great passion because she had no doubt that was her destiny with Lucian, and then she’d have a memory to hold close for the rest of her days.

He strode for the bellpull.

“What are you doing?” she asked, coming from her seat.

“I was going to ring for a maid to collect the dishes.”

If he did that, then he would disappear into his chamber and she might not see him until tomorrow.

“Can it not wait?” Eliza asked as she approached him.

“Why?”

“Because I am a woman of seven and twenty, hardly the girl you first kissed.”

She placed a hand against his cheek and rose up so that she could place her lips against his but before she could do so, Lucian grasped her wrist to move her hand away and stepped back.

Despite how much the evidence of his arousal spoke otherwise, Lucian did not want her enough to be intimate, or even kiss her.

Her chest tightened with pain and her face heated with humiliation.

“For once would you let me be the one who kisses you for a change?”

She blinked at his aggravated tone. “If I waited for you, I would not be kissed at all,” she argued. “You were going to send for a maid so I thought to kiss you while I had the opportunity.”

He tisked and shook his head as the corner of his mouth twitched.

Was he rejecting her or not? “We are adults and I have not gotten over the desire to be seduced by you.”

“You are an innocent miss no matter your maturity.”

“Why is there a need to remain so? I am certainly not on the marriage mart and no lord is going to take me as his bride to provide an heir,” she argued. “So, why should I hold onto something that is no longer needed to make a good match?” she demanded. Virginity may have been important during her first few Seasons but it was useless to her now.

“It is a silly rule anyway,” she insisted. “Why should men be allowed to kiss and do whatever they wish with whoever, but a woman cannot?”

“It is the way of things,” he answered with a smile. “It is unfair, but you understand the importance of a new bride being chaste, do you not?”

“So that if any children are born a husband can be assured that it is his heir she carries,” Eliza answered with a sigh. Certain rules did have their place but surely, he understood that they should not apply to her.

Except, he was a rule follower, moral, staid, and even if he desired her with a passion that would drive a lesser man to madness, Lucian would remain responsible and honorable, much to her disappointment.

He tugged on the bellpull and then opened the door to the corridor so that the maid could enter.

A deep disappointment settled into the pit of Eliza’s stomach. It was worse than that. It was the pain of rejection. She had practically begged him to bed her but he did not want to, much to her humiliation.

“Good night, Lord Garretson.”

Eliza turned for her chamber, anxious to disappear within, the door shut behind her. She might even cry, which she had not done in a very long time. But it had been just as long since she allowed rejection to affect her.

“Where are you going?” he asked before she could enter her chamber.

“It is obvious, is it not?” she answered before she turned. “Is there something else that you wish to discuss?”