Chapter 15

"You can do it as many times as you want," Edward murmured, bringing a smile to her lips.

Arabella blushed but couldn't help but smile up at him, basking in this newly discovered sweet side of him. There were so many sides to her husband that each new one he revealed had her falling harder for him each time.

He was just too perfect that she didn't know what she'd done to deserve him. He held her hand and swung it between them as they walked their horses back.

The castle appeared in the short distance, and she sighed, leaning against him.

"What is it, love?" Edward asked against her hair.

"Is it so terrible of me that I've started feeling at home here?" she asked in a courageous burst of honesty.

Edward stopped them in their tracks and smiled brightly down at her. "It's not terrible, love," he reassured her. "I know my family loves having you here."

Arabella folded her arms and tried for a mock hurt look. "Don't you love having me here, too?" she asked, pouting.

He frowned and wrapped his arms around her, looking deep into her eyes. "I love having you here, too. Have I done anything to make you feel otherwise?"

She tried hard but failed to keep the pout on her face. He looked so worried that she couldn't help the laugh that escaped her. Did he really care so much for her?

"I'm sorry, I was jesting." She laughed, trying to pull away from him.

He tightened his hold on her and gave a lopsided smile that had her insides melting.

"You jest with my feelings, wife?" His fingers dug into her sides, making her reel with laughter.

"N-n-," she answered, struggling against his hold.

He dug his fingers deeper into her sides, eliciting a shriek of laughter so loud that the birds flew off the trees.

"All right!" she cried. "I'm sorry. I won't do it again."

"You had better not," he warned playfully. "Come. We've tarried too long. They must be beside themselves with worry by now."

She nodded and commented on nothing and everything as they walked. When they neared the gates of the castle, she spotted Joana wringing her hands as she looked out. She noticed the woman stiffen as she caught her gaze and frowned, wondering what could have upset her friend so.

"Your Graces." Joana smiled, startling Arabella with the transformation. "How was your picnic?"

Arabella tried to mask her surprise, deciding she'd ask Joana when Edward wasn't around.

"It was delightful, thank you," she answered.

"That's wonderful to hear." Joana smiled, her eyes darting around. "I had best be off now. Cook might need my help."

Arabella watched her go, noticing her hurried, shaky steps. She frowned in concern. Had something perhaps happened between her friend and Peter?

"Edward, I have to go now," she said, keeping her eyes on Joana's retreating back. "Would you mind if we talk tomorrow?"

She didn't notice the worried look on Edward's face.

"All right," he told her. "I'll see you at dinner."

She nodded, smiling shyly at him, and then took off after Joana. She spotted her turning down the hallway leading to her wing of the castle.

"Joana!" she called out, stopping the woman in her tracks.

Joana turned around with a bright smile on her face and skipped over to Arabella, as if she'd not been upset earlier.

"Are you all right?" Arabella asked, concerned for her friend's well-being and hoping that her sincerity showed in her words.

"I am, Ara." Joana nodded, linking their arms. "Come. You must tell me everything that happened at the picnic."

"I will, but only after you tell me what's bothering you."

Arabella really was worried that Joana was only putting on a facade so she wouldn't worry, but there was no way she wouldn't worry about the woman she'd come to see as more than a friend.

Joana had been a constant companion for Arabella when she was trying to sort out her feelings for Edward, and had helped her settle in his home smoothly.

"I am well, Ara." Joana sighed. "You worry too much. I was only disappointed by an outcome I thought I foresaw, but there's nothing more to it."

Her tone sounded final, like that was all she was willing to reveal, so Arabella didn't pry, not wanting to make her uncomfortable.

In due time perhaps, Joana would open up. Arabella hoped so.

"I'll accept that for now," she told her. "But if you need any help or even someone to talk to, just know that I'll always be here for you."

She was shocked when Joana hugged her.

"You are an amazing friend, Ara," Joana said, before pulling away from her.

"It's only because you are, too."

They giggled and continued their stroll.

"How are things with you and His Grace?" Joana asked suddenly. "I noticed how close you two are."

Arabella blushed, not knowing what to reveal to her. It was true that they'd attained a new height in their relationship, but she wondered what seeing him again would be like in front of his family.

Would he still be the sweet man that had held her hand and kissed her breathless, or would he feign indifference?

She wondered if she had been too improper in admitting her feelings so easily for him. She'd done the same with the Duke of Green, and it had hurt her greatly. Edward seemed very different from the man who'd hurt her, but he was still a man.

Even if they proceeded to fully enjoy their marriage, wouldn't he tire of her with time?

She thought back to how he'd sent her body to new heights of pleasure with his mouth earlier and blushed hotly. He was so experienced in the art of love that she feared she'd never satisfy him.

She felt a tap under her chin that pulled her out of her thoughts.

"Is everything all right?" Joana asked, concerned. "You're as red as a tomato, so I can only assume you two have come to an understanding."

Arabella blushed deeper, nodding.

Joana squealed, and soon they were hopping like two little girls discovering chocolate cookies.

"You must tell me everything," Joana pressed. "We can talk while I pick up my medicine from the apothecary."

"Oh, Joana, I'm so confused," Arabella confessed.

"What about, Ara?"

"Everything. Edward. Us." She sighed exasperatedly. "I don't know where to begin.

"Start from the beginning."

And so she did, feeling she could trust her friend to keep her secret.

"Wait… he married you to save your reputation?" Joana asked, her eyes wide.

Arabella nodded, biting her lip. "I tried to dissuade him, but he was adamant," she added. "You know how he can be. And we had to concoct a plan, so our families wouldn't know. He did all of this to help me—a lady he barely knew. All the arguments we'd been having were attempts to help all of you accept our eventual divorce in six months, but now…"

"Now you're not sure you want the divorce."

She nodded with a sigh.

"I just… He makes me feel so… I'm so confused," she admitted. "There's this uncomfortable fluttering in my belly that makes me feel like I'm going to throw up, and my heart pounds when he's near. At the same time, he makes me feel so angry and so afraid. It feel so many things at once that I can't help but feel perhaps there's something wrong with me."

"You haven't still told me what happened between you this afternoon to make you blush so," Joana probed. "I can't help you if you don't tell me everything."

Arabella wondered if it was proper to discuss such intimate things with an unwed lady.

"We…we kissed." She blushed.

It wasn't a lie, but it was all she was ready to admit.

"And? Did you like it?" Joana asked as they started up the stairs.

"Oh, Joana, it was wonderful," Arabella gushed. "I felt… I felt like I was floating. It was so very magical."

"So you love him, then?"

Arabella froze. Did she love Edward?

Yes, she loved his little, lopsided smiles, which twisted her insides in a knot, and his full grins, which made him look even more handsome. She loved how he would throw his head back and laugh loudly, boisterously.

She loved how he listened to her jokes and the odd jokes he made himself. She loved how he worried he'd hurt any woman and loved how he'd been honest about his past.

Most of all, she loved…

"I… I don't know… Do I love him?"

"It is possible you have come to love him," Joana mused. "What do you think?"

Arabella thought back to how he'd chosen to marry her to save her from ruin and how he'd gotten angry on her behalf when she'd told him about the Duke of Green. She thought of how much she wanted them to have children of their own someday that they'd both try to escape from when they were tired.

"I guess I am in love with him." She laughed as a heavy weight lifted off her chest. "I can't wait to tell him tomorrow. Oh, I?—"

Pain suddenly burst inside her as she registered a sharp blow to the back of her head. Her legs gave out, and she landed hard on the edge of the step she'd been about to climb.

"What…" Black spots dotted her vision as she tried to process the pain racking her body.

"Jo…" she tried to call out, but she turned to see the woman glaring down at her with so much hatred.

"He…"

Help, she wanted to call out, but she couldn't get the words out as she finally fell unconscious.