Chapter 1

"Tell me, Ara, surely one gentleman here has caught your eye?" Leonardo Burk asked his sister, a twinge of annoyance lacing his words.

This question pulled Arabella Burk out of her spiraling thoughts and back to the present moment. She understood why Leonardo may have been a bit annoyed with her. After all, this mansion party was grander than any he had thrown yet.

"It's been nearly six months, Ara. As the Earl of Thorne, it is my duty to find you a suitable husband. However, as your older brother, I want you to be happy. Can you not at least try to find a silver lining here? These parties have been for you, you know," he pointed out to her, trying to keep his tone polite.

In her head, Ara wanted to throw something—perhaps a plate, and perhaps on top of Leo's head.

"I have tried, Leo, I really have. I do not expect you to understand what a broken heart can do to one's spirit, as you have clearly never experienced it, but it is not easy to just move on," she said, plucking a small truffle cake off the refreshments table and setting it on a plate.

"You are right. I have not experienced it. I cannot imagine what it is like, but I had hoped that maybe you may be ready to move on, since it has been some time. Perhaps there is someone who could… make you feel the way you did with the Duke of Green," he said.

"Leo, I have told you this already. I am afraid no one ever will." She sighed, her head hurting from the boisterous crowd of people filling the family's banquet hall, all chattering amongst themselves. She did not let it show, though, as that could be seen as indifference to those watching. "Who knows if the next gentleman who woos me will betray me again."

To be frank, she was rather excited about the house party that evening. She had intended to use it as a distraction of sorts. For so long did she see his face haunting her thoughts and even her dreams.

In a cruel twist of fate, she had actually begun feeling better that morning. She had felt like a weight of unprecedented proportions had been lifted off her chest. They say that time heals all wounds, and perhaps that was true for her. She had thought that maybe today was the day she began moving on and could finally start living her own life. Only this time she wanted to live it her way.

The world around her looked down on spinsters, women who never married and were responsible for their own well-being. But Arabella envied those women. They lived a life that was entirely their own, no man dictating how they should live nor how many children they should bear. To her, that thought had begun to feel welcome and even desirable. She knew that she shouldn't think that way, as it was not the way a proper lady should think, but one can't always help the way they feel.

"Leo, did you actually look at who was on the guest list when you invited everybody?" she asked, looking around and noticing all of the clearly middle-aged men on the prowl for a young wife.

"Age is but a number Ara," Leo responded, taking a small bite of his pastry. He, too, looked a little displeased with the turnout. "Mother and Father were about fifteen years apart, and they were madly in love with each other."

"Mother and Father were one in a million. I doubt a second-generation love match is attainable," she said, not realizing how whiny she had begun to sound.

Leonardo set down his plate of small hors d'oeurves and got into his all too familiar big-brother-is-about-to-lecture-you stance, his brow furrowed, and he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Arabella Burk, you are almost twenty-and-three, and you are yet to be wedded. You are beginning to sound like our younger sister when you go against everything I have tried to build for our family. I don't even want to imagine how difficult this will be with Madeline. God have mercy on my soul," he chastised, sighing and picking up his plate again. "I know these last few months have been difficult for you, and I want more than anything for you to marry for love, but sometimes that isn't in the cards for everybody. It is time you grow up. Perhaps I should find you a worthy suitor."

While his words may have rung true, they still stung. Ara was once in love with the idea of love, but now those feelings had changed. She knew there were tangible things that come with love and marriage, and those were things that she would like to experience someday, but she didn't necessarily feel the need to fall in love again. Not if it was going to hurt her the way it did a few months ago.

"Look, our older sister is almost here with her husband. Maybe you two could talk about things?" Leo suggested, not really knowing how women dealt with such emotions. "Because you know, they did not marry out of love, but they became best friends and fell in love regardless. Maybe you could learn a thing or two from her."

Inwardly, Ara rolled her eyes, but on the outside, she smiled and told him, "Perhaps you are right, Brother."

It wasn't too long until Sarah and Richard, the Duchess and Duke of Ridlington, arrived. Luckily, it was before Leonardo could lecture her further. Their beautiful older sister was adorned in a baby blue ruffled dress that expertly defined the shape of her torso without being too immodest. The blue complemented her pale skin and light brown hair, as well as made her dark brown eyes pop.

Her husband, Richard, was a handsome man with dirty blonde hair and grass-green eyes, though he was not necessarily Arabella's cup of tea. She found herself drawn to men who sported dark hair and eyes, though she wouldn't let her preferences known.

Richard was dressed in matching colors to Sarah's dress, tailored to accentuate his broad shoulders and his bulky stature. She had talked to him a few times since he and her sister had wedded, and from those short conversations, she had found it incredible that he and her sister had ever bonded over anything.

"Ara, you look absolutely ravishing in that dress!" Sarah exclaimed once she saw Arabella and Leonardo. "Yellow is your color for sure, Sister."

Arabella opened her arms and embraced her. She missed her dearly since she got married, and nights like these were always treats.

"Thank you, Sarah, though I don't think yellow looks as good on me as blue does on you," she said, taking in the sight of her sister in her dress a lot more now that she was right in front of her. Blue really was a great color on her.

Sarah turned to Leonardo and asked, "Would it be all right if I stole our sister for a few minutes? I desperately want to catch up with her. It's been too long."

Leonardo pulled a handkerchief out of his front pocket and dabbed his forehead. Clearly, the stress of the evening was taking its toll on him, and Arabella feared she may have been partially responsible for that.

"That is all right. But please do not steal her for the entire night, as she and I have things to discuss," he said, gently tucking the handkerchief back into his pocket. He gave Arabella a knowing look, and she nodded, receiving the message.

Leonardo then seemed to remember that he had also not seen their older sister for the first time in a while, as his expression softened. He walked over, took Sarah's hand in his own, and pressed a small kiss to it. "It is great to see you, Sarah. I hope my parties will be just as memorable as Father's."

"I'm sure they will, Brother. This one looks extravagant," Sarah assured him with a small but genuine smile.

"Please do keep an eye on her," Leonardo told her. "Your Grace, would you mind coming after me?"

Richard nodded.

"Ara, Let's go outside and enjoy the fresh air. I have a feeling you might need some," Sarah suggested, all but whispering that last part to her.

The two ladies made their way through the crowd of excited partygoers and dancing couples, periodically turning a few lonely men's heads.

They reached the back double-glass doors that led to the outside garden and pushed them open, the crisp air raising the hairs on their arms. As much as Arabella enjoyed a good party or ball, she was never a fan of how stuffy and overwhelming they could be.

Sarah pulled her along the garden hedges that they used to play in as children, and Arabella remembered when they would often play hide and seek in this garden. The memory of those precious moments brought a small smile to her lips as well as a somber reminder that those days were long gone.

"So, is Leo trying to marry you off tonight?" Sarah asked her bluntly, taking her a little bit by surprise.

"You could not tell from the way he dressed me?" Arabella snorted. "I keep trying to tell him that it will not work, but he is dead set on sending me off regardless. He is so insufferable sometimes."

"Please do not think our brother wants to send you off. If anything, this is probably more stressful to him than it is to you," Sarah told her, sitting down on a bench in the middle of a large flowerbed. "Are you still so against the idea of marriage?"

"It is no longer appealing to me. It lost its luster," Arabella confessed, hanging her head. Her cheeks reddened, and they felt warm. She wasn't one to profess her feelings like that.

Sarah took a moment, possibly contemplating her words, and with sweetness lacing her voice, she said, "I know this isn't what you want to hear, but your duty as a woman comes before your heart."

A bitter laugh erupted from Arabella's chest, but she quickly covered her mouth with her hands to stifle the inappropriate bluster. She took Sarah's gloved hand in hers and responded, "Sister, I do not wish to wed. At least not now. I know I am becoming almost too old, but there is still so much in life that I have yet to understand. How do you do it, Sarah?"

"How do I do what?" Sarah asked.

Arabella didn't know how to broach this subject. How would she ask her sister that she lived every day possibly not living her own truth? How would she ask her if she was tired of being whittled down to the prize of a man? How would she ask her to move on from the one person that she thought she might have spent the rest of her life with? How was she supposed to overcome that kind of rejection in a timely manner?

Instead, she asked her, "Excuse my impertinence, Sister. But… do you love His Grace?"

Sarah looked taken aback by that question, but she quickly regained her composure and gave a soft smile. Arabella had always been a little blunt.

"I do. He is like my best friend in many ways, but it took us time and dedication to reach that point."

Sarah took her sister's silence as an invitation to continue. "Ara, what exactly happened between you and the Duke of Green?"

It seemed the fresh air did not do much in the long run to help Arabella, because she felt her heart beginning to thrum in her chest at the mention of him.

"People don't often talk of mental scars, but they do exist," she started, her shaky voice betraying the hurt she was desperately trying to hide. "I spent months moving on and trying to handle the bloody embarrassment it caused our family. I was not enough for him, it seemed. A few days before we were to announce our courtship to the ton, he told me he would be pursuing another. I was… upset, to say the least. He was not fond of my response, and to be honest, Sister, I was rather rude to him. I said some choice words—quietly, of course. I do not believe anyone heard me, but I made sure he knew how much he had hurt me. He made me feel so precious to him, only for him to tell me that I was merely an option he chose not to go with."

Silence fell between the pair. Arabella was on the verge of tears, thinking about that day, but she had always been good at hiding the welling dam behind her eyes.

Sarah tucked a loose strand of hair behind Arabella's ear. "I am so sorry, Ara. You are such a wonderful and beautiful woman, and he was a fool to let you go. I, too, have had my run-in with heartbreak."

"You have? How come I never heard of it?" Arabella questioned, turning towards her on the bench.

Sarah laughed fondly and explained, "When I was twenty years old, Father introduced me to the son of a nobleman related to the Duke of Green, funnily enough. While we never got engaged, I fell head over heels for him—or at least I thought I did. Our courtship did not last long, as he found his interest lay in another. There was nothing I could do about it, as his decision was final."

"How did you move on?" Arabella asked, astounded that anyone could turn her sister down.

"I reminded myself that he is not the only man out there. I kept my head held high and kept my dignity intact, as I knew I would have others I needed to impress. I will be honest with you. While I do not necessarily agree with it deep in my heart, I know that is my job as a woman."

"But…" Arabella paused, not knowing how to continue with what she had planned on saying.

Her sister had always put up with the wild stories and statements she would tell when they were children and even encouraged her creativity a little bit. But she understood now that she was a grown woman and that she must act like one, even if being a woman meant she must sacrifice what makes her uniquely her.

"What is it, Ara?" Sarah asked, her hand resting on her sister's shoulder. "You know you can talk to me."

Arabella sucked in a deep breath and said, "I do not wish to marry. I am afraid that it may happen again, but I do wish to experience the tangible pleasures that come with marriage, even if I'm unsure of what that exactly entails. But I just don't know if I could love another the way I loved him. As a child, I was infatuated with the idea of a happily ever after. Now I'm afraid all I want is the tangible benefits. Is that wrong of me?"

Her sister looked her in the eye, her dark brown and all-knowing eyes full of womanly wisdom speaking what couldn't be said. They softened a little, and she said, "While our society may find that statement quite troublesome, I understand what you are saying, and I do not think it is wrong. But… unfortunately, I do not represent society, and I do not speak for everyone in the ton. I think you are in quite a precarious situation, Sister."

"How so?'

"You mustn't tell Leo that I told you this," Sarah said, glancing around for any eavesdroppers. She furrowed her brow and grimaced, clearly not proud of the gossip she was about to divulge. "The family's finances have been struggling. My marriage to Richard helped a good bit, but it wasn't enough. I believe Leo does want the best for you, but he also must think of the family and the estate. If you could marry someone of great wealth or of noble lineage, we may be able to pull ourselves out of the hole that Father's financial irresponsibility caused."

Needless to say, Arabella was shocked by this turn of events. Leonardo had never talked to her about finances or how any of the estate running worked, so it naturally never crossed her mind that they might be struggling.

"I did not know this," she breathed. "But I wish I did because maybe I would have gone easier on him."

The corners of Sarah's lips quirked up, and she let out a near-boisterous laugh like Arabella had a few minutes earlier. "You do not have to go easy on him, Ara. He may be in a tight spot, but he is still your brother. You would probably startle him if you started treating him differently."

Arabella giggled but then turned serious again. "You may be right about that. Still, I would rather be a spinster than marry one of the older gentlemen in there."

"I believe you may have to give up on that dream. But I will say, Leo is a little too hopeful if he thinks that you would ever agree to marry someone older than our father."

"You got that right."

"You know," Sarah chirped after a brief moment of silence. "Even though you may not immediately fall in love with whoever you end up marrying, you could end up like Richard and me. We were not in love when we first got engaged, but over time we got to know each other. We learned and grew and became better people. I can only pray that the same happens for you."

"Thank you, Sister," Arabella said, genuinely meaning it. "There is something I am curious about, though."

Sarah smiled knowingly. "You're curious about those tangible pleasures?"

"How did you know?" Arabella asked, always in awe of her sister's intuition.

"I, too, was curious before Richard and I wedded," Sarah explained. "I don't want to tell you everything, as there are some things you will have to figure out on your own, but I will tell you the basics."

Arabella turned in her seat to look directly at her sister, arguably the most interested she had ever been.

"Have you ever looked into the eyes of a man and felt intense desire before?"

Ara nodded.

"Well, there are things that happen between a man and woman that amplify that intense feeling. You get to feel it in your entire body. I will not elaborate, as that would be too inappropriate of me, but when the time comes, your body will definitely tell your head what to do."

The answer was short enough to leave Arabella even more curious. "Is the fierce feeling you talked about a pleasant one?"

To her surprise, Sarah's cheeks flushed uncontrollably. "Quite."

Arabella wondered at her sister's reaction. Yes, she loved the relationship her sister and brother-in-law had, but a cage was still a cage—good or bad. She could never see marriage as anything other than a cage that some enjoyed.

"Is it possible that one can feel such things outside of marriage?" she asked.

Sarah stared at her with such a scandalized look.

"I mean… is it only married people who feel these intense feelings?"

"Oh my," Sarah breathed, red in the face. "Well, yes, there are people who felt such feelings outside marriage, but after such nights of passion, they are left with more regrets than bliss."

"Why?" Arabella asked with a frown.

"Because, Arabella dear, one night of passion could get you with child or worse."

Arabella tried to wonder what fate could be far worse than having an unplanned child.

"What could be worse than…" she trailed off, as one of the upstairs maids, Jasmine, had appeared.

"What is it, Jasmine?" Sarah asked, sharing a look with her.

"His Lordship is looking for you, Your Grace, My Lady," Jasmine announced.

"All right." Sarah nodded. "Where is he?"

"He's at the foot of the stairs with a guest," Jasmine answered.

The warmth of the house pricked Arabella's skin as they opened the doors to get back into the merriment. She felt so much better about her tribulations after talking with her sister. Maybe she could handle this.

"Which guest?" she asked.

"The worst rake in all of London," Jasmine whispered in her ear.

Arabella's eyes widened.

"I heard no maiden is safe around him. He?—"

"I think that's enough from you, Jasmine," Sarah interrupted. "I will not tolerate you slandering anyone under this roof."

"Yes, Your Grace." Jasmine curtsied. "I'm sorry, Your Grace."

That's when Arabella's whole world stopped for the briefest moment. Standing in front of her, about thirty meters away, was a very tall and handsome man with black hair and dark brooding eyes. His overcoat was an ash-gray color that made the subtle hints of blue in his eyes pop. His breeches and undershirt were a stark white—fit loosely yet flattered his waist. His black leather Wellingtons reflected the candlelight around him.

The deep inhalation of warm air she had taken only a moment before was forced out of her lungs when she took in the sight of him.

Lord have mercy on my soul. He is a sight for sore eyes.

Who was that man, and why had she never seen him before? Surely someone who looked like him would have stuck in her mind, and she would have not forgotten a face like his. No way. She could tell she was not the only one who found this mysterious gentleman as alluring as she did. Looking around, there were women around her age and some even older casting glances at him every once in a while.

Sarah caught her staring, and she giggled, gently gripping her arm.

"Sister, who is the gentleman talking to Leonard?" Arabella asked, her eyes fixed on the stranger.

"I thought you might be fascinated by him. Ara, that is Edward Fitzroy, the Duke of Soulden."

"Oh my," Arabella breathed. "Why have I never seen him before?"

"Because you shouldn't have," Sarah answered firmly. "He's the renowned rake Jasmine had been talking about, and as much as I don't like to tell tales, you aren't safe around him."

"Why not?" Arabella asked with a laugh, even though her fascination made her want to know more about him. "It's not like he could steal my virtue after just one conversation."

Sarah shot her a warning look but said nothing.

If the Duke of Soulden was a renowned rake, then that meant he'd know how to pleasure a woman without needing to trap her in marriage.

Arabella smiled inwardly at how Providence worked. He'd given her the answer to her desires on a platter of gold.

I believe he may be the one I spend my night of passion with.